Higher
by SexyLexiCullen
Summary: Summer of 1994: Dial-up internet. Pagers. Walkmans. AOL chat rooms. O.J in a white Bronco. And blazingly hot weather in Brooklyn where eighteen-year-old Bella Swan is filling her days making ice cream sundaes before she starts college. But one long night – full of Ecstasy, subway rides, dark dance clubs, and a boy she doesn't want to stay away from – may change everything.
1. Bella Swan: Ice Cream Scooper

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Welcome to "Higher"! It was a plot bunny that got stuck in my head, one I HAD to write out. It started as a one-shot, but then...I quickly fell in love with Thugward. LOL. I'm sure my fellow authors know what I'm talking about. This plot bloomed, and I had more ideas...so I ran with it. It's also complete. We'll see how it goes...I'll be updating often. **

**It's not a drabble, so there won't be multiple updates a day. But I'm going to update _once_ a day - five times a week at least. Nevertheless, I plan to wrap this up, have it be completed within a month span, or even less, depending on how it pans out. **

**Slang term glossary will be at the end of every chapter!**

**I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

**"Higher"**

******by SexyLexiCullen**

**Summary:** Summer of 1994: Dial-up internet. Pagers. Walkmans. AOL chat rooms. O.J in a white Bronco. And blazingly hot weather in Brooklyn where eighteen-year-old Bella Swan is filling her days making ice cream sundaes before she starts college. But one long night – full of Ecstasy, subway rides, dark dance clubs, and a boy she doesn't want to stay away from – may change everything.

**Chapter One: **

**Bella Swan: Ice Cream Scooper**

**June 10th 1994**

**_W_**hen it was a quarter to six—almost quitting time—I excused myself to the bathroom. My hope was to run out the door as soon as seven p.m. rolled around. After using the toilet, I washed my hands and tore off my Carvel visor, fast to comb my hair with my fingers. Then I spritzed on some body spray and fixed my makeup.

Before I left the break room, I threw my uniform into my locker, only to go up front with my mini backpack in hand—ready to dash out the door.

My direct supervisor also happens to be my friend, and the owner's daughter, but even she wasn't in today.

I haven't spoken to her since last night, but I bet Rosalie went to the beach.

She lives right there in Brighton now . . . She's so lucky. In junior year, Rose's family bought a house in a gated community—Seagate—which is kind of ritzy. Either way, her parents never made her transfer schools.

She graduated from Fort Hamilton High School with Alice and me two days ago.

Just when I turned the corner, I noticed we had an influx of customers suddenly.

"Jake…" I trailed my hand along his forearm, my lame attempt at flirting. "Would you mind if I left now?"

My coworker grinned, looking between my hand and the people who were staring overhead to the menu.

Before he could answer me, a woman with a toddler approached.

Of course she needed like three milkshakes, so I couldn't leave Jake in the lurch.

_Them bullshits are time-consuming. _

Luckily, I didn't get too sticky while I fulfilled their orders.

Now all I had to do was count the tips and take my half. It only took a minute, and we'd made a whopping eight bucks each.

"You taking off now?" Jake placed a cigarette in his mouth.

I stole it from him, placing it between my lips. "You chillin' tonight?"

Jake leaned closer to push my hair away from my shoulder. "Maybe…I'll be at the pool hall."

I scoffed. "That place blows."

He rolled his eyes and chuckled, which was kind of cute. Jake's a year younger than me, so I guess that would make him a senior come fall—seventeen.

Anyway, he's hot, can easily pass for a twenty-year-old, and…he's the most attractive guy in the neighborhood, to me anyway. All the guys I'd gone to school with, grew up with, were old news.

I've only known Jake from around the neighborhood before he started working here. I used to see him in school all the time, we just never had anything in common—completely different schedules, we hung with different crowds. But, it seemed like Jake had gone from boy to hunk overnight; he's totally noticeable now, always wearing a tank to show off his muscles.

Since we've been working together…we flirt constantly. I've been waiting for him to make a move since he started, two weeks ago. At first, I'd hardly speak to him, except for when ice cream bullshit was involved.

I'm so used to the morons around here being grabby, pawing, and just being jackasses. However, Jake didn't do any of that stuff. I had no idea if he was interested.

All of which is why I try my best to come out of my shell and be flirtatious.

Now he hits on me every so often, and I'm just waiting for him to ask me out—get the balls to do so.

"Where do you go that's so special?" he asked.

I started backing away toward the exit, and I caught him checking out my legs, this cute grin on his face. "Hmmm, where_ do_ we go?" I left the store knowing Jake would follow. "You gotta light?"

He lit the smoke for me, squinting as he stared out to the avenue. "Fuck…it's so nice, not even that hot. I could be playing handball right now."

I hummed, blowing the smoke out into the air. "You know my friend Alice? She comes in, makes her own sundae with like ten different flavors?" She makes a mess when she comes through, but she's the baby of the bunch.

"The short one?" he asked. "She a sophomore or somethin'?"

"Yeah…that's her, but she's not a sophomore. She graduated with me. Alice's parents are hardly home. Sometimes we party at her house. She's got A/C, and the guy at the bodega on the corner lets us buy beer and shit."

"Now that sounds cheesy." He chuckled.

"It's not," I promised. "She usually keeps it small, but people bring mad shit. We're always getting fucked up." I handed Jake back his cigarette, and for some reason, I really wanted to hang out with him tonight. "But…Rose and Alice like going into Manhattan, hitting the clubs, too..." I pursed my lips. "It's always a toss-up…when it comes to the weekend."

We never know where we'll end up, which is all kinds of exciting.

Sadly, we always seem to go to the same three places.

While the club scene has been great—since I've been old enough to go—I knew Jacob wasn't eighteen yet. Neither is Alice, but she has a really good fake ID. She's younger than Rose and me, and yet she's the only one who can drink when we go out. It's not like we need liquor when we go to Limelight, though.

Another customer waltzed in, and I almost made a run for it.

Carvel truly is a shit job. It's boring, and I'm always counting down the minutes until I can leave. I've only been working here a year. I started part-time, but this summer I'll be working steadily full-time.

And it's only been two days that I've been working from open to almost closing time.

_It's torture. _

I mean, a few hours after school was always cool. I used to do my homework, but all day?

I'm always tempted to count the rainbow sprinkles…that's how bored I get.

_Not to mention that I totally hate ice cream now. _

"Relax," he laughed, opening the door for the patron. "I'm closing. Remember? Another two hours, and I'm out!" He sounded enthusiastic.

I nodded. "See ya!"

Even though we hadn't finished our discussion, I didn't keep talking about it. The last thing I wanted to do was come off as desperate.

I truly am shy as fuck around guys, but talking to Jake has gotten easier.

"Bella…?"

"Yeah?" I turned back.

"If you stay local…gimme a shout. You know where I live." His apartment is a few blocks away from mine. And by "shout," he means scream his name from the sidewalk in front of his building; I hate doing that.

I just nodded, giving him a small smile.

Truth be told, I was more excited to be leaving work than anything, and I dug out my Walkman for the stroll home.

The sun didn't burn my skin, as it was so late in the day, but I liked the feel of it—the warmth.

The once busy avenue had turned quiet when I crossed the street.

Then it was just my Ace of Base cassette and me, and I was practically dancing as I walked.

Their music is like sunshine, sunshine for the soul. It just makes me happy, and I was even happier to party and chill tonight. I just hoped I'd get to see Jake—not at work, not wearing a stupid apron.

Ecstatic, I ran up the two flights to my apartment. It was stuffy when I entered, and I wondered if my mother was home. She's an elementary school teacher yet she's always busy doing something—she's never home—no matter the summer months.

"Ma…?" I called out, locking the deadbolt behind me.

"I'm in here!" she shouted, and it came from my bedroom.

As fast as I could, I hauled ass, curious as to what she was doing in there.

Mom was picking clothes up off my floor.

"Just leave it," I said, placing my bag down. "I'll do it."

She sighed, standing straight. "You have some towels in here."

I went to grab them away from her. "I'll wash them."

I always do.

_Who is she kidding?_

In fact, I should grab a camera—take a picture of this monumental moment, of Renee lifting a finger.

As of late, and since we have no communication between us anymore, she needlessly gets on my case about stupid shit. I think she's making up excuses to talk to me. However, the more she gets on my ass, the more I don't want to talk to her.

My mother squared her jaw, nodding, and I knew she was pissed about something—something more than dirty towels. But I had no doubt that it was _still_ fucking dumb. "Clean up this mess, and then we're going to talk."

With all of Renee's free-spirited crap, I was always told that my bedroom was my space, and it could be in any shape, condition, or way I wanted it. She's a fucking slob, and _my _room was nowhere near as bad as hers.

_I bet she just came in here to snoop. _

"Ma—"

"You're smoking cigarettes?" She produced an empty pack from her pocket.

Even if they were mine, I couldn't hide my shit-eating smirk. "And you just assume they're mine? Were you going through my trash again?" I needed a deadbolt for my fucking bedroom.

"It was laying right on top—"

"You smoke!" I laughed.

She does smoke, so I kind of knew she wouldn't smell the cigarette on me that I'd just shared with Jacob.

"Isabella, it's a terrible habit." She seemed exasperated now. "You know how many times I've tried to quit—"

"Well, relax," I soothed. "Rose threw that in my garbage, and her parents know she smokes…" I shrugged, trailing off. "Not for nothing…Ma, I'm eighteen, and you need to stop. I can legally buy cigarettes, but no. I don't smoke."

"You swear?"

"If you're going to keep being like this…" I paused, my insides all cringe-y and frustrated. "I pull my weight around here. You're _never_ home, but when you are…" I always clam up, when there's so much I want to tell her. There's so much I'm angry about.

_One day I'll open my mouth._

"I can't live like this," I said. "I'm starting classes at Kingsborough in the fall; Rosalie and Alice are, too. Maybe we can get a place together? I don't wanna keep fighting with you." I blew out a breath.

I had no plans for moving, but she doesn't know that.

"No." She grabbed my hand. "I don't…I don't want to fight with you either." She relaxed her stance. "I don't want you to move out."

"Okay." I nodded, wanting her out of my space already. "It's hot…this place is stuffy." I placed my arm around her, ushering her out of my bedroom.

"Did you eat already, or…?"

"I ate," I said. "Don't worry about me. I just stopped by to shower and change—I'm going to Alice's."

"Are you sleeping over?" she asked, plopping all the towels into the hamper.

"Yeah."

"But you work tomorrow—"

"Mom…" I gritted my teeth together, and I wanted to ask her where she'd be tonight.

_She's one to talk. _

During the school year, my mother is barely home. She works days, stays after three all the time, and then spends most nights with her boyfriends—for the past few months it's been Phil.

Sometimes they come here, and I always make myself scarce.

Phil is a total tool-bag, asshole. I can't stand that motherfucker, and I've caught him staring at my tits. He rubs me the wrong way; I know he'll be taking off soon enough, leaving Renee heartbroken, because _that _cycle never ends.

_Besides, who wants to listen to their mother getting plowed?_

They're always at his place, and that arrangement works. It's been working for years now. Since—for a while there—my mother's bedroom door seemed to revolve.

Renee can nag my ass all she wants, but I know the deal. She likes shit the way it is, too. Mom stays there for however long. When she needs her space, she comes home.

At the end of the day, I'm happy that she's happy, and I do my best to stay out of the way.

_After all, she never let me forget that I was in her way while growing up...keeping her from her dreams. _

Ever since she's had more time…my mother suddenly gives a fuck.

_It's an act._

Renee forgets the fact that I write out most checks and mail them so our lights and phone don't go off, that I do the grocery shopping, the laundry, and I cook…that I'm basically the adult in this house when I practically live alone any-fucking-way . . . and it's been that way since I was eleven.

Actually, I've come to hate this apartment, and I leave it every chance I get. It's too quiet, and there's nothing scarier than being alone with your thoughts.

_Sometimes, I feel like I've been alone my whole life. _

Renee put her hands up. "All right. I'm sorry I pried. You'll be starting college soon enough, and…I worry. I don't want you to screw up at work, with hanging out all the time."

"I only just graduated two days ago!" I rolled my eyes. "The summer just started. And YOU haven't even been home the past two days. I'm eighteen. I'm a good kid, and you trust me alone here all the time…I can't hang out with my friends? I'm going to be working forever—for the rest of my life. I already _do_ work…I help with bills."

And I always was a good kid until that shit just wasn't fun anymore…until bullshit with Renee literally came to a boiling point. Her hypocritical—_do as I say, not as I do_—garbage, her always choosing Tom, Dick, or Harry over me.

Two months ago, I had enough.

_Why should I do the right thing when Renee doesn't?_

I had freedom, no parents around to tell me what to do, so I started going out—doing whatever.

Before, and all while growing up, I never talked back, never manipulated my mother.

Being shy and timid is my curse; I must have been born that way since I've never been taught to be like that.

No one ever had to tell me to study, do my homework, or eat my vegetables…because there was no one around to do so.

I just knew it was the right thing. I listened to my teachers.

In a nutshell, I was a parent's wet dream—_sometimes seen but never heard_—I still am, kind of.

"Bella—" she palmed my cheek "—I want you to talk to me. Just…let me into your life. You _are_ a good kid. You've always been a fantastic child, but something's going on...you're different. You snap at me, and you're hostile. My Bella never did that—"

"I'm the same as I've always been, and nothing's going on." I wished I could truly share my thoughts with her. "I go out two nights a week, and I'm just around the neighborhood the rest of the time—"

"Fine." She wiped her hands clean. "What do I know?"

"What _do you_ wanna know?" I asked. "I don't have secrets. I don't have a boyfriend, nor have I ever, which you know. I'm at work five days a week. I hope to get a tan this summer..." I widened my arms. "Alice and Rose are still Alice and Rose…and we don't do much but scope boys and maybe have a beer or two. Ma, you know all that, and that's the summary of my life." _Lame and true._

She nodded. "Rose called a few minutes ago, looking for you. Shouldn't she know when you're working?" She gave me the stink-eye.

"It's Saturday." I shrugged. "I always try to get out a little early, which _she knows_. Sue me."

"All right," she sighed. "Just—" Mom groaned and walked away from me.

But I couldn't figure out what she wanted to know.

Nothing was really different. Except that she's home more, whereas I'm not. Previous summers, we'd do things together like one night a week. I can admit that she was a friend at one point, but things have changed—I know better now. I refuse to be her fucking doormat.

I don't even know why she's trying so hard.

It's too fucking late for her to try and be a mother now, and I'm tired of the bullshit.

Later on, when she's at Phil's, I'll be a faint memory.

Believe it or not, Renee's like this annoying acquaintance—someone who shrieks about towels and then POOF!

She disappears.

_What the fuck is the point?_

_I mean, now? Now…she decides to ride my ass?_

Now that I'm an adult?

All I want is to enjoy my summer before starting college. Maybe get into just a little bit of trouble and have a great time.

My life is just…it is what it is, I guess, boring.

And I need that to change.

I'm slowly starting to chase the highs that I can.

Sure, I technically live in New York City, but we're in Brooklyn—_the borough that time forgot_—which is nothing like Manhattan.

Manhattan is…

It's Manhattan: the city that never sleeps! There are nightclubs; there's plenty to see and do, and it's glamorous while being gritty at the same time.

Brooklyn, especially my neighborhood, is stale, bland. I learned in history class that it was originally supposed to be a suburb of Manhattan. I don't know what happened, but most neighborhoods are ghetto, except for the few rich parts, which are nice.

And then there's Bay Ridge—where I live—which is neither ghetto, nor is it considered that wealthy. There's a row of mansions by the water, but that's it. The rest is crap. It's known for shopping and barhopping.

Even so, there ain't dick to do…I see the same boring people every day who have lived here my whole life. The teens in my age group…we either chill at someone's house, the pool hall, the park, or we get into other things.

_We're always aching to head into Manhattan—New York City proper. _

Truthfully, it's always the three of us—Alice, Rose, and me—and we hang out with different groups often, make our rounds to see where the best party is.

There's a guy drought around here, and no one piques my interest. That's why I'm hopeful when it comes to Jake.

Furthermore…nothing's going on with me.

My life is always the same—day after day it's the same old crap.

And I'm bored as fuck.

Before my mother could bitch about something else, I dashed into the bathroom to take a quick shower. Since I washed my hair this morning, I made sure not to get it wet.

While I reapplied my makeup, I turned the volume up high on the radio and tried to get stoked for tonight. I put on my red plaid miniskirt, my black, shell-top Adidas on my feet, and I wore my red bra. It always looks awesome under my black tank, and I had a red, short-sleeved hoodie to go over it.

Then I made for the door. "I'll-be-back-later." I rushed to unlock the door before Renee could say—

"Wait!" she shouted, and the phone rang at the same time.

"Hello?" I answered it right away. It's one of those wall phones that hang in the kitchen, and the cord is all stretched out because I try very hard to have private phone calls. I wished we had a cordless.

_"Hey, Bells…it's Dad." _

I slumped my shoulders, leaning back against the wall. "What's up?"

_"I just…wanted to know when you were coming to visit?"_ he asked.

My father lives in a one-bedroom apartment in Queens. He drives a cab, and we usually have an OK but boring time.

For years, I did the alternate weekend deal, which was court-ordered and mandatory with their joint custody crap. Now…? I don't know. Since I'm eighteen, other things seem to be more important, but I do manage to see him at least once a month.

It'd be a different story if he took off from work when I visited.

I'm usually alone there, too, except for a few hours when we'll hang out.

For that…I'd rather just stay home.

_The hell you know is better than…the same hell in a different borough?_

"Um…I think I'm off next Sunday?" I wasn't sure, but I also wanted to leave already.

"Who is it?" Mom hissed.

"It's Dad…" I held the phone out to her; they never talk. I think they exchanged pleasantries at my graduation, but that's it. "Did you—"

"Talk to him," she mouthed, waving a hand as she walked down the hall.

"How's…life?" I didn't know what to say.

In fact, I haven't had a real conversation with the man in a few years. He still thinks I'm six years old. We go to Kings Plaza, have pizza, ice cream, and then we take rides in Daddy's taxi, or we go to the movies—which only takes about two to three hours.

So, again, to spend the weekend there when we only hang out a few hours…

_It makes no sense. _

My father's a laid-back guy, and I really did wish we had more to speak about. Or, it'd be even nicer if he took some time out of his busy schedule to get to know me, the Bella I am now.

I could get to know him as well—as a person, not just my per-diem father—although he's about as forthcoming as I am with details.

Guess we're fucked either way.

_"That Jim Carrey guy has a movie out," _he said.

"I saw that…_The Mask_." This dude, Eric, who was trying to get into Rosalie's pants, took us all last Friday. Little did he know, he didn't have to do that. Rose would have probably hooked-up with him anyway.

I giggled at my thoughts but felt badly. "It was a riot. I'd totally go see it again. We can go…I'm free every weeknight, or whenever." It'd be cool if we could do something during the week. Even if he just came by and we went to get food. "Just tell me when. I'll make sure I'm free. Dad, we can hang out whenever—"

_"Right."_ Dad cut me off. _"Okay…"_ He seemed stuck for conversation, too. _"I was just calling to say hello. You haven't called in…in three weeks. We barely spoke when I saw you at graduation, but…are you still mad at me for having to work?" _He'd left the ceremony early, but he drives a cab, makes his own schedule.

_Guess he had the meter running? _

"No, I'm not mad," I whispered. "You know, _you_ can call me, too. Every day if you want," I giggled. "I _always_ call you." Weeks can go by, and if I don't call him, I don't hear from him. "I'm actually surprised to hear from you since I just saw you—"

_"All right…Good talk…I'll let you go." _He seemed to be rushing off suddenly._ "Love ya, kid." _

"I love you, too." I hung up the phone, and I always feel lousy after one of his calls.

There's never any _real_ drama with my parents, nor is there any drama _between_ us.

There are never any problems . . . except my problems that I have with them, but I'm not a kid anymore, so it doesn't matter.

They've been divorced since I was a baby. I think I was months shy of a year old, actually.

And I've been neglected ever since. They carried on with their lives as if I didn't exist. At least, that's the way it's always felt.

But again, now that I'm old enough…I know I shouldn't care anymore, but I do. Especially since Renee's on my case these days, when she's never cared before. They point the finger at me—_I don't call, I don't talk to them, I'm always out somewhere_—like they're _my_ victims.

It either didn't bother me before, my whole life until now, or I just didn't know any better—was too stupid to question, or bitch about it—since it's all I've ever known.

Looking back at my childhood…I wonder why Renee didn't have an abortion.

_At least they're not drunken, child abusers, or whatever. _

Things could've always been worse, right?

While Mom was in the back, near the bathroom, I stole one of her Virginia Slims. "See ya!" I waved, rapidly closing the door after myself.

With a smile, I ran down the steps, quick to place my headphones on my head. I was surprised to see it was already dark when I stepped onto the sidewalk.

"Bella!"

My finger paused on the play button; I whipped around and looked up to my mother. She was half-hanging out our second story window. "What?" I asked.

"When will you be home?"

I widened arms, surprised and put out by that question. "I told you. I'm staying at Alice's."

"Okay." She blew me a kiss. "I won't be back 'til morning anyway."

I smiled and turned for the corner.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **

**Chillin'** — hanging out.

**Blows** — sucks

**Bodega** — convenience store

**Cheesy** — corny/lame

**Mad** — a lot and/or another way to say "very"

**Limelight** — rave-style club in NYC.

**Walkman** — a personal cassette/music player. Before Discmans and iPods…and if you don't know what a Walkman is…you shouldn't be reading this story. LOL.

**Hauled ass** — hurried, moved fast

**Kingsborough** — a community college in Brooklyn, NY.

**Plowed** — fucked/having sex

**Stoked** — excited/enthusiastic

**King Plaza** — a mall in Brooklyn, NY


	2. Dial Up

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**WELCOME BACK! Thanks for tuning in again, and thanks for reading, reviewing - leaving me your kind words of encouragement. **

**Glossary at the end. **

* * *

**"Higher" **

**Chapter Two: Dial-Up**

_**T**_he eight-block trek to Alice's went by fast; I walked fast while listening to my music. It was even darker when I turned to go down the avenue, the last stretch. Her street is strictly residential, so there are hardly any streetlamps or lighted signs from storefronts.

She lives between two very busy avenues, but like magic…it's ironically quiet. There are rows of houses that are almost connected on both sides. Very few have driveways, cars parked bumper-to-bumper, and there are sporadic trees lining the sidewalk.

I opened her gate to see her on the stoop.

"Yo!" she hollered, clutching her cordless.

"'Sup?" I sat next to her on the step and flicked that nasty, Virginia Slim butt into the street.

Alice squealed. "Guess what?"

"What?"

"I'm waiting for this guy to call!" She ran in place while she sat, rapidly stomping those tiny feet of hers in excitement.

"What guy?" I grinned.

Boys always approach us and yet…she's shy…unless she's as high as a kite, which seems to be my deal as well. It's scary; how much we're alike that way. When we're fucked-up, the socialite comes out, but at the end of the day, Alice and I are picky when it comes to dudes.

Eh, we like to pretend like we're these hard-core, partying bitches.

But we're not.

Alice hardly ever has a curfew, though she'd never break it. Back when I was a homebody and Renee wanted me to be social, she never set a time for me to be home.

It's ironic that at eighteen, now that I'm_ finally_ going out—it's too late, and I don't give a fuck—she's hounding me.

The bestie and I always made the honor roll, although we never participated in a damn thing. We actually kept to ourselves until the start of our last semester.

Turns out, it's even more fun to get high in a group. Alice and I smoked weed for the first time just before spring break—around the same time Alice got her ID—and we started hitting Limelight. The first time we went was also the first time we did Ecstasy. We've gone there like one Saturday a month? In total, we've been there four times.

We'd never done anything but drink beers before all that.

_Now we think we're so badass . . . _

Not.

_So, is smoking weed an extracurricular activity?_

Bud is amazing, makes everything tolerable.

Alice, Rosalie, and I were semi-popular in high school, especially Rose.

Pretty much, everyone knew who we were, yet . . . Alice and me, we're just so fucking quiet unless it's only the three of us.

We're not slutty…more like cock teases, but who cares.

We might be scared of penises, but I like to think we're just waiting for the right one?

Well, _I _didn't wait for the right one, wanting to get it over with—just tear off that Band-Aid.

Even though I've only done it once, I've been taking birth control pills for the past year, just in case. And I didn't even lose my virginity until a few months had passed, until I knew the pills were working.

When we were fifteen, Rose had an abortion. Her mom took her to have it done, and since then...well, I didn't want to go through that, nor did I want to end up like Renee—young and stuck with a kid I never wanted.

I was scared to have sex. The one and only time I did it, though...when I just wanted to get it over with...even if I was crazy drunk and Rose talked me into it, I made sure Matt wore a condom.

For the thirty seconds I had sex—it was over in a flash—I was still counting down the seconds.

It wasn't even worth it.

_Sex wasn't all it's cracked up to be. _

My mother has no idea I'm on birth control, not that she'd care to even speak to my doctor. And to be fair, she doesn't even know I went to see a gynecologist. I knew one day I'd have sex, and I wanted to be extra safe. I can't seem to throw caution out the window like my peers.

Alice knew all about my first time, and she's anxious to lose her v-card, too, regardless.

_We're so fucking lame, and we think we're so cool._

And my mind is always going, going, going, and worrying.

Weed, alcohol, or Ecstasy—getting fucked up—usually makes that go away, so I can come out of my shy-shell and have fun.

"Oh, Bella…He's gorgeous!" Alice was beside herself, absolutely giddy, and it made me smile wider. "He's older…" her face fell a bit "—but he thinks_ I'm_ twenty." She touched her chest.

I giggled. "Where did you meet him? He's not from around here?" I guessed.

Usually, we chill with the guys we went to school with, the guys we've all "gone" with a time or two—and by "gone," I mean, kissed. Everyone's always making out with everyone. They're what we call "go-hos," although I do have standards like Alice.

_If I'm desperate and tripping balls, I'll kiss Rosalie._

Yeah, that's what we mean by cock teases, too. I'm not attracted to Rose at all, but kissing when you're high feels nice. And why cheapen something so beautiful by letting some random loser slobber all over you? I'd rather kiss my friend.

Doing that is also an attention getter.

The guys flock to wherever we're making out, like magic.

She sighed. "He lives in Sunset Park, not too far. He's…he could totally have my cherry." Alice smiled at me, and like I said, she's anxious to have sex. "I'm ready...so ready to lose my virginity."

Baffled yet still managing to smile, I waited for her to elaborate.

"Don't get mad."

I shook my head, wondering why I would.

"We met on AOL—"

"What?!" I shouted.

She continued, ignoring me. "On AOL? In a chat room? He instant messaged me, and I was bored…and we talked and talked." She groaned. "We even cybered, which was so awesome! Then…we exchanged pictures. Bella, he's…so handsome, and that was a while ago. I _finally_ wanna meet him. I mean, I've been wanting to meet him, but I obviously had to wait until after graduation—and I was just scared."

"And you should be…Alice!" I guffawed, a bit weirded out. "He could be a serial killer, a fifty-year-old man!"

Unlike my bestie, I don't even own a computer, let alone have an AOL account. Whenever we're bored and at her house, though, we're always in the chat rooms.

It's a goof, and we can be whoever we wanna be.

_You see where I'm going with this?_

"He said he'd call me back. He sounds legit—hot, like a young guy. He'll be twenty-three in a few months, and he went to New Utrecht High, grew up in Bensonhurst." She named off her fingers. "I spoke to Rose, and…since I wanna meet him so badly…I mean, he said he'd see if he could find a friend…or two."

She seemed unsure as she stared at me. "I figured you'd go all Bella-Mommy on me and wouldn't wanna come. But…I'm waiting for him to call—tell me if his friend's coming." Alice studied her toes. "So…do you wanna come with?" Her eyes were actually pleading with me. For what, I wasn't sure.

"I—" I paused, not liking the sound of this. "Alice, he could have lied. You don't know him."

"I do—"

I shook my head. "No, you don't."

"I told you…we've been talking online for weeks already." She scoffed. "I knew you'd be all freaked. That's why I didn't tell you." She left the step, going toward her door.

"So, for weeks?" I shouted. "You're keeping secrets from me now?"

She whipped around to face me. "Just that…nothing else. He's so easy to talk to…I was able to…I don't know, be myself?" She looked down to the phone. "Rose'll come with me; you don't have to . . . Regardless, I'm meeting him, and you can't stop me. I really, really like him." Alice entered her house.

"Alice…" I huffed, chasing after her, but she didn't stop until we entered her bedroom.

"You try to be all cool and everything, but you're not. I love you, but you're not my mom. Okay?"

Taken aback, I didn't reply or comment.

"I'm sorry." She slumped her shoulders. "I'm more of a goody-goody than you are. It's just that…nothing ever happens around here. The guys from school suck."

"I know," I whispered. "But…" Briefly, I wondered if maybe Jake had a friend for Alice.

"You'll see what I mean. I'll show you his picture." She sat at her computer desk. "I can't believe a guy like him likes me—"

"You're wonderful." I chuckled. "Most, if not all, guys _do_ like you." I couldn't believe she was being like this because of some boy—excuse me, man—that she didn't even know.

"No, they don't!" She quirked a bitch brow. "Whenever we go out, the guys like _you_."

"No," I snorted.

"You're blind! 'Cause they do, too!" she shouted. "You and Rose always get the hotties. The hottest one _always_ goes straight to you, which pisses Rose off. But then when you _don't _put out, Rose does . . . and I'm _always_ the odd man out. I either get stuck with the ugly one, who doesn't like me anyway, or by myself." Alice looked close to tears.

I shook my head. "You're never by yourself. I never leave you."

"Yeah, and then I'm looked at as like...this baby you hafta take care of, this party-pooping-cock-blocker. And this guy likes me—_me_!"

"This…computer guy." I pointed to her monitor. "Alice, I just don't wanna see you get hurt," I whispered. "Just like we can be twenty-year-old supermodels from the Village? This dude could be…some pervert rapist!" I couldn't believe that she couldn't see logic in my reasoning.

"Rose was more supportive." She frowned, signing into her AOL account. The dial tone sounded, getting all haywire-y and static-like, while I waited.

"I'm sorry I can't be more like Rose, but if you're hell-bent on meeting this guy...I wanna go, too. If he's normal, I'll leave you alone. Otherwise, I'm _not_ leaving you." Rose would more than likely let her wander off with him; I wouldn't. I also didn't know what else to say about that other stuff.

Then I had an errant thought. "You have any pot left over?" We went half on a dime like two weeks ago, and we were able to roll four joints out of it—it lasted a bit.

"That bag was beat, like dirt trees. It's on my dresser…but smoke it out the window."

I smiled, snatching the joint from her chest of drawers and then going over to the window. "You know Jake from Carvel?" I asked, lighting it up.

Alice grimaced, turning to face me. "Please, don't tell me you like _him_, of all people. Mike's like the hottest guy in the neighborhood, and he really likes you. If anything, hook up with him."

"Fuck Newton," I giggled, blowing my smoke out the window, and I felt instantly at ease after a few drags.

_This shit wasn't that bad_.

"Jake'll be at the pool hall later. I bet _he_ has friends…" I trailed off, holding the joint out to Alice.

"His friends can blow me." She smirked, coming over to puff. "What's he? Fifteen? Bella, come on. We might get to meet, like…some _real_ men tonight."

I had no idea why hanging out with Jake's friends was such a horrible concept to her.

They are younger, but not by much. Alice is technically _the same age_ as Jake. They're both seventeen and his friends probably are too, although Alice is closer to eighteen while Jake just_ recently_ turned seventeen . . . a year isn't a big deal.

Anyway, Alice can also be too sweet, innocent, and naïve…and she has no common sense.

Sometimes, she acts like _she's_ the fifteen-year-old. She'd be on the same page, on the same level with them maturity-wise, in my humble opinion.

Alice meeting an actual man…?

_Well, twenty-two isn't that old. _

But still…I bet this guy, even if he's who he says he is…he's more than likely looking for a hook-up tonight.

Alice isn't ready for something like that.

After taking a few drags, I slouched back, much calmer now than I was, letting all that shit go—I put all my worries on the back burner, but not really. "You can dead it." I didn't want any more weed. "Where's this picture?"

Alice pulled from the joint, and then she used her saliva to put it out, making the cherry sizzle before blowing the smoke out. "It's still loading." She went for her desk again. "He knows a promoter for Limelight or Palladium, one of them—" she waved a hand "—he can totally get us in, too."

"We always get in," I laughed.

"But we wouldn't have to wait on line for an hour," she sang, just as a photo popped up on her screen. "Here he is…Jasper."

"Jasper?" I giggled, standing to take a closer look. "His name is Jasper?" I threw my head back, laughing so hard that my belly shook. "That's a fake name. Who the fuck names their kid Jasper?"

"No way!" she shouted, pointing to her computer. "Tell me he's _not_ hot."

Jasper truly didn't look any older than us; he looked about our age. He had light brown hair in a mushroom slash fade cut, dressed in baggy jeans and a too-big-for-him red polo tee.

"He's gorgeous, and he likes _me_!" She touched her chest, and she needed to get over that shit. "And he's a man," she sighed.

"And you're positive this isn't a…picture of some model? From a magazine? Some random person?" I laughed.

"He's sitting on a couch. You can tell it's a real picture!"

"What if he's this—"

"I spoke to him!" Alice pushed me, obviously frustrated. "He sounds just how he looks."

"That makes no sense." I thought about it, replaying her words in my head, and it kind of did, I guess...make sense.

"Lemme beep him again."

"He didn't even give you his house number?" I asked.

Alice grinned. "I have it…but he has roommates, and I feel weird asking for him. Plus, paging him makes it so _he'll_ be calling _me_. He said he'd call back by ten…" Her fingers pushed rapidly on her phone.

"It's not even nine thirty yet," I said, glancing to my watch. "Wait…it's 9:35. But don't sweat him . . . If he calls, he calls—"

"It's done. I paged him." She stared at the damn phone, waiting. "Now we wait. Rose should be here soon."

I hummed and plopped down onto her bed, and I was about to try and level with her again. "I'm definitely tagging along with you. And as long as we get some Ecstasy…you know I'll be cool with whatever." I shrugged, not giving a fuck, but I'd had a long week.

And we haven't rolled on X for a couple of weeks anyway. "We can go to Limelight or chill around Manhattan…but promise me you won't leave anywhere with him."

Personally, I needed to dance and let go, feel euphoric.

And Ecstasy will make sure that happens whether we're at the pool hall, hanging here, or at a club.

"What if we hit it off…?" Alice had stars in her eyes already. "What if we wanna be alone?"

"Look, I'll be cool with whatever we do, but if this guy's shady…fuck no." I'd make sure he went back to wherever-the-fuck and left Alice behind, that's for damn sure. "Have him meet us somewhere public. You know? _Don't_ give him your address, Alice…don't." I waited for her to nod before I continued. "If he's all right and his friends are cute…" I pursed my lips, trying not to get my hopes up.

I was a little intimidated by the thought of them being older than us. But the more I thought about it, the more I was on board? Yet, I was still torn? Alice was right; nothing ever happens around here, and as long as we're in a group, we'll be okay.

"I still have a pill from…whenever. It's a dolphin. When did we get those?" she asked.

"Like...three weeks ago. The last time we rolled."

"We can split it and you know Rose will totally hook us up," she explained, still clutching that phone.

I made a farting noise with my mouth. "Free drugs are better drugs." I have no idea how Rosalie always comes through, but she does have hook-ups, and guys lining up to give her shit…because she's the only one in our group willing to _give_ up the goods.

Thinking about that shit made me chuckle.

_I love Rose, but she's a total slut. _

"Exactly!" Alice actually agreed with me. "I have a good feeling about tonight. But we have to be back here by five a.m."

"Why?" I asked as I kicked off my sneakers.

"Because my parents will be home…by like seven. They're taking the boat out for the day, so we have to be chill, be wound down." She grimaced. "They can't beat us home either."

"Where are they tonight?" I wondered. All I knew was that they'd left right after graduation. They wanted Alice to go, but she'd refused.

"They went to the shore…Ugh, I hate it down there."

"Must be nice to have money," I laughed.

"It'd be nice if they shared it." Alice came over to lie down next to me. "They leave for days…" She moved her arm with a flourish. "At least your mom comes home once a day, or every other day…well, sometimes. My parents actually go away."

"Yeah, but…they're only away on weekends, which…" I raised a brow at her; she wasn't looking at the bigger picture. Plus, Alice is always bitching about some stupid shit—always tries to compare her parents to Renee, says her parents are worse, but they're not. They invite her wherever they go. Alice chooses to stay home.

She giggled. "You're right."

I groaned, thinking about my own mother. "Renee's nagging ass…"

"You just hate people being in your business."

"I don't, actually," I admitted. "I have like…no business to tell, nothing to share. And she should have cared…_before _I stopped caring." It felt good to admit that, too. "I'm eighteen. What should she care now? It's ridiculous."

"I've always cared," Alice said.

"I know." I grinned, and if it wasn't for Alice . . . I don't know what I'd do.

"She's only _nagging _you now…Imagine if she knew you spent your weekends rollin' on Ecstasy...? Fuck, Bella." She started laughing, resting her head on my shoulder.

"It's not like I do it every day. My God." I shook my head. "And you do it, too!" I pushed her small ass away from me. "How many times have we done it anyway? Maybe four times in total?"

"I know…I'm just saying. She'd probably lock you up and throw away the key...and knowing Renee, she'd lose the key. Or, she'll give you this long-ass lecture, try to ground you, and then she'd just go to Phil's anyway…" Her face fell. "I didn't mean—I'm sorry, Bella."

Chuckling without humor, I agreed with her. "You're right, but she technically can't punish me anymore. High school is over, I'm of age, and I don't have to live with her if I don't want to." I thought about that, wondering where I'd go.

"Cheer up. Phil won't be around forever." She hopped up when the phone rang. "I hope this is him."

"Answer it." I nudged her.

Alice watched it ring again.

"Answer it," I laughed. "It might be Rose."

"It's him. I know it." She bobbed her head, waiting for another ring to sound. "Hello?" Her face broke out into a huge cheesy smile. "Yeah…definitely." She squeezed my hand, nodding; it was Jasper.

"Um…since I don't know if you're…_who you say you are_, I'll have two friends with me…not one." Alice turned to squeal into her pillow. "No, I believe you. I'm just being cautious." Her face was so red; it made me giggle. "Bella and Rose…yeah, they're hot—totally."

I rolled my eyes, and I already knew that tonight was a bust, and that his friends were more than likely _busted_.

"You'll bring your friends?" she asked.

I actually shook my head no, thinking she could meet this guy for like an hour, and then we could hang out wherever, maybe the pool hall.

Alice placed her finger to her lips, telling me to can it. "Near me…on 77th Street and Fifth, there's a donut shop. Can you…be there by ten thirty?" She was shaking with excitement.

"Excellent! All right…see ya, cutie." Now she sounded corny, but then she let out a shriek as soon as the call ended.

"Oh my God, Bella!" She slammed her head into her pillow.

I laughed at her. "Please don't get too stoked. You know?"

"As if!" Alice stared at me. "Bella, I _know_." She said like she _knew.._.

I sighed, still wearing a smile, which could be because I'm still a little stoned, but that easy feeling was quickly wearing off. "Rose still needs to get here, and we have less than an hour—" I looked to my watch again, happy that I had more time for the weed to wear off completely "—'til they get to the Donut Hut."

"Crap! Thank God I showered earlier." She left the bed and started to scramble to get ready.

Alice left her hair down and wore this really cute outfit—a denim miniskirt, blue Keds, and a baby blue tank top with her navy bra showing, _and_ a blue mini backpack.

"You think I should crimp my hair?" She kind of looked just like me, but in shades of blue.

"You totally bit my outfit!" I teased, standing up to show her. "Biter." Alice is _always _copying me—no matter what I do or wear—but I never mind.

"Yeah, but…this way, we'll be dressed for anything." She shrugged, brushing her hair. "Where the fuck is Rose?"

"I'll page her." I grabbed the phone to do so.

While we waited for Rose to call, I placed my cassette into Alice's radio, needing some upbeat tunes.

"No, listen to this." She pressed stop. "I recorded it from Hot97." She replaced my tape with another. "It's 'Back and Forth' by Aaliyah."

Already a fan of the song, I didn't complain, and then her mix tape continued to be hot—all R&B and hip-hop.

Standing next to Alice in the mirror, I started to dance along to the music, but then I realized I wasn't wearing earrings. In my haste to leave, I totally forgot them.

"I'm borrowing these." Knowing Alice wouldn't give a shit, I placed her large, gold hoop earrings on.

"Oh, but I wanted to wear them…" She looked to me, and I knew she only wanted to wear them, all of a sudden, because I showed an interest.

I rolled my eyes and gave them to her.

"Wear these." She handed me a pair that resembled the ones I have at home—decent-sized thick hoops.

"Thanks." I bopped my head to the beat as I put them in my ears.

"Or…should_ I_ wear those?" Alice was contemplative.

I paused, staring at her. "Make up your mind."

"No, you wear those," she sighed. "You think I should wear my clogs with the platforms…? They make me like three inches taller." She frowned down to her shoes. "I can wear my white kneesocks, too."

"You should be comfortable since we walk everywhere," I said. "And you never know. What if homeboy is shorter than you?"

She threatened to throw one of those roach stompers at me, but she never did. "He looks tall…and you're like…only two inches taller than me!"

"I was kidding. Stop freaking out." I couldn't believe how…anxious she was. Meanwhile, I crossed my fingers for her, hoping for the best. "So…if he turns out to be the real deal, are you going to tell him your _real_ age?" I wiggled my brows, going to sit back on the bed.

She winced. "Next week…'cause then I'll _really_ be eighteen…legal."

I blew out a breath. "Fuck it. I'll say I'm twenty, too."

"Twenty-two?"

I continued to chuckle. "No! I meant…also."

Alice squealed, clawing for the phone when the_ doorbell_ rang.

I fucking laughed my ass off.

"I thought it was…forget it. I bet that's Rose." Alice wore a scowl and grabbed her bag.

Smiling wide and trying to compose myself, I made sure my hair and makeup were perfect before I put on my backpack and left her room.

"'Sup, party people!" Rose held up a plastic bag as she entered the house in her Daisy Duke shorts, wearing her baby-doll tee with a pair of cowboy boots. Oddly enough, if we ended up at Limelight, she'd be more fashionable than we would.

"What'd you get, booze?" I asked.

"Yeah, I didn't know what we were doing, but I need to get _fucked-up_!" she sang.

"We hafta go!" Alice was still nervous. "We're meeting Jasper and his friends on Fifth."

"_And_ his friend_sss_?" Rose raised a brow at me. "Plural?"

"They're probably middle-aged predators," I said.

"No!" Alice slapped my bicep, and I hoped she knew better than I did.

"Whatever…Can you get any X tonight?" I looked to Rose.

She pursed her lips. "Definitely. Lemme make a few calls—"

"We don't have time for that." Alice made her way to the front door.

Rose and I exchanged a look.

"I wanna go to the city with them, a club. I bet we'll find some—" Alice went on, opening the door wide for us.

I trailed after my best friend, and Rose followed me out of the house so Alice could lock up. "Forget it then," I said.

I may love to party, but I'm smart about it—in that I'd never take something from someone I didn't know.

_Well, friends of friends are okay… _

"We can meet these guys and go to the pool hall?" I suggested, skipping ahead so I faced them both.

"Ugh…you and Jake, the billiard rat." Rosalie pushed me. "I don't know why you try so hard. He'd probably…_fuck a rat_." She stated matter-of–factly. "You need a man."

"Whatta man, Whatta man, Whatta man, Whatta mighty good man!" Alice sang, and now she was skipping,_ too_, up the block.

"My man is smooth like Barry, and his voice got bass." Rose thought she was down for a second, slumping low as she walked, throwing up gang signs in the air. "A body like Arnold with a Denzel face—"

"Shut up." I pushed her and then pulled my hood up. It wasn't cold, but it wasn't as warm as before. "Jake's cute…tall." I shrugged and looked to Alice. "If we can go meet some random AOL loser—for you—then we can stop at Break Balls for me. Just ten minutes to say hi."

"Jake's the loser! That's what we're sayin'." Rose stared me down.

"What?" I snapped, wondering who she was talking to like that.

She started laughing and placed her arm over my shoulders.

Alice groaned. "Jasper has his shit together, is mature…manly. He was in the army, and now he's a mechanic—"

"How old's this guy again?" Rose looked wary, and she stopped walking to stare at Alice.

"Oh, he thinks we're all twenty," she whispered.

Rose grinned. "How old is _he_?"

"Twenty-two…and I have my ID that says I'm twenty-one…crap, what if he sees my ID? He'll think I'm stupid, and why would I lie about a year? Meanwhile, I'm only seventeen." She held her forehead.

"Relax," I said. "How's he gonna see it? Or know the truth?"

"Regardless, we're golden if we end up in the city." Alice nodded, showing me her crossed fingers.

Rose giggled. "Lighten up," she told us. "This might be fun, and if no one's holding anything, at least they can get us drinks…They might pay for them, too. Older guys with jobs do that."

"Yeah, yeah…" I didn't really care anymore, only I did. "Break Balls?"

"Bella, you'll see Jake tomorrow. Tonight's about Alice." Rose placed her arm around her. "You're being so selfish."

"We can do both…that's all I'm saying. I just wanna say hi, and hopping on the train with dudes we don't know...? We should stay local." Truth is that the outfit I'm currently wearing is new. I knew I looked good, and I wanted Jake to see me.

"Then…go hang out with Jake," Rose said. "Don't feel bad about not staying with us. I'll stay with Alice. We'll be fine, and _all three_ of us don't _always _have to do things together. You go...go chill with Jake." It almost felt like she was trying to get rid of me, which made me feel weird. "Me and Alice—"

"No. We hafta stay together." Alice tugged on my sleeve. "Don't." She widened her eyes.

"Whatever." I made a face, grimacing. I wasn't being selfish; they were, but no matter what I...I didn't want to seek Jake out alone. He could be there with some chick already, and then I'd go home, be alone, because my friends are wherever? And there'd be no one to look out for Alice?

"Maybe they'll wanna stay in Brooklyn?" Alice glanced back to me. "If they do…we can go to the pool hall."

_Which was what I'd been saying!_

"Yeah, Break Balls has a bar and everything." Alice nodded.

"No way!" Rose scoffed.

"It's all right. No worries." I poked Alice, and my high had officially worn off. "Do you still wanna split that tab?"

Alice smiled, digging into her pocket. "I…I don't wanna be half-spaced around him, make a fool of myself. You can have it."

I giggled when the pill hit my palm. "Yay!"

"You're sharing that with me!" Rose exclaimed. "You bitches smoked, too…without _me_."

"You're always somewhere with a dick in your mouth…without_ us_!" I cracked up along with Alice.

Rose punched my tit.

"Oww!" I rubbed it. "Fine."

"You're greedy—"

"Like I'm _not_ gonna share it with you?" My tone was sarcastic.

I broke the pill in half, and I totally swallowed the bigger piece before Rose could see.

"Thanks." She downed it without looking anyway.

"I wanna get a drink." I jerked my thumb to the bodega.

"We'll be across the street." Alice pulled Rose along. "Oh my God…I think they're here already. Look, Bella—"

"Nice…I'll be right over." I didn't bother to turn; yet I saw them cross the street in my periphery as I entered the store.

**Thanks for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **

* * *

**Terms:**

**Yo** — greeting. Or… a declaritive or imperative exclamation, whether alone or within a sentence.

**'Sup?** — short for "What's up?"

**Bud/Trees/pot** — weed/marijuana

**Puff/Puffin —** to smoke weed, smoking weed

**Ecstasy— shortened to X, or E (has many names)—** is party drug, in pill form, which was new in the early 90s, and it gained popularity the years to follow. It fucks with the serotonin in your brain—produces/releases a lot of it, which makes you higher than a kite, crazy happy.

Definition from Urban Dictionary—Methylenedioxy-n-methylamphetamine MDMA is a 'psychedelic amphetamine' that has gained popularity over the past 20 years because of its ability to produce strong feelings of comfort, empathy, and connection to others. It most frequently comes in tablet form, although it is occasionally sold in capsules or as powder. It is most frequently used orally and rarely snorted. MDMA use is closely tied to the underground rave (and dance club) scene throughout the world, but has also been widely used by therapists as an adjunct to psychotherapy.

**Gone with/Go with** — make out/kiss.

**A "go-ho"** —someone who kisses a lot, "goes" with many/kisses many.

**Tripping balls** — high and/or rollin' on Ecstasy or just fucked up/high.

**Rolling/Rolled/Rollin'** — high on Ecstasy.

**Roll/to roll** — take a hit of X/Ecstasy

**Cybered **— have cyber sex. Like phone sex but over the computer.

**Weirded out** — same as freaked out

**Beat** — lame

**Dirt Trees** — bad weed, regs.

**Dime** — dime bag, a $10 bag of weed.

**Dead it **— end it, put it out.

**Sweat** — to like, adore, to copy, imitate, and/or hound.

**Dolphin **— brand of Ecstasy

**Tab** — pill

**Busted** — ugly

**Bit/a biter** — copied, imitated. Like…swagger jacked.

**Hot97** — NYC based Hip-Hop/R&B radio station.


	3. Breaking the Ice

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**"Higher" **

**Chapter Three: Breaking the Ice**

_**T**_hirsty, as I entered the bodega, I went straight to the fridge, where I debated whether I wanted OJ or water. I went with the H2O since it's less conspicuous.

Mohammed, who knows me, was behind the counter. "Hey," he greeted, rocking his newborn daughter in his arms.

I smiled at the bundle of joy. "Pack of Newport regulars, too." I swallowed a bunch of spit, hoping the Ecstasy had gone down.

He placed the pack on the counter, took my money, and gave me change while I chugged some of the water.

Then I packed my cigarettes, beating the box against my palm, as I walked outside.

Cautious, I tried to spot Rose and Alice from across the way as I lit a cigarette. They all stood in front of the donut shop, and it looked like Jasper—not only came through—but he was early as well. He had two friends with him, but from this distance, I couldn't even make out which one was Alice's dreamboat.

After a few minutes had passed, I walked to join them, feeling all kinds of uncomfortable. I couldn't wait for the X to kick in, have me feeling good. It wouldn't be as amazing as times before, because I'd taken a half, but it'll be fuck-awesome for a bit.

"Bella!" Rose smiled at me, reaching for my hand.

I grinned and was reluctantly dragged over.

"This is Bella…and that's Jasper." Rose introduced me, pointing to whom I now recognized as such. Jasper really wasn't that tall, but he _was_ taller than Alice. He was handsome, very cute, and had a killer smile. "That's…I'm sorry. What's your name again?" Rose asked.

"I'm Emmett." The bigger dude smirked down to me, and he had these dimples that were adorable—brown hair, fucking muscles... "This is my man, Edward." Emmett patted the other one's back, looking to Rose.

"'Sup?" He jerked his chin and spit on the sidewalk, not looking to either one of us. He was cute, too—from what I could tell, as he was turned away from me, hiding under a hood just like I was. Number three was just as tall as Emmett but not as bulky.

I waved to them, like a dumbass.

"Dimples is mine," Rose whispered in my ear.

My jaw almost hit the concrete. "Why yours?" I asked through clenched teeth while I threw my cigarette into the street.

"I saw him first."

She had me there, and then we all started walking.

I tried to hide some more by making sure my hood was secure—that my face was hardly visible.

That's just how I get, always so socially awkward, and I had nothing to say to anyone anyway.

All I wanted was for the Ecstasy to kick in and to be left alone. I'd still look after Alice, be able to, but I'd be in my own little world for the most part...I might even socialize.

While we walked along, much to my horror _and_ dismay, everyone paired off.

_Motherfuckers!_

We were heading to the subway—from where these guys had come—and they wanted to go to the city.

Alice and Jasper were ahead of everyone, slowly strolling with their heads almost touching. I was happy for her. He turned out to be _exactly_ who he said he was.

_Imagine that?_

We were walking really fucking slowly, too. It'll take us forever to get to the train.

And I wanted to dropkick Rose.

She also seemed to be hitting it off with Dimples, and I heard their conversation. Dimples was funny, kind of upbeat, and just…cute. He's a fucking firefighter, a probie or something. I only caught half when he spoke about that. He was also being really nice, trying to include me by looking over his shoulder at me.

Number three—whatever his name is—walked along next to me, yet he hadn't uttered a word.

Neither had I . . .

Because I suck.

But that didn't matter.

_Nothing mattered!_

Once we hit Fourth Avenue, the street lamp was glowing, like this big, yellow orb of light.

The air felt amazing as it entered my lungs, and I kept inhaling deeply. My stomach was filled with butterflies—the happy, excited kind—and I was suddenly on top of the world, instantly ecstatic, _no matter_ the circumstances.

I sighed, clenching my teeth together as I stopped to light another smoke. "You want?" I was giddy, offering my pack to Number Three.

"Nah, I don't smoke menthols." He didn't even look at me.

I shrugged, blowing my smoke out to skip up to Rose. "Rosie…" I linked my arm with hers.

"Damn…It hasn't hit me yet." She pouted. "Gimme a minute."

"A minute for what?" Dimples laughed.

I reached up to poke them, surprised by how soft his skin was. "Wow..."

Dimples chuckled and pushed my hood away from my head. "Why are you hiding?" he whispered, his eyes were like...dazzling. "You're so pretty." His thumb caressed my cheek, and then he pulled my hair from the hood—being so gentle, and those fucking dimples…attached to that gloriously humongous man. "You okay, sweetheart?" He stepped toward me.

I sighed, and I knew I looked stupid, but I didn't give a fuck—awestruck.

"Bella…" Rose's tone was stern as she pulled me away. "Sorry about that…" she told him.

"It's cool. She's fine." Dimples moved so that I'd flank his other side. When his arm draped over my shoulders, I started to giggle; I was only slightly taller than his elbow.

"Wait…" Rose laughed. "Come here." She snatched me away from Dimples, laughing her ass off. That's when I knew she was on my level or very close to it.

"Right?" I asked, knowing that the Ecstasy finally hit her, too.

Rose licked her lips. "Let's just go." Our arms stayed linked as she tried to keep me away from Dimples, and she told him what we'd taken. He didn't chastise us or anything, but…

"Do you know where I can get more?" Rose asked; meanwhile, _she knows_ where she can get more. I don't speak or interact with drug dealers. I'm not that cool. I just have a leggy, blonde friend who knows all the right people—Rose.

Dimples grinned, showing _off_ those dimples. "I—I don't touch that shit anymore. I grew up." I guess that was supposed to sting, but we're only_ pretending_ to be twenty.

And I laughed out loud like a total spaz.

I crack myself up.

"Edward might be able to help you out." He jerked a thumb back to Three.

I wanted to turn around so badly, because now I could probably see his face, being that I was walking ahead of him.

But I was too busy giggling to do so.

"Oh, Edward…?" Rosalie called and stopped us from walking so he could catch up.

He stared head-on, barely making eye contact with me, but he was . . . fuck me, man.

Edward looked hardened, slightly mean with an edge, and so fucking hot, and handsome, gorgeous—making him totally fucking sexy. He also had the greenest eyes I'd ever seen, too. They kind of trapped me, hypnotized me in a way, and I paused in my movements to gawk at him.

However, when he caught me staring, the spell was broken; I looked to the ground.

"Yo…that's _you_ right there," Rose whispered, pushing me toward him. "Get to talking." She probably noticed he was a babe, too.

He was _way_ hotter, sexier than Dimples, and I was surprised she didn't ditch him for Edward.

Nevertheless, I didn't say anything to him since we'd arrived at the subway.

Once I threw my token in, I went through the turnstile, waiting for the rest of them.

"Hey…" I nudged my elbow to Edward's hand or something, studying my feet as I walked. "I'm Bella." I chanced a glance at that gorgeous face of his, which made those excited butterflies in my belly fly around all wild. Knowing it was the X, I let out a short giggle.

Edward nodded, wearing a hint of a smile as he looked everywhere but to me, it seemed. "I heard youse talkin'. . . You got money?"

I grinned. "Yeah..."

"All right." And he left it at that, walking ahead to get down to the tracks.

I shrugged when Rose looked to me, and she didn't talk to him either.

Again, that surprised me. Usually, she'd dump whoever to jump at the best-looking guy.Edward had connections, too; he could get Ecstasy? She'd totally put out for some—whereas I would not.

Instead, Rose went on and on, talking to Dimples about her managerial position at Carvel. It's more like, her daddy owns it and wanted to keep her busy for the summer.

_But I didn't blow up her spot_.

"What do you do?" Dimples asked me, lightly tugging on my sleeve.

I opened my mouth to respond, and I actually got stuck, wanting to laugh. "A little bit of this…and a little bit of that." Feeling like an ass, still so silly and happy, I did my gangsta swag. "You know..."

Dimples cracked up, but then that was my intention, to lighten up the situation—wanting everyone to be as happy as I was. "You're fuckin' adorable," he said.

Rose threw me a wicked glare.

Snickering, because she's ridiculous—and I didn't want Dimples at all—I turned and looked up and down the empty platform.

"Bella's in school, actually." Rosalie kept talking. And her petty ass might just blow up _my_ spot.

Little does she know, I'd take her down with me.

No, I wouldn't.

_What the fuck would I care? _

"High school?" Edward piped in, smirking at me, and . . . oh my God.

_He spoke to me! _

"No," I laughed.

Dimples pulled on my hood string, and I faced him. "What are you studying?"

"I'm working on my bachelor's…in science." I furrowed my brow, and then I turned away, giggling again. "I feel amazing," I told Edward, because I did.

The air was now muggy, hot as fuck down here, but it still felt fantastic to breathe. I kept grinding my teeth, too, which I always do while on X.

My high wasn't coming down just yet—not yet.

"I just—I wish you felt it, too." I smiled at Edward.

_I wanted the world to be on my level, soaring high! _

"I bet." Edward kept his hands in his pockets, staring down the darkened tunnel, the direction the train would pull in. "X'll do that shit," he said.

"What about you?" I asked, and I poked his arm to get his attention, and I wanted to rub his arm, just rub him. His hoodie was made of real soft, light material. It'd have to be in this heat. "What do you do?"

Edward shrugged, looking from Jasper to Dimples.

I glanced at Alice then, too, and she was swept up in everything Jasper, it seemed.

"No offense." Rosalie started, facing Edward. "But how does a mechanic, a fireman, and a—" she paused "—Dude, I wanna say you're a hustler of some kind." She winced through a chuckle. "How do you all know each other?"

My smile whipped back and forth.

"An AOL chat room," Edward deadpanned.

"He's kidding," Dimples laughed, facing me. "Ed is my cousin, and Jazz…we've known Jazz forever."

Edward raised a brow, and Emmett—_that's his name!_—stopped talking.

"You're Emmett!" I was even happier, having remembered his name.

"Yeah…I am." He grinned again.

"Ugh…you're killing me with those dimples, dude!" I held my heart, and then I pushed him; he didn't budge. "Put them away!"

They only became more defined when he smiled wider. "Come here, you." Emmett reached for my hand.

But then Rose stole it right out from under him to accost me. "Excuse us." She dragged me more over toward Alice. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," I said, my eyes trailing back to Emmett and Edward. They were having their own little powwow, when I caught Edward's gaze.

I grinned at him.

"You're flirting," she whispered, making me look back to her.

"No. I'm just being nice. Emmett is still yours..." I giggled. "You say he's yours…Hey, _he's yours_. Besides, I want—"

"Looks like you're flirting with him."

"No, I'd never do that to you." And I sounded _so _serious. I loved me right now, and I started laughing again. "I'd never." I was honest, but I couldn't help it…those dimples are cute.

With the way I was feeling, I truly wanted to interact or whatever.

Above that, I really wanted Edward's attention.

"What's wrong with you?" she scolded through a whisper.

"Nothing. Not a fucking thing." It was true. "I'm fine. We'll get to the club, and I'll…stay with Alice." I frowned but it didn't stay. "You can get it on with Dimples, and Gangsta-hottie will probably do whatever…" I had no idea, but I wanted to ease her fears.

Rose laughed, leaning her forehead to mine. "I'm tryin' _too_ hard to play it cool. All serious and shit. Emmett is fucking_ fine_."

"You're doing well...playing it cool. Do I look like an ass?"

"You could never." She hugged me tight to rub my back. "You're actually talking, and you're so cute right now…but _Emmett_ is mine." She had to remind me again, not like I really cared.

I pulled away and palmed her cheeks. "You wanna…?" My gaze had gone back to Edward. He was still talking to Emmett, caught me looking again.

"What, give 'em a show?" she raised a brow.

I shrugged a shoulder and then her lips met mine, and _now_ I had Edward's attention.

_Like magic! _

Now he was openly staring, and my eyes locked on to his as I kissed Rose.

My friend has always been a great kisser. Although she's a bit grabby, I always go along with it. She held my cheek, and she tasted like spearmint, and it felt awesome. Her hair was so soft when I wove my fingers through it.

When Dimples started hooting and hollering, applauding us, we giggled and broke apart. "Come here." I called Emmett over with my finger.

He was suddenly nervous and put a hand up like it was all right—he was good. "Why don't'_chu_ come over here?" Emmett pointed to the ground, but I didn't know who he was referring to.

I actually took a step back to be slightly behind Rose, nudging her forward, which wasn't subtle, but . . . fuck it.

I started snickering to myself again.

"Get the fuck ova there." Edward pushed him.

Rose and I laughed as he made his way over.

"What's up?" Emmett asked.

I grasped his hand and pulled him to where he stood between us—and I quickly got behind him. My hands roamed up his shoulders, his massive build, but Rose really seemed to like him, so I took my hands back. His shirt was soft, too, and I wanted to keep touching it. But I don't like him like that.

As soon as _they_ started kissing, I walked away, giggling like a mad woman.

Rose went in for the kill…He didn't know what hit him.

She was killing him with that lip-lock!

And I purposely bumped into the other guy…with the eyes, Edward. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"It's cool." He placed his hand at the small of my back. "What the fuck was that all about, though?" Edward asked, pointing back to them.

"Breaking the ice," I sighed.

"That was _some_ kiss...It was hot." Edward grabbed my hand, pulling me into his arms. "You earned that." When his hand left mine, I felt a tablet there. "Good for you, Shorty…but don't take that now. Wait 'til you come down a bit." He backed away as we heard the train in the distance.

"Thanks!" I shouted over all the noise, and I wanted to do a little dance.

_FREE ECSTASY! _

Edward stood next to me, holding me in place. "Back up…you're too close to the edge." But I wasn't. I was technically on the yellow line.

I laughed. "Just stand still!"

Edward did as I said, and my stomach became even more excited—my heart rate accelerating, feeling the rapid swoosh of the train pulling in, the wind hitting me.

When it came to a stop and the doors dinged open, I hopped on.

They all trailed in after me, and I twirled on a pole, enjoying the jolt when the train started moving again. "Nice."

"Bella, come sit." Emmett pointed to a seat, and Rose placed a hand to his cheek, turning his face back to her.

Giggling, I was about to run to the other pole.

"Sit down." Edward gestured to the spot next to him, and the way he said it . . . I _wanted_ to listen to him.

"You're no fun." I faked a pout, but nothing could get me down in this moment.

"Someone has to keep an eye on you…since your girls are busy." He smiled, and it was breathtaking.

Looking to my friends, they were paired off again, but Emmett had a brow raised at me.

My head snapped back to Edward. "Yeah, _you _keep an eye on me." I tried to sound flirty.

I wanted both of his eyes on me—along with his hands.

"You got it," he said. "But sit down." He patted the seat next to him. "You might fall or somethin'."

With a newfound boldness, something only Ecstasy can give me, I sat on his lap instead. "Is this okay?" I draped my arm around his shoulders, practically shoving my tits in his face.

Edward nodded, noticing the boobs. Then his hand ran up my outer thigh, which caused me to shudder, it felt too good. "Relax."

I smiled, resting my head in the crook of his neck. He smelled like soap, man, and cologne, and it made my head spin even more. "Keep doing that." I whispered in his ear, twirling circles in the hair by his neck with my fingertips.

He tilted his head so that it was against mine, not moving his eyes from my thigh—his hand softly caressing it.

Edward was a stranger, but I honestly didn't care. He was gorgeous, smelled fantastic, and he had gentle palms. And I honestly lost any inhibitions I had, although I might regret my choices tomorrow…

_Fuck it._

* * *

**_Hey . . . X'll do that shit. _**

**_Thank you for reading_**

_**Please leave me your thoughts.** _

_**;-)**_

* * *

**Terms:**

**Bodega—**convenience store.

**H20—**water

**OJ—**Orange juice

**Spaz — **act oddly

**Blow up her/his spot — **rat, tell the truth.

**A hustler —** someone who gets money from others. Selling drugs, rolling dice, pimping.

**Shorty** — it has a few meanings, can be used to refer to men or women. Usually, it's used to refer to an attractive female a guy doesn't know


	4. Just Bella

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**"Higher"**

**Chapter Four: Just Bella**

_**T**_onight was turning out amazing, and it was going to stay that way or get better, especially since I had another E pill in my pocket.

At the moment, I'm not Isabella Swan: Ice Cream Scooper, who has a thirty-seven year old kid in Renee.

I was_ just_ Bella . . .

And with the exception of maybe Alice and Jasper, Rose and I will probably never see these guys again.

"What's funny?" Edward asked.

"Nothing." I angled my lips to his.

He pulled away. "Maybe I'll kiss you later, pretty girl." He held my cheek. "That cool?"

I grinned. "Kiss me, don't kiss me…" I just didn't want him to stop petting my leg. "Doesn't matter."

Because in this moment, nothing mattered.

All week I've waited for tonight.

While I had no idea what we'd do, I knew I'd be rolling on X, and that all my hang-ups would go flying out the fucking window. Right now, I did feel like a pretty girl, wrapped in Edward's strong arms.

I was pretending to be this adult, but I sure as fuck wasn't acting like one.

But I'm always the adult—when it comes to my mother most times, when it comes to my friends, and just life in general.

And Alice was fine...

Not giving a fuck but giving in—to the euphoric sensation I now felt—was fantastic.

"Talk to me," I sighed, hugging him tighter as the train came to a stop.

"What do you wanna know?" He squeezed my thigh, right under my ass, which made me squirm; my breathing picked up.

"Anything." I moved so that his hand hitched my skirt up a little.

He smiled, tossing his head back. "You're feelin' real good, huh?"

"Yep." My fingers wove into his soft hair, getting two handfuls. In the bright light, I could see that it was a shade of brown with maybe some red. "Roll with me," I whispered.

"I will." He nuzzled his nose to my cheek.

"Keep talking…" Although I was feeling free and suddenly freaky—more turned on than ever before, in my entire life—I was stuck for words and actions.

His lips looked really kissable, and fuck, I wanted him to kiss me. However, I also felt a little relaxed . . .

_As long as he kept rubbing my thigh,_ I thought.

_As long as he kept touching me . . ._

Then, when the lights dimmed because we were going under the tunnel into Manhattan, his thumb snapped the side of my panties.

I could still see his smile. "I was curious…if you were wearin' drawers."

I giggled, thinking he was cute.

"You ever been to Tunnel before?" he asked.

"A few times," I lied and looked out to Rose and Alice. Whether we go to Limelight or someplace else truly didn't make a difference to us, but… "I thought we were going to Limelight?" We've never tried Alice's ID any place else.

"Fuck that techno garbage." He waved a hand.

"Rose!" I called.

Rose and Dimples turned to me.

"We're going to Tunnel?" I asked, and now my high had come down.

That's the fucked up thing about Ecstasy—the highs and lows. You could be on top of the world, have no inhibitions, but you still have your head. And once something puts a damper on shit, you come down. However, it can take you away again as soon as your anxieties are squashed.

Suddenly more aware, I sat up a bit. "Sorry," I told Edward.

"Yeah, it's cool." Rose shrugged, but when she looked over to Alice, who was still just talking to Jasper, I knew she was concerned, too.

At all those clubs, it's eighteen to party and twenty-one to drink.

The rest of us won't have any problems…

"What's wrong?" Edward asked.

"Nothing," I said.

He hummed, lightly nibbling on my ear, and my clit throbbed which made me stiffen. "You wanna know what I wanna know?" he whispered, his breath hitting my ear.

Breathless myself, I couldn't answer.

Edward chuckled, plopping me down in the seat next to him.

"What—" I started, startled by the movement and the cold seat below me.

He leaned into my ear again to whisper, "You're _at least_ eighteen, right?"

"I'm—"

"Don't bullshit a bullshitta'." He squeezed my knee, his tone light.

"Yeah." I nodded. "I'm legal…that's all you _need_ to know, right?"

He smiled and licked his lips, turning his body toward me. "Sweetheart…that's all you're gonna gimme?"

I giggled. "Yeah."

"You and the shorty with Jazz look about sixteen at best." He chuckled. "Legs over there…she's good."

"Sixteen?" I laughed. "But you were fine with your paws all on me a second ago…"

"Me on you?" He pointed to himself. "I just caught you when you landed, baby. But be straight with me a second," he was whispering again.

"Relax…I'm twenty. Seriously." I had no other witty retort. "I only said that other crap to mess with you. Guess I'm blessed to look younger."

"Okay." He leaned back, pulling down his pant legs. His jeans were easily five sizes too big; he was dressed like some thug but hot as fuck. Even his stupid words about my age didn't take that away.

I am, in fact, old enough to party, vote, smoke, and fool around with Edward.

"Jazz looks like he's having a good time," he said.

"Are you?" I asked.

"Yeah…" He smirked and then the train came to a stop.

We got off at Canal Street and had to transfer, wait for another train, and that took twenty minutes. The trains aren't as frequent this late at night.

Still, we were paired off, when I really wanted to reconvene with Rose and Alice. Because I highly doubt that Edward will keep his concerns secret. Maybe he won't say anything, maybe he won't care…I was worried, but he might have believed me.

Alice did look insanely happy. And while I wasn't supportive before—'cause of the odd way they came to meet—I was now. Jasper only had eyes for her, and he seemed interested in everything she was saying, _and_ my bestie can talk!

When we boarded the second train, Edward popped a pill into his mouth and took a sip of my water. "Take yours now," he told me. "You'll feel good again by the time we get there."

_Only, now I was second-guessing…everything._

"Thought you wanted to roll wit' me?" He quirked a brow. "What? Now I'mma be rollin' by myself?" He massaged my shoulder.

I gave him a small smile, not sure what to say while my stomach knotted up.

"It's just a Mitsubishi." Edward handed me the water.

Sure no one was looking, I grabbed it from my pocket and tossed it back. "Do you plan to share with anyone else?"

He pulled on my hood-string, his nose an inch from mine. "They didn't earn it."

"Earn it?" I whispered.

"That was hot…You like kissing girls?" The hand went back to my thigh.

"I just like kissing, but…" There was no way I could say I _hadn't_ actually kissed a _guy_ in a long time, not when I was acting the way I was—like a silly slut. Yet, I found myself hoping Edward didn't think me a whore. "Rose is my default go-ho."

He chuckled. "All right. That's what's up."

Since I'd gotten my head back and I still had some guts to go on, I turned to him. "Tell me more about you." I was crazy curious, and I loved hearing his voice. It was deep with a rasp and yet low in tone, and I also just liked the way in which he spoke—his words.

His Brooklyn accent is actually stronger than mine. I don't notice mine when _I_ speak, but others do, and Edward's was strong to my ear.

Edward—in nature—seemed hostile, though. There was a definite edge to this guy, which made his two friends look bland in comparison.

"Why? You wanna know me, sweetheart?" He tossed my hair away from my shoulder.

I grinned, slightly shaking my head. "I'm just trying to make conversation." And I wanted to sit on his lap again. Shit wasn't as awkward. "You're from Brooklyn, right?"

"Born and raised." He twisted the cap off the water to gulp some down. My gaze landed on his Adam's apple as it bobbed. Edward was also a man, a real man, nothing like the boys I've hung out with. "I lived down the block from Jazz and Em my whole life…We live in Sunset now, but we grew up in Bensonhurst. You?"

"I'm in Bay Ridge." I was embarrassed, as it's not some hardcore neighborhood like Sunset Park. "It's lame—"

"The bars are cool…" His tone was low as the train came to another stop. "You ready, baby?" We had to transfer again.

I nodded, tucking my hand into his.

By the time we reached the next platform, everything was fuzzy. I was gone, feeling fantastic again, and I wondered if Edward felt the same, while I also craved a cigarette like never before.

"Can we walk the rest?" I shouted to make sure they all heard me.

"Shhh." Edward kissed my cheek and held my waist from behind.

"It's only a few avenues." I leaned back against him to stare up at his face.

"Long avenues," Edward said, his hands spanning my stomach, making me shudder, making those excited butterflies go nuts!

Wanting to bite his chin, I said, "I need a cigarette."

"Of course you do." He let his lips linger on my forehead.

I hummed, closing my eyes, my hands resting on top of his.

"Bella…you okay?" I heard Dimples.

"Perfect," I sighed, inhaling deeply.

Rose grinned before she stole Emmett away . . . again.

When we entered the last train, which was kind of a blur…

Yo, I barely remembered entering the fucking thing. "Whoa…" I laughed. "How'd I get here?" It was fucking hilarious.

"Relax…I got you." Edward pulled me into his side.

"Awww shit." Emmett clapped, and we all turned to see Jasper kissing Alice. My friend—her face blazed red—and I wished she was feeling what I was feeling.

"I love you guys…all of youse!" The happiest I've ever been in my life, I toasted to them with my water bottle, and they needed to know—needed to believe me. "I really love you all. You don't understand—"

Edward laughed. "C'mere, baby." He gathered me into his arms to kiss my cheek again.

Content, I leaned into his lips, humming a cheery tune I couldn't name, and I wondered if he loved me too—if he was rolling yet.

_It's okay to love people while on Ecstasy._

"Ed…" Jasper was chuckling, coming over with Alice. "Hook me up with two."

Alice stared at me, uneasy.

"It's okay." I mouthed, waving a hand.

It was okay since I'd already taken one, and I'm still alive and _more_ than well. But it brought me down a notch. Her reluctance…her uneasiness, kind of snapped me back into reality.

_How is Alice acting more mature than me?_

She was all right; Jasper's a nice guy, but I wasn't doing my best to look out for her—like I swore I would. "Don't do it if you…don't wanna," I told her, not caring who was listening.

"Of course…you don't have to. I never do it, but I thought we could." Jasper nodded, gesturing between Alice and himself. "I thought you might wanna since your friend's..." He waved to me.

"It's cool." Alice smiled.

"You're gonna pay me back for these, right? Demetri doesn't like it when loads are light." Edward glanced around and placed two pills into Jasper's palm.

When they left for their seats again, all my attention went back to Edward—my new _best_ friend who had Ecstasy in his pocket. "Are you a drug dealer?"

He barked out a laugh. "Nah…I'm just doing a favor for a friend."

I pursed my lips, still giddy. "I work at Carvel," I whispered.

"I love ice cream." He pulled my leg over both of his. "This cool?"

"Fuck, yeah…" I hoped he'd rub my thigh again. "How old are you?"

His finger left a trail of goose bumps from my ankle to my knee. "Twenty-three . . . I'll be twenty-four in two weeks." He paused. "I work with my father…He owns a HVAC company. I'm a technician; it's summer, and we're busy . . . and I do what I do otherwise. I also share an apartment with those two." He jerked his chin.

"Nothing wrong with that." I slouched lower, hoping his hand would go higher.

"So, you comfortable chillin' wit' me? You know me yet?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?" I asked.

He chuckled, and by the gleam in his eyes, I hoped he was feeling nice, too. "Would it bother you if I did?"

I didn't even have to think about it. "No…" I was honest, and I wanted this man to kiss me badly. Maybe tomorrow I'd care, but I needed his lips tonight.

"I don't," he said.

I inched closer to those lips, easing my way back onto his lap. "Hi…" My nose touched his, and my face was going to hurt tomorrow with how much I was smiling tonight.

He pushed my hair away from my face. "You're beautiful…You don't give a fuck; I like that." He pulled my chin closer when we came to another stop. Not deterred, I nipped his soft, pouty lips, hoping he'd deepen the kiss, while I moved to straddle him.

Edward's hands snuck under my skirt, kneading my ass, keeping me there.

The contact made me tingle from head to toe, and I wanted to fuck him right here on this train.

"Yo…this is us," Emmett boomed, grasping my bicep to pull me up, away, and to my feet.

"Whoo…" I had sea legs, as my gaze never left Edward.

He stared right back before he pulled me into his side again. "Stay with _me_." Edward placed a kiss into my neck. "You're mine." He actually stared at his cousin when he said that, though.

I giggled, the lights overhead so bright as we left the station. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good."

Both of my hands grasped one of his, and I got so excited, I did the running man for about five seconds. "And we're here!"

"You're mad fuckin' cute, yo." He smiled at me, caressing the side of my face with the back of his hand.

"You're mad fuckin' hot, bro." I covered my mouth with my hand.

That was too much for _me_ to…oh, who cares.

I was amped. Too fucking excited.

Edward winked, pulling me close.

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **

* * *

**E or X — **short for Ecstasy

**Roll **— when Bella asks Edward to "Roll" with her, she meant take Ecstasy with her.

**Be straight** — tell the truth.

**Mitsubishi **— brand of Ecstasy

**Go-Ho** — someone who kisses a lot. When Bella says Rose is her default go-ho, she means that she usually just kisses Rose.

**Mad** — a lot/very


	5. The Tunnel

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Enjoy!**

**Playlist for the chapter:**

**MC Lyte - Ruffneck**

**69 Boyz - The Tootsee Roll**

**R. Kelly - Bump N Grind**

**Domino - Ghetto Jam**

**Notorious B.I.G - Respect**

* * *

**"Higher" **

**Chapter Five: The Tunnel**

_**T**_ucked under Edward's arm, we walked the two short blocks to the club.

The line wrapped around the block, but like Alice had said earlier, we got right in. We didn't even have to take out our IDs. Edward spoke to the dude at the door, and there was no wait...no entry fee either.

This place was huge—much bigger than Limelight—and yet it was packed with bodies while mine was pressed up against my new friend's.

I didn't mind.

I've heard from others who'd been here before that there are several different levels—various rooms with different genres of music playing.

The music was too loud for me to hear them, but Edward and Emmett started talking before Emmett went straight to the bar. Rose was quick to follow after him, and I took off for her, but Edward held me back.

"Should we follow them?" I shouted, feeling the blaring techno beats in my bones; I wanted to dance.

Edward nuzzled his nose to mine, stealing another soft peck.

My breath caught for the millionth time tonight.

"We should plan to meet somewhere in case we split up," Jasper shouted.

"Four at the door." Edward shrugged.

"Three," Alice said, now giggly, yet I could tell she still had her head. "I gotta work tomorrow," she lied.

"That blows," Jasper commented.

Alice didn't say anything but looked to me.

"I gotta work, too," I laughed, and I truly did have to work. "Better make it two-thirty—"

"Two-thirty?" Edward chuckled. "Fuck, that…Yo, we'll catch youse later," he told Jasper, and then pulled me along with him; meanwhile, I wanted to stay with Alice.

We trailed up to the third floor where hip-hop music played. The entire time I'd tried to get Edward's attention to avail. He either chose to ignore me, or he couldn't hear me.

"Where's Alice?" I hollered. "I need to stay with her!"

"Jazz knows this is where I chill. But, look, I'll be back in five minutes…get a drink, but stay by the bar, beautiful." Edward's hands roamed down my back to grasp my ass.

I leaned into him. "Don't leave me alone."

"Minutes…" He pinched my cheek with his knuckles. "Don't. Move...You hear me?" Edward made me look up to him.

"Not an inch." Once again, he had that tone, and I wanted to listen.

"Good." He turned from me.

Inhaling deeply as I listened to the music, I watched as Edward got lost in the crowd, going toward the back of the club.

While I waited, I bought another bottle of water. I smoked a cigarette...and then another cigarette. The combination, plus the music, had me sky-high again.

Edward was gone for _more than_ fifteen minutes already; I swore it.

Before I could get upset, though, my hips started to sway.

I didn't care. I didn't have anything to care about, not right now.

He _left_ me; _he_ can find me.

They were playing some fuck-awesome jams, and I danced where I stood to "Ruffneck" by MC Lyte. Funny how I missed my roughneck. He'd been gone so long. "I need it in the mornin' so I gotta get a roughneck!" I sang, having my own small party surrounded by strangers, but I didn't give a fuck.

I was feet away from the bar, and I was about to blend in with the sea of people when I saw Alice and Jasper.

"Bella!" I couldn't hear her, but I saw her mouth move.

I waved them over, instantly excited. "My baby!" I jumped up and down and nearly tackled her to the ground. "Can you _feel_ it?" I laughed.

"All of it!" she hollered, running her fingers through my hair. "I can_not_ believe this." she said into my ear. I was sure Jasper couldn't hear—too busy getting drinks at the bar behind me. "I like him_ so_ much!"

"I know!" I hugged her again, knowing this was the best idea ever. Boy was I wrong earlier. "Where's Rose?"

Alice started laughing again. "She's somewhere…they were doing shots or something—Rose told me she wanted to be _alone_ with Emmett. Knowing her, she just wants to keep him away from you."

I snorted. "She's so stupid. I don't want _him_."

"Ladies…" Jasper handed us each a drink. "Screwdrivers."

All I saw was the OJ. I knocked it back, still fucking thirsty. "Thanks." I was quick to finish what was left in my glass, also knowing that the Vitamin C would give the X a boost.

"Damn, girl. You want mine?" Jasper asked.

"No." I looked to Alice. "We should totally party with these guys _every_ weekend."

"Oh…I'd love that…I'd get to see this one." Jasper kissed Alice's hair but placed his arms around us both. "_Especially_ if you and the blonde continue to make out, yo…that shit was _dumb_ hot." He raised a brow down to me, and he suddenly sounded ghetto.

"You thought _that_ bullshit was hot?" Alice asked him, quirking that bitch brow of hers.

She was definitely on my level because she kissed me, when she _never_ does. It was a hardcore, sloppy and yet passionate kiss; meanwhile, my heart swelled in that moment—feeling all the love and affection I have for my best friend.

"I love you," I said and then I kissed her again.

"I love you, too." She hugged me tight.

"Fuck!" Jasper just seemed shocked but happy. "That was…" He trailed off, bending low to maul Alice.

I watched, mesmerized as I held Alice's hand and leaned on her shoulder, while I rubbed my cheek on her silky hair. Jasper looked like a great kisser, and I kept seeing their tongues touching, slightly leaving their mouths.

_It was hot. _

And I hoped they'd make it past tonight.

I knew how much Alice liked Jasper…by what she was doing, how she was acting.

When they broke apart, I placed my hands on their heads to keep them together, and Jasper's hair was crazy soft, too. "More." I placed his hair behind his ear, kissing Alice's cheek. "Get it, girl."

Alice giggled, yanking him down to her; she went in for the kill again. They were both feeling great, and that made me even happier.

"Hey…" Edward turned me.

"Hi." I wrapped my arms around him.

"I saw that…What? You couldn't wait for me?" He smirked.

I rose to my toes and pulled his face down.

Our lips met, and he opened his mouth to explore mine. My tongue twirled around his, and I couldn't get enough—my body a tingly fire again.

I felt Edward moan into my mouth as he bent me back. "Fuck, baby…I could kiss you _all_ fuckin' night."

I licked my lips, savoring his taste. "Do it…" I was breathless, a puddle of goo, and I just wanted to submit myself to his control.

"Whateva you want…you got it," he said, reaching under my skirt to palm my ass. I molded myself to him, going from kissing and licking under his ear to nibbling on his lobe. He tasted amazing, but then I pulled back to gasp—excited as fuck.

"It's our song!"

Alice knew it, too; we had the same idea. She jumped away from Jasper and grabbed my hand.

We owned that fucking dance floor as we walked out.

"Yeah, 1994…69 Boyz—" I threw my deuces in the air.

"Cotton candy, sweet as gold…lemme see that tootsee roll!" Alice sang along, and then we just bugged-the-fuck out.

_Straight trippin'. _

We danced along with the crowd but faced each other.

I just didn't wanna stop dancing, this thrilling feeling encompassing me.

"I don't know what you been told! It ain't the butterfly, it's the tootsee roll!" I threw Alice a high five and we kicked our feet together to hop around.

While we continued to dance, I saw Rose and Emmett talking to Edward. It looked like they—Emmett and Edward—were arguing over something, but my attention quickly whipped back to Alice.

When she stared wide-eyed behind me, I turned to see a crowd had gathered where the rest of them were standing.

Security was there, too.

"Fuck all that!" I shouted, grabbing Alice's hands, and we continued to dance.

If some shit was popping off…I felt too good to care or get involved, wanting to keep us out of trouble. And it didn't matter. I was here with Alice, my most important person, and we needed to dance.

The music took us away again. My best friend didn't have a care in the world either.

The song quickly ended and morphed into "Bump N' Grind" by R. Kelly, and we couldn't _not _dance to it. The crowd actually went nuts, and more people flooded the floor—bodies were quickly touching again.

With the slower beat, Alice and I danced together, but then I was pulled away from her. Some dude held me close and I went with it.

I just didn't wanna stop dancing, the sway of my hips feeling so sensual.

However, I wasn't about to lose sight of Alice. She caught on, grasped my hands, and joined us—we sandwiched the guy.

"Yo…"

I was yanked away from Alice again, and I turned to push whomever—tired of it. "Back off!" I shouted.

Coming face to chest with Edward, I paused.

"What was that?" he asked, lifting my chin.

Smiling, I pulled Edward down and wrapped my arms around his neck. "With you is where I wanna be—I wanna be," I laughed, singing along while making sure Jasper had Alice.

"Ova hea grindin' wit' some cat," he spat. "I thought you were wit' me." His tone wasn't friendly, but…it was sexy as hell. The man we'd danced with moved onto some other chick. None of it was a big deal.

"Relax…what's your problem? We were just dancing." I spoke fast, rushing my words with the hope that it'd spur him on—I wanted him jealous. "I don't see nothin' wrong…with a little Bump N' Grind…"

"Right." He nodded. "Guess I _really_ gotta keep my eye on you…drink this." He handed me another cup of juice and vodka.

It went down smooth as I danced with him to another song—"Ghetto Jam" by Domino. I kept my back to him, rubbing my ass on his cock, our fingers intertwined while our hips moved along with the beat.

When that tune ended, he twirled me to face him, holding me too close—now, I felt how hard he was.

"You good?" he asked.

I wove my fingers into his hair, mostly holding on for support at this point. "Fantastic." I bit his chin, straddling his thigh; I was still kind of dancing. "Fuckin' twisted outta my mind." I had to admit that, so he'd know.

Edward grunted in my ear. "I'm feelin' you…for real."

"Me too." I whipped around, rocking and swaying to the reggae beat of Biggie's "Respect".

_Love this fucking song!_

With every movement, I felt his stiffy—and I dropped my rump, shaking, making small circles with my hips, dipping low and going down to his knees, while my hands rubbed the sides of his legs, only for me to pop right back up—slamming my ass back against his cock.

He reached to hold my jaw, as I looked to him from over my shoulder—this crazy, fierce look in his eyes.

I'd never felt _this_ sexy, _this _wanted before, and I wanted _him_ to want _me_ even more.

Never in my life had I done anything like this, but I also needed his stare...I needed all of him, and I swore to God…I wouldn't just tease him. I'd actually sleep with him…if he'd have me.

_I was his for the taking._

He owned me.

And nothing mattered.

It didn't even bother me that it'd be a one-night stand.

_No, sir . . . _

When I eased back into his arms, I placed his hands on my breasts. "Touch me…everywhere."

Edward was quick to yoke me up into his arms again. "You're killin' me, little girl." His hands that ran down my back roughly made me tingly—even more so.

"Good." I smiled, feeling victorious. "Being with you…it's the thrill of a lifetime!" I shouted out, hoping everyone heard me as I waved my arms in the air.

And I wasn't embarrassed.

I actually wanted the world to know, and, deep down, I knew none of it mattered.

I knew I'd never see him again after tonight.

_What did I have to be shy about? _

"That's the X speakin'…but he talks a good game, so go on." He touched his nose to mine, angling my mouth up to his.

Edward gave me another deep, heart-searing kiss as he walked us backward. And I didn't care, was along for the ride. Then he hoisted me up onto a barstool. "Fuck…" He laughed, rubbing up the outside of my thighs again.

My breath hitched; I pulled him closer, my legs wrapping around his waist—this stranger, this beautiful, mysterious stranger, whose touch sent me flying even higher. I didn't know if it was the Ecstasy, or if it was just Edward, but I found myself hoping that tonight wouldn't end.

"You good?" he breathed in my ear, and I guessed he was asking for permission. His hand was getting closer and closer to my crotch, and I was anxious—licking my lips and just waiting for him.

"More," I pleaded.

"Hells yeah," he agreed. "Whateva you want, baby. I'll make you feel good. Hmm," he grunted again, pushing my panties over to the side.

His digit rubbed down my slick lips, his touch too gentle, almost teasing but getting deeper with each stroke—that spot between my clit and my hole: the slippery slope?

I swore my heart was going to beat out of my chest, my legs spreading, my hips moving in time with his hand—like this was some intricate, erotic dance.

A loud moan fell from my lips, and I hoped everyone heard that, too—so they'd know what the beautiful man between my legs was doing to me.

"You're fuckin' soaked…" He hummed, inserting a finger inside of me, his thumb making circles now. "Fuckin' _mad_ tight." Edward slowed down while his lips touched my ear. "You a virgin?" He placed more pressure on my clit.

I squeaked a small scream, hugging him as tightly as I could. "N-no. I-I swear." I gulped and gasped for air, and I wondered why he thought that. "I'm-I'm not."

"Okay…relax," he whispered, nuzzling his nose into my neck, but I couldn't relax.

The more he touched me…the better I felt, the higher I'd get, and I knew I'd explode.

_I knew…_

"Edward…" His eyes met mine, and I stiffened—the butterflies, the fire in my stomach intensifying before it burst, going everywhere.

My eyes rolled back, and my hand landed on his, to hump back harder—needing more as I rode it out.

"That was beautiful." He kissed my cheek.

I let out a breathy chuckle, giddy. "That was fucking amazing!"

Again, tonight couldn't get any better.

"Baby, I can take you higher_ if_ you let me." He placed his finger near my mouth, and I took it inside to taste myself, but he tore his hand away fast—to occupy my lips with his.

He groaned into my mouth, rubbing his hard cock against my pussy. "You're delicious."

And I wanted to tell him that I loved him—only him.

Now, I knew that was the Ecstasy talking, so that stayed a secret.

"You're not like this all the time...it's the X." Edward shook his head. "You're not this open." He basically asked if I was a ho, holding me the tightest I'd ever been held. "I don't think—"

"No!" I shook my head, laughing. "You're special…my new sexy friend."

"Special?" His smirk was crooked, and I wanted to bite it.

"Yes, I've never felt anything like . . ." I trailed off in a whisper, as I didn't want to tell him about all of my recent epiphanies. He could think whatever he wanted—whether he believed I was a slut or a virgin—it didn't matter in this moment. "You're special…Besides, I told you…I usually make out with Rose when I'm rollin'."

Damn. I bet he _doesn't_ believe me. Why would he? I've been acting like a total slut tonight, but I didn't care. Edward's touch…was indescribable. His presence, his scent—I couldn't help myself.

"You swing that way for real? Mess wit' chicks and shit?" He shook his head again, like he didn't believe that or something.

"I love Rose, and I love Alice…I love _them_, and kissing is nice," I sighed.

He leaned into my ear again. "You wanna get outta hea? Go back to my place?"

I looked around for Alice or maybe Jasper.

No matter how much I just wanted to say yes—and let this incredibly sexy man whisk me away—I couldn't leave without her.

Edward knew. "We'll find them, and we'll head out together," he assured me. "Come on, sweetheart." He tucked me under his arm again.

When I glanced to my watch, I saw that it was almost three a.m. already, and I had _no clue_ as to where the time had gone. Time had flown by. So, regardless of what everyone wanted to do, it truly was best we head back to Brooklyn.

It sucked because we usually don't have to worry about beating Alice's parents home.

But…_I_ didn't necessarily have to sleep at Alice's.

We spotted Jasper first. He stood outside the bathrooms. "Waiting for Alice." He jerked a thumb.

I nodded and asked him, "Have you seen Rose?"

Jasper stared at Edward for a beat before his gaze settled on me. "They took off. Emmett was fuckin' trashed. They said they were out and just left…" He shrugged, looking back to his friend. "Good for Emmett, though—he'll def. be hittin' that shit tonight, am I right?"

I giggled, happy for Rose. She really liked Emmett, and I'd hoped they would hit it off.

"That's right," Edward laughed, slapping his hand to Jasper's and pulling back to snap their fingers. "Good lookin' out, bro…You ready to head out, too? It's 'bout that time."

"Time for what?" I smiled.

"To leave." He kissed my cheek, holding me tight again. "We should go—"

"Alice is in there?" I pointed, although I already knew she was—needing to talk to her before we left.

'Cause I wouldn't have the chance to see how she was doing—nor could we speak freely in front of Edward and Jasper—and I needed to know if she was okay to leave with them.

"Just wait for her." Edward squeezed me.

I pushed his hands away. "My friend's in there." My high came down at the realization: Alice was in the bathroom alone. "Cool it." I made it a bigger deal than it was.

Edward smirked, glaring at me and holding his hands up. "You're free to go, baby."

I winced, hoping he didn't notice as I tore through the crowded bathroom.

But then I was all smiles.

Fucking Edward was intense, and I dug it, loved it, and I wanted him to consume me.

"Alice!" I screamed, an excited mess.

I bet she couldn't hear me; the walls were still pumping on all four sides.

"Alice!" I sang as I spotted her by the sink, playing with her hair. She wasn't fixing it or anything. She just looked content to play with her own hair. Having been there a time or two, I laughed. "What are you doing?"

She sighed. "I love Jasper. He's perfect."

I hummed, knowing she might think differently tomorrow or the next day. Jasper seemed like a very nice but regular guy. Maybe he's special to Alice, but at the moment, he looked as though he just wanted to get laid.

I knew that was Edward's deal, and_ I_ was fine with that.

_Trust._

"Don't sleep with him tonight—not tonight. You'll hate yourself tomorrow."

"I bet'chu screw…What'shisname?" She chuckled.

"Edward." I squealed, only to jump up and down. "Dude…you have no idea how much I wanna fuck his brains out!" Excited, my teeth clenched again, and that was all I needed to do—relax and talk to my bestie—to snap myself back into happy land.

"Do you even know _how _to do that?" She laughed at me "Fuck his brains out…Imagine if you managed to, and it oozed from his ears as he came?" Alice thought she was hilarious.

"This isn't about me," I giggled. "You've never done it before, and I know you like him…" I sighed once more because it felt awesome to do so—breathe deeply.

"You screwed Matt Avery once for like…half a minute. Does that even count?"

I laughed. "No fucking clue."

Suddenly, a frown actually marred her beautiful face.

"No…" I rubbed her cheeks; I didn't like it. "Don't get upset."

"They're older. They think _we're_ older. How can I not—I bet he _expects_—" she spluttered, a nervous wreck.

"Relax." I hugged her to my side. "If Jasper likes you, which he must since you two have been talking all this time, he'll wait for another day…If not, it'll be rushed 'cause you gotta be home early, and you'll feel bad after 'cause you're not ready..."

"Ugh!" She cringed in place. "We're_ so_ immature. I can't wait to be older. Plus, they're so cool. We're like total nerds in comparison! We're_ corny_ while they're the _epitome_ of cool!"

I nodded, agreeing with her, although I fully intended to act like a _woman_—on a mission to fuck Edward—in the near future. Having that agenda, I looked back to my best friend. "They're still waiting…outside."

We both took turns helping each other pee, making sure we each made no contact with _anything_.

After washing up, Alice checked her lipstick, while I fixed my makeup, and then we linked arms to walk out.

**Thanks for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **

* * *

**Terms:**

**Dumb — **like "mad" it can mean a lot/very, not necessarily "dumb", like stupid.

**Bugged out — **so excited they lost their minds/went crazy.

**Popping off** — happening

**Twisted** — being drunk and high at the same time, or…just really fucked up.


	6. After Hours

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

**"Higher" **

**Chapter Six: After Hours**

**_W_**hen we left the bathroom, Edward and Jasper were still nearby, yet they had two chicks with them now. Those broads looked older, they wore heels…were both pretty blondes.

The sight actually made me smile for reasons unknown to me, but I felt Alice grip my hand tight.

"What do we do?" she asked. "This sucks—"

The last thing I wanted her to do was cry.

"Play it cool," I said, ushering us toward the exit. "Keep in mind, we just met these guys a few hours ago." I still felt decent, and I wasn't as disappointed as I would have been straight—_that_ I knew for damn sure. But it still stung. "They're not our boyfriends or anything."

Alice wasn't crying, but I knew she was incredibly sad. It was all over her face.

In this moment, though, I had a very logical and clear outlook.

I kissed Rose, which I _probably_ would have done anyway. I got free Ecstasy, free drinks, I got to dance and have a good time with Alice.

And I received an orgasm by Edward.

Thinking about all that made me smile.

While it was very unfortunate, if _we_ legit dis these guys before they can do it to _us_…

_Victory!_

"Where youse goin'?" Edward asked, suddenly to my right.

I looked over to Jasper, who quickly put his arm around a frowny-faced Alice, and all of that sealed the deal. Knowing Alice, I knew she would not sleep with him tonight—not now after that crap—which had me even more at ease.

I pissed away my first time—the only time it should count and be really special, so I've heard—and I'll be damned if that happened to my Alice, too. They can do it on another night after a nice date or something, when Ecstasy isn't involved.

_Jasper can work for it a little more._

"We thought you guys were busy—we were just gonna leave," I said.

"Without sayin' goodbye?" Edward asked, his tone laced with surprise.

"We were waiting for you guys, and they just started talking to us," Jasper explained, shouting over the music. "One of them asked for the time..."

Alice rolled her eyes. "It's cool." She didn't mean that.

I grinned to myself but never made a comment.

Ignoring them was a stellar move, as they were _all over_ us now, and I had fun with that.

"Youse still down to party or what?" Edward asked.

"Work tomorrow and all that…" I pretended to be unaffected by his touch, but I still wanted to dry hump him.

Then I breathed deeply as soon as we were out of the club, enjoying the cooler air. "Tonight was fun." I turned back to Edward.

Edward looked disappointed. "Fun." He walked out to the street. "Let's take a taxi back—" He lifted his arm to flag one down.

I lit a cigarette while we waited for a cab to pull up. "You okay?" I looked to Alice.

Maybe we were immature.

Me trying to act like I don't give a fuck.

Alice all sad because Jasper talked to some girl.

_Whatever. _

"I'm good," she whispered. "I'm not gonna…" Her eyes widened, but I already knew what she was talking about.

"Huh?" Jasper asked.

Alice shook her head.

The ride back to Brooklyn was kind of boring. One of Edward's hands stayed on me, and I wished he had been as bold as he was at the club.

But he didn't go anywhere near my panties.

Sometime during the drive, Alice told the driver where she lived; they were dropping us off first.

"I think I'll just go home," I told her.

Although I was comfortable, content, and feeling good, my high had come _way_ down. Or maybe I was suddenly just so disappointed that no pill could take me higher. I had no idea, but the night was coming to a close.

And I didn't care about tomorrow, or anything, really.

But I didn't want Edward to go anywhere—wanting some more time with him…alone.

"Okay," Alice whispered.

"We'll drop them off, and I'll take you home." Edward trailed his finger along my neck.

I just nodded, closing my eyes and leaning into him. Soon, his mouth replaced his hand, and I was heated again—practically gasping for air while my hand came down to palm his cock.

He groaned, pushing into my hand.

"Dude…" Jasper laughed, and we came to an abrupt stop.

I glared at that cock blocker, and I knew we were all squished in the back, but still.

"Chill the fuck out," Edward spat.

I giggled, nestling back into him.

"You sure you don't wanna come home wit' me?" he asked. "You live with your parents…" Edward trailed off, yet I wondered why he thought that.

_I _didn't tell him that.

"Parents?" Jasper inquired, raising a brow. "I thought you guys might be roommates."

"I live with my mother. So, what?" I got defensive.

He put his hands up in surrender.

"Yeah," I told Edward. "Fuck it."

When we pulled up in front of Alice's house, she and Jasper left the car. She smiled at me to let me know she was all right and to have fun, but when we drove off, I turned to Edward.

"Fuck, thank God." He came toward me, claiming my mouth and making my back hit the seat.

I laughed, looking up front to the driver as Edward unzipped my hoodie. "Edward…" I palmed his cheeks, meeting his gaze. "Jasper's…an okay guy, right?"

"He's a better man than me." He palmed my breast, and I arched my back, licking my lips.

"Seriously." I was still worried about Alice.

"They're fine. He'll give her a smooch—" he placed his lips to mine, nipping my bottom lip "—and he'll say goodnight, and then he'll call her tomorrow…Trust."

"All right." Breathless, once again, I closed my eyes and welcomed his body on top of mine. My legs wrapped around his waist, and I loved the feel of his weight, practically pinning me to the seat.

The car was coasting, and we must have hit a green-light streak as we rode along Fourth Avenue.

We kissed and kissed…until I could honestly say that my lips began to hurt. But his touch stayed above the belt while his cock ground against my pussy; he felt huge and picked up such a rhythm, I was close.

When the cabbie pulled over, Edward let out a growl and righted my skirt for me. "Keep the change." He slapped money into the guy's hand and then pulled me from the car.

I couldn't help it.

I was this giddy, giggly mess again, and it had nothing to do with what I'd taken.

Edward promised to take me higher, and he was—continually.

Finding my bearings, I looked around and saw that we were on 59th Street between Third and Fourth Avenue—the ghetto. He wasn't that far from me, and their apartment was located in a brownstone—the top floor.

We were quiet as we entered, my hand tucked in his.

Trailing down the hall, we actually almost bumped into Rose. She was trying to make her way out.

"My boy passed out already?" Edward asked her.

"Unfortunately, yes," she laughed. "Yo, you got any more of those…?"

Edward shook his head as he started putting lights on, and then he kicked off his boots.

For some reason, I liked watching him. Yes, he's absolutely sexy in many ways, but he had these mannerisms, ways of doing things, and his own beat as he did them.

I found his movements fascinating.

"Bella." Rose snapped her fingers in my face. "Can I…?" She tilted her head toward the door.

"Uh…" I looked back to Edward, who was taking off his hoodie. "What's up?" I faced Rose.

She pulled me out into the hall, and then closed the door—not all the way but enough—and she kept whipping her head around.

"You okay?" I asked. "Did you do it with Emmett?"

She grimaced. "Yeah..."

"Was it bad or something?" I stepped closer to her.

"Yes…Overall, it sucked." She shrugged. "I didn't get off, which blows. He came in like five seconds. You know?"

"What's good?" Edward popped his head out to stare at me.

"Girl talk," Rosalie said. "Just catching up…long night."

Edward gently pinched my hip before disappearing into the apartment.

I turned to my friend to squeal without sound.

"I called car service like five minutes ago," Rose whispered. "They should be here any minute. Did you wanna ride?"

"What?" I practically mouthed. "I'm staying."

She leaned into me, placing her lips to my ear. "Emmett told me something…about him, about Edward."

I shrugged, wanting her to continue.

"He was in jail."

My eyes widened. "For…?"

"Some bullshit, drugs…but…do you really wanna be _alone_ with him?"

It didn't take me long to think about it. While I have no idea what the real story is, it still didn't take anything away from Edward—the sexy man who's waiting for me inside. "We know plenty of people who've been arrested," I giggled. "What's the big deal?"

"No." She shook her head. "He—"

She stopped talking when the door opened again. "Youse can come inside," Edward said. "Talk on the couch."

She gave him a tight-lipped smile and a small wave. "Call me later," Rose whispered, fast to leave.

Rose just turned and ran down the steps, and I wondered what was up with her. We know a large cast of characters, between her neighborhood and my own, who've had run-ins with the law. It's really not a big deal.

I've also spent a few hours with Edward, and I really liked him, and I still wanted to screw him.

It's not like he murdered somebody . . . He'd still be locked up if he did.

It's not like I'm gonna marry the guy . . . or even see him again.

If anything it made him more attractive, more thrilling and edgy.

Unsure of where I should go, I waited for instruction in the hall after I closed the door behind myself.

"Come in…have a seat, relax." Edward put the radio on.

The place was really nice, newish furniture and shit, a fluffy couch and a huge TV set along with an entertainment center.

Determined, I didn't sit on the sofa; I wondered where his bedroom was. "Where's your spot?"

Edward tilted his head to his right. "You wanna see it?"

I pushed my hair behind my ears, nodding. "I do."

And I knew what would happen if we went in there.

I wanted that more than anything—for him to fuck me.

"Come on." Edward took my hand again as we walked down another hall. "Bathroom's in there." He waved a hand. "Kitchen." He turned on another light, taking another set of keys out his pocket. "I lock my shit up."

"Don't blame you." If I had two roommates, I'd probably do the same.

Hell, I wish I could do that now living with Renee.

His bedroom was neat and kind of bare—with a tall chest of drawers, a long wooden bureau with a mirror, and there was a queen-sized bed in the center.

Edward locked the door behind me. "You wanna smoke?" he grabbed a bowl and a bag of trees.

"Sure." I sat on his bed, taking off my backpack while kicking my sneakers away. Then I scooted back and crossed my legs. His sheets were soft, although the bed wasn't made, and my eyes glanced around—looking for traces of anything female, of another female, and I couldn't find any.

Happy about that fact, I leaned back on my palms and stared at that sexy fucker. Edward lit the bowl, pulling back only to suck the smoke in some more. "Stay there." He sounded hoarse and froggy, coming toward me. His nose touched mine, and he gently blew the smoke into my mouth while I inhaled.

I tried my hardest to take it all in, but it was too much. It was too much for Edward, too. He turned away to place his fist to his mouth, coughing, and then he was laughing. "I'm sorry."

Feeling lighter, relaxed, I lay back and pulled him with me.

He groaned, leaning to my side as his eyes trailed down my form, and I felt so fucking sexy, like a woman—and my heart started beating rapidly. "You're fuckin'—" He squeezed my thigh, making me yelp. "I'm sorry." He bent low to kiss that spot, his lips had me at ease again. "You're okay?" He lifted my skirt to suck the skin of my inner thigh. "Hmmm."

I sat up to stare down at him, spreading my legs just a tiny bit.

"You have small feet." He tore both my socks off, and then his hand went from my toes all the way up to my thigh as he got up onto his knees. "Gorgeous."

I grinned, and my face felt so hot, and I knew I was blushing, but I didn't feel badly about it. "Take this off." I pulled at his shirt, dying to see him without it.

He leaned forward, grabbing for the bottom hem in the back to tear it off, making his chain clank against his chest.

Edward had tattoos, quite a few, and my fingers crawled up his arms to trace them. I'd already seen the tribal one on his forearm. There was also one on his bicep and three on his chest. One was almost faded, like he had it for a long time, or like it was done at home. "What's this one?" I squinted, trying to make it out.

"My mother's name…Elizabeth." His eyes fell from me, but I didn't know why that'd embarrass him. "When she died, I just…" Edward didn't elaborate.

"I'm sorry." I palmed his cheek.

He didn't comment, resting his elbows on either side of me, and his weight squashed me into the mattress. Once more, I loved it. "What are you doin' hea, gorgeous?" he whispered, smoothing out my brows.

I didn't understand the question. Also, I didn't wanna say, _"I came with you in the hopes you'd fuck me." _

"I didn't wanna say goodnight," I whispered, placing my hand to his warm bicep.

His gaze softened and he smiled. "Tell me somethin' about you."

I giggled. "Um…" I had no idea what to say, knowing that if I told him the truth, he might just kick me out of his apartment.

He scooted lower to rest his head on my chest, hugging me tight, and I reveled in his embrace—this stranger, Edward. "I know you're young…I _don't_ think you're twenty." He let that hang there. "Regardless, you're a cool chick." He sounded so sincere, unlike the harsh vibes he gave off at the beginning of the night. "You're at _least_ eighteen, right? Any younger and you gotta go—I already crossed a line…too-fuckin'-many."

"I am…eighteen." I almost swallowed my tongue, afraid.

"Alice and that chick?" he asked.

"Yeah," I whispered.

He laughed, shaking his head. "And Jazz was all, 'She thinks I might be some old freak.'" He chuckled some more.

"That was me…I told her that."

"Youse lied."

"Yeah," I admitted. "To be fair, Alice lied. I just went along with it, and then you had X…which…I don't know." Relaxed, my lids fluttered closed and then I widened my eyes.

"You like that shit?" he asked.

"Love it." Again, that didn't embarrass me, but I didn't want to get into all the reasons why I do.

"How often you roll?" He looked to me, raising a brow. "I'm not an X dispenser, nor do I pay for it." He went to back away from me, suddenly acting like I was here—with him—for more. "If you came back hea thinkin' I'd—"

I stopped him. "Hey…" I didn't know where to start, feeling as though I had to, to tell him something, anything; meanwhile, my head started spinning again.

"I gave it to you because you kissin' that chick was hot. It was a goof—you'd earned it." He reached for his shirt.

"I…I've only done it a few times," I whispered. "And come on…I told you; I work at Carvel. Free X…? It's free X." I shrugged. "A couple days ago, I graduated from high school with no clue as to what I truly wanna do. My life is boring, and I honestly have nothing interesting to tell you. Nor am I keeping huge secrets from you. I'm usually this shy, quiet…"

I didn't want to continue and pushed him away. "I thought tonight was awesome," I whispered. "I was able to be…" At a loss for words, my shoulders slumped. "Thanks for everything." Most of all, I wondered what the point was now. "I should just go." I went to leave the bed.

He pulled me back and was fast to hover over me. "No."

"No?" I challenged, and on any other day, that move might have frightened me, but I felt safe.

And I wanted to tell him the truth—that he was this mysterious, hot, stranger with candy, who's made me feel more in _one_ night than I ever had in my entire lifetime.

And that _wasn't_ the X talking.

"Look…I've been where you're at." He stared into my eyes. "I could say it gets better, that partying all the time gets boring, but here I am. I like to get outta my own head as much as I can, but I stick to smokin' trees. You feel me? It's cool. I just needed to know," he laughed

"And you wanted to know if I was here for more X or…?" My hand came up to touch his soft hair again.

"Or…" he whispered, settling down next to me and gathering me into his arms. "We can just sleep…if you want."

I rolled over to lie on top of him. "I don't…I'm not tired." I placed my lips to his.

Edward's kiss deepened fast, and he held me tightly to his body, while I tried to squirm—rub my knee against his cock. It was hard in an instant, and my hands clawed at his jeans.

Out of breath, I left him to undo his belt and pull his pants down. He let me do it, and I stared at his athletic legs, my hands rubbing up his thighs, focusing on his dick that made a tent in his boxers…

I'd never seen anything sexier, never had a nearly naked man sprawled before me.

Awestruck, I paused to stare, unsure of myself but wanting to continue—not really knowing how but needing to try.

"Go 'head." He goaded me, smirking and looking down to his underwear.

I smiled—and, again, I knew my face was flushed—as I peeled those bitches off, too.

And my clit throbbed when I saw his thick cock; I clamped my legs closed, and I knew I was soaked to a gross degree, my panties wet.

Vaguely, I wondered if I should…go to the bathroom and take care of it, feeling embarrassed and nervous.

"C'mere," he whispered, pulling me toward him again.

I swallowed those stupid nerves right down.

Edward kissed me roughly, letting out these grunts and groans that went straight to my crotch while he held my face tightly.

And I wanted him so badly…

"Stop." I panted, and he ceased his movements, letting out a breath to collapse down.

"What's wrong?"

I didn't say anything as I rushed to take off my hoodie, needing to get naked before I lost my nerve.

Edward helped. He sat up to rid me of my tank top before reaching back to unclasp my bra. Wordlessly, he gathered me into his arms again, and we switched positions. He kneeled before me while I lay on my back, my chest heaving.

He slowly pulled my skirt down and then my panties followed.

Another awkward pause ensued after, but it was only weird for me as Edward drank in the sight of me. His unwavering stare made my stomach quiver.

"You're perfect," he whispered, his eyes finding mine.

I gulped, my mouth dry, but I was ready. "Do you have a rubber?"

With a slight nod, he said he did, but he didn't reach for one just yet.

Meanwhile, I was all the more anxious, needing to feel him inside of me, needing to get to the fucking. The only other time I'd ever had sex…shit, that whole experience lasted...like Alice said, and it was nowhere near as exciting as this. I'd never felt this way before, this horny, this needy . . . this alive.

Edward let out a hiss, grabbing my hip while he stroked his dick twice. "You can touch me," he said.

"Oh…sorry." My eyes followed his hand.

He let out a breath, reaching for a condom from his nightstand.

"Put it on," I said.

Edward was on his knees again, his cock so close as he tore the wrapper with his teeth. My hand came up to feel along his shaft, jack his dick in a similar rhythm he had.

He groaned, tossing his head back, pushing into my palm.

I licked my lips, sitting up a bit to get a better grasp before my tongue came out to lap at his head. It was so smooth, his skin soft while he was also rock-hard. I couldn't believe how solid his dick was.

"Fuck." He spat, gently pushing me away to place the rubber on.

My heart felt like it skipped a beat as I eased back down and spread my legs—got into position.

Edward was fast to hover over me again, placing his lips to mine, and my hips squirmed…just waiting. "What was that you just did?" he asked, kissing down my neck.

"What?" I tried to align myself to him without touching him—needing his dick.

"That lick you gave me. You kiss like a pro, but you dunno how to give a blow job?"

"I'm sorry." I bit my lips together, still enjoying the feel of him on me, yet mortified.

"Bella…" He chuckled, and I opened my eyes. "I think…I dunno. I don't like loose women? Um…it just makes you sexier…to me." Now _he_ seemed nervous. "I'm sorry. That was rude—I shouldn't've said anything."

I smirked, deciding to run with that…if he thinks _that's_ sexy. "I've only done it one other time."

"Word?" He raised a brow. "With some li'l boy who did it and ran in five seconds, I bet."

I didn't reply, as Matt was seventeen, just like I was.

"You do a lotta kissin' and cock teasin'." He nodded.

"Do _you_ think I'm teasing?" I asked, scraping my nails down his back.

"Hmm." He gaze met mine again. "I don't know what to think. You—"

"Don't think," I giggled, trying to pull him on top of me. "I want you. I want more." My stomach tied in knots.

"Told you I'd take care of you." He kissed my lips softly, his kisses going lower. Edward gently suckled my nipple, tweaking the other with his fingers, and I hugged his head to my chest—my hips leaving the bed, seeking him. "I also wanna take my time with you…I'm tryin' to be easy."

"Don't—try so hard." I yanked on his hair, wanting his mouth again. My tongue invaded, tasting and probing.

"You want it that bad?" He pushed his cock onto my clit, making me gasp and then shudder as he slid it down that slippery slope to my entrance. "Oh…you're definitely ready, but..." His thumb drew circles, and I spread my legs as wide as they could go.

Moaning, spluttering his name, his hand moved faster and faster until I screamed.

Ecstasy—not the drug—had taken over, and I felt it from my belly to my toes again.

After I came, Edward didn't give me a chance to come down—his thumb wasn't stopping.

Wave after wave hit me, and I was flying into the clouds this time, only to let out a shriek when he finally entered me—sending me to the moon.

I stiffened, bursting at the seams, suddenly feeling full, but he wasn't all the way inside yet.

And it hurt, but it still felt so-damn-good.

"You—" Edward's breath caught as he stared down at me, and then he leaned over me, our chests almost touching. "You feel so—so good, baby." Some of him left me, and he wasn't giving me back what he pulled out.

I crashed my lips to his, my hands going down to his ass, wanting _all_ of him—his whole cock.

He already filled me, it seemed—he took up as much space as I had—and I wanted more.

I wanted it to hurt hours from now, so I'd still feel him later—I'd still have him with me, and I wouldn't be alone.

But Edward seems to think I'm made of glass, going too-damn-slow, his thrusts too short.

"Edward…" I didn't know what to say; I could barely breathe, and I was sweating despite the air conditioner—frenzied and nearly frantic.

His breaths washed over my face, his eyes never left mine, and this was the single, best, most erotic moment of my life.

I never wanted it to end.

"I-I can't—it's hard to go this slow." He bit out. "I don't-don't wanna hurt you. Oh, fuck!" He fell deeper as he lifted my legs, pulling me closer, and I held back my cry.

"You—won't—hurt me. I promise. Do it!" I shouted, bucking my hips up to meet his thrusts, pushing harder and harder, our momentum building.

Edward pulled back to slam into me over and over and over again. And the sounds that fell from his mouth, as he had me, enjoyed me, and admired me…they did something to me. I couldn't accurately describe the feeling.

I clawed at him, moaning, and then letting out a load whimper when I came again.

"Gorgeous," he muttered, half-hugging my head with one arm, slowing his pace. "You all right, baby? Want me to stop?"

"N-no." Out of breath and sweating, my thighs trembled on either side of him, as he continued to pump into me. "Did you…come?" Still, with my body shaking, I barely got the words out.

"No." He lightly stuck his tongue out to lick my lips, sucking my bottom into his mouth. "But—I don't know—how much longer." He groaned, going faster, and I held onto his shoulders.

I was in heaven again while he fucked me with no abandon. "Shit..." I hissed, breathing through my teeth.

"Christ, Bella…"

Wanting to make his body quake, I moved with him again. His long strokes were vigorous as he picked up a rhythm that I followed. "You're amazing," I cried out, trying to get as much of him inside me as possible.

And I had another unique feeling, one I couldn't place or describe.

So, I kissed him…hoping he'd feel it, too.

But then he went too deep, so deep that I felt him in my stomach, which made me stiffen and let out a strangled cry.

He took my breath away again.

Turning my head to kiss him, he stilled—still deep. "Fuck me," he murmured against my lips, kissing me back passionately. "Hmmm. Shit."

"Did you…" I wondered if he came.

"Fuck, yeah…" He grabbed the base of his dick and left me, and then he rolled over to stare at the ceiling.

I swallowed, slowly bringing my legs together.

They were still shaking, my pussy felt…very good and very sore at the same time, achy, but I was ecstatic about it.

Overall…I was indescribable, happier than ever before, and yet there was some awkwardness in the moment—like I immediately wanted a blanket because I missed Edward.

_Missed_ Edward, my perfect stranger . . .

But after tonight…

I probably won't see him again, and now . . . that fact bothered me.

That _thought_ hit me like a ton of bricks, and I tried to push it out of my mind.

"That was…" He turned to me to place gentle kisses on my lips, my nose, both of my cheeks, and my forehead.

It made me giggle. "It was…okay? You liked it?"

His eyes widened. "Are you kiddin' me? Don't ask such stupid questions." He tore off the condom and chucked it into a trash can. Then he pulled the covers over us.

"Um…" Snapping back into reality, I looked to my watch. It was already close to five-thirty in the morning. "I have to go." And I only wanted to leave before _he_ asked me to—I had to leave before_ he_ suggested I go.

'Cause I knew it'd be easier for me to physically walk away, instead of him . . .

Again, it bothered me to even think about it.

"What? Why?" He pulled me into his arms.

Sheepishly, and while I truly wanted to weep, I smiled at him. Now I had my head, now I was naked in his bed, and now I was feeling shy, exposed. I also felt…

I didn't know how I felt.

"I have to beat my mom there…just in case. And I have to be at work by nine-thirty." Half of that was a lie, since Mom never leaves Phil's before ten. I had time.

While I was amazingly happy to be here with him, I was also sad, and scared to be asked to leave.

Although I enjoyed everything that just happened, I was emotional and yet numb, and I knew that to be a side effect of the drug—feeling down.

But after the night I'd just had…

Knowing there's no guarantee that I'll see him again…

My heart was breaking…because of this stranger.

I had to get out of here.

"All right." He left the bed to toss me my panties. "I'll drive you home."

"You have a car?" I asked, pulling my underwear on under the blanket.

"A work truck. Same shit." He put his jeans on without his boxers, quick to pull his shirt back on.

I watched, taking in every sight, as I got myself dressed.

"You need the bathroom?"

I shook my head no, stepping into my sneakers. While I did have to pee, I didn't want to prolong the inevitable.

"All right." He left the room.

I followed while I pulled my hood up.

Funny how Edward did the same once he grabbed his sweater from the couch.

And I wondered if he was…as lonely as I felt, thought he had a reason to hide.

But a man as beautiful as him…I bet he always has company.

Frowning, I hugged my middle, going toward the door Edward was holding open for me.

"Morning!" Jasper shouted from behind us.

"You just get home?" Edward asked.

He shook his head. "I been home for a while." He winked at Edward. "Some good show youse put on."

I turned away, and my giddy smile _stayed_ away.

Edward flashed him the finger. "Hope you picked up a few pointers." He pulled me out of the apartment, letting the door slam closed. "Sorry about that." He stomped down the stairs. "There's no way he saw anything—just heard us. You were mad loud."

I cleared my throat. "If the situation was reversed, Alice and Rose would have _a lot_ more to say. It's okay."

He cracked a grin.

Once outside, I paused to look up at the sky.

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **

* * *

**Terms:**

**Dis** — to disrespect someone.

**Cabbie** — a cab driver.

**Car service** — outside of Manhattan, there are hardly any taxis around. You have to call a car service for a cab.


	7. Sucky Sunday

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**"Higher" **

**Chapter Seven: Sucky Sunday**

_**T**_he sun was coming up, was just about out. The night had finally come to an end, and I wanted my bed—not sure if I should just let go, try to cry.

I had a stiff upper lip, promising myself I wouldn't be reduced to tears.

Edward led me to a blue van that said "Cullen Heating & Cooling," on the side, and I guessed that must be his last name. He opened the door and helped me inside. "Thanks," I said.

He didn't reply, running around to get into the driver's side.

After backing out of the driveway, he drove up to Fourth Avenue, and the streets started whizzing by. The road was nearly empty on the early Sunday morning.

"Why you so quiet all of a sudden?" Edward nudged me.

I shook my head. "No reason."

He sighed, staring straight ahead. "Lemme stop at the store real quick." He pulled over, left the engine running, and ran into a bodega.

My legs that were still bare were freezing. I curled them up, noticing that the insides of my thighs were sore.

While he was gone, I rested my eyes, trying to ignore the glare from the sun shining on my lids. Just when I thought Edward was taking longer than what should be normal, he scared me by throwing the door open.

"Coffee." He held out a cup.

"Thanks." I smiled, thinking he was sweet.

I blew into the opening on the lid while he entered on the other side.

"All right." He put his own cup down in the holder. "I got you some shit for the headache you're gonna have soon." He handed me a small packet of aspirin. "And this is for the blues…" he chuckled, tossing a nickel bag of weed onto my lap.

"Wow...thanks." I was shocked at how...I don't know...how he was taking care of me? No one's ever done that, and he didn't even know me.

"Ecstasy hangover ain't no joke," Edward whispered, and he was correct, but _he_ seemed just fine.

"You didn't…You didn't have to." I swallowed the lump in my throat as I opened the aspirin packet.

"I know…I didn't." He pulled away from the curb. "Can I tell you somethin'?"

I nodded, taking a small sip of coffee to wash the head meds down.

"Oh, there's a bagel in that bag for you." He placed a paper sack on my lap.

It made me giggle. "What did you wanna tell me?" I was curious to find out anything, any tidbit of information.

"Uh…you might already know if someone told you, but since we made it this far...I doubt you know." He chuckled. "I dunno. Look, I did time…some in juvie and then state prison."

Surprised, I had no idea how to respond to that, but I'd known from the get that he was rough around the edges. Also, I remembered what Rose had said. I wasn't going to tell him that I already knew, though.

Only, I _didn't _know—juvie _and_ state prison? He's going to be twenty-four soon? He must have been away a long time.

"Your friend was right—how I don't fit with Jazz and Em." He shrugged, and he still hadn't faced me. "And with the way Jazz is…he'll be in love with your girl by next week. He'll tell her and then she'll tell you…I thought it better if _I_ just told you." He pushed his hair back, but he didn't bet on Rose spilling the beans.

I nodded. "What—"

"Old habits…you know?" But that wasn't what I was asking. "I'm trying to make as much dough as possible, too, so I can get my own crib. Turns out, I like my privacy." He sounded nervous, because of me, and I couldn't understand why.

_Who the fuck was I? _

"I'm not on parole…I served my time. I've been out like...about six months now."

"How long—"

"Almost seven years," he sighed. "Possessions charge, weapons charge. I'd still be locked up if I was tried as an adult…" Edward trailed off, coming to a stop at a red light.

"I'm sorry that happened," I whispered.

"I'm careful now…I don't push as much weight as I used to." He doesn't sell as much now, so how much was he selling at…sixteen? Seventeen?

"Why even…do it now?" I wondered aloud.

"Because—" He stopped talking, and we rode in silence for quite a few blocks. When we were officially deep into Bay Ridge, he turned to me. "You gonna tell me where you live? Or, you scared to now?"

"I'm on 84th Street…right here on the avenue." I pointed.

"I'm a quiet guy, but your silence is deafening at the moment."

I reached over to place my hand on his bicep. "I don't know what to say." It was the truth.

"No thoughts about what I just told you?" He quirked a brow. "It's no secret, and I only told you because I knew someone else would. You're not mad I didn't tell you _before_ we fucked?" His words took that tone, were harsh.

"No," I said. "Tonight was insane. I can't even…you know?" I faced him, and I knew he was waiting for me to judge him; meanwhile, I missed his lips against mine. "Last night was nuts…a blast. I'm not angry. There's…a lot you don't know about me." But that was a lie since there's not much_ to_ me.

"You're a convicted felon, too?" he rolled his eyes, and I had no idea where his attitude came from. I haven't judged him, and I don't plan to.

"No." I blew out a breath. "We just don't know each other. I knew…that I wanted tonight with you, knowing there wouldn't be any more nights." I wanted him to know that _I knew_ the deal, was cool about things. "But, thank you for telling me before someone else did." I munched on my lip, nervously, wondering and hoping, _praying_ that he'd tell me I was wrong—that I'd see him again, that he wanted my phone number, that _he_ wanted to see _me_ again.

"Wow…I'm flattered." He placed his hand on his chest. "Am I your first one-night stand? You used—chose me to sow your wild oats?"

That felt like a kick to the junk, and I wanted to deny it—tell him I thought he was special—but he never gave me a chance.

And maybe that was a _good_ thing.

"Was it all right? How'd I do?" Edward chuckled, quickly pulling up in front of my apartment. "Was I a _good_ fuck at least?" He was smiling so wide, his tone clipped.

_First Edward was angry, and now it's a joke to him?_

I didn't understand, but the longer I sat here, the more I threatened to break down.

I was stuck for an answer anyway. "Yeah…Thanks for…everything," I whispered.

"Don't thank me." He still wouldn't look at me.

"Have a nice day." I hopped from the van, and I almost spilled the coffee, but I had to run.

The faster I made it into my hallway the better.

And as soon as I entered, I sat on the steps, wishing I_ could_ cry—feeling that pit, this hole in my stomach and yet it was weird...because I was empty…something I'm already used to.

After a few minutes, I picked myself up and slowly ascended the stairs.

My stomach was sour as I threw myself into my bed. No one was home, there were no messages on the machine, nor were there any notes from my mother...

Still awake at seven and knowing Alice might still be up, I went into the kitchen to call her while I gulped a glass of water from the tap.

_"Hello?"_ Alice sounded horrible.

"Hey…" My voice was just as raspy as I lit a cigarette. It hit the spot, filled something inside of me, and…my mother could have walked in right now; I wouldn't give a fuck.

_"Fucking…suicidal Sunday, man. I feel like garbage."_ She drawled. _"I can't fall asleep. I smoked the rest of that clip…Jasper was sweet. We were IM'ing before."_

"Yeah, how'd that go?" I asked, opening the kitchen window.

_"He's…a reason to smile."_ She let out a giggle. _"He's taking me to dinner and a movie tomorrow night. I don't know how or when…I should tell him my age. I'll have to hide my birthday from him,"_ she hummed.

"I wouldn't worry about it. By next week, you'll be eighteen, and…" I didn't want to tell her that Edward knew my age, and that Jasper might not care because Edward didn't. But I wasn't sure.

_"What happened with you and…roughneck? Your boy from the 'hood?"_ She had a smile in her tone. _"He's…fuckin' hawt!"_

Her enthusiasm made me grin; my thoughts made me frown just as fast—when I realized how true my earlier assessment was.

There'd be no other nights like tonight...

We _never_ even exchanged numbers, nothing.

"Um…we fucked. No big deal," I lied.

It was a _huge_ deal . . . now.

At the club, I swore I was going to be a woman—act grown and be mature—and leave my heart at the door.

_When the fuck did I hand it over? Give it to him instead?_

I talked the talk, walked the walk, and now I'm walking funny…_unable_ to deal.

She gasped. _"You actually went through with it? Oh my God! How was it?"_

"Phenomenal . . ." I put my cigarette out in that same glass of water.

_"But…are you okay?"_ she hedged. _"You…you don't sound good; meanwhile, you gave me sound advice…telling me not to sleep with Jasper. Why did you—"_

"I wanted to." I cringed. "I don't know, but I don't regret it. I'm just tired, you know?"

_"Oh…want me to come over? I'll just leave a note for my parents. They won't care if I'm at your house,"_ she rambled away.

"I'm all right. I have to open with fucking Jake…Thank God, we close early today." I slumped against the sink.

_"Oh, now you don't like him?"_

I couldn't even imagine where I'd fit Jake in my head right now, Edward owning every thought. "I'm over it," I said. "Lemme go so I can shower…whatever."

_"Girl, I want deets later—all the nitty-gritty details."_ She squealed. _"Maybe I never had any…home runs, but that guy…"_ She whistled. _"He's got that bad boy vibe—he's totally on a whole'notha level. I bet it was raunchy and sexy, and his body was—"_

"Alice…" She made me giggle. "It…was." That lump in my throat was bigger. "I'll call you later."

_"Okay,"_ she sighed.

I slammed the phone onto its base and went back into my bedroom.

On the fire escape, I rolled myself a joint, only taking two hits before I got back in bed.

Feeling mellowed, I actually hoped I'd fall asleep—sleep through my alarm, not go to work, so Mr. Hale can fire me.

But I had no luck with that.

Dreading the thought—and after nearly an hour of looking into space—I took a very long shower. The munchies were a godsend, and I ate that bagel, ensuring I wouldn't puke my guts out in a while.

An Ecstasy hangover is worse than an alcoholic one. There are things you can do that'll help, but it's not like popping a few aspirin, resting, and then you're okay.

With X, you're fucked for at least a day, sometimes two depending on how much you take. But you're not stay-at-home and in-bed sick-sick; you can still function, although you're miserable.

The head meds helped to prevent my headache, but I was stuck in a state of nothingness—regardless of the weed, I couldn't sleep and I knew I wouldn't.

There's essentially no sleeping it off, like one could with liquor.

And on top of losing my heart somewhere…my mood was fucked.

Or, maybe I'm taking it this hard_ because_ of the depression?

Even so, I normally get by.

Times prior to this, I always thought the hangover was worth all the fun I'd had the night before—a small price to pay for feeling so fantastic, so amazingly happy.

This morning, however, I swore I'd _never_ do it again.

Just as I was leaving, I heard my mother walking up the stairs. She was early, and I cringed in place, placing my sunglasses on rapidly. "Hey…" I met her on the steps. "I gotta run—gonna be late."

"Oh…" She frowned. "I bought eggs—thought I'd make us all a nice breakfast, and we could talk. Phil's on his way, looking for a parking spot."

"I'll…probably be home tonight." I nodded, but now I wasn't sure.

If Phil's going to be here…fuck that shit.

"Good." She smiled.

I managed to give her a smile as I left the building.

No sooner than I reached the corner, I heard "Bella!"

I whipped around to look at our window.

"I forgot. Later, Phil's taking me to—"

"Okay!" I hollered back, and I didn't wait for a response.

The walk to work was slow. I'm sure my music would have helped, but I couldn't even muster up the enthusiasm to press play.

Jake was just pushing the gate up when I approached the store.

"Hey, you." He smiled.

I waved, not saying much.

The morning dragged. There was one sale between the time we opened and one p.m. I have no idea why Carvel has to open so early on Sundays. People go to church, sleep late, and no one wants ice cream for breakfast.

Luckily, Jake didn't bitch when I took an hour snooze in the dry stock room. Well, I wasn't really sleeping; just resting my eyes.

As always, I told him I owed him one, and I even smiled.

When three o'clock hit, I contemplated turning in my apron again, like I do every Sunday I work.

"You really look like shit," Jake said.

I snorted, refilling a milk jug. "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me." I adjusted my shades. It was awfully bright in this bitch, and my pupils might still be dilated. Fuck if I knew or cared.

"I try." Jake touched my cheek.

I turned away from him; his fingers stank like bananas.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine." Just the sight of him made me sick today, like it was_ homicidal_ Sunday.

"How much did you drink last night?" he asked.

"I didn't drink."

Only, I did—I had a couple of screwdrivers, did one and a half tabs of X, and I smoked tiny bits of weed a few times.

Funny how all of those combined add up to nothing—I was still empty.

But my thighs…my nether region was still sore, so at least I _felt _something.

"Are you getting sick?" Jake furrowed his brow, and then he answered the phone when it rang. "Oh, hey…yeah, she's right here." He handed me the phone.

"Rose?" I asked.

He nodded.

"Hey, what's up?" I smiled.

_"Bells?"_ It was my mother, and when I realized that, Jake cracked himself up. He's such a fucking child. _"I'm heading out now, but we won't be too late—"_

"Phil's staying over?" I asked.

_"Well…"_ She paused.

"It's fine, Mom…really. I'll see you later." I hung up, racking my brain for an excuse to stay out all night. Maybe I could truly stay over Alice's? Even if her parents are home, they won't care.

_Nobody fucking cares. _

And that thought made me queasy.

I didn't fucking care either.

Not anymore.

Because _nothing_ mattered.

I had that same thought last night, but it meant something totally different today.

Down in the dumps, I went out back to smoke a cigarette, zone out for a while and smoke another one.

"Fuck." I noticed I only had two left as I placed my lighter in the pack.

When I came back in, I paused, afraid to move.

Emmett—Dimples—stood at the counter, and my only hope was that Edward was here, too.

"Bella, hey!" He came over to kiss my cheek, and no one else was with him.

I smiled but didn't mean it. "Uh, Rose isn't here."

"Oh…um, I didn't come here to see her, actually."

I didn't say anything, and I didn't know what to think—stuck on dumb for a minute.

"I don't know what I'm doing here." He chuckled, nervous-like. "I just wanted to say hello. We split up, and I never saw you again…and you've been on my mind." Emmett rubbed his hand up my bicep. "I needed to see you again."

"You wanted to see _me_?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, _you_, gorgeous." He palmed my cheek.

"Why?" I pushed his paw away from my face.

He smirked, grabbing my hand. "I thought we'd hang out—"

I stepped back. "You sleep with my best friend, I fuck _your_ cousin, and you're here to see _me_?"

"Whoa!" He waved his hands. "I never slept with Rose," he whispered. "She tell you that...? Bella, we didn't."

I didn't say anything.

"We didn't. On my life, Bella." He did the Sign of the Cross. "I drank too much and we talked…Rose told me she couldn't go home for some reason, but_ I_ went to sleep, passed out." He shrugged. "Wait…you and Edward? My cousin? You and him?" he spluttered. "You and—"

I palmed my forehead. "I'm surprised we didn't wake you up." I grinned, even if it was fake, up to him.

He pursed his lips. "You _sure_ you wanna get mixed up with that?"

Technically, I wasn't mixed up with anything. We had a good time, we fucked, and now it's over. "Mixed up? It was one night. We chilled...Regardless, how is that your business?" I asked.

Emmett laughed. "You know what…? I must have gotten my signals crossed." He was lying through his teeth. Dimples saw me slobbering _all over_ Edward while he did whatever with Rose. He must have known I was fucked-up and not interested, and I wasn't even flirting. "You're a smart cookie, though…keep it at one night," he said.

"Just don't fuck with my friend, okay?" And here I thought he was the sweet one. "You're not into her…Whatever youse did or didn't do, it was what it was…" I stepped behind the counter.

With the way Rose _gets_ down, I didn't think she'd care whether or not she heard from Emmett again. However, if I fucked around with Dimples—which I have absolutely no desire to—I'd never _live_ it down.

"Can't blame a guy a for trying, beautiful." He tapped on my visor. "You're a little sweetie . . . take care of yourself."

"You, too," I whispered to his retreating form.

"Maybe I'll see you around?" He turned to me again, massaging the back of his neck. "Last night was crazy. Whatever happened…" Emmett stared at the floor and then his gaze flashed to mine. "It doesn't matter. I'd like to get to know you, for real. We could go—"

"I'm sorry." My tone was hushed, and I felt really uncomfortable.

"What?" Emmett couldn't hear me.

"Thanks for coming by…" I didn't know what was left to say.

Emmett nodded his head, turning for the door again.

"Everything okay?" Jake, who'd seen the whole confrontation, decided to step out of the shadows now that Emmett was leaving.

I just waved his annoying ass away.

"Is he bothering you?" Jake asked.

Emmett barked out a laugh as he left the store.

I wanted to stop him, give him my number, and tell him to give it to Edward. But I didn't know if it'd ever reach him.

My best bet was maybe…putting myself out there by going through Alice.

In the light of day, and from what I remember of early last night, all three guys had _the potential_ to be jerks. They're all young, just old enough, and insanely good-looking. They're not new to the club scene, really.

God knows how many women go in and out of that apartment . . .

They were strangers, and my stranger was perfect, and Jasper came in second for Alice.

He'd definitely give Edward my number, and then I'd have to wait to see what happens.

Or, I could just ask Alice for Jasper's house number? Ask to speak to Edward? Maybe he'll pick up the phone?

But what the fuck would I even say?

_This morning was confusing as hell. _

While I got all existential, Jake got busy doing his side work.

Since I'm going for worst employee of the decade, I just watched him do it.

"Are you going to do _anything _today?" he asked me.

"I'm supervising," I drawled from under the steel table in the back. It has a second row that I fit in, and it's a great place to hide and nap. "You can keep all the tips."

"All three dollars." Jake chuckled. "You know…if we had your hot ass stand outside with a sign, we'd probably get more customers." He winked.

"Blah, blah-blah-blah…" I mimicked him, but I didn't make any sense.

Yesterday that would have made me smile.

Today, it was crap.

I went out back to smoke another cigarette, and I closed my eyes after, trying to relax.

When Jake came out to place some garbage in the dumpster, I jumped up startled.

"Geez. I'm sorry," he said. "Didn't see you there."

I didn't say anything, going inside to chug some ice water, hella thirsty.

My little nook under the back table looked even better, and the steel was cool against my heated skin.

"Are you mad at me or something?" Jake asked.

I cringed, annoyed. "No!"

"Oh." He picked up a broom and started sweeping. "Did you wanna hang out tonight?"

I laughed, thinking it ironic.

For two weeks, and despite his age, I waited for Jake to say something—make a bold gesture. He finally does, and I don't give a fuck. Then, the guy I thought was hella cute last night turned out to be an asshole, and he comes in here looking for me; meanwhile, the only dude I wanna hear from…

Jake managed to sweep up the whole front while I focused on the steady hum of the freezers—relaxing once more.

But then Jake was in my line of sight again, behind the counter.

"Bella, we can do whatever you wanna do, movies, dinner. Or, we can . . ." Jake went on and on, and I felt horrible.

"She's busy." I heard someone say.

I gaped like a fish, but all I could see was Jake from where I was, and my coworker was staring at someone.

"Who's out there?" I held my stomach, my eyes bugging out of my face.

"Who you think?" the voice was deep and snarky.

I knew that was Edward, and I made a run for it—to him, to the front.

Then I stopped, pausing and standing still, hoping my heart would slow.

Today I didn't wanna look like an ass; I had no excuse to be silly.

"Hey." I entered the front again as I took off my apron.

Edward smiled down to me. "I was in the neighborhood."

"Sure you were." I grinned back.

He rubbed along my forearm. "I was in the mood for somethin' sweet."

"How can I help you?" Jake asked, slinging a towel over his shoulder.

Edward jerked his thumb. "Who's this punk?"

I giggled, but Jake never opened his mouth to retort. "Want ice cream?" I asked. "Or a milkshake?"

_I'd totally slave at the mixer for him._

"Oh, but you'll lift a finger for this guy." Even Jake gets it.

"What?" Edward asked him.

Jake shook his head, looking down to sweep where he'd already swept.

Edward turned my chin back to him. "What time _you_ get out?"

Gazing into those eyes, I knew my answer.

I took my visor off, placing it on top of my apron. "Now."

"Bella, we don't close for another hour."

"Then stamp her clock-out card when _you_ leave," Edward suggested.

I turned, my eyes pleading, and then I realized I still wore my sunglasses. "Can you?"

Jake gave me a curt nod as he walked to the back.

Feeling much better than I did all day, I left with Edward, and I was a little nervous. He was happier, his demeanor totally different than when he dropped me off.

"You never gave me your number," he said.

I paused on the sidewalk. "You never gave me yours."

"Fair enough," he laughed. "And you know there's two Carvels in Bay Ridge, right?"

I looked away, covering my mouth with my hand. "You went to both...looking for me?"

He didn't answer my question. "I'm parked right here."

"Leave it…I'm three blocks away. We can just chill at my place."

"I have to meet your moms?" He grimaced.

"Oh, God no!" I blurted. "I mean…she's not home…won't be home 'til much later." I looked at him from head to toe, and he was wearing coveralls or whatever, a blue suit-thing? "Did you work today?"

"A couple hours. My pops sent me out to Williamsburg for a job."

"Oh." Taking a huge leap of faith, I grasped his hand to hold it.

He grinned, pulling me into him as he slid a piece of paper into my palm. "You earned this."

Knowing it was more than likely his number, I just smiled and put it in my pocket. "Did you get _any_ sleep?"

"Not a wink." He turned us back toward the van and wrapped his arms around me. "We should take a nap."

"Okay." I leaned back against his chest, hugging his strong hold tight, and I continued to walk with him, guessing we'd go back to his place. "This morning, when you dropped me off—"

"I dig you…took your silence as something bad, but after thinking…which…Yo, I won't lie. I usually wouldn't give a fuck, bitches only know my first name. That's it . . . My slate's nowhere near as clean as yours, but you…"

He paused and then let out a chuckle. "I wanted to kick my own ass all day…for not giving you a kiss goodbye." He nibbled on my earlobe, sending those same tingles from last night all through my body. My breath caught, and I tried to recover quickly. "For not giving you my number. _Worse_ than that…not grabbing yours."

I turned around to face him, and I wanted to say so much.

"And I was practically already here when Emmett paged me 911. I called him back from the pay phone by your job...he was pissed, whatever." He shook his head, grabbing my hand again. "He won't bother you no more. I told him I'd break his fuckin' legs if he did."

Now that…_that_ was the sweetest thing a guy had ever said to me.

**_Thank you for reading. _**

**_Please leave me your thoughts._**

**_See you Monday!_**

* * *

**Terms:**

**Crib** — home/house

**Push** — sell

**Weight** — large amount

**Suicidal Sunday** — the day after partying hard, hung over and miserable.


	8. Day Six

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Higher **

**Chapter Eight: Day Six**

**June 17th 1994**

**_M_**y skin felt like it was burning, and I wasn't even outside—I wasn't in the sun. I was in my bedroom, sitting on my bed in panties and a tank while the fan blew hot air on me.

The radio—that's blasting right now, playing some Salt-N-Pepa—said that today was the hottest day, and the city hasn't seen heat like this in over ten years.

It was one-hundred-something with a crapload of humidity.

People were warned to look after pets, babies, and the elderly.

_Because no one gives a fuck about the rest of us. _

There are cooling centers opening or something.

We so needed an air conditioner.

Like…at Edward's apartment, they each have an A/C in their bedrooms, but not in the rest of the place.

Alice has central air.

Sadly, she's not home. Her mother took her shopping for her birthday, which is tomorrow. Apparently, Mr. Brandon has some work function, so they're celebrating today with her family. I was invited over for dinner and cake. I just didn't want to intrude.

I'll probably see her later, definitely tomorrow for her actual birthday.

Rose and I plan to show up in the afternoon with our own cake, champagne, and party crap from the dollar store. But we'll have to leave at six when Jasper comes to take Alice out. Things are going well with them, and they manage to see each other often.

The bestie plans to have dinner with Jasper—although he won't know it's her birthday—and then take him home, so they can finally fuck.

Alice knows we need to celebrate, whether Jasper knows or not, and at ten or eleven—whenever they're done—we'll come back, drink ourselves silly and have a small party or hit up a club.

_I'm hoping we all go back to Tunnel. _

She doesn't know what she wants to do yet, but her parents not being around works in her favor.

Rose is working 'til close today, and I'd never go there on a day off.

Fuck that…and have to see Jake's pitiful face?

The day Edward showed up and asked Jake to cover for me . . . Jake did, but he can't let me forget about it. He even said something about how I get away with mad shit, I don't _do_ shit, and I _should_ get fired.

_Fuck him. _

I slacked off one day, as I usually do work.

Jake told Rose I led him on, and he's acting like a wounded little boy.

For the past six days, since the night I met him, I've seen Edward every day, and each day...we have mind-blowing sex. He makes me so happy. I feel safe, secure, admired…satisfied.

The list goes on and on.

We haven't rolled since that night, but I don't need to take Ecstasy to feel its glorious effects when I'm with Edward.

Every time we're together, it's indescribable, unique, and amazing.

And I can't keep my hands off of him.

_Edward doesn't mind. _

When we fuck, the world disappears, and we're always fucking. I manage to lose myself in him, in what we're doing, and it's all so magical—there's no end to what that man is capable of making me feel. He picks me up every day, as soon as we're both done with work, and then it's a fuck-fest that lasts until we pass out.

The few nights that Renee has been here, Edward sets his alarm for like four a.m.

Then I'm home and in bed before Mom even wakes up.

My mother started her summer school sessions—thank God—but her class was canceled today.

Minutes ago, Renee and Phil actually left. They decided to go out to the Hamptons. His coworker supposedly has a house, and they're staying there. It was spur of the moment or whatever.

She'll be gone a few days.

Edward's been here once, but he didn't stay long. And after we fucked, he kept touching all my stuff, wanted to see any and all pictures I had.

I thought he was so cute that day, and he told me I had a kid room.

It was hella fun having beastly, monkey sex on my twin-sized bed, though.

I groaned at the thought alone, clamping my thighs closed and turning to my side.

As soon as Mom said she was leaving, I had a genius idea.

Edward could stay here.

We'd have privacy—no one listening from their bedrooms.

But fuck that.

I'll take Jasper's dumbass comments over this heat any day.

Restless, because I couldn't lay here anymore, I left my bed to grab a cigarette.

Unfortunately, my lighter wouldn't work, and I searched for matches—getting frustrated.

I left my room to light it on the stove, and it actually felt cooler in here.

Still bored, I leaned back against the sink to smoke as my eyes traveled around the messy kitchen.

Hungry, I thought about eating something, but there was literally nothing in the fridge, except that nasty crap from last night.

Renee made spaghetti and meatballs for Phil. They tasted like shit, but she gets props for trying, and she had to use almost every utensil and pan we had. She said, "Leave it," she'll do it when she comes back.

The apartment will stink like rotten garbage by then, and I think she knew I'd relent—clean it.

_I always do. _

Lazy, hungry, and tired as fuck, I picked my wedgie and schlepped into the bathroom.

I promised myself a long time ago that I'd stop stealing Mom's diet pills. I don't really need to lose weight.

_Well, a few pounds wouldn't hurt. _

But Adipex gives you dumb energy, and it makes hunger disappear.

_It'd kill two birds with one stone right now._

With no food and a mess to clean, taking one sounded like a plan.

Renee only takes them when she wants to lose a couple, or is dragging, so I knew they'd be in the medicine cabinet.

Mom had Percocets left over from her root canal, too.

Briefly, I wondered how much Edward could get for them, like if he sold them? And how long it'd take him to unload them?

Then I could eat this weekend . . .

Mom was short this month, and she had to remind me about how much she misses the child support Charlie gave her every week.

_Shame on me for turning eighteen. _

The paycheck I got on Wednesday had to go right to Con-Ed, or they were going to shut us off. Renee's behind—we're behind on that bill.

And she goes to the Hamptons . . .

Besides having no food or money, I have nothing to wear tomorrow night for Alice's birthday.

I popped one of those speed shits into my mouth, and I drank the water from the sink to wash it down.

I took the painkillers, just to see if I could get some money for them.

She won't even notice they're gone.

Before I left the bathroom, I threw my cigarette butt into the toilet and flushed it, and then I went to put the pills in my backpack.

I switched off my radio and I put in a mix tape, and I blasted that shit as loud as it could go.

Then I entered every room to open every window and turn on every fan while I smoked another cigarette—waiting to feel energized.

As soon as I felt the air circulating, I started by doing the dishes. The meatball pan and the sauce pot had to soak a bit, but I managed to do the rest—clean all the countertops, fold the towels that were forgotten in the dryer, and then I swept the linoleum floor.

I was on a roll, amped with the fast beats of freestyle dance music spurring me on.

After randomly dancing for about…I don't know how long, I had to chug two glasses of ice water; I had cotton mouth, and I stuck my head in the freezer before opening the fridge so my whole body could cool down.

"Fuck." It felt amazing; I used a dishrag to wipe the sweat from my face and neck and from under my boobs.

When I actually developed goose bumps, I shut the doors, and it was baffling—how fast the heat drowned me again.

Nevertheless, I still had all this energy, so I cleaned the bathroom.

Done with that, I took a cool shower, and I left the door open, needing to hear my music in my bones, and not needing the hot steam of the shower filling the bathroom.

Not bothering to dry off, I wrapped a towel around myself, thinking I'd lounge naked in front of the fan for a bit. Then I danced down the hall, singing my heart out and closing my eyes, really getting into it.

"Fuck!" I threw my fist out, swearing I was having a heart attack since I'd bumped into someone. I hadn't seen them; I didn't hear them enter.

When I realized it was Phil, I calmed…a little, but still… "What the fuck?"

"Easy, Isabella." He chuckled, placing his hands on my biceps to squeeze them. "I knocked…" His eyes fell away from my face.

"Get off me." I backed up, wiping droplets of water away from my face. "The door was locked—"

He smiled as he wiggled my mother's set in front of me.

"Where is she? I thought you guys were…" I hugged my towel close, and I thanked God that I hadn't left the bathroom naked.

"She forgot her bag of toiletries on her bed, asked me to run up and grab it." He shrugged, and he wasn't exactly leering, but he _was_ looking, eyes wandering.

This was…like the most uncomfortable shit ever, and I felt sick to my stomach now.

"Whatever. You should leave…like right now." I backed away from him, pointing. "Go!"

Phil grinned, taking a step in my direction.

"Bella!" My mother hollered from the door, which made her boyfriend stop where he was.

I let out a breath, relieved to see her for a change. "Hey…"

"What's the hold up?" Mom stared at Phil. "What's been taking you so long?!" she screamed.

_So long?_ I thought.

"Bella, turn that shit music down!"

No longer mortified but suddenly enraged, I didn't give a fuck why they'd come back, and I quickly entered my bedroom to stop my tape.

All I cared about was when they were leaving.

Since my heart was still beating rapidly, I took several deep breaths in the quiet—still angry.

It was silent, save the sounds of the fans blowing.

But then I hopped around again when my mother just waltzed into my bedroom.

"You can't knock?" I asked. "I'm getting a lock—"

She slumped her shoulders. "Can't I just say goodbye again in peace?"

"You could knock first…you saw me…the _whole world_ saw me in my towel—"

"Phil was here. Why wouldn't you get dressed—"

"I didn't know he was here until I left the shower, and I didn't hear him, and you gave him your keys?" I was shouting, and it actually felt kind of amazing to get this aggression out.

I needed to get it out. "And this is _my_ house! Why should I have to worry about shit like that? But since I have to now…I'm getting my own lock."

"So you can shut me out even more?"

I laughed, stepping back, astonished by that remark. "Are you fucking kidding me? Who's on their way to the fucking beach right now?"

"Watch your mouth—"

"No! You're ridiculous! I had to pay the light bill while you're going on some vacation—you also left me with no money, no food in the fucking fridge, and you left one helluva mess, too, that I just cleaned!" I ranted.

But I wasn't finished, just had to suck in half a breath. "Then I take a shower to cool off, and come out to find your perv boyfriend has been here for however long? Stop making yourself _my_ victim—that _I_ do shit to_ you_, that _I _shut you out. You drew those lines a long time ago, because a cock is always more important than me—your own fucking kid! You're fucking horrible! I hate you—" My head whipped to the side when she slapped me.

"Nice," I whispered, swearing I wouldn't cry. It'd been an insanely long time since I'd shed a tear, always so used to Renee's behavior. And in general...I just never cry. Even if I'm sad, I manage to push through it, and I'm never reduced to tears.

When my eyes pricked, it was actually painful.

It hurt more than the slap she'd given me.

My mother gasped, covered her mouth with her hands. "Bella, I'm—"

"Please…leave my room." I didn't think I could feel any worse.

What I really wanted to do was keep going: make comparisons, let her know that the things she's done are cruel—meanwhile, she acts like I've hurt her in some way—or tell her how I think she secretly hates me.

"I'm sorry," she said, pushing my wet hair away.

"Stop." I didn't want her touching me. "Just go—have a good time." I pointed to my door.

"Get dressed, and then we'll talk—"

"Talk about what?" I wiped traitorous tears away from my eyes.

"A few things. I was going to wait until we came back—"

"Get it over with now." I hoped she did because I couldn't feel any worse.

"Number one…who are you?" She gestured to me. "This isn't my Isabella, talking to me like this—"

"Because I'm not your doormat anymore, Renee? Because I finally realize how badly you've treated me? How you're _still_ treating me? Come on. You're such a hypocrite. The things you do—I don't wanna be around you anymore than you wanna be here."

"That's not true. I'm home—"

"You're not—you're delusional!" I cringed. "The one before Phil, Phil, and the next Phil will _still_ be more important than me—"

"No." She shook her head.

I gritted my teeth together. "What else did you wanna talk about?" I wanted her gone. I wanted her to leave.

"I'm going to be around a lot more." She cracked a smile. "Things are amazing with Phil, and since his lease is up the beginning of next month—"

"No fucking way." I chuckled despite my crying.

"He adores you—"

"He doesn't even know me!" I shouted.

"You're so upset you pay some bills—he'll help with that."

"I don't mind helping out! I mind when you cry poverty and then take off someplace—leaving me high and dry!"

She carried on like I hadn't said anything. "I'll be here every night." She rubbed up my bicep. "And we'll work on things. We'll work on getting closer again."

I nodded; meanwhile, I wondered if Alice's mom would let me live there. Dad will take me, but then I'd have to live in Queens.

"You'll see. It'll be great. In the fall, we'll all have schedules, and we'll have dinner together..." She sounded fucking wistful. "I love Phil, and if you could just open up a bit, I think you will, too."

I stared at the floor, willing her to leave my bedroom.

By some miracle, she must have caught on. "You get dressed. We'll talk more."

"Shouldn't you go?" I asked, fucking fuming.

If we were in a cartoon, there'd be steam coming out of my ears.

She shrugged, going for the door. "The beach isn't going anywhere. You're more important."

"Do you have any money?" I asked since she still had her purse on.

"Before I go—"

"No…now before you forget. Please? I want you to go and have fun, but you left so fast." I tried my best to sound normal, keeping my voice down. "How am I supposed to eat?"

Her face fell. "Maybe we shouldn't—"

I'd rather starve than they stay. "If you don't have any money—" I stopped when there was a knock.

It was Phil, and he didn't bother waiting for an answer; he just walked in.

"Get the fuck out!" I shouted.

"Bella!" My mother chastised.

Phil turned to me.

I jumped into my closet to get out of his line of sight, and I banged my head into the wall.

They exchanged a few words.

Once more, I wished they'd just leave.

"You can come out. He just wanted to give you this." My mother snuck her hand in to give me money.

"For the peep show?" I cried.

"What?" She knelt down. "He's not a bad guy."

"Yes, he is. He's creepy, and I don't want his money," I sobbed, and I wanted to tell her, that the thought of taking Phil's money, especially after what just happened, made me feel dirty. "I don't want anything from anyone—"

"Oh, Bella…please, talk to me." She pulled me into her arms, and I let her do it—despite everything. "I know something's wrong…and we're going to fix things between us. You'll see." She palmed my cheek.

"Phil...Mom, he—"

"Phil is amazing. You'll see." She smiled, her hand still on my face.

I pushed her away, huffing a breath. "You say I don't talk to you, but you can't listen."

She nodded. "Get dressed. All three of us will—"

"Forget it. I'm fine." I sniffled and pulled farther back to stand.

"Just take it." She placed the cash on my dresser. "Get dressed." Renee left my room.

As fast as I could, I propped my chair in front of my door before I threw on denim shorts and another tank.

There was sixty bucks on my chest of drawers, and I didn't know if I _should_ take it, but I did.

I snagged my Walkman, a few cassettes, my birth control pills, and some underwear—stuffing them all into my backpack.

Then I brushed my hair before tying it into a knot.

Doing all of this was so I'd be prepared.

Because if they're not leaving, I am.

_Who was I kidding?_

Regardless, I didn't want to be in this house.

Searching all my hiding spots, I looked for weed, maybe a random joint.

But I had nothing.

When I left my bedroom, I saw Renee and Phil sitting in the living room.

He was fast to stand when I approached. "Listen, I don't want to cause problems between you and your mother."

Mom stared at me wide-eyed and then turned back to him. "I told you. You're not."

Phil waited expectantly for me to speak.

I could have told him the truth, that I didn't want him moving in, that I thought he was too young for my mother, that I thought he was an asshole, a pervert who watched me in the shower—possibly got a full-frontal when I left the tub.

But I didn't because of the pleading look my mother gave me.

"You're not," I said.

Honestly, Renee and I have problems that started way before_ this_ Phil came into the picture.

Mom nodded. "There's plenty of room here for all of us. You'll get used to the idea of us being a family soon enough."

They were both smiling.

"Okay." I cleared my throat. "I'm—I told Alice I was going to meet her. Her mom is making dinner, and there's going to be cake."

"We're on our way out anyway." Phil nodded.

"Can you sleep over there tonight?" Mom asked, going into the kitchen to light a cigarette. "I'd feel better…with us leaving." She suddenly cared again. "Otherwise, you know the rules. No parties—" Luckily, the phone rang, which interrupted her—stopped her from saying more crap. "Hello?" Mom looked to me. "She's here . . . uh, who's calling?"

My stomach dropped to my knees, knowing that was Edward. Renee knows Rose and Alice, and _nobody_ else calls me.

Mom placed the phone to her chest, grinning. "Who's Edward?"

I gulped, reaching for the phone.

"Who is he?" she insisted, like we'd squeal and have a girlfriend moment.

I furrowed my brow as I stared at her delusional ass.

She complains I don't confide in her . . .

"He's the guy I've been fucking." I snatched the phone away from her. "Hello?" I watched the color drain from her face as she started to pace.

Now _Renee_ was pissed.

_Good._

_"'Sup?"_ Edward asked.

I turned the corner to walk down the hall. "When are you done with work?" I whispered.

He whistled. _"It's the hottest day of the year, and people are calling like it's the end of the fuckin' world."_

I twirled the cord around my finger. "Can I meet you? I'll take the train to wherever you are," I whispered. "I can hang out in the van while you—"

_"What's wrong? You a'ight?"_ He sounded like he was smoking a cigarette.

My shoulders dropped as I leaned against the wall. "Yeah, I'm fine." I didn't want to push myself on him. I just craved him, everything about him, needing to get out of my head, also needing someplace to go.

_"I hope to be off soon, but the calls and pages keep comin' in…Uh, Jazz is at the crib. If you wanna—Whoa, somethin' up at home? Wit'cha moms?"_ he spluttered.

"Something like that," I said.

_"You_ can't_ talk right now?"_ he hedged.

"Not really, no—" I heard a click. "Hello…?" I ran to the base to see my mother's finger on it. She hung up on Edward. "Why would you do that?" I slammed the phone down, totally going for her finger, but she moved it.

"The boy you've been fucking? Isabella—"

"He's a man, Ma, not a boy. Did he _sound_ like a boy…?" I asked.

The phone rang again, and my mother picked it up just to _hang_ it up. "Man? How old is he?" She looked to Phil and back to me.

"Who cares?" I laughed. "Seriously?"

"When did you start having sex?" she shouted.

I bit my cuticle, feeling anxious out of nowhere—I felt it crawling up my neck—and I was still so angry with her. The mixture almost had me shaking, but it was probably because of that diet pill I'd taken.

_My emotions were still my emotions, though. _

Then the phone rang a third time, and I didn't lunge for it fast enough.

"Hello?" my mother answered. "How old are you?"

_Click_.

I hung up on Edward myself this time.

"The other day you said you didn't even have a boyfriend." Her foot tapped.

I shrugged. "Because he's _not_ my boyfriend."

She gaped at me.

"Youse should go . . . You're going to hit all kinds of traffic." I bit my thumbnail, still feeling awkward, no matter how pissed I was.

"How long have you been seeing him?" She stared me down.

I took a deep breath, pushing all of my feelings aside—fuck it. "Hmmm, I met him six days ago…and we've been fucking ever since."

She gasped again. "You—"

"Hey…" I widened my arms, actually getting a kick out of this now. "It's your can of worms. You wanted it open...You wanna know what I've been up to? I've been having lots and lots of—"

"Shut up!" Mom hissed. "You shut your dirty mouth!"

A boisterous laugh escaped me.

"Let's take it down a notch." Phil walked over to rub Renee's back, and just his voice had me on edge again. "Let's take it easy. We'll sit down and talk." He placed a hand on my shoulder to run it down _my_ back, and I moved away from him. "We'll get to the bottom of things—"

I gave him the finger. "What do you want a play-by-play? You fuckin' perv!"

He chuckled and held Mom back from coming at me. "Who are you? What's goin' on with you?" she screamed.

"Nothing!" I shouted, cringing in place, and sure enough—the phone started ringing. "Can I pick that up?"

Phil fucking answered. "Hello?"

"Great! Just fucking great!" I kicked the wall.

"Who am I?" Phil asked, humor in his tone. "Why don't we start with who you are? And what your intentions are where Isabella is concerned?"

"You don't even live here!" I shouted at him. "His intentions? He intends to fuck me stupid!" I pulled the cord right out of the fucking wall. "There—he can't call no more!"

When I turned to Mom, she was sobbing.

"Seriously?" I asked. Her crocodile tears pissed me off even more, and I was enraged again, no longer anxious. "You're crying? Because I had sex...? Meanwhile, you're always trying to be _"the cool mom who doesn't give a fuck."_" I made air quotes with my fingers. "The truth is you just _don't_ give a fuck. You just pretend you do...Why? For Phil? To put on a show? Trust me—this perv doesn't give a shit!" I jerked a thumb to her man.

"Stop!" Phil shouted.

I put my hand up, so he could talk to it. "What were _you_ doing at eighteen, Renee?"

"I was pregnant with you!"

I snorted through a laugh, and I wasn't about to tell her that I was on birth control. She'd just harp on me some more.

"I don't know you anymore." She wiped her eyes. "The last time we talked…you were too shy, just barely kissing boys."

"Well, I kiss girls now, too." I nodded, stepping toward the door. "You lost your virginity at fifteen…I waited 'til I was seventeen. And I'm done. My sex life is none—so not anyone's business. I gave an inch—don't nag me and try for a mile."

"Can you level with me?" She spoke to me but stole a peek at Phil.

_Renee was definitely putting on a show . . . Mom and her fucking theatrics. _

I smirked, gripping the straps of my mini backpack.

Renee turned to me again. "I didn't even know you had a sex life, and he's not even your boyfriend?" The tears came back to her eyes. "You've only known him a week? Since when are you some slut?"

"I'm not a slut...and _you_ should talk. _You_ calling _me_ a slut?" I chuckled, pointing to myself.

"Watch it!" She bit out.

"Oh, afraid of what your boyfriend with the wandering eyes will think?" I quirked a brow, and at this point, I didn't give a fuck. For whatever reason—most likely because of how many times she's hurt me—hurting her felt good.

"Fuckin' tramp!" She raised her hand to me again, but Phil held her back.

"Edward's the only one I'm fucking, if that makes you feel better." Unaffected, I shrugged, turning the deadbolt.

She groaned, stiffening within Phil's embrace.

"Guess not . . . Bye." I opened the door.

She slammed it closed. "Kissing girls, too? Are you confused? Is this some cry for attention?"

I stuck my tongue out, sick of this already.

"Answer me!" She pulled my bun—making my hair fall down—but then she took a step back to blow out a breath. "I'm calm . . . just answer me," she whispered.

"No!" I shouted. "I'm not confused, and...haven't you ever met a man you couldn't keep your hands off of?" Neither of them answered me. "I'm outtie. Enjoy your trip." I opened the door, fast to take a few steps. "I'll be back whenever."

"Bella…are you at least being safe?" she asked.

"Yeah, I swallow—"

She took off her shoe and chucked it at me; it missed. "Get your fast-little-ass back in here!"

"I'm not a fucking idiot! Okay? We're safe. _I'm_ safe!" I stomped down the rest of the flight to look up to her from the landing. "I'm not gonna get knocked up like you, marry some dude I don't love, and I'd never_—never_ bring a child into the world that I don't want! For as much as you've ignored me my whole life, you should'a had a fuckin' abortion!" I was livid again, seeing red and stiffening while gnashing my teeth together. "I'd never—"

"That's enough!" Phil shouted.

"Fuck you!" I didn't even bother to turn.

Hearing the door slam and knowing Renee wouldn't follow, I stopped to catch my breath—my chest was heaving when I'd made it all the way down. The stairs didn't have me winded. I closed my eyes, resting my forehead to the wall, needing my heart to slow.

I needed to relax.

Once outside, the sun blinded me, and I dug into my purse for my shades.

"BELLA!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I stared up at the window.

"Are you planning to run away?" she asked.

I slumped my shoulders. "I'm going to Alice's…"

"When will you be home?"

"I'm eighteen!" I screamed.

She sniffled. "We're going to have a long talk."

"Leave me alone!" I practically sprinted to the corner.

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **


	9. Vitamin E

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Nine: Vitamin E**

_**Q**_uite a few people stared at me as I ran to the corner, and I stopped by the subway to use the phone.

I paged Edward with the pay phone's number, hoping he'd call back before someone needed to use it, and I smoked a cigarette while I waited.

Occasionally, I'd glance at the apartment and then up to the window, praying I wouldn't be here whenever Renee and Phil decided to leave. They'd totally see me; I hadn't gone far at all.

Sweating to death, I fanned my face with my hand. It was hot, still brutally hot, and it was already late in the day.

And I had no place to go.

_I'll probably end up at Carvel._

There's no way I'd unload on Alice, not when her parents are doting on her today. I know for a fact she's so happy, and I was glad for her.

Despite Jake being there, Rosalie was also working. Carvel has A/C and freezers I could stick my head in, but I didn't want to give up on Edward just yet. Maybe if I paged him from work, he'd call back, recognizing the number.

Just when I was about to beep him again, I did a double take at the curb.

The blue van pulled up, stopping short.

Relieved, I fucking ran to him.

"'The fuck's goin' on?" He palmed my cheeks. "You were cryin'? Why?"

It took all the courage I had not to start sobbing now. "It's a long story…How are you here?" I peeked around him.

Edward turned to follow my line of sight. "You hidin' from somebody?"

"My mother and her boyfriend…They should be leaving soon, like any minute. That's Phil's Nissan in the bus stop . . . We should go." I went for the van.

He stopped me. "Bella, I'm confused as fuck right now. Gimme somethin', fuckin' talk to me." He made me look at him.

I gulped. "That was Phil…the last person who picked up."

"Okay." He massaged my shoulders. "The douche who asked about my intentions?"

I nodded. "I settled that. Um, my mom—" Licking my dry lips, I still had cotton mouth. "She bitches I don't tell her anything, and she can be horrible—she's always been neglectful, this martyr—paints herself my victim when I do everything I can to make things easier." I looked to the ground. "But she kept saying I didn't confide in her, I never tell her anything—"

"Baby, you don't tell me shit neither, but go on." He kissed my forehead.

"I wanted to hurt her, so…I told her…about us, what we've been doing, and she freaked out."

"You're not allowed to date?" He snorted. "You're eighteen. What's the big fuckin' deal?"

I smirked. "It's the_ fucking_ deal. I told her you were the guy I was fucking."

"The guy..." He hummed, not looking happy.

But I couldn't believe he was here.

"Thank you," I said. "I'm sorry…if you were worried, dropped things to come here, and it's this crap."

"It's a'ight," Edward said. "And it's not crap. You need me…it's whateva. I'm hea." He had a hint of that attitude, but it didn't matter. I've come to realize that's just an Edward thing.

I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him the tightest I could, inhaling his scent. "Still…thank you."

"I know what'll make you feel better." He lifted my chin with his finger.

I grinned, getting up on my toes. "I do, too." I nipped his jaw.

"Not that," he laughed. "But we'll get to that later." His hands came down to palm my ass.

I sighed, and the truth was I already felt better.

"Back up a second." He let me go to reach into his pocket. "Take this." He opened a knife, which was pretty fucking big.

"Um…Edward. I'm not gonna shank anybody—"

He threw his head back and laughed. "No, baby…please, don't." He gazed into my eyes, running his thumb over my lower lip. "Walk like you're checking out the bus schedule. Drop it to the ground, and before you pick it up—ram it into his tire as hard as you can."

I furrowed my brow, smiling widely and awkwardly.

"He shouldn't be parked there anyway." Speaking of, Edward's van was illegally blocking the crosswalk. "And by the time he gets the donut on…the city will have him towed. You'll feel better."

"They're on their way to Long Island." Anger bubbled up inside of me. "I had to give my whole paycheck to Con-Ed, and she's on her way to the fucking Hamptons—leaving me in a stuffy apartment, no money, no food in the fridge. People treat cats better…"

Edward quirked an unhappy brow, placing the knife in my hand.

I stared at it.

"Time's a wastin' . . . I'll be in the van." He slapped my ass, giving me a little push.

My stomach was suddenly twisting and turning.

_Was I seriously going to do this? _

It was insane.

I got halfway there and turned back to him.

"Go!" Edward shouted.

I gulped, keeping the knife flat against my forearm, my forearm pressed to my hip. There was no one waiting for the bus, but there were some people milling about.

Contemplative, I stared at the schedule, and I was scared to throw the knife on the ground. I kept picturing it bouncing and stabbing me in the leg or something.

Instead, I got down to my knees, pretending to tie my sneaker.

And I know I was down there, practically curled up for a while.

And it was as though I could feel Edward's eyes burning a hole in my back.

My plan was to stab the tire while I straightened up to stand.

_1. _

_2 . . _

_3 . . . _

"Get some balls," I whispered to myself.

_Edward will think I'm whack, some cornball, goody-goody if I chicken out. _

"Okay." Stupidly, I closed my eyes, my body stiff as I made to stand. I brought my arm back, and then I jabbed the knife into the tire as hard as I could.

A hissing noise sounded and I felt a gust of air hit my leg.

All of which scared the crap out of me.

My heart started beating rapidly.

I turned to run toward Edward, but all I saw was my mother and Phil leaving our building.

They saw me, what I did, and they paused to stare, but when I heard tires screeching, I ran into the street.

Edward pulled up, and he already had the door open.

I hopped in, swearing I was about to die.

"Close the door!" He was already driving away, and I scrambled to do what he said.

"Fuck…" I let out a breath.

Edward hooted and hollered as he beeped the horn. "You were brilliant." He stopped at the red light, and we weren't even a block away from the crime scene yet. "But what took so long?"

Nervous, I stared behind us. "You have to go. Run the light—"

"Why?"

"The cops—"

He reached to hold my jaw. "You're so cute. Gimme kiss."

"Edward…" I whined, and I didn't care if I sounded scared.

"Baby, no pig's gonna get'ya for some bullshit Michelin. Be easy." He squeezed my thigh and drove off toward Sunset, and that made me feel loads better.

"I just slashed Phil's tire!" I shouted, staring down to the knife.

"Gimme that." Edward took it from me. "I, uh, use this for work."

I giggled as I sat back.

"You feel better?" he asked.

I nodded. "That was a total rush, though! Like a high, even if I was a little scared?" As I slowly blew out a breath, I tried to wipe the smile off my face. "Wow…" I couldn't believe I had the guts to do that.

Every time I'm with this man, I learn something new, I do something new, I feel I grow stronger, and I get closer and closer to falling in love with him . . .

_Who am I kidding?_

I'm fucking gone already, and it's still not the X talking.

But it is still _my_ secret.

"Pull over," I said, wanting to ride him where he sat—needing a quickie fuck.

"Why? I wanna drop you off so I can get back to work."

"Oh, where are you dropping me off?" I asked.

He handed me a single key on a ring. "That's to my room. _Don't_ go through my shit! I swear to Christ, Bella, if you—"

"I won't," I promised.

"There's a blunt on my dresser. That's for when_ I_ get outta work. Don't smoke it."

I smiled, excited that he trusted me, even if he's giving me rules.

"If you find pills, shit that looks like you can snort it—don't even fuckin' think about it."

"Whoa!" I exclaimed.

"I'm holding some shit for a friend." He'd brought his voice down and waved a hand.

"Oh, _another_ favor?" I laughed, knowing he was full of shit.

Edward used to be a drug dealer, and then he went to prison.

He learned how to become a_ better_ drug dealer there, and now he's still . . . a drug dealer!

"Listen to me…If you go through _my_ shit, you're gonna _find_ shit, and then you're gonna be in _deep_ shit from _me_." He pointed his thumb back to himself.

"I won't touch anything," I said. "I'll just…lock your door, get undressed, and chill in your bed naked. I'll just wait for you."

"A'ight . . . That's what's up, but don't start without me." He nodded. "Gimme kiss."

I grinned as I leaned over to kiss him. It was awkward; he was still driving, but I got some tongue action that made my crotch ache…with need.

"Get back in ya seat." He sounded muffled. "Don't make me pull over."

I sucked a breath in, sitting back but leaving my hand on his thigh, while I wished he could park somewhere.

His pager went off. "Fucking bullshit air conditioners." Edward ignored his beeper. "Oh…there's some trees by the bowl you can have."

"It's okay." I shrugged, because I didn't need anything while I was with him. Being with Edward is a high in itself, and I don't need to get out of my head. He makes everything better, makes everything fade away. "I have these pills…um, there's twenty of them. You can have them." I felt I needed to give him something, and...I don't know. I'd seem cool? Gain some cool points? I didn't care about the money anymore.

"Pills?" He scrunched his nose.

I went into my backpack, but I had to take mad shit out to get to the bottom. "Here."

He took the bottle from me, quickly glancing to it and back to the road.

"I'm curious. How much can you get for those?" I asked.

He laughed. "Like a buck a pill. How many are in here?" He shook the bottle. "Give 'em back to your mother." Edward held them out to me.

I didn't take them. "Wouldn't it be more than a dollar?" I didn't believe him. "You'll give me a buck a pill, but you'll sell them for three bucks a pill."

"Ugh…" He groaned. "You just gave me a hard-on." He grabbed his cock.

I giggled.

"It's all about supply, demand, and inflation. As long as there's a demand, there will be a supply—and vice versa, as long as they're around, people will demand—and you can inflate shit to a reasonable amount. Unless everyone else is dry. Then, you can charge whatever-the-fuck, 'cause 'heads'll pay anything if they're desperate. The product works for you. Understand?"

"I do," I sighed. "I always thought drugs sold themselves…but there's a science to it?"

"Not really." He shook his head. "They _do_ sell themselves—the _product_ works, not you. I walk into the back room at Tunnel and all the nickel-and-dime bastards look at me like I'm the candy man . . . That night…I was a day late because of some shit. I also took a few out, knowing a few of youse would wanna roll. But I had about seven hundred of them taped to my calf. It was uncomfortable…and that shit was light."

"Wow." I crinkled my brow. "Why are you telling me all this?" Edward has confided in me before, but he always leaves out the specifics.

He shrugged, placing a cigarette in his mouth. I grabbed his lighter to light it for him. "Thanks, baby." He blew the smoke out. "Because I think about you…" he gave me a fleeting glance "—and I worry about you, but you never say a fuckin' word. So, I figured…I'd share, hoping that someday you'll share with me."

"Oh…" That lump in my throat came back.

"I know…You're a good girl. You're boring. Nothin' happens to you...All that's bullshit." He turned onto his block.

"It's really not," I whispered.

"What's the deal with your mom's man? Why you don't like him?" He puffed on his smoke and stopped in front of his house.

"Renee's had a lot of boyfriends throughout the years. She's always falling in love, only to be heartbroken when these slimeballs move on." I shrugged. "They break up with her. I'm there for her. I listen to her cry and rant, and then…we'd get closer. It'll be great for a few weeks. She'd be home. We'd have money…I mean, she makes a decent living, but some of the men she's been with…she'd take care of them, but not me. When she's single, she's a…mom, until she meets the next guy." I looked to Edward to see if he was listening.

He nodded, encouraging me to continue.

"And Phil scared the crap out of me before, so…I freaked. I literally spazzed out, which made everything go downhill. But then she was talkin' about that perv coming to live with us…He's too young for her. She's thirty-seven, and Phil is like…thirty, I think, and he's a asshole." I gritted my teeth, stiffening, while I felt Edward massaging my shoulder. "I know I sound like a baby. I'm an adult, and if I don't like where I am…I hafta figure something out."

He hummed. "He's a perv? What'd he do?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. I think I might be exaggerating. He didn't-didn't do anything. Well, I don't know—" When I looked back to Edward, I was actually afraid to say what happened. I had a feeling that no matter what I said, he might get upset.

The night we met, he was pissy just when I danced with someone else.

While I love my best friends, Edward said I can't kiss Alice and Rose anymore—not if I wanna kiss him.

And since the night we met . . .

I _live_ to kiss him.

"What'd he do?" He chuckled. "Tell me…everythin'. Now."

I whined, rubbing my stomach. "Edward—"

"Cut the shit and just fuckin' tell me…Jesus." He was exasperated.

"My mother forgot something. They'd left earlier and came back. While they were gone…I took one of her speed pill things, and then I cleaned the house, and I did it fast. I was gross after, so I took a shower, and I love my music…I was alone. I left the door open." I licked my dry lips. "It's my house, you know? But then I left the bathroom in my towel, and I wasn't paying attention. I bumped into him. I punched him in his chest. I thought he was a burglar there to rape and kill me." I chuckled, but Edward didn't think it funny.

"And then?"

"My mother walked in, like what's taking you so long? She'd been out in the car waiting for him…for however long, but to my knowledge…I mean, he'd been there for thirty seconds. The bathroom door was open, so…I dunno." I thought I was going to vomit.

"Yo, you think he was peepin' on you? Like, he saw you?" He shrugged, bopping back to show me his palms. "What?"

I swallowed loudly. "I don't know. My mother gave him the key, and he said he knocked…but the music. Maybe he was waiting before he used the key…?" I blew out a breath. "I hope."

"So…he _didn't_ do anything?" Edward clapped, smiling widely.

"No, not really."

He nodded. "Then you're good—no worries." He handed me back the bottle of pills. "Give those to Emmett. I owe him fifty bucks—bad bet, you know?" Edward narrowed his eyes, staring out the windshield. "He won't know those aren't worth fifty." He vigorously massaged my shoulder again, his words taking a tone I didn't recognize. It made my stomach ache, though. "That fuckin' Sega Jazz has…we make too many dumb bets."

"Jazz has Sega?" I raised a brow because I love that. "The Sonic games…" I trailed off, and my attempt at inane chatter did nothing for the tension in the cab. "Um…"

"Go upstairs." He pointed, trying to look up to his window through the passenger side. "The faster I get this shit over with, the faster I come home." He slapped my thigh hard, and it hurt, but I gave no indication that it did. "Go." He jerked his chin.

"Are they gonna be mad I'm here?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Those lazy motherfuckers should be workin'."

From what I know, Jasper works five days like Edward—although Edward is off weekends while Jasper gets two random days off—and Emmett works like forty-eight hours straight twice a week or something.

Edward leaned over me again to open my door. "Go 'head."

I couldn't move yet. "Um..."

"I got a box of Yankee Doodles on my dresser, and anything in the fridge with my name on it—knock yourself out."

"Thank you," I said.

He scratched his nose with his thumb, waiting for me to leave, but I didn't want to.

"So, um..." I didn't know what to say.

Edward must have thought I was waiting for something. "Later, I'll give you trees for the pills. Don't take any—"

"No, I was giving them to you. I don't want anything," I whispered around my thumb, biting my nail.

"Get that out ya mouth." He pushed my hand away to place his lips to mine. His kiss was gentle; he didn't deepen it yet. "Go _straight_ upstairs." Edward wove his fingers into my hair, and that's when he almost killed me—kissing me like that. It was passionate, heated.

He growled as he backed away. "You _better_ be here when I get here."

"I told you…I'm not going anywhere." I panted, telling him the words I said the night we met. "I'm yours, remember?" I wanted to stay his in the worst way, and I never wanted to be anyone else's.

"Go." He pointed.

"Okay," I whispered, hesitant, and hoping my heart would slow. "Um…right, okay." I opened the door wider and hopped out, feeling like an ass.

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts**


	10. Ceiling Effect

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Ten: Ceiling Effect**

_**E**_dward drove off, but I knew the drill.

Like most apartment buildings in Brooklyn, his bell doesn't work, and this neighborhood is ghetto.

Edward didn't have to tell me not to wander. I wouldn't want to.

I looked up to the living room window. "JAZZ!" I boomed. "JAZZ!"

Then I waited a minute while my eyes scanned the area. The block was actually quiet, but there were small groups of guys chillin' on each corner, it seemed. In my neighborhood, there would be children littering the street, but not here. Well, if I had a kid and lived here, I wouldn't let them play outside. That's for damn sure. Just as I thought that, my gaze fell to the ground, and I kicked a crack vile away from my shoe, grimacing.

As soon as Jazz saw it was me, I ran up the outside steps and heard him thumping down the inside staircase.

"What's up?" He opened the door, looking up and down the block. "Get in."

I couldn't believe how skinny he was. Jazz wore bicycle shorts. That's it. He was toned, but really thin. "I'm supposed to wait for Edward."

"Alice didn't come with you?" He turned to run up the steps, taking two at a time.

"No." I had no idea what she told Jasper she was doing today. Alice refused to tell him that tomorrow was her eighteenth birthday.

To my knowledge, both Jasper and Emmett still think my friends and I are twenty years old. "She's…busy."

"Busy with what?" He opened the door to their crib. "I tried calling earlier...thought we could go to Coney Island or something."

"She went out with her mom," I said, entering the apartment.

It was actually cool. The whole place felt comfortable because they had these loud, industrial fans in two windows, and the TV was even louder. I wondered how Jasper was able to hear me from the sidewalk.

"Yo, this shit is phat!" Emmett held his head, beer in hand.

Jasper jumped onto the couch.

I stared to the TV. They were watching some guy do all these different tricks with a skateboard. "What is this?"

"This dude…Tony Hawk," Jasper said. "The Birdman—Oh! Did you see that shit?"

The guy on TV had done some weird flip-thing.

"Hey, Bella." Emmett jerked his chin, engrossed by the television, too.

I waved.

"Oh, Emmett, here." I tossed him the pill bottle. "Edward said to give that to you. Now you're even for some bet?"

"He can't beat my ass in Street Fighter." He looked to it. "Who's Renee Swan?" My mother kept my father's name but kicked him out.

"Crap. I was supposed to take the sticker off." I went to grab them back.

He wouldn't let me have them, holding them high in the air. "How's he gonna steal meds and give them to me like this is supposed to be in place of fifty-bones?" He guffawed.

"_He_ didn't steal them." I held out my hand.

Emmett stared at me. "Does that mean_ you_ did?"

"No…he, um, he bought those from my mom." I furrowed my brow, and that was a great save.

"Take the sticker then." He handed them back. "So, you're Bella Swan? Or, is Bella short for Isabelle?"

Reluctantly, I nodded and sat on the couch, trying to scratch the label off. "Isabella."

Emmett hummed. "You wanna beer…Isabella?"

I shook my head. "No, thank you."

"_Something_ to drink?" He raised a brow, giving me this goofy grin; the dimples came out.

"Put them away." I looked down to the bottle again, wanting to at least get her name and our address off it. I still felt Emmett staring, and I _was_ thirsty... "I'll take a glass of water, please."

"Comin' right up." He left the recliner to go into the kitchen.

Jasper laughed. "That mo'vfucka hasn't left that chair all day, and he's fetchin' you water."

"I'm a guest," I said.

He barked out another laugh. "You've been given the tour, you've slept here more than once—you're sleeping _with_ one of us . . . As Ed's girl, you can get'cha _own_ fuckin' drink." His tone was teasing.

Even if he wasn't kidding around—him saying that wouldn't upset me. I took that to mean I was welcome here, no longer a guest, in that hindsight way.

And he said, "Ed's girl."

I wanted so badly to be Edward's girl.

We haven't known each other long at all; tomorrow will be a week. I just feel that Edward and I are closer than only knowing each other six days. Especially since we spend every minute we're not working together.

He makes me feel so comfortable, like I've known him all my life, too, and I do want to tell him everything and anything.

But I'm afraid of blurting something about my stupid feelings…

Otherwise, there's really not much to tell, but he thinks there is—like I'm keeping these dark skeletons locked away. I'm not deep or complex at all, much to Edward's dismay, I guess.

Even so, we _have_ only known each other six days!

Then again, I pretty much gave him my heart on day one.

Underneath his rough exterior—and that snarky attitude he can't seem to shake—lies the best guy in the world. I swear it. He is a lot more forthcoming than me, says he wants me to know him, and I think that's awesome.

_I'm just so empty . . . _

Even though I haven't said much—and he thinks I haven't shared—he knows _everything_ about me. We've spoken about my childhood, my parents' divorce, school, friends, and he knows all about Matt Avery, that stupid guy I gave my virginity to.

And now…shit, I have loads of new stories, new experiences, but Edward knows all of those, too—because he starred in them.

The only thing I'd clam up about is my mother. I find our relationship ridiculous—the back, the forth—her putting her boyfriends before me, and me always making that okay, forgiving her and never truly complaining about it, all the times I feel she's hurt me. I also feel it's dumb since I'm an adult now. I'd just come off sounding like a whiny baby...complaining about my mother.

But I just told him in the van...the gist.

I only come alive when he's around, as if I was dead before, and I had this feeling that as long as I had Edward, I wouldn't need the other E ever again.

_Huh…_

From what he's told me, his mother passed away when he was fourteen from ovarian cancer. His father—Carlisle—is still single, although Edward actually wishes his dad would go out and get laid. He's still young, only forty-one, and they have an okay relationship.

His Uncle Demetri—Carlisle's younger, gay brother—is actually one of the owners of Tunnel NYC. Apparently, some dealers are planted in that club that are employed by Demetri while Edward _supplies_ Demetri—who'd gone to bat for him when he'd gotten in trouble years back.

Well, in my opinion, all his uncle did was the right thing. He had Edward selling shit on the street at thirteen, and then Edward dropped out of high school in the ninth grade. It became his full-time gig. He was in deep from such a young age.

When Carlisle found out and tried to shield him from it, they had a blowout fight, which resulted in Edward going to live with his uncle. They didn't speak for close to two years because Carlisle beat the shit out of Edward—put him in the hospital.

Children's Protective Services placed him with his uncle.

_If they only knew . . ._

So, Edward lived with his uncle for a couple of years.

During that time, he'd be in and out of clubs, meeting all these different people…dealing, stealing, and hustling.

Demetri inducted him, but Edward branched out on his own.

My heart breaks for him because he was so young.

What the fuck did he know back then? How could he distinguish right from wrong if most of the adults in his life were in on the bad?

At sixteen, a few months shy of seventeen, Edward got arrested. He had an illegal handgun and a lot of coke in the trunk of his car; meanwhile, the car was stolen and he had no license.

Technically, it _wasn't_ Demetri's buy that got him arrested, and Edward refused to say who it was for. He's evasive about that which makes me think mafia.

'Cause Edward was adamant; they would have killed him, his father, his uncle, and Emmett, who comes from his mom's side, which is larger than his dad's—basically, anyone he was close to—they'd wipe out his whole family had he squealed.

Carlisle took a second mortgage on his house to pay Edward's bail, and Edward had a lot of money that he'd saved. They reconciled, but not before Carlisle threw him another beating. It wasn't as bad as the first, not that anyone cared since he was a couple years older.

They got him a really good lawyer who was able to get a few charges dropped and his sentence reduced. It was tricky since Edward admitted to stealing the car, but he lied about the drugs. He said he had no idea what was in the trunk, which police couldn't prove either way. Edward claimed no knowledge.

By some miracle, they never tried him as an adult, and he's out now.

Actually, he was eligible for parole at four years and some months; however, Edward would get into fights constantly. They denied him until he'd served his whole bid, which is why he's not on probation now.

He came home to his father. Carlisle gave him a job. It's a family business, and Edward's known how to fix crap like that since he was really little. He says that the other stuff he's doing now is minor in comparison—he does it for extra money—and he knows his way around the law? Like, he can have this amount and it's still a misdemeanor? I don't understand that part of it, but he says he's being careful. He doesn't deal with people he doesn't know, and Ecstasy isn't _harshly_ regulated because it's only recently illegal and not so widespread yet.

Edward says he likes money. He never wanted to worry about paychecks, shit like that. So, he does what he can when he can—makes it seem like he's stockpiling all this cash for a rainy day. Well, he doesn't plan on doing it forever, but I have the feeling…that stuff is all he's ever known.

It's easy…_for him._

He does hold a full-time job, though.

Edward says he enjoys working with his father. He said, _"It's not that bad, but the pay isn't all that good."_

When he told me he was making $22 an hour, I looked at him like he was crazy.

The minimum-wage slave loser that I am is making $4.25 an hour at Carvel

Then he told me that back in the day, he'd get much more for only _fifteen minutes_ of his time.

At first, he'd told me he sold shit on the side to get his own place quicker. But that's not true. Since Emmett's not making that much money right now, Edward is paying his part of the rent. Edward also wants to pay off his father's house.

Edward gave me a list of other reasons why he's doing it...and none of them stem from a greedy place. It's all for the future and for others, mainly those who he's wronged, or those who suffered due to his incarceration in the past.

As of late, his main focus is getting Carlisle and Demetri to talk. Edward has a relationship with the both of them…separately. They haven't spoken to each other in years—since right before Edward went away—and Edward thinks it's his fault.

And Carlisle thinks Edward is squeaky clean since he's been out.

From what I've heard, and...by the way Edward lights up when he speaks about him, Carlisle sounds awesome, but Demetri…?

Personally, the jury's still out on that.

And he just told me all of this the other night.

This past Wednesday, he picked me up after work. We got a few slices of pizza, and then we went back to his place to fuck. We smoked a fat blunt afterward, and after that…Edward started talking.

I loved it . . . not necessarily the story, because I hate that Edward was away for so long and that he's had bad things happen to him.

But he confided in me…

Me!

When he was through, he thanked me, said I was a good listener. He also thanked me for not judging him.

But today he said he told me his life story, so I'd share mine.

It baffles me because Edward knows that story. He knows everything. Maybe I'm just that boring? It's not believable?

"Here you go." Emmett put a glass down in front of me. "You want one of these?" He shook the painkiller bottle.

"No, thanks." I'd never taken it before, and I didn't know what it would do to me.

"I was kidding." He popped one into his mouth. "They're not bad, though...help my neck." Speaking of, he'd turned it to his side and cracked it.

"Don't you workout all the time?" I asked, wondering why he'd be in pain since he's a young, fit guy.

As of late, with all the sex we've been having, I find myself in pain sometimes, too—my thighs, hips, and random muscles ache. I also find mystery bruises, and I have no idea, no clue as to where they came from.

_But it all hurts so good . . . _

"Every day," he sighed. "I gotta stay in shape, and sometimes I hurt myself, or get hurt at work." Emmett smiled. "The other day, we're at this apartment building. You know, I work over in Bed-Stuy—"

"Not this fuckin' story again!" Jasper slapped his knee.

"Shut it." Emmett spat, looking back to me. "It was my first multiple-alarm fire, a three-alarmer—" I had no idea what that meant "—I had to use my axe to get into a room, and yo...the flames were fuckin' lickin' my helmet. I'm sweatin' my ass off, and my heart's thumpin', thumpin', thumpin', and then I had to throw this bitch over my shoulder and get the fuck outta there." He was happy and animated, using his hands as he told the story. "It was intense."

"Right," I said.

"Flames were lickin' my helmet, Bella." He shook his head.

I nodded.

"I saved a woman's life!" He poked his chest. "I'mma hero."

"What's _she_ supposed to do?" Jasper's tone was sarcastic, his thumb jerking to me. "Rip her top off and sit in your lap?"

"Fuck you." Em snapped. "I'm just tellin' a story."

Ignoring Jasper, I faced Emmett. "That's awesome." I showed more enthusiasm than I meant, trying to be nice. "Good for you. The city needs more...brave dudes like you."

Emmett looked pleased with himself. "It was nothin'." Suddenly, he was modest.

"Gimme one of those." Jazz held out his hand.

"Do you even know what it is?" Emmett took a tab out.

"No, but I'm off today. And I figure if you—the altar boy,_ the hero_—is taking it, it can't be too bad." Jasper chuckled.

Emmett made the pills rattle. "They're perk tens."

"Yo...yeah, I want one, but you need to watch. Those are the first stop on the dope head express." Jasper held his hand out.

I furrowed my brow because Jasper looked baked out of his mind. "Dope head? How much have you smoked?" And I didn't ask in Emmett's defense, but I was curious.

Jasper cackled. "Dope is heroin, little one." He patted my head.

I disagreed. "Dope is weed." I nodded, remembering an episode of _Saved by the Bell_. It was on recently. "On _Saved by the Bell_...this fake movie star Johnny Dakota comes to Bayside—" I stopped talking because my saying that just showed them how young, how fucking clueless I might be. "Um..."

"There's no hope with dope!" Emmett shouted.

I gasped. "You watch that show?"

"Jessie Spano is fine, my girl." Emmett held his chest.

Jasper sucked his teeth. "Yo, how old are you?" he asked me.

"_Saved by the Bell_ is awesome." I refused to answer his question.

"Dope is heroin," he repeated himself.

"It can be both...Dope is also slang for how good something is. Like, 'Yo, those shoes are dope,'" Emmett explained to me, looking to Jazz. "You remember Riley?"

"I don't wanna talk about that," Jasper whispered.

I looked to Emmett. "Who?"

"Our boy from way back in the day...He died of a heroin overdose...fucking Edward turned him out."

"Edward never made Riley do a damn thing!" Jasper nearly shouted. "Just gimme that shit, and please don't talk about Rye-Rye."

Emmett stared at me and then to Jasper. "Open your mouth and go long."

Jasper did just that, and Emmett was able to toss the tab into his mouth.

It made me laugh. "You guys are nuts." Every few minutes it seemed like they were about to start fighting. But then they're cool and joking around? I didn't get it.

Emmett rolled his eyes. "You're crazier than us all—messin' wit' King Crazy."

"Shut up." That pissed me off.

Emmett looked to Jasper and then to me. "Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute?" he asked.

Jasper placed his hand on my forearm, stopping me, but I hadn't planned to go anywhere. "Em…mind your business, man. Tell another story."

"Look, I'll rap to you here, in front of Jazz." Emmett showed me his palms. "Fuck, I'd say it in front of Edward, too," he laughed. "Bella, you're young, you're beautiful—you're smart, and you're in college—you have what I hope is a bright future ahead of you." He paused, holding his lips. "Edward…he's going to bring you _down_—"

"I don't wanna listen to this." I made to get up.

"Lemme finish!" Emmett defended. "Maybe Ed's got his pops fooled, but he hasn't changed at all."

"Man, you said enough." Jasper shook his head. "Knock it off, all right? And if you got somethin' to say about Edward, you should wait until he's here. Right now...you're sounding like some two-faced cunt."

"Excuse me?" Emmett asked.

Jasper didn't reply, waving him away.

Emmett turned back to me. "My cousin's not a bad guy, but he's made some bad choices, you know? And it doesn't look like that's changing any time soon."

"Why—" I started, but I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.

"You're having fun now, right?" Emmett asked me. "Youse are so close so fast—I don't know what his real gimmick is wit'chu. But he don't keep chicks around. Since he's been out, he macks it to _any_ decent-lookin' chick. He's a player, gets bored mad quick. By next week, hey, if you're still around . . . bra_vo_, but you'll still get played. Bottom line, you only know what _he's_ told you. I'm sure he didn't tell you anything, and he wouldn't've told you about his past if—"

"Stop," I whispered.

"I'm sayin', though. Bella, he's using you, and he's going to get you into trouble…all for him to walk away in a week? Maybe two?"

Emmett's words made my eyes prick with tears.

"No." I shook my head, hoping that wasn't true, and I was waiting for Jasper to deny it, but he stayed quiet.

Either way, I _refused_ to cry, wondering when I became so sensitive, since I'd cried earlier, too.

"I'm lookin' out for you," Emmett said. "Think I'm a dick, tell Edward so we can duke it out." He threw mock punches into the air, like he was boxing. "Whatever. I couldn't hold my tongue anymore. Everything I just told you is true. My cousin's a player...he's using you."

I wanted to tell Emmett to shut the hell up. I wanted to kick him, but only because…his words made sense.

We've only known each other six days, and I'm all…hoping we'll be together forever, thinking it's possible, acting a fool.

If Edward is really how Emmett said…

Shit. I've seen Renee get played too many times.

One would think I'd know better.

And the thought of Edward…getting bored, casting me aside…made me feel worse than I ever had in my life—a pain so great I couldn't name.

When the phone rang, it snapped me out of my thoughts, but another one came to mind.

I needed to get out of here, and made to leave the couch.

"Hello…?" Emmett asked, placing the phone to his ear. "Yo, how'd you get this number?" He groaned, leaning back. "Alice, right."

Jasper and I both stared at him now, and I stayed seated.

"That's Alice?" Jasper reached for the phone.

Emmett shook his head. "Yeah, she's here . . . Why you so nasty for?" he asked whomever. "We chilled _one_ time…It didn't work out." He looked to me. "And why'd you tell Bella we fucked, huh? I mean, I _know_ _why_, but how could you do that to your—"

My eyes widened; it was Rose.

"She just assumed?" He raised a brow in my direction.

I didn't confirm or deny anything.

"That's—yo, I _know_ the truth. Why don't you tell your friend what's up?" he asked her. "You should tell her before I break it down right quick."

Rose flat-out said they had sex—bad sex at that, but why lie about it?

"Thank God, I dodged that bullet. I mean, if you're like this after some bullshit kiss, and being denied…Yo, I apologize for having standards…My mistake was having too many shots and opening my mouth—ohhh!" He cringed. "_And_ you told her I was a lousy lay—on top of it." He laughed loudly, and Rose must have said that because I didn't share that with anyone…except Alice, who might have told Jasper.

Crap.

_Oh well...I have my own fucking problems._

"Sweetheart, if I did hit you off, your head would still be spinnin'." He just held the phone out to me, staring into my eyes. "I told you…I didn't sleep with her."

"I-I don't care either way," I said.

"It's for you." He wiggled the cordless. "Take it."

I grabbed it and then Emmett walked to his bedroom and closed the door. "Hey," I said.

_"He's such an asshole!"_ Rose shouted. _"And I only told you he was a bad lay because—"_

"Doesn't matter." I really didn't care.

_"He wouldn't shut up about you that night. He kept…like whining, 'Let's go see what they're up to,' like I wasn't good enough to chill with."_ She huffed.

I didn't know what to say.

_"Then he goes on some tirade about trying to keep you away from Edward—blah, blah. That's how I knew your boy did time. Oh, then we head up to you guys—you were dancing with Alice. You didn't see us, and Emmett's drunkety-drunk-drunk—"_

"Rose…" I wanted to stop her.

_"No, I need to get this off my chest. I need to tell you all of it."_

"Okay," I sighed, sitting back.

"You want one now?" Jasper had the medicine bottle in one hand and a bong in the other.

I rolled my eyes, and I took out one of those fucking pills, fast to swallow it with a sip of water.

_Might as well get fucked up. _

I was hopeful the painkiller could dull the ache I felt in my chest—make me feel better.

"You might as well load that shit, too," I told Jasper, pointing to the bong.

My stomach was turning, and I was scared of what Rose was going to tell me, too. _"You still there?"_ she asked.

"I'm here," I said.

_"All right, look. Long story short, when Emmett stepped to Edward, running his mouth at Tunnel, Edward punched him in the face before he had us escorted out. He must know the owner, or he has pull somehow. He snapped his fingers and security made us leave. It all lasted two minutes at best, but before we left that room…Edward gave me two hundred bucks to take Emmett home…and wait until he arrived with you, so I could tell you that I screwed Emmett."_

"I don't…understand," I whispered.

_"Technically, Emmett didn't tell me about Edward being in prison until after I took his money…Emmett was fucking pissed, but he's an asshole, so fuck him."_

I had no idea what to think. "Edward paid you to—why?"

"Oh, fuck…you can have the first hit." Jasper handed me a lighter.

I put my hand up.

_"I'm a horrible friend…this shit has been eating at my conscience,"_ she cried. _"Don't you understand? Emmett was trying to keep you away from Edward, who was trying to keep you away from Emmett!"_ she shouted. _"Fucking kid games…and I was jealous, so . . . You hate me?"_

I shook my head no. "No…I'm trying to make sense of it all . . . Edward was _that_ sure I'd be going home with him?"

_"I don't know…The way you were on him, I knew you were gonna go home with him. But I tried to tell you what Emmett told me. The rest of it? I mean…Emmett's a dick, but he might be right about Edward—he's bad news, and you should stay away from him, Bella. Just…call car service. I'll pay for it. You can stay with me a few days…but you gotta call your mom. She ran in here screaming about how a guy in a van kidnapped you…after you slashed Phil's tires?"_

"Just one tire...one." I groaned, palming my forehead.

_"What's wrong with you?"_ she asked.

Anger flared up inside me. "Bitch...What the hell's wrong with you? Taking money…so your best friend could get…conned?" I didn't even know what to call it. "Practically fucking pimping me out. Ugh! Tires can be replaced, but trust can't!" I shouted. "I'd _never_—not for a million dollars—do something like that to you, and now it's a week later…?" I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and I was fast to wipe it away.

Maybe if I knew from the beginning, what I know now, I wouldn't be head over heels—I wouldn't have gone home with Edward.

_"I am so sorry,"_ she sobbed.

"I gotta go." I ended the call, throwing myself back to look at Jasper. "Um…did Alice know?"

"No," Jasper said.

"Does Emmett?"

"Yeah." Jasper nodded. "Edward told him. For whatever reason, he told him that next day. It was after Emmett went to see you but before Edward did." He shrugged and then tilted the bong my way.

I sniffled, placing my mouth to it while Jasper lit it.

Sucking in a huge hit, I tried to keep it inside as long as possible.

"That was a good one." The bubbles sounded when Jasper went for it.

I coughed and took a sip of water. "Why do it?" My head felt fuzzy already, and I looked down to the phone. I had to call my mother before she called the police, although I think I have forty-eight hours to play with before they actively search.

"Emmett wouldn't shut up about you—"

"It doesn't matter…things would have played out the same, no matter what. Right?" I asked myself. "Yeah...and regardless, Rose and Emmett fucking had _no _effect on me whatsoever. I didn't care." I scratched my nose. It was so itchy.

"I think Ed knew that Emmett would catch up to you. Whether…Ed wanted to see you again or not after that night youse boned, he didn't want Emmett…to be with you. And he made sure of that by having Rose tell you what she did. You'd never fuck someone your friend did, right?" He coughed into his closed fist. "Ed's...who he is, but that evil fucker's smart."

"It-it still didn't matter," I whispered. "I don't like Emmett."

"This shit is awesome…" Jasper looked into the bong. "The motherfuckin' chronic!" he sang. "Yo…wake up." He hit my leg, but I was awake. "Can you call Alice? Ask her to come over? I think she's avoiding me." He thought that was hysterical. "It's really _not_ funny. I really dig your friend, man. Like, for real. I've been jackin' my shit to her…'cause she won't give up the goods. What's up wit' that?"

"I dunno, but she's not avoiding you," I whispered, my eyelids fluttering closed, but I woke up enough to focus, call my house.

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts.**


	11. Six Feet Under

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Enjoy**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Eleven: Six Feet Under**

I must have stared at that phone for more than twenty minutes. It was a comfortable focal point, and my mind was blank, although I managed to respond a few times for Jasper. He thought I was listening as he went on and on about Alice. He was sincere, sounded like he cared a great deal about her, and that must feel so nice.

_Having someone give a fuck...whatever._

"You gonna call Alice or what?"

"Huh?" I quirked a brow.

Jasper pointed to the phone. "She should come over. We could all chill, maybe order some food. You're in no shape to leave," he laughed.

"Oh." My eyes widened as I studied the cordless in my hand. "I _hafta_ leave."

He shook his head, and I felt crazy tired. "No...Ed'll be home whenever, but call Alice now. Tell her to come over." He hit my leg. "Wake up."

I opened my eyes. "I-I, um, I gotta call Renee first." My fingers lazily hit the buttons, dialing my house—what I'd been trying to do for the past half-hour.

"Who's she? Invite her over for Emmett's sad ass," Jasper laughed. "He's just hating. You know that, right? Oh, shit...that's your mom, Renee...Still, if she looks good, holler at her for Em. Age don't matter. That nasty fuck puts up a good front, but he'd hit it."

A giggle escaped me as I placed the phone to my ear.

"Don't be mad at Ed...I always say the opposite. Hate the game, _not_ the player." He chuckled.

I frowned, inhaling deeply while I tried to wake up some more. His words that basically agreed with Emmett had me feeling uneasy again, but the pain was manageable at this point, my mind a fucked mess in a few ways.

_"Hello!"_ Mom shouted.

I pulled the phone away; she was too loud. "I'm alive, okay? I'm at my friend's house. No one kid-kidnapped me."

_"Bella, why do you sound like that?"_ she asked. _"Are you drunk?"_

"Nope…not drunk. Listen, my friend was giving me a ride, and we took off like-like that because—" I forgot what I was going to say.

_"Bella…? Bella…?"_

"Oh, I slashed Phil's tire…" I snickered. "I know you saw that shit." I rubbed my palm to my itchy nose, looking to Jasper. "I slashed a tire today."

He nodded. "That's what's up. Tell your moms those perks are awesome."

I giggled, pushing Jasper. There was no way Renee heard him.

_"Bella!"_ Mom shouted.

"Yeah...That's why I took off in a hurry. I didn't wanna get arrested." I stuck out my tongue, thirsty, so I gulped my water down.

_"Where are you?"_

I panted, licking my lips as I placed the cup on the coffee table, and I almost missed.

"Yo, you all right?" Jasper helped me out.

_"Bella, where are you?"_ Renee asked.

"Rose's—"

_"You're not!"_ she hollered.

"Why do you care?" I laughed, racking my foggy brain for something good.

_"You're my daughter." _

Fueled by anger, I was more aware. "I'm also an adult now, so it's...actually hilarious that you should care now." The concept was still baffling. "I'm eighteen for Christ's sake. Get off my ass, already." It came out mumbled but the meaning was still the same.

"Good one," Jazz commented.

I gave him a lazy high five, both of us barely reaching the other.

_"Where. Are. You?" _Renee asked, tone all stern and shit.

"I'm at Dad's." They never fucking talk. The last time they had anything to truly speak of it involved child support.

_"Lemme talk to him,"_ she said.

"He's working." I cleared my throat. "When he comes home…I'll have him call you."

_"You swear you're there?"_ she asked.

"Swear…"

_"Phil should be back soon. He went to get another tire. Why would you do such a thing?_"

"Are you still going away?" I pushed my hair back.

_"Um…"_ She paused. _"You swear you're at Charlie's? If I come home, talk to him, and find out—"_

"I'm at Dad's and I'm fine. Enjoy your trip." I hung up on her. "No one cares," I told Jasper, but he was half-passed out. "Wake up." I pushed him again. "I'm gonna call Alice now."

At the mention of her name, he shot up. "Do it…call her." He scrubbed his face with his hand.

"Shhhh." I placed my finger to my lips. "We can't talk about any-anything that happened today." I didn't want to depress her or ruin her day.

Jasper gave me a thumbs-up. "Please keep that 90210 shit outta everything."

I nodded as I dialed Alice's number, and I fucked-up—had to hang up and try again. "You dial."

Jasper was a sport. He called her for me and even placed the phone to my ear.

Alice's mom picked up. "Can I please speak to Alice?" I asked, my eyes as wide as saucers, hoping I'd stay alert.

_"Bella…?"_ Mrs. Brandon sounded shocked to hear from me. _"Alice has been worried sick—your mother called."_

"Oh, no…we fought, and I left—"

_"I'll get Alice for you."_ She cut me off.

I turned to Jasper. "Nobody cares."

He was facedown on the arm of the sofa now, but he still gave me a thumbs-up.

It was hard for me to stay awake, too.

_"Bella?"_ Alice shrieked. _"What happened?"_

Hearing her voice, my face wanted to crumble. I needed her so badly right now. But I managed to stop my tears before they even started. "I just wanted to say hello."

_"What's wrong?"_

"Nothing." I faked a smile, hoping she'd hear that in my voice.

_"Where are you? And you better not lie!"_ She sounded pissed.

"Edward's…" I sighed.

_"Thank God...I was worried. I mean, I knew Renee was exaggerating, but still." _

"Jasper's here," I said, trying to get her off the subject.

_"Um…I feel weird talking to him today. I keep wanting to tell him about my birthday,"_ she rambled in a whisper.

My smile was genuine, as I wished I had that small of a problem. "Why don't you come over?"

_"Why don't you come over here?"_ she asked. _"Wait…you need me to come get you? You sound tore up from the floor up. Do you have any money? I have some, but not enough. Car service can take me there to grab you and drive us back—"_

"Um…Jasper misses you," I said, not wanting to talk about my fucked status.

"I do!" he shouted.

Alice giggled. _"Oh, man…that just put butterflies in my belly."_

"We still going to dinner tomorrow night?" he asked her.

_"Why would he think otherwise?"_ she asked me.

"'Cause you're avoiding me today," Jasper answered.

"Boy's got it bad," I laughed. "He's trying to listen to our phone call." He was. Jasper's head was practically touching mine.

Alice chuckled, and I loved hearing the happiness in her voice.

"No shame in my game!" Jasper widened his arms.

_"Tell him—Bella, tell him I wouldn't cancel tomorrow night for the world. Wait, that sounds cheesy. Um—"_

"I'd give you the world if I had it," Jasper said.

Alice sighed. _"Bella? You still there?"_

"Yeah…I'm here." I sniffled and scratched my nose; it was still fucking itchy. "And I'm fine. Hang out with your parents while they're visiting." I nodded, saying that because Jasper thinks Alice lives alone...I think. "Jasper will be here tomorrow."

"I will." He smiled.

_"Bella…you're not fine. Just come here as soon as you can. Promise? Or…you'll call? I just—I don't know what to do, but—"_

"Promise," I said.

_"I don't mind coming to get you...You know? Or, give Jasper the phone. He can put you in a cab—" _

"I'm fine," I giggled. "Bong hit went straight to my head. When I can move…I'll come to you."

_"You can't move?"_ she asked. _"What did you smoke?"_

"Bud." I shrugged. "Right?" I looked to Jasper.

"Yeah, really good bud," he laughed. "Oh…you took that other shit, but I did too, and I'm all right."

I squinted to see Jasper, and he just looked fucking baked outta his mind—happy but tired and shit.

_"What'd you take?"_ Alice shouted.

"Um…" I tried to remember what it was called.

"Percocet." Jasper supplied. "The strong ones, the ten milligram shits. Fuckin' awesome...I can't believe Em left them out here."

_"What's that? Like…X?"_ Alice asked.

"It's for pain," I said.

_"Why'd you take that?"_ She sounded huffy. _"Bella, you can't just—"_

"I don't know why. And I don't, but I feel a lot better than I did." I had no idea what I was saying, trying to think up an excuse. "I was in pain." I was honest.

_"What happened?"_ Now Alice sounded sad.

"I, um, I tripped…my ankle was throbbing." It broke my heart to lie to her. "I didn't remember before. Now I remember, and my ankle feels better, and my brain is high. I'll be good in an hour." I couldn't believe I was still talking—able to talk.

My mouth felt like it was filled with marbles. The weed did go to my head while that pill numbed my body yet had it feeling good at the same time. All I needed to do was ride it out, maybe take a nap if I could. "I think I just need a nap. I'm totally fine."

_"Okay…I'll see you soon?"_ she asked. _"There's plenty of leftovers from dinner, and you can sleep here. I know my mom's gonna serve cake in a minute, but I can tell her to wait?" _Alice rambled away again.

"Alice, don't wait for me...for anything. I'm fine, seriously." I hated that she was worried. "But in the meantime, I'll be here. Just call if anything, and I promise to head to your place as soon as I can. I'll sleep over. Oh...do not give my mother this number or tell her where they live." My words were fucking slurred.

_"I won't…I love you, Bella. You should drink something and eat something…Look, I'm calling back in an hour. If you're still fucked, I'm coming to get you—wait, where's Edward?"_

"Working," I said.

_"Still…? Anyway, I'm calling back in an hour. All right?"_

"Yes…I love you, too." I ended the call to stare at the television, and it was so quiet despite the fans and everything, I dozed off.

"What?" Jasper laughed, startling me. "What'd you say?"

"I didn't say anything," I whispered, relaxing back again, and my mind was stuck. Glancing at the time, I saw how late it was, and I knew I had to get out of here.

But I couldn't move. "All the lies…"

"Flies? Where?" Jasper stood up to look around. "Where is that fuck?" He picked up a magazine, staring at the ceiling.

"Work," I said. "He's working."

"Huh?" Jasper stared down at me. "You're fucking buggin', girl. Go lay down in Edward's bed."

"No...I gotta go." I felt my pockets for that key, and I found it. I just didn't have the strength to dig it out; meanwhile, I wanted to leave it on the table for Edward. "I slashed a tire today."

"You flashed your sire? Who's your sire, Edward?" Jasper laughed so hard. "Youse vampires now? Oh!" He threw his head back. "The tire..."

"You're fucking stupid," I said.

He chuckled. "I'm stupid? Shorty, you ain't even making any sense right now." He shook his head, like he was getting ride of cobwebs. "I'm awake now." His eyes widened.

"I think I need to eat—" I felt nothing, my body numb…my brain was empty, too. It was okay, better than what I could be feeling, but I'd never felt this out of control. I couldn't move, really.

And the thoughts I did have…I was stuck.

_Just stuck. _

It was no big deal, but I needed to leave.

Otherwise, I'd just close my eyes and sleep it off.

"Fuck, don't pee on the couch!" he shouted. "Yo, Em! Help me…! Can you stand?" Jasper was in my face.

I pushed him away or tried to. "Back off…"

"What's the matter?" Emmett came out.

I wished I was wearing a hood, so I could hide.

"She's gonna piss on the couch," Jasper said. "What do we do?"

"No…" I whispered.

But to be honest, I couldn't feel my bladder either.

"Eat."

"Eat?" Emmett asked, and then he slapped my cheek. "Come on, Bella...Baby, Wake up." He looked to Jasper. "What the fuck'ju give her?"

"She popped a perk and took a hit on the bong." He shrugged. "I feel fantastic, and I had a few beers, too...those things are insane, though."

"Your tolerance is also pretty high to shit!" Emmett shouted at him. "And look how small she is...Why'd you give her that crap?"

"She wanted one! Did you see her face after you ran your fuckin' mouth? Then that chickenhead told her all that shit. I'm surprised she didn't swallow the entire bottle," Jasper retorted.

"I'm fine." I managed to wave a hand. "I'm not gonna…ju'know. I'm just really tired. I need a nap." I closed my eyes, hoping to disappear, but I wasn't sleeping.

"Ed's door's locked. Just put her in your bed," Jasper said.

"No," I mouthed.

I could hear the TV, the fans, and Jasper and Emmett as they continued to speak to each other just fine. I could comprehend what was going on, too. They were talking about me. Emmett was yelling at Jasper, but I could no longer respond, tell them I was fine. Then I heard someone turn the phone on, the beeping of the buttons as they dialed.

Mentally, I was _fully_ aware but numb, like I was sleeping but still awake.

I just couldn't open my eyes or move—too weak—stuck in my own brain.

"Bella, wake up." That was Emmett, and then the phone rang. Jasper was speaking too fast to whoever, and Emmett was still talking to me. "Bella? Come on. Wake up." He hit my cheek again. "You're scaring me, baby...say something." I felt him caress my cheek, kiss my forehead.

"I'm okay." I was finally able to mumble. "Stop." I didn't want him touching me.

"Wake up, hun. Say somethin'." Emmett placed his hands on my thighs, and I wondered why he couldn't hear me.

I tried to push his hands away. "Don't—" Again, I didn't want him touching me.

Emmett lifted me off the couch, gathering me into his arms. "Don't fight me." He squeezed me.

"Get off!" I pushed him, weakly, and then I was scared. "Don't do nuffin' to me." All I knew was that I was weak. Emmett likes me, and I don't know how much, or if he'd take advantage of me. He could fuck me, rape me, and there wouldn't be anything I could do to stop him. Petrified, but still not able to do much, I wanted to cry, scream...beat him off me. "Stop..."

Emmett hugged me close, rubbing down my back.

"No!"

"I got you." Emmett bent me over the bathroom sink, and I felt him behind me.

"No..." I was terrified, and I couldn't scream or fight Emmett off. I didn't know what he was going to do to me. "Edward, please. Help me—" I gasped when I felt cold water on my face. "Ugh—" I choked on some water, my eyes opening and widening while Emmett's hand kept cupping that freezing water onto my face.

"Come on, Bella…wake up." He shook me, and I wondered why he couldn't hear me again, why he wouldn't listen.

"No!"

_**Thank you for reading. **_

_**Please leave me your thoughts. **_


	12. E Bomb

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Enjoy**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twelve: E-Bomb**

"Come on, Bella…wake up." Emmett squeezed my face, which hurt like a bitch. "Wake up!" He got me with more cold water, his grasp on my jaw way too tight.

"Oww," I cried, but I was suddenly snapped out of whatever the fuck that was.

I was fully awake, able to move, and now I was sobbing.

"I got you," Emmett whispered. "I'm not going to hurt you...I'd never hurt you, Bella." His lips were touching my ear, and then I felt his nose hit my neck. "You okay now, sweetie?" His hand spanned my stomach, his nose rubbed down my neck and he sniffed me.

I jerked away from him and out of his hold, my heart pounding now—fear and sadness still flowing through me, and I wished he'd left me alone.

I actually missed being numb, but I was grateful to have the strength to leave his embrace—not knowing Emmett well, not knowing what he's capable of doing, and the way he held me...

It was wrong.

They were the wrong set of arms, not the ones I yearned for.

And even if he had good intentions, Emmett was about to cross a line.

All these thoughts flooded me within seconds. My face was actually still soaked with water and now my tears.

Besides that...now I was able to feel everything else.

I was still high, just not high enough.

Everything I was running from was now at the forefront of my mind—Emmett's words about Edward, what Rose did, what Rose told me about Edward, how I was just some pawn between Edward and his cousin, just a piece of ass, a worthless piece of ass . . . No, wait. Edward paid Rose two hundred bucks to sleep with me or something.

$200 . . .

_That's it. _

Basically all I was worth.

And above all that, I was still afraid Edward would play me, that I could be getting played right now. The thought alone hurt more than that whole scheme with the money—it actually hurt more than all that shit with Renee, my mother, who just doesn't give a flying fuck.

For a short while, all of that went away . . .

Unable to face Emmett, wanting to disappear or maybe die, because the weight of everything I'd learned today came crashing down...right on top of me.

It felt as though I was being squashed by a two-ton anvil.

I sobbed harder into my hands.

"Come on." Emmett sat me on the closed lid of the toilet. "What'd you take _before_ you got here?" He shrugged, at a loss, kneeling in front of me.

I was, too . . . at a loss. "Nobody cares." I sucked in a shaky breath.

"I need to know everything you took, so I know how to help you, and yes. I _do_ care." Emmett pointed to himself.

"Nothing…the bong and the pill—" I left out the diet pill, thinking that wouldn't count for anything.

"When was the last time you ate?" he asked. "I'm no doctor, but I know...fuckin' with this or that, and not eating...your sugar gets low. Something small can fuck you up hardcore."

I swallowed my tears, trying to remember. "Yesterday, I think?"

"Yesterday?" Emmett grimaced. "Sweetie...why didn't you eat today? It's almost eight o'clock at night..." He shook his head, staring at me. "Yesterday?"

I shrugged, embarrassed to say...I was broke, there's never any food in my fridge. Thinking about that, too, made me even sadder. "I was fine," I told him, and I was angry at him now—for snapping me back into reality. "I just needed to nap...or something. I could take another bong hit now. You can't OD from weed." I tried to chuckle through my tears, because smoking more sounded like what I needed.

Emmett had pity in his eyes. "What's so bad that you—Why are you doing this to yourself, Bella?"

"Don't look at me like that." I turned away. "You don't know me. You know nothing, not a _fucking thing_ about me! All you see is a piece-of-ass, a missed opportunity! Fuck you!"

"Bella—" he placed his hand on my knee.

"Stop!" I pushed him away. "Stop touching me!"

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I wanna help you—"

"Don't. I'm fine. I don't need anything from anyone." I chuckled without humor. "I_ so_ have to go."

"No...chill out a second . . . Jazz!" he shouted.

Jasper appeared, like he was right outside the door. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. I was fine. I'm fine now." I cleared my throat, staring down. "You guys totally overreacted."

"You weren't movin', you wasn't talkin'. . . dude." Jasper stared at me, shaking his head.

"It was weed." I shrugged. "No big deal. I needed to sleep it off." I wondered how many times I'd have to say that.

"Make some grilled cheese or something," Emmett told him.

Jasper nodded. "When Alice finally comes over, Edward better be ready to fetch her some shit." He left the doorway, but his words made me giggle, only to cry.

"I wanna go home." I grabbed some toilet paper to dry my face, wanting to get to Alice's as soon as possible. "I'll just—I'll go." I stood up, albeit much slower than I would have, but I was okay. Just mad fucking tired, and I was scared to see Edward.

"Jazz said Ed's on his way here. He'll be here any minute. Tell him you wanna leave. He'll take you."

I shook my head and cried some more, and it wasn't because I was angry with anyone.

I was afraid…of being anything like my mother, afraid of the control Edward has over me, and I was terrified that he might not really care, might be using me.

He's been in my life six days, and I'm this...emotionally confused mess with a black, empty void inside.

But there's no void when he's around.

All my worries fly out the window, and I'm the happiest I've ever been, just with his presence alone.

What if I got used to that…and what Emmett said is true?

How fucked would I be then?

After a week, it's not like I can tell Edward all of that without sounding crazy.

Or . . .

What if I see him and my heart swells—I get happy, like I _always_ do? What if I forget about what Emmett said? Forget what Rosalie told me? Forget all that's happened, and I embrace him? Like nothing's wrong?

_I'd be a sucker who deserved to get played. _

"What you said…" I looked to Emmett. "Um."

My best bet was to leave before he got here. Make a clean break and try to move on, but could I?

"I said he was a good guy who makes bad choices. He always goes about things the wrong way, and he'll stop at nothing _until_ he gets _his_ way." Emmett shook his head. "You're sweet, you're a lot of things, and you're_ too good_ for him, Bella. Will he get bored one day? Move on? I don't know, probably. He_ is_ a player. I didn't lie or exaggerate about that." He looked away from me. "Listen, I'm sorry._ I_ was hurt. We were both feelin' you…and he did what he did, and that bitch helped him set me up…Just because I didn't go for it? I knew that if I slept with her…"

"You'd have no chance with me," I whispered.

He nodded. "I don't even know what your arrangement is with him. Like if it's just sex?"

"It pretty much is." There was no reason to lie, and maybe if I said that aloud again, I'd get it into my thick skull.

"But I felt I should warn you before you fell in love or some shit." Emmett wiped under my eyes and then my nose, being really sweet. But when he paused to stare at me, I turned away, embarrassed and uncomfortable.

"What do _I_ know?" Emmett asked, humor in his tone. "You made it this far." I knew he was just saying that to make me feel better.

"Some victory," I grumbled.

"Maybe my words came out mean soundin' before. Like I said, I was hurt. But...I do know a lot about my cousin…and he'd never...fuck me over unless…you were special to him. He clocked me in the jaw." He pointed to his chin and laughed, and I knew he wanted me to smile.

I didn't have it in me.

"Bella, I . . . Bella, I hope things pan out the way you want them to, that you're happy," he said. "I hope we can be friends, too." He squeezed my hand. "I mean that."

I stood up again, getting a head rush that made me a little dizzy. I tried to ignore it. "I have to leave." Maybe I could see Edward another day when I wasn't as emotional or something, when I could make more sense of things.

I didn't know, but I felt the need to run.

Feeling as though I fought through the day, I was exhausted, and I had no fight left in me.

Emmett shook his head. "Eat something first. Then have Edward take you home, or I'll take you home. It's dark, and you can't be walking around this 'hood at night by yourself."

I shook my head, knowing that once I locked eyes with Edward, I'd more than likely get stuck again.

_Edward won't let me leave. _

I wasn't sure if I'd be able to leave him once I saw him either . . . I wasn't sure if I wanted to.

Needing to make a break for it now, I made for the bathroom door while my head still felt all foggy. Despite being buzzed, I knew I'd make it to Alice's fine. "No. I should—"

"Where-the-fuck is she?!" Edward shouted, and my stomach tied in knots.

"Ed, relax—" Jasper started, but then Edward was in the doorway.

I kept my head down.

"Bella?" He palmed my face. "You okay?" Edward got down on his knees to look me over. "What—"

"I'm okay." And I was…overall, in that hindsight way.

With seeing him, feeling him close, I was all the more awake, the emptiness in my traitorous body had been filled. I _knew_ that would happen, and I wanted to hug him so badly, and I hated myself because of that.

_I'm weak . . ._

I felt weak.

Since when do I _need_ anyone?

All this confusion was still there.

While I wished I would have left before he'd arrived, now I wasn't sure.

And I already knew that—that this was going to happen.

I'm weak...for this man.

With one look, with just gazing into those eyes, I'll do whatever he says.

"Bella, look at me."

I met his stare, and it took everything not to crumble...not to plead with him, beg him to keep me?

"You're gonna be okay." Edward hugged me tightly, and I believed him. Nothing could hurt me while I was in his arms. That feeling hadn't changed. He just had to keep me, stay with me. "Em…there's some OJ in the fridge."

"I got it." Emmett left the bathroom.

"When was the last time you ate?" He kissed my neck, my cheek, and then my mouth.

I let out a small chuckle, still trying not to cry, smiling to mask my sadness. "I'm okay…I don't know what happened, but I'm fine. The weed went to my head. It was only one bong hit. I just needed to ride it out. I should just go home, sleep it off." I rambled that out, sounding like a robot, trying to remain and/or sound unaffected.

When I went to stand, Edward held me down. "Jazz called…said you almost overdosed." He hugged me tight again.

I didn't hug him back, and it killed me not to. My heart wanted to hold on, never let go, but my brain said something different. "No way. It was just some weed, which you can't OD on. I was okay—"

"You're_ not_ okay." He squeezed me tight, letting out a sigh. "Talk to me, baby." His kisses trailed up my neck.

My breath caught, but I pulled away. "Um...I took one of those pain pills and a bong hit—that's it," I said. "I was about to pass out, that's all, but now I'm good."

He groaned, pushing my hair away from my face. "Whatta ya not tellin' me? And I told you not to take—"

"Here." Emmett handed me the juice.

Edward stole it to hold it for me. "Drink." He brought it to my lips, and I felt it dribble down my chin.

I pulled my face away again. "I can do it."

"Fuckin' stubborn ass." He shook his head at me. "Fuckin' drink it! Now!"

I took a large gulp of juice.

"Be easy." Emmett hit his back.

Edward looked to his cousin, nearly collapsing back in relief or something. "Dude...twice in one-fuckin'-day she scared the shit outta me. I run to her crib, thinkin' she's in trouble. I run back hea thinkin' she's about to OD." He held his forehead.

"Maybe Jazz and I overreacted, but..." Emmett stared at me.

"Sorry," I whispered and took another sip, surprised at how awake I was now. More than that, I was surprised at Edward's concern. "I'm not usually this…dramatic." And I'm truly not.

With meeting Edward, I've been able to feel many emotions, none I've ever felt before. And today... I cringed, not wanting to think about today. So many fucked-up things happened, from start to finish, and the day isn't even over.

"It's not your fault." Edward gathered me into his arms as he closed the bathroom door with his foot, shutting Emmett out. "That shit with Phil freaked you out that bad…tell me what really happened?" It's funny how that was the farthest thing from my mind, although thinking about it still made me queasy.

"I told you," I said.

"Tell me again."

Frustrated, I stared at the ceiling.

"Start talkin'!" he yelled, which made me jump.

"After years of takin' my mother's crap, I just had it today…I know I lost my temper, bugged out. But I told you _exactly_ what happened with Phil. I probably exaggerated because I was freaked. Truth is...I _don't_ really know if he spied me in the shower..." Again, I sounded like a robot, while I really wanted to talk to him about everything else.

He shrugged. "I took care of it. He won't look at you no more."

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out, and I tried my best to form words.

"Relax." He kissed me softly. "I didn't kill him. Okay?" He pulled me into his arms. "I told him he could continue to date Renee if he wanted to…but I don't see the point. He's not allowed to look at you. And if he does it again…" Edward chuckled.

"What is happening?" Nothing made sense.

"Shhh." His lips lingered on my forehead. "Baby, drink your juice…The sugar will help until we get some food in you."

Clueless, I guzzled some of it down. "What'd you do?"

Edward scratched his jaw. "Well, I knew he'd be at the tire place…I waited for him, blackened both his eyes. I was quick—"

"You could get arrested—"

"I won't…he never saw me coming, never saw my face, but I said your name. Cops ask you…" He trailed off. "Claim no knowledge."

On autopilot, I whispered, "Okay."

There was a soft knock at the door. "Yo, I got that grilled cheese," Jasper said.

Edward opened the door to grab it, and he closed it again. "Eat some of this."

"You can have it." I wasn't hungry, and I was fine now.

"Take two bites, and then we'll get pizza, Chinese—whateva you want." He held it to my mouth. "Store down the block makes great sandwiches...but eat some of this now."

I took it from him to put it back on the plate. "My mind's been a mess today," I admitted.

"I know," he said, his hand rubbing up my thigh.

Of all the things to feel right now…my hips squirmed. "I'm sorry."

He grinned. "I love that I have that effect on you."

"Oh...you know," I whispered.

"I do…you do the same for me, and I'm a horny fuck. That's why I always gotta touch you." He was on his knees, crawling closer to get between mine.

"Um." I rested my head to his shoulder fast, needing to get shit off my chest but afraid to face him.

Those eyes…they're still as hypnotizing as the night we met. All he has to do is look into mine, and I'll agree to anything…I'd do anything, anything he said.

"Talk to me." His hand rubbed circles into my back, and then he used both hands. "Hottest day of the year and my girl's cold."

"Your girl," I whispered, "is confused."

"Phil'll be fine." He snorted. "I was good. I impressed myself—because I was so fuckin' heated."

Surprisingly enough, my thoughts weren't about Phil at all.

That whole mess with my mother…I didn't want to think about it. I'll deal when I see her or whatever.

"I spoke to Rose, and she told me something…"

Edward stiffened. "Yeah, and…? Just fuckin' tell me. I'mma piece of shit, right? Fuck it. Maybe I am." He backed away from me.

"Edward—"

"Em was feelin' you. I was feelin' you, and you was feelin' us both—"

I shook my head no.

He continued. "When you were straight, you'd go to Em. Whenever the E'd hit'cha, you'd come to me!" He was ranting, but his words were bullshit.

"That's not true—"

"And I wanted you—straight, rollin', I wanted you. It didn't matter if you were sixteen—nothin' made sense." He poked his temple. "And I knew that sooner or later, Em was gonna be petty, tell you about my past, flash his dimples, and youse would be ghost. He'd have you—"

"No!" I shouted.

"Meanwhile, Rose kept castin' ya this wicked eyeball all night. She had one objective in mind—keepin' Em away from you. She wanted him."

"So, she basically pimped me out for two hundred bucks?" I didn't _want_ to be angry with Rose or anyone.

I just needed to know the truth. And if Rose could do that shady shit to me, she could do a whole lot worse, too. Same with Edward, I guess. At this point, I was clueless. I didn't even know how I felt anymore—Edward's presence filling that emptiness. Now I didn't wanna say anything, afraid he'd...leave me where I was, realize I wasn't even worth the two hundred bucks.

He smirked down at me. "No…I pimped Em out, only I didn't get money…what I got was a whole lot betta than money. I got you." He held my chin. "I dicked ova _my own cousin_…just to spend _the night_ with you. I almost blew it in the morning; I was nervous as fuck…because you didn't know about me, and I knew I'd stop at nothing to have more nights with you, and that scared me. Here comes some broad—we're suddenly at each other's throats, and I'm doin' all this wild shit." He kneeled down to place his arms around me. "It's gotta mean somethin'. . ."

"You...care about me?" That's what I picked up from his words, something that surprised me again.

"I do." He nodded. "I don't wanna fuck this up."

"I would have chosen you. Without the scheme, without the X…" I shrugged, looking to the floor. "And I was only being friendly…I kissed Rose, so I could get _your_ attention, so _she_ could kiss Emmett. If I wanted him, I would have gone for him…but I didn't want him. I backed away to bump into you." I tried to piece together more memories of that night.

"I'm nothing like my cousin," he said. "I can't compete with the golden child…he'd romance you, be this perfect guy. He's just starting out, but... Maybe I fucked up. You might've been better off with him. What do I do on the reg wit'chu? We go for pizza, I get you high, and then I screw your brains out? I'm already a loser—what have I got to offer? I mean, really?"

I shook my head. "You're not a loser. The pizza…the high, the screwing." My voice broke. "It's the best. I wanted Edward. I still want Edward…" I grabbed his hand. "The things you've done—just for me alone this past week—you're insane. But I get it. I understand now...in a crazy way." It all became a little clearer. "You care about me."

"It's done now," he said. "Don't think Phil's special. _Anybody_ fucks with my girl…You're mine." He squeezed me tightly, and I reveled in it. "I might've gotten your mom back for you, too. Without Phil, you know?" His gaze was pleading, his tone sincere. "If he's an asshole, it's better she find out before they live together. _If_ he loves her…it won't matter what _I _did. He'll fight to stay with her, do whatever he has to…I only knocked him around a bit. Maybe—"

I placed my finger to his lips, still shocked at _how much_ he cared for me. "Thank you."

He nodded, swallowing loudly. "I don't wanna see you put any pills in your mouth. Trees are trees, but cool it with the other shit. You get upset, you shut down, and you look for a quick fix."

Ashamed, I had to look away.

"Hey…" He palmed my cheek. "I'm just saying…I'm no better, but you're scaring me, and this is based off what I'm seeing during a week's span. You say you don't do this or that, and you don't do X that often. It's all fun and games now; you're not addicted to anything yet. But there's a whole lot of shit you _could_ get into. And once you do one, the others don't seem as scary because you hear they're better…but you do shit long enough, the small time shit isn't going to do it for you anymore—you build a tolerance. Bella, if you keep doing what you're doing, sooner or later, you're going to kill yourself." He squeezed my hands. "I _won't_ let that happen, baby."

My lip quivered, and I bit it down, and I had to let it all out. "Some days I feel so sad and lonely. My own mother doesn't even want to be around me. She never wanted me. Sometimes, she'd even get drunk and tell me," I cried. "She used to be a dancer, and she had to raise a kid instead...It's easier to push her away now because it hurts so much, being there for her like this puppy dog, only to turn around and get smacked with a newspaper. She doesn't see her behavior as wrong. Whenever she's home, she's fighting with me over stupid shit. But for a while now, I've been ignoring her..."

Edward placed a kiss in my neck. "Go on."

"She started yelling at me earlier because I left the bathroom in a towel. How was I supposed to know he was there? I'm eighteen, but…I'm still her young daughter. She knew I was alone and still gave him her keys. It just doesn't seem right."

"It's _not_ right," Edward whispered.

"And I swore I'd never be like her, needing a man in my life, but I feel like I don't have anybody…Partying and dancing, it's fun, and for one night a week, I get to be someone else. I'm not boring. I'm not shy, and everything else fades...When I'm with you, though…I get that same high I'd get, but without taking the X, without taking anything that used to fill me. I'm not empty…But then I think too much, and I went from having no one, and now you're here. I like being with you more than I should—"

"Shhh, baby. Don't cry. This has been the best week for me, too. Bella, getting to see you is the _best_ part of my day. And when we fuck around, what your touch does to me…" He crashed his lips to mine, but he'd opened the floodgates.

I sobbed into his mouth. "I'm sorry."

"You told me I was special…I didn't believe you, but you _are_ special to me. Granted, I was away for a while, but no broad even compares. You think I trust easy? Give people the key to my room? Talk their ears off for three hours about some bullshit…? I do all these things, so you can get to know me. Because…I _need _you to know me, and it's confusing, and it doesn't make a lot of sense..." He furrowed his brow. "But this feels right."

I nodded. "I care so much about you, too, but I really haven't been holding back. I have all these hang-ups when nothing's really happened to me yet…I feel like my life only started last week, and I'm scared—"

"We did jump right in." He smiled. "That would make sense. Fucking Jazz…it's a week later and he's still in the dugout. You and me…we got right down to business in more ways than just fucking. But from jump…I didn't stand a chance any-fucking-way. I scoped you crossing the street…" He chuckled. "And you were gorgeous. You were perfect...still are." He nuzzled his nose to mine. "I couldn't look or talk to you at first, guessing we had nothing in common, but then I heard what you were saying."

"Your eyes," I whispered. "You kept catching me looking at you…"

He lifted my chin. "That's what let me know…that maybe I had a shot since you kept staring." He gently kissed my lips, but he didn't deepen in.

There was another knock. "Yo…" It was Jasper. "Alice called. Bella, you have to call her back, and I have to piss."

Edward smiled and lifted me to stand with him, and I felt lighter having gotten so much shit off my chest.

* * *

**Thank you for reading, but their night isn't over yet. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **


	13. Egg Rolls

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**ENJOY**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirteen: Egg Rolls**

_**I**_ didn't know what to think of my mother or what Edward did to Phil. It was actually in the back of my mind. Maybe that makes me a horribly selfish person just like Renee.

But what I wanted and needed right now was Edward.

I'll deal with the rest when I can…I guess.

"Thank God!" Jasper exclaimed as Edward opened the bathroom door. He was still toasted.

He went right for the toilet, and I turned to bury my head in Edward's chest.

"Yo! You just whip your dick out in front of ladies?" Edward shouted, and it was gross 'cause I could hear Jasper going. "In front of my woman, what's wrong with you?"

"Dude…I've been holding it for a while. Fuuuck."

Edward laughed, and I heard him unlocking his bedroom door. "Watch, Alice comes over—"

"You're going to cater to her every need," Jasper sighed, and then the toilet flushed.

I was safe. "Thank you," I told him, opening my eyes.

"Awww, you better eat this." Jasper shoved the grilled cheese at me, and I turned away from it before he just took it back. "It's cold…you probably don't want it." He bit into it. "Right?" Jasper chewed, going back for more, and he never washed his hands after peeing.

"Enjoy." When I turned around, Edward was already in his room, half undressed.

"Chinese?" he asked, stepping out of his pants.

I shrugged, not caring, but now I was a little hungry.

Also, I felt so much better...I smiled as I stared at him.

Edward threw his T-shirt into the hamper, and my eyes went to his chest. "You a'ight?"

I nodded, still watching and leaning back on the doorframe.

"The A/C's escaping." He came toward me. "What are we eating?" Edward nudged me away from the room to close the door.

"Oh, Rose called Alice crying…" Now Jasper had a mouthful. "Alice called me to say Rose was on her way over here."

"Why?" I asked.

"She's upset…what she did and all." He rolled his eyes. "It's funny—all this drama. It never would've happened if I wasn't such a perv on AOL."

I snorted.

"Alice fronts but she asked _me_ to cyber." Jasper pointed to himself. "Me...But what the fuck, man. All the drama ain't necessary. You guys need to be easy. Spend time together, fuck a lot, and have a good time. Shit ain't that hard."

"Calm yourself." Edward snatched the phone out of his hand. "You want your usual from Ming's?"

Jasper nodded. "That's what's up. You treating?"

"Yeah…What do you want?" he asked me.

"Chicken Lo Mein," I said.

"Go see what Em wants," Edward told Jasper.

"He's downstairs waiting for Rose . . . and he deserves nothing! Don't be buying him food, Ed. I don't wanna blow up spots or start trouble," he looked to me, "but don't buy that petty fuck anything!"

Edward laughed, facing his friend. "Start talkin'."

Jasper started at me, which made Edward look my way.

"He was just..." My shoulders dropped. "He said you were trouble. Basically, he told me what you knew he'd tell me." I shrugged, trying to be nice about it.

Edward quirked a brow. "What else?"

"Nothing." I turned to Jasper, wanting to change the subject. "Rose is really on her way here?"

Jasper stuffed the rest of that sandwich into his mouth. "Emmett feels he's got something prove—'cause he's not a dead lay, or whatever the fuck. That troublemaker plans to show that skeezoid what's up,_ if_ she accepts." He showed us his palms. "They deserve each other," he sighed. "Plus, he's got all this aggression…and I think Rose thinks she's got something to prove, too."

"Fifty bucks she goes for it," Edward said.

"You ain't bettin' against me. I agree with you," Jasper laughed. "Yo, did you see the bullshit on TV?" He walked back into the living room.

"I heard about it on the radio." Edward pulled me into his side, and we followed his friend. "Crazy."

Looking to the television, it was a live news broadcast. The camera was following a white SUV, a Bronco. "What's this about?"

"Slow-speed chase. He's only going like thirty-five miles per hour," Jasper answered me, pointing to the TV. "O.J Simpson…He was supposed to turn himself in, but he fled. Pigs caught up to him, though, and he's still fucking doing this bullshit. He ain't gonna get away." He laughed his ass off. "I'm waitin' for helicopters to swoop in and light his ass up—just take out his tires."

"He'll pull over—surrender, watch." Edward nodded.

"Police are gonna shoot'em up. He's black _and_ he lives in L.A...You wanna bet on that?" Jasper raised a brow. "Nah, if cops shoot'em it might cause another riot."

"What?" Edward laughed.

"Oh, you were locked up then. It was like two years ago, but they didn't hook you up with newspapers?" Jasper scrunched his nose.

"I wasn't exactly concerned with world news in the pen." Edward punched his bicep.

"Not world...California."

"That's mad far away from here. What do I care?" Edward defended.

"I'm just sayin'." Jasper chuckled. "People were goin' nuts here, too."

"Is he trying to get to Mexico?" I asked, but that football guy wasn't driving fast at all.

"You still owe me a C-note from the Stanley Cup." Edward faced me. "Remember we were watching that hockey game? This fuck bet on the Canucks. As a New Yorker, you shouldn't bet against New York teams—"

"Ha!" Jasper shouted. "The fucking Rangers? Those games were fixed." He waved a hand. "Didn't Canadians invent hockey?" He didn't even wait for a reply. "They did…As disgraceful as they've been, New York shouldn't even be allowed a hockey team."

"You wanna smoke?" Edward held up a blunt to him and glanced to me. "Not you." He pinched my hip.

"I'm fine," I said.

"Bet." That got Jasper to shut up. "I just wanna say one last thing…then you order the food, and we'll smoke."

Edward and I waited for him to continue.

"If any bullshit drama fucks with my date tomorrow night…" He groaned. "You all think I'm the baby, I'm cute, I'm Jasper. I work on my cars, and I keep to myself." He voice was very high in pitch for some reason. "Jerks off on AOL—"

"Get to the fuckin' point!" Edward exclaimed.

Jasper glared at him. "Anything fucks with my date tomorrow night—it goes for everyone—I will rain a shitstorm on youse like you've neva fuckin' seen!"

"Awww." Edward massaged his shoulder. "Isn't he cute when he gets all worked up? 'Cause I know he wasn't barkin' at me like that."

I pulled on Edward's hand. "Let's order the food."

He raised a brow, coming toward me.

I smiled, running for his room, feeling a million times better than I did before.

Edward cares about me. Me!

That was definitely something to smile about.

I'm special to him, and now I had the impression that _my_ feelings weren't one-sided.

Edward chased me, quick to kick his door closed.

"Yo, Ed…you still sparkin' that L?" Jasper shouted through the door.

Edward stared to the ceiling. "Yes!" His eyes met mine. "You're okay?"

I grinned. "I am…"

"Forgive Rose," he said. "I'm not sayin' trust her, but squash this beef. After all, I mean, she helped out your man." He palmed my ass.

I giggled despite everything. "You didn't need her help…I need you to know that. You had me from jump."

"I believe you." He let out a growl, hugging me close while his hands roamed everywhere. "You know what I wanna do tonight?"

"Me?" I asked.

He didn't answer that. "I wanna eat…We take a shower or a bath together, and then we crank this A/C up as far as it'll go." He sounded so happy. "And then we just snuggle under a bunch of blankets. We can talk some more."

He was too sweet for words, and my stomach was an excited mess again. "Um…" I felt my face get hot from the mental image alone—of the brief thought I had. "Can I do something for you first?" I felt I owed him something.

He intertwined our fingers, pulling me even closer. "Snugglin' and cuddlin' would be for me, too, baby." Edward nuzzled his nose to mine. "We just chill the fuck out...after this long-ass week," he sighed.

Just like with slashing that tire earlier, I slid down to my knees before I lost my nerve.

"Get up," he whispered. "You don't—"

I paused, unsure.

"You're not some ho; get off your knees." He reached for me.

When I pulled his basketball shorts down, his boxers went with them, and he stopped talking, stopped moving. His cock was hard already, and I wondered what I'd done to get him excited.

I knew _I_ was excited. My hands ran up his thighs, and I licked the head of his dick. "Sit on the bed," I instructed, hoping this will go as well as I saw it in my head—how I'd imagined.

He swallowed, stepping back until he collapsed down. "You-you don't hafta do this," he whispered. "We can just...fuck regular."

"I want to." I followed, easing between his thighs, and then I took him deep into my mouth—a little too deep because I gagged and my eyes watered.

"You-you okay?" Edward palmed my cheek.

I moaned onto his cock, trying to keep eye contact with him.

"Look, just—just take what you can and jack the rest with your hand." Edward cringed, and I wondered what the problem was. "No...just come here, please. You don't have to do this—"

I did as he said, my grip tight on his dick.

"That's it…fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He squirmed, his hips leaving the bed, and seeing him like this…because of what_ I_ was doing…I was crazy turned on, and I knew I was soaked.

Curious, I snuck my other hand underneath to gently touch his balls.

They felt awesome.

I loved them, so I pulled back to try and suck one into my mouth.

Edward had said that a lot feels good down there, and whenever I wanted, I could check shit out and do what's comfortable for me . . . as long as I didn't hurt him.

His dick was slippery with spit, and I continued to jerk him as I tried to suck his other ball into his mouth.

Edward squealed.

I paused again.

But then he slapped my hands away. "Wh-where'd you learn to do that?" He narrowed his eyes.

I swallowed, nervous. "Nowhere. I just wanted to suck a ball, um, I, uh, like your ball-skin. It-it feels nice on my tongue." My face blazed red, and I felt like such a dumbass—super embarrassed—admitting that. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

He bit his lips together and then he started cracking up. "Don't say ball-skin."

I massaged my forehead; I truly felt stupid . . . again.

This was my second failed attempt at blowing him. "I'm not even going to try anymore."

"Oh, baby…can that be my nickname for you? Bella Ball-Skin?" Edward can be too honest sometimes. Whether it hurts or not, he's very honest. That was something I knew for sure, regardless of anything shady he's done. And I don't even thinks he knows...like when he _should_ hold back?

He's lucky I didn't kick him in the balls. I settled on pinching his thigh. "Fuck!"

I stuck my tongue out at him before he surprised the hell out of me.

Edward gripped me by my biceps tightly, lifting me off the floor—and I tried not to cry out since it hurt—and it was hot.

He tossed me onto my back, only to pull me closer by my ankle.

My foot rested on his chest, and I wore a frown. "That hurt."

"I'm sorry. I just—" Edward pulled my shorts off and my panties followed, and his chest heaved up and down. "I joke…but again…that was sexy. I've never made that sound before." He smiled, but I knew he was holding back—as worked up as I am. We were going slow. "I _needed_ to get you on this bed, though."

I giggled, sitting up to pull my top off.

Edward unclasped my bra and tossed it over his shoulder.

I tried to scoot to the middle of the bed, but he pulled me back again to spread my legs and squeeze my inner thighs.

My breath caught, and I needed him. "Kiss me."

He shook his head, kneeling onto the bed. "You…you're perfect. Just lemme look, gorgeous…" He trailed off, mumbling, running his hands up and down the sides of my body. He'd squeeze my hips and rub down my thighs, and I couldn't stay still.

"Edward…" I was ready to scream or explode, so turned on my pussy was aching, my clit throbbing.

"Take a deep breath, try to relax."

I didn't understand why he was saying that. He needed to fuck me already.

"Deep breath."

To humor him, to try to relax myself, I inhaled deeply through my nose, and that's when he pinched and pulled my nipples. "Ohhh…!" My eyes rolled back, and my hips left the bed.

He let go. "That's probably what…it feels like."

"What?" I panted.

"How good that felt?" He raised a brow. "It probably felt as good as when you were on my balls…" His fingertips tickled my stomach, which was trembling from his touch. "Look at my cock…"

We both stared at it; he had some come on the tip, and it looked slightly bigger than usual.

"It hurts," he whispered, lifting my foot to place a kiss on my arch. "If my dick explodes, it's your fault." He made me smile, and I had no idea what we were doing.

We were both sweating, panting, and ready to fuck.

Yet . . .

Edward was trailing these soft, slow kisses up my calf while his hand roughly massaged my other thigh—going higher and higher each time he'd grab it.

"You're killing me." My voice came out squeaky.

"I'm what?" When he kneaded my thigh again, his thumb grazed my clit.

And that caused my whole body to convulse for a second.

"Ed…did'ju order the food?" Jasper shouted.

"Go away!" I hollered back, ready to strangle a fucker, too worked up and impatient.

"Awww, I knew it, and youse got the phone...!" Jasper bitched. "Damn!"

I didn't care about him. "Edward, I swear—"

He quirked a brow, bending low to hover over me. "What?" He snuck his arm behind my back and lifted me, moving us to the center of the bed, all while his eyes never left mine.

"You're so strong." My hands ran up his biceps. "Sexy…and you're all mine." Testing the waters, I sat up to bite his nipple, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He hissed, pushing me back down, but I managed to bring him with me.

Edward's kiss—I wasn't expecting it, to be so sloppy and perfect, and for me to feel so much from it.

I squirmed below him, whimpering into his mouth, ready to beg.

"Just stay here." He panted, and I thought he meant below him on the bed. "Please…" His nose nudged mine. "Go home in a few days or stay longer…"

"What?" My heart was threatening to beat out of my chest.

"Let me take care of you for a little while," he whispered, nipping and sucking the skin under my ear. "You need that…to be taken care of, and I need someone…who's not afraid to slash a tire to be my rock—someone to ground me." That definitely didn't sound like something a "player" would say.

In this moment, my gut told me that Emmett was wrong, and I was stupid for listening to him in the first place.

My fears were still my fears, but...

The bedroom was stifling despite the air conditioner, but I loved it. I had Edward's sweat on me, just like mine was on him, and the things he was saying…I didn't know what to make of it.

It all sounded crazy and wonderful, and it sounded like what I wanted.

"I'll take you to work in the morning…pick you up. Don't feel pressured to say yes…it was a thought while we worked shit out, you with your mother." He gulped. "Um…mostly, I just _need, _need you to k-know," he stuttered, which was so unlike him. I placed my hand to his cheek. "I need you to know that you have a place to go. You're welcome here."

"Okay." I swallowed my moan. "I'm—I—I wanna tell you—my body wants to scream it. I think I'm falling for you…headfirst, like, in love? And that scares me."

Now he knows.

It's out there—what I'd been dying to say.

He let out a nervous chuckle and closed his eyes. "I want to keep you. I never wanna let you go, Bella." He had me pinned, but I tried my best to kiss him. Edward let up a little and came lower to rest his forehead to mine, hiding his gaze from me.

"Open your eyes," I whispered, needing to see his.

As soon as he unleashed them on me, those exciting butterflies started flying around in my stomach.

Edward must have felt it, too. He let out a growl and kissed me fiercely, while his palms rested on my head, and I felt his dick at my entrance but it wasn't quite there yet.

And I didn't know what kind of torture this was, or why he was going so slow.

His lips trailed down my neck.

"Edward…please."

He nipped at my collarbone roughly and then bent lower to bite my nipple—licking it between his teeth.

And I couldn't take it anymore.

If he wasn't going to do anything…I had to.

When his mouth traveled to my other breast, I cried out—in agony and pleasure, as my hand snuck between us to my clit. "Oh, God…" I let out a large gust of breath, twirling my fingers, and then I inserted one, and I was absolutely soaked.

While down there, I came into contact with his dick, and I jacked it.

"Fuck." He spat, digging his hips deeper into my palm, as I placed him at my entrance. But then he was gone. He leaned back to grasp my waist and bring me even closer, hitching my legs over his hips.

"Bella…" His stare intensified, his nose resting to mine while he entered me once roughly—going too deep.

Edward groaned; I moaned out a loud one, and then he grabbed my cheeks to stick his tongue down my throat.

He was coming all the way out to go all the way in—letting out a grunt each time. I tried to match his thrusts, needing more. Just more. And feeling all of him without a condom...it felt so much better, and I wanted to let out a cry of joy, never having felt anything as good in my life.

Edward must have had the same idea.

Like an animal, he bared his teeth and fucked me hard, fast—with no abandon, and he was getting deep.

"Yes!" I shouted. "Edward!" It felt amazing; again, I wanted to cry, and I wanted him to go even faster if he could, but I doubt that.

My heart sang...and I wanted to admit it, scream it—tell him that I loved him, that I was crazy in love with him already.

The headboard beat against the wall, and I heard a glass break. I had no idea what it was, but I didn't give a fuck.

Edward didn't either.

He was consuming me, metaphorically eating me alive, and I reveled in it...him ravishing me.

"Edward, I—" I let out another loud moan, slapping my hand to his chest as I stiffened and my breath caught.

And I came the hardest I ever have before.

It was better than the first time, when we were on X.

This climax meant more the than ones from yesterday and the day before, and my heart swelled even more.

"Oh my God." I sloppily kissed Edward when he slowed to stare at me. "Did'ju come?"

"No." He pulled my hair to expose my neck, and then he flattened his tongue to lick up to my ear. "I wanted your sweat." He breathed, his cock leaving me. "I want everything."

"I'm yours," I whimpered.

Edward's tongue made a trail from my ear, sliding it all the way down to my belly button, his fingers spreading my lips to rub down the center of my pussy.

I widened my legs the farthest I could.

Edward withdrew his fingers to suck them into his mouth. "Hmmm." He swallowed, bending low to kiss the insides of my thighs.

Everything he did felt fantastic, but he was getting closer and closer to…literally eating _me _now, and he'd never done that before.

He was breathing so heavily when he looked up to me. "Anyone ever lick your pussy before?"

I shook my head. "N-no." Yeah, I was nervous again.

Edward crookedly smirked at me. "Good."

I blew out a slow breath.

"If at some point…" He slowly placed a finger inside of me, keeping his eyes on his hand now. "If it feels too good and you want me to stop…just breathe. Try _not_ to stop me. If…you don't, uh…like it. I'll stop. Lemme know." And Edward seemed nervous, too.

Even though I wanted to ask what the big deal was, or why he was nervous, I didn't.

I nodded, agreeing, as I pushed his sweaty hair back.

"I've never...uh, either, um." He stopped talking, and that's when his tongue came out to lightly graze my clit.

My body shook as I stared, mesmerized, trying to spread my legs wider and scoot closer—needing more.

Now…_that_ felt…wow.

_Why hadn't he done it before?_

Edward was being too gentle when he never is—flicking his tongue, fingering me slowly with only one finger—and I was close already, too, too close.

"Just—please." I yanked on his hair and pushed my pussy into his mouth, and a shudder rocked through me.

I was coming again, while I _literally _humped Edward's face.

"I—" I shivered once more, and I couldn't speak, and I had no idea where this boldness came from.

He let out a breathy chuckle. "That wasn't how I saw that going…what you did—"

"I'm sorry—"

"It was better," he said. "It was hot. I was just trying to be gentle, but you . . . Lie back." He pushed me down with force, leaving one hand on my stomach—steadying me—before he moaned into my pussy, his tongue getting deeper and deeper until he softly sucked my clit.

That was too much. My skin suddenly super sensitive, and I felt like a spaz as I flapped my arms like a chicken and shrieked a small scream. "Stop!" I pushed him away.

Edward smiled wide. "That was adorable."

I didn't comment while I tried to catch my breath, feeling a little dizzy and falling back. My head hit the pillow before I could stop it, shake it off.

_My day caught up to me._

"Bella? Baby?" Edward was in my face now. "What was that?" He held my cheeks. "Look at me." He stared intensely into my eyes, searching them.

"I just…I was dizzy . . . It-it felt too good. You made me faint for a second." I was lightheaded and giggly now.

Edward nodded, a frown marring his handsome face. "I…I don't think it was me," he hummed, pushing my hair back. "Lie down." He pulled the sheet over me. "Just relax, baby...Close your eyes." He kissed my cheek, bringing the blanket over me now.

"What? I wanna finish," I lied, feeling headache-y, but just slightly, which replaced that dizzy and giddy shit. "Please…?" I placed my hand on his bicep. All I knew was that I wanted and needed to satisfy him.

He shook his head. "Besides the juice, did you drink anything today? It was dumb hot, you know? You could be—what's that called?"

"I'm not dehydrated. I had a few cups of water. I'm fine. I swear—"

"Why didn't you eat?" he asked.

I groaned. "We need to finish…" He didn't come, and he needed to come. "Put a condom on, or..." I was going to tell him he didn't have to, but...that wouldn't be smart, I guess, even if I'm on the pill. I don't know.

Edward stood up to put his shorts on instead. "Stay in the bed. I'll get you something to drink…and I'll order the food." He winced. "We should'a ordered it before, but rest your eyes. You fall asleep, I'll get you up to eat." He left the room, cordless in hand as he dialed.

"Oh…" I turned over to my side, pulling the sheets up and around me as my headache didn't go away but got worse. It throbbed, pounded, and I tried to breathe deeply and evenly, focusing on the hum of the air conditioner.

And I actually dozed off for about fifteen minutes, my eyes opening to see the alarm clock when I was startled.

I heard Rose and Edward talking right outside the bedroom. She was calling him a whole bunch of nasty names.

Ignoring my headache and how tired, groggy I was—I threw some clothes on. My head was still fucked, as I'd lost my balance and almost busted my ass when I tried to shimmy into a pair of Edward's boxers. My stomach was growling, feeling nauseous, too, now; I was starving.

I just felt sick.

No matter how much I wanted to crawl back in bed, I pushed through it to poke my head out.

"You're a fucking asshole! You're one sick and manipulative motherfucker!"

"Be that as it may . . ." Edward widened his arms, laughing. "Yo, I'm _not_ sorry. I did what I did, and you _didn't_ have to take my money—I didn't _make_ you do nothin'. No one was holdin' a gat to yo' dome. Step off, a'ight?" He turned to look at me, tried to hand me a glass of water with half-melted ice in it.

_How long was he holding it?_ I wondered.

I put my hand up, not taking it. "Rose…" I didn't know what to say, only I did.

My whole life…I've always shied away from conflict.

I've always been scared of my own shadow, never sticking up for myself.

Edward…if he _truly_ knew that, he'd probably think me weak.

_I faced-off with Renee earlier... _

If I could voice my opinions to my mother, finally do it, then who the fuck was Rose?

_She ain't shit. _

And I really felt the need to defend Edward.

"Drink it." His voice was stern again.

Before I told Rose how I felt, I drank some water to appease Edward; I'd gulped half the glass rapidly, and then I handed it back—staring at Rose.

"Thank you," Edward whispered, placing a smooch in my neck.

It made me smile when I wanted to stay angry, stay focused. "Why would you? I mean…" My eyes never left her, and I didn't know how to put my feelings into words again, which seems to be a constant problem. "While I know everything worked out for the best, you betrayed me, tried to play me. How am I supposed to trust you?"

Remembering how Rose was trying to get me to leave Alice that night, telling me to go hang out with Jake…

She's always doing crap like that.

Alice and I have been friends since kindergarten, whereas we met Rose in high school.

She's always been jealous of my relationship with Alice, too—I knew that without a doubt.

She's beautiful, dudes are always surrounding her, and yet she's jealous of the _little_ attention I get from guys…?

"Look, you won't _always_ be the prettiest girl in the room. You need to get over that." I smirked, because her problem with me suddenly became very clear. "You wanna fuck me over…but don't. Just leave me alone. I'm happy. I wanna forget about that bullshit, but I'll never trust you again. But I'd like us to still be friends for Alice's sake." I didn't want to put my best friend in a position like that—her feeling she might have to choose.

I know _who_ she'll choose, but I also know that Alice genuinely loves Rose.

"You're so blind!" Rose raised her voice, when I was just talking. "And…_I_ got it. I _know_ what I got. I'm me, and you're you." She sized me up, her eyes trailing from my toes to my face. "It's not my fault Edward and Emmett have bad taste, but…Emmett wised up." She stepped closer to me.

"Bad taste?" Edward sounded amused as he placed another smooch in my neck. "Emmett couldn't have what he wanted. He wanted a T-bone, but he settled on hamburger, still hungry. You feel me? You ain't got shit on my girl. Thinking you're all that...please." He scoffed. "_You're_ so blind, dude!" he mimicked her. "Like...totally," Edward laughed, and he kind of sounded like her, too.

I smiled despite my aching head. "I don't want to fight with you," I said, blowing out a breath. All I wanted was to eat something and pass out, actually. Edward had the right idea, knew what I needed. "Just don't talk to Edward. He's my man. You got something to say him, you tell me." I kind of blurted that out, but judging by _my_ _man's_ smirk, he dug my words.

"Rose, why don't you go chill with Emmett?" Edward suggested, nice to her. It made me sick. "You should be in bed," he whispered to me, holding my waist.

"I'm fine."

"Awww, aren't you two adorable." Rose had a tone. "Bella, you're so fake—frontin' and trying to be this person to match _that_ asshole," she laughed. "I may be a lot of things, Bella. I may have fucked you over, but you need to stay away from him. Can't you see what he's doing?"

"Yo, you need to mind ya business!" Edward got loud. "Go chill wit' Em or get to steppin', ho!" He shooed her toward the door.

I pushed my back into him, to_ keep_ him back since he'd stepped forward, thus bringing me closer to Rose.

"Ed!" Jasper shouted. "Food's here. That was fuckin'…dumb fast. What? Twenty minutes? You should tip'em good."

Edward growled, planting a kiss on my forehead. "Lemme go down and grab that." He left for the door. "Be easy," he said, looking over his shoulder.

I turned back to Rose. "I don't—"

"You don't wanna fight." She finished for me. "You've said that yet you keep barking at me." But I wasn't, actually. "I told you I was sorry—how sorry I was. I made a mistake. If you can't accept that…"

"Why did you come here?" I asked. "Just to sleep with Emmett?" Depending on her answer, I might be forgiving.

She smirked. "You know what? He wasn't bad at all. You missed out."

Just when she said that, Emmett—the Hamburglar—stepped to stand near Jasper, the both of them watching us.

"I missed out on nothing. I have Edward." I paid them no attention. "I also have a headache…Just leave Edward alone. He didn't make you take his money. I don't know why you're mad at him."

"He hit on me at Tunnel," she giggled; this was funny to her. "He tried…that's why you should leave him here, find a better man."

"He did not." I didn't believe that.

"He said we'd meet up after I did what I did…after he was_ done_ with you." She shrugged. "You should know who you're getting involved with. That's all."

"Why are you continually trying to hurt me?" I asked, nowhere near tears. The only thing I was trying to do was keep my temper in check. I'd sooner take a swing at Rose before I'd start crying over her stank-ass.

She stepped closer to me. "Truth is…you annoy the ever-loving-fuck outta me—always have, always will." She smiled, letting out a breath. "I don't care, glad to admit that finally."

I was shocked while more anger flashed through me.

"Bella, the virgin…Bella, the good girl. Bella, the straight A student. Please. I'm glad you're a biter, had to do everything I did."

"Yeah, right," I laughed. Truth is, _both_ Alice and Rose have always copied my style. "You KNOW that shit isn't true. Who are you foolin'?" It was still funny, and I could make a list of things she's done just because I did.

Some of them were good things, too—like trying to get better grades and whatnot—because I'd always make honor roll.

She'd be a better manager because her father would compliment _my_ work ethic.

_Like I've said, I slacked off one day. _

While Rose holds a job to prove something to Daddy, I don't have a choice.

Unlike her, I have to work.

If I was ever snarky with Renee, Rose would make a show out of being nasty to her doting mother in front of us, which was actually horrible.

But Rose had to show that she had freedom, like I did, which...

Mrs. Hale is truly wonderful, a good mom, who'd often show concern for me as well; Rose would get jealous of those few minutes when she has her mother's love 24/7.

That little attention from guys I'd get, the farthest I'd ever gone for that was kissing Rose, and it was always a goof.

_Well, it was for me. _

She craves the spotlight, puts out just so guys like her...will practically fuck anyone.

Thinking of that actually had me feeling bad for her.

Rose is sad...as a person.

"I gave you a joint…"

"And I smoked because I wanted to." I shrugged. "What's your point?"

"You've been sliding down notches ever since. Then with the X, and now you're half-a-junkie."

"Not true." I chuckled but nothing was funny.

That remark . . . My body shook with how angry I was.

"Bitch, I'm glad I could take you down a peg or two, now you're fucking this loser. In a few years, youse'll be king and queen of some trailer park—"

I'd never thrown a punch in my life, but I threw my fist out with everything I had—got her in the nose.

For a split second, while my chest heaved, I was shocked.

Rose recovered fast to grab onto my hair, while I tried my best to get her to let go.

Then…my fist stayed a fist, and I hit anywhere my hand would land. We fell to the floor in a grapple. She kept scratching and pulling my hair, and I found myself laughing—exhilarated while I clocked her over and over.

Rose really wasn't doing shit to me, but I knew I got her good quite a few times.

All of which lit a fire in me—my punches became harder, faster, and I aimed for her face—rage freely flowing through me.

"What the fuck!?"

I was dragged away, and I kicked her shoulder, making her slam into the wall. "Fuckin' chickenhead!"

Rose's face was red, she had a cut lip, and she was crying.

"You and those crocodile tears—you cum-guzzling hooker whore!" I screeched, trying to kick at her some more. "Nasty, skank bitch!"

Edward squeezed me. "Take it easy!"

"She hit me first!" I lied while Edward gathered me into his arms, and at that moment I was suddenly dizzy again. Shit got fuzzy, but I felt him lift me up and then bring me to bed.

When he plopped me down, he let out a large breath. "Stay in bed. Do not leave this room. I'll grab your food." He fussed, checking my face out. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." And I really was.

"All right, Rocky." He kissed my cheek, and then he left the room.

When he was gone, I went to the door to listen—getting there just in time to hear Edward call Rose trash and kick her out.

_Satisfied. _

While I was still confused, wondering how Rose could truly have hated me for the past four years—and yet pretend to be my best friend—I was happy Edward kicked her out.

And I knew in my gut…

There are plenty of things I _don't_ know.

But I knew Edward _never_ hit on her.

She's just a petty, jealous bitch.

Fuck her.

_**Thank you for reading. **_

_**Please leave me your thoughts.**_

_**See you Monday for the next set of chaps! We'll hear from Edward!**_


	14. In His Words

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Notice: Time has moved ahead, and this group of chaps will be in Edward's POV. Pay attention to the dates, though. It'll let you know the timeframe. **

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Fourteen: In His Words**

**EPOV**

**July 15th 1994**

**_S_**moking a fat blunt with my fat booty baby . . .

That's all that was on my mind as my father and I drove toward our last job of the day.

With the sun blazing, and because my father would rather have the windows open, I was aching to get home, take a cool shower, smoke my L, and just chill with Bella.

It's already a quarter after six; we were running behind since we usually don't drive in the same ride. We do jobs separately, but today we had to get to everyone scheduled together—tag teaming this bitch of a day. It was cool, though. We've been so busy the past few weeks, I've barely spent any time with the old man. And all my free time has been spent with Bella . . .

Dad drives the other van, but something's wrong with it. Yesterday, I brought it to Jasper's job. He can fuck with it, see what's wrong for free.

The garage he works at closes at five, and it's actually in our neighborhood. I knew Jazz would be home to keep Bella company, so I didn't feel too badly about running later than the norm.

Bella . . . She's always home.

That night when Rose came over . . .

Shit.

I was fucking pissed at Rose. I mean, Bella and I were fuckin', and then my baby passed out. So, for a third time, she scared the fuck outta me. She's gotta take better care of herself, but we're working on that.

Anyway, Emmett pulled out all his moves, sweet-talked Rose, said some other shit. Rose can front all she wants, call him an asshole or whatever, but she'd wanted my boy bad regardless. They did end up fucking, were probably getting it on while Bella and I did our own thing.

When I'd gone to get Bella something to drink and ordered the food, they were just finishing up—that hit and run. Rose was leaving Emmett's room when she confronted me.

The door to my spot was open as I was about to give Bella her water, check on her . . .

Bella, who was still in bed, heard her. I don't know what happened. All I knew was that I was concerned for Bella. She was pale, tired-looking, she hadn't eaten, and she was dizzy.

Bella heard us arguing and came out of the bedroom.

I can't remember what was said exactly, but then they started talking and were civil for a little bit, and that turned into another argument.

Rose started calling me every name under the sun . . .

I didn't give a fuck, but _my woman_ did.

It was kind of fucked. Here they were fighting because of what_ I_ had done, that shady shit, which I refuse to make apologies for…and it ceased being about me, specifically.

Bella should have been angry with me, but she wasn't.

She was pissed at Rose, and I get it.

Just as the Chinese was being delivered, shit got even more heated. I should have sent Jazz to get it, but then he was shouting for me to get back upstairs. I gave homeboy a bill, grabbed the food, and I had to run—to where our bedrooms are—to stop Rose and Bella from hurting each other. They were actually rolling around on the floor, and I still have no idea who threw the first punch.

Fucking Emmett and Jasper just watched. They made bets. Jasper was sure Rose had it, but then Emmett went on about passion, saying Bella was gonna kick her ass . . .

Well, while that would have been amusing another time—granted, _only_ if Bella had the upper hand, which she did—I pulled Bella out of the scuffle. She was huffing and puffing, and then she grabbed for her aching head before she passed out.

Bella had woken up right away like she did when we were fucking, and I already had her in my arms, so she didn't get hurt. I put her in bed anyway.

Regardless, I was pissed, and I kicked that trash—Rose—out of the apartment. Emmett didn't even go after her, the girl he'd just boned, and was too busy munching on an egg roll, worried 'bout _my_ girl.

Hell, I was worried about Bella, too, and I was surprised at how much I truly cared about my baby. I knew all she needed was some food, something to drink, and sleep. It was hot as fuck that day, she had drama, and she fucked around with the pot and pills.

After I got her situated in bed, with her dinner and a huge glass of water, I smoked and chilled out with Jazz and then we ate. Bella did good, eating-wise. She eats like a bird; I never see her with food, whereas I do see her put whatever the fuck in her body.

While I was blazed out of my skull—Jazz was right, they were good fuckin' trees—we had another short talk about it.

I know Bella is new to all this shit 'cause she's said so. She hasn't been smoking that long, first fucked with ecstasy maybe a few months ago . . . and once you're introduced to shit, like the high you get—I know the mind-set—you start chasing the high.

You figure every day is a party day or whatever, although you're not legit addicted to anything _yet_.

I like to party, too, but I stick to weed, and weed ain't shit—no big deal.

Bella agreed to cool it, slow down, yet she looked depressed as fuck about it. She's doing fine, though; she doesn't _need_ anything. I think she looked upset because she thought I was chastising/lecturing her, disappointed, but I wasn't.

I was just looking out for her.

If we go to a club in the future, I won't stop her from taking a hit of X if she wants to have a good time. You know?

I just…I care about her, and God forbid anything. It'd kill me, and I don't want her developing a habit—where she can't be straight without something.

The night I met Bella . . . I didn't even take an Ecstasy tab.

I was on cloud nine, chillin' with this crazy beautiful girl, who I thought might be feeling me. She was all over me, making me think I won the lottery or some shit. My only problem was Emmett, but I didn't give a fuck. Before I came up with my clever plan, I knew I'd do whatever to keep Bella interested.

It was a shitty move—knowing Bella was feeling decent, since she'd shared an X with Rose, but . . .

She saw me swallow a mint, _not_ a pill.

It's not like she was paying attention, and I urged her to take what I'd given her . . . so she'd loosen up even more, not give a fuck.

And she was so much fun—carefree, silly, gorgeous, and she was all over me.

_I fucking loved it. _

I'm not unfortunate looking, you know? I've had my fare share of bitches, but Bella was on another level of female. I don't know. She was young, _younger_ than Jazz said she was, and I knew from just looking at her. She had an air of immaturity about her, this innocence that I dug, but she was classy.

_I prayed to God she was at least eighteen. _

Plus, she looked amazing—wearing this miniskirt, and her top was very formfitting.

Unlike her friends, Bella had tits _and_ an ass.

I was drawn to her, and nothing mattered.

_I had to have her. _

She was perfect—definitely the prettiest one out of the three. Probably the prettiest chick at the club, too. Bella didn't notice—_a lot of things_—because her perception was fucked, but many dudes were staring at her ass.

_Damn. She's fucking sexy as hell, cute…and I wanted to get home so badly. _

When Jazz told me he was going to meet some Shorty from AOL, I laughed at his ass. She'd previously told him to bring one friend because she was gonna have a friend. Emmett and Jazz were all stoked and shit. I had other plans. I had to drop shit off with my uncle at Tunnel, and then I honestly planned to call Tanya.

I met Tanya a few months ago. She's older than me, has a baby, and she doesn't live too far from here. She's convenient. We always chilled at her crib. We'd smoke a bowl, fuck, and then I'd leave.

Since I've been out of the can, I don't party like I used to. I don't enjoy going to the clubs at all.

On a Saturday night, you'll usually find me at home—on the couch—with a blunt.

Fucking Emmett and Jasper are usually right next to me, too.

But I had a technical difficulty, and I was a day late with making the drop off.

Anyway, it was like a quarter to ten and I was on my way out the door, when Jasper stopped me.

Alice was bringing two friends, not one.

He begged me to come with them. Also, these chicks were twenty, supposedly loved the club scene . . .

Not only did I have to be wingman for the third chick, but Jasper needed my connections to get them in the door.

Reluctantly, I agreed, and we headed to Bay Ridge right away.

We were early, but we didn't have to wait long for Alice—who only showed up with one friend.

Rose . . .

Now, she was cute but nothing special, wearing some cowgirl shit, big tits, decent face, and the girl has no ass.

Rose also seemed like a ho.

I know it's not cool to judge a book by its cover, but . . . you can tell.

_Trust me. I can spot one from a mile away. _

Since I had to go meet my uncle anyway, I just patted Emmett's back because she was feeling him, and it was obvious.

But Emmett wasn't interested in her either; meanwhile, Jazz had stars in his eyes.

Then we're about to turn around for the subway, and Rose says we have to wait for her friend, Bella.

So, I was hopeful, but I didn't really care.

While they were all talking and shit, I peeped this shorty from across the avenue, and I hoped it _was_ Bella. However, Shorty stood on the corner, smoking her cigarette, and she pulled up her hood. She also kept staring at us, and I contemplated running across the street to holler at her.

At the time, I still didn't know if she was their friend or not.

And then Bella crossed the street, and I was able to see how much more beautiful she was—I was able to get a better, closer look.

But I clammed up.

I had it in my head—a chick that pretty, that classy. There's no way she'd go for a cat like me, you know?

Again, I just wanted to get to my uncle.

We start walking—Jasper and Alice were in their own little world, like they weren't even with us—Rose is attached to Emmett's arm. She latched on and she wasn't letting go, and Emmett kept breaking his neck—looking back to Bella, who was walking near me.

I tried to keep a slow pace, stay close, but I didn't know what to say.

And my mind boggled, thinking up ways to break the ice.

Bella kept her head down, staring at her feet as we walked. She kept her hood up, hiding her face, and her hands were in her pockets.

Then she just . . . snapped out of that. We were close to the subway when she offered me a cigarette, wearing this breathtaking smile, and I should have taken the cigarette. But I don't smoke those Newport shits.

My rude ass didn't even say thank you or anything, while my mind whirred—still thinking.

And Emmett, he was busy talking about himself. Rose kept asking him questions, and he was speaking mad loud—occasionally peeping back to Bella, hoping she heard him.

That was . . . when I got this knot in my gut.

And I knew what was gonna happen. Once we got to the club, he'd ditch Rose and try to talk to Bella.

After she'd offered me a bone, she giggled—was so fucking cute—but she ran up to Rose and Emmett.

Bella was flirty, she touched my cousin's face, and that's when I picked up my pace to walk closer to them.

Before Rose told Emmett about them splitting a pill, I had the feeling Bella was rollin', to go from not saying a word to fucking bugging out and all happy.

Then Bella started talking about Emmett's dimples…and he made his move. He got mad close to her, pushed her hood down and touched her hair.

And there came flowing down her back . . . long, chestnut brown hair.

I actually groaned and cringed, wanting to fight Emmett for her right there. He made his intentions known from jump. I don't know why Rose didn't get the hint. Emmett pretty much stole Bella from Rose to put his arm around her, and she went with it—nestling into his side.

Bella . . . didn't even know I existed.

Rose wasn't subtle either—had this determined look on her face as she pulled Bella away from Emmett. They walked off, giggling and talking, while Emmett looked back to me. He asked me to take Rose off his hands. I flat-out told him no, that I was feeling Bella.

That's when the gauntlet was thrown.

He said he saw her first, from when she walked out of the store—the same time I peeped her—but I didn't give a fuck. The night was young, shit could change.

But I wasn't going to fight with him. Our conversation lasted a minute at best, and I shrugged—told Em, "Let her decide." I told him to tone himself down, too. He was eager, coming on way too strong.

They started talking about Ecstasy. Emmett pointed, nudged Rose in my direction and stepped closer to Bella.

Rose asked me where they could get more X.

I don't talk business with strangers, so I didn't elaborate on a thing. I kind of ignored her question, and then Rose pushed Bella toward me.

I also heard Rose. "That's YOU right there." She basically told Bella I was her dude, and I was more than cool with it.

That was when Bella stared at me. She fucking gaped at me like a fish, and then she got all quiet again.

It wasn't until we were entering the subway that Bella spoke to me—sounding all shy and shit. It was cute as hell, and at that point, I knew I had her attention.

My head was gassed, and I was excited, but I tried to hide it. And because I'm an idiot . . . I knew I sounded like a dick, asked her if she had money. Little did she know, I would have emptied my pockets for her.

On the platform, they started talking. Emmett was trying to engage Bella in conversation, and she was far-gone. She laughed and shrugged a lot while she practically pranced around.

Again, it was adorable.

Emmett inquired about some shit, Bella being a student, and I asked if she was in high school. Because she does look young, despite having that body.

Bella said she was in college, and that wasn't far-fetched. I figured she could just look young, maybe I was wrong.

Nevertheless, Emmett and Bella were standing too close again while she kept looking to me from the corner of her eyes.

I was like, okay . . . maybe she's feeling us both. It wasn't a bad thing; I just had to get Emmett out of the way.

Rose took care of that for me.

Emmett started talking to me…

But I only had eyes for Bella, and she wasn't that quiet; I heard her deny that she was flirting with Emmett; meanwhile, his dumb ass was still running his mouth. He didn't hear her, was telling me about how much he liked Bella—asking me to back off, just so he could have her.

I don't know much about girls, but some aren't as nasty as us guys, you know? Rose obviously liked Emmett, which meant he was off-limits to Bella, which just so happened to work in my favor.

By now Bella kept checking me out anyway, and I hoped she dug what she saw.

To my surprise, she threw this cute little grin my way before she started making out with Rose. Bella also—while her tongue was all in Blondie's mouth—opened her eyes to stare at me.

I'm such a pervert, and I actually caught a stiffy from that.

Bella basically let me know at that moment she might be feeling me.

Emmett applauded them while they laughed, and then Bella called him over. Knowing my cousin, because he wasn't liking Rose at all, he called Bella over to where he was standing.

Bella backed up, looking to Rose.

I pushed Emmett over there, having a feeling about what was gonna happen next.

Just like I knew, Rose threw herself at Emmett. He seemed caught off guard, was all unaffected while she kissed him, and he was looking for Bella.

That's when the train arrived, and Bella came to me. That was also when I needed to get my head out of my ass and talk to her.

When she sat on my lap . . .

I wanted to do a cartwheel and clap.

Anyway, Bella was rollin' on X, so I knew her affections had to do with that, but I wasn't about to take advantage of a sweetie like her.

_Or…was I?_

At that point, I had a war within myself, especially when she tried to kiss me…I said no to the kiss, wanting to give her time, let her figure out if she truly wanted me. I surprised myself, acting like a fucking chick and shit.

Because if Bella was going to kiss me, tease me, all for her to pick Emmett in the end? Fuck that. That would have caused more problems. Trust.

I was just happy having my hands on those thick thighs, and she loved that.

Emmett was totally hating on me, too. He kept glaring at me, staring at my hand, and I did my best to ignore him. Bella wasn't paying him any attention.

Then I pretended to take a hit of X . . .

Bella was high as a fucking kite—gone. But with X, it's funny. You could be soaring high, something fucked happens, and you can be totally straight. Like, any anxiety scares you straight, but as soon as whatever happened is over, the X takes you again. Bella had a what-the-fuck moment as soon as I mentioned Tunnel.

That was when I kind of knew Bella and her friends were young—definitely younger than they had said.

Again, I honestly didn't give a fuck, but I needed to know. I'm no predator. And I wanted Bella to know me—like me—the dude who thinks he's a player and yet decided to act like a female. The X was a great excuse, as to why I was opening up suddenly.

So, I talked to her, and I never lied.

Bella wasn't as open. She spoke more with her body and actions than her mouth.

Well, her mouth . . .

It was coming for mine again, she fucking straddled my lap. My insides were going nuts at that point. Never in my life had a broad's touch affected me that much.

The first kiss…our first kiss…was chaste in nature, but Bella let out this moan . . .

At one point, I actually counted how many loose pills I had in my pocket, wondering if I'd taken a real tab by mistake—I was flying, you know?

All bets were off at that point. Once she kissed me, that was it. Now Emmett had to back off—he had to. That's how it goes.

That motherfucker actually yoked her up, was so upset that he yanked her away from me.

He's lucky, too.

Since I was acting like a pussy, all gooey with my feelings, I was too busy staring at Bella—this chick who was doing all this shit to me—in awe.

We had a moment.

I laughed at myself as I stopped at a red light.

"What's funny?" Dad asked.

"Just thinkin'," I said, taking off when it turned green.

Carlisle sighed as he stared at his clipboard. "We've been busy lately…How have you been otherwise?"

"Good." I smiled wide. "You know how Bella was staying with me? Now she's living with me . . ."

"Really?" He sounded surprised, but he knows all about Bella.

Especially since I talked his ear off about all that bullshit with Renee.

"Really." I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. "Things are going well."

"That's great, but I figured that was coming. She's been staying with you a few weeks already." He squeezed my shoulder. "I am…Son, I am so happy for you."

"Thanks," I sighed, pulling up to a spot to park.

"When do I get to meet her?" he asked.

I winced. "Um…" I wasn't sure if she'd feel weird about meeting my father. We moved crazy fast, although I really don't know how this relationship shit works. I figured, we're feeling each other, we make each other happy, and the sex is phenomenal . . . I just rolled with it, letting my instincts take over.

"All right." He put his hands up. "Sorry, I pried."

"No." My pager went off, and I looked to it, and it was Bella—or whoever's paging me from the crib. "You know what? Lemme call her. Maybe we can all get a bite to eat after we finish this."

I know my father is lonely, and if I wasn't doing the other shit I do, I'd still be living with him. I behaved myself for a month. I mean, shit had changed around the way, but not really.

Emmett's my cousin, and Jasper was my best friend from when I was little, and the three of us always rolled together. Getting released, I couldn't believe how much had changed and yet stayed the same.

Jasper was still a pothead. But he'd gotten into some trouble when he was eighteen. He'd stolen a car, and he worked out a deal. Instead of serving time, he lied—said he'd planned on joining the army. The DA dug that or whatever, so he got off. But he had to…join the army. He served a few years somewhere down south, and then—since he's such a fan of cars—he got a job at some garage.

As a matter of fact, the night I was arrested, I took those pigs for a ride—so Jazz could jump out, and then . . .

There was no point in us both getting into trouble, and I knew shit was going to be bad because of what I had in the trunk. Just in case anything, I told Jazz to beat it. He was all hell-bent on taking the heat with me—womb to tomb, like we used to say.

That shit didn't fly with me. Especially since it was my business. Jasper has a knack—obviously—for hot-wiring cars, and I needed one. He was bored, wanted to chill. We'd planned on dropping off this shit to the guinea, and then troll for chicks around the 'hood.

Shit did not go the way we'd planned.

The car we boosted had a broken fucking taillight. But then, I took them on a small chase, they ran the plates, found out it was stolen…I was a stupid kid who made an already bad situation worse.

But I did all that so Jazz wouldn't get into trouble.

When I got out, Jasper was still living at home—working and doing his thing.

Emmett also lived at home with my mother's sister—my Aunt Anita—and he was slowly counting down the days until his probation was over, wanting to be a fireman. He obviously couldn't while on probation, but then he went for it.

Emmett got arrested for jumping a turnstile in the subway—of all things, you know? They searched his pockets, and they found a decent-sized bag of weed and some pills.

They actually slapped him hard, though. He didn't do any time, but he was put on two years probation, and he had to complete a drug program, do some community service, and it wasn't even a fucking felony. They'd dropped it from a class D to a criminal misdemeanor. A felony wouldn't be on his record, but he was sentenced as though it was one.

His father, who'd been waiting for him to clean up his act, knew some higher-ups in City Council or something. I don't know.

For two years, all Emmett did was try to clean up his life. He still does whatever the fuck while passing judgment on others.

For the most part—Emmett, Jasper, and me—we had to keep our acts clean and grow up. We decided to get a place together, and we found this cheap, three-bedroom in Sunset Park.

I hate that fucking neighborhood because it's ghetto. Sometimes, I actually wish I'd stayed near my father, or with him.

But I couldn't stay with my pops if I was going to keep on slinging. That shit doesn't fly with him, obviously. He has no idea about what I do or anything. Dad knows I puff, and he'll smoke weed, too. He has no problem with that . . . It's the rest of it.

He has a decent-sized house in Bensonhurst, lives alone, barely has friends.

All Carlisle has is work and me.

When I was locked up, all he had was work, and he'd visit every weekend. My father and I have our ups and downs. He definitely didn't agree with my old lifestyle, which…I was a kid. He'd harp on my ass all the time, but he never gave up on me.

I hope I can help Demetri and Dad mend fences. Pop hates his brother for putting me to work, and I get it, understand. Yo, sometimes—and especially since I met Bella—I get angry at Demetri, for like, damning me to this? At the end of the day, though, I know I made those choices myself.

But Dad and D used to be so close . . .

"Okay…my treat." He pointed to himself. "It's the least I can do, buy your woman dinner…thank her for taming you." Dad was excited.

"Hey…"

"You know I'm joking." He left the car.

When I met him in the back so we could unload our equipment, he stopped to stare at me. "I really am proud of you. I was worried for a while…because old habits die hard?" He placed his arm around me. "But you proved me wrong. You're a great worker…you're staying out of trouble, and now you have a girlfriend." He hugged me tightly.

"You got your life together. Next you'll be getting married and having babies."

"Ha!" Just the thought was kind of scary.

"You'll see. It's more natural than you think. Everything falls into place. You'd be an even better employee if you wore your uniform," he teased.

I rolled my eyes. "It's hot." Instead of coveralls with our company logo, I've been wearing a navy logo tee, my jeans, and my constructions boots. "It's hot as fuck lately. I dunno how you wear it."

He palmed my cheeks. "I'm so, so proud, Edward." He squeezed me tight again.

I cleared my throat, nodding as I stepped back.

That made me feel guilty as fuck.

Remembering how lonely he is, I said, "Lemme call Bella back. I'll meet you inside." I went toward the pay phone on the corner while he entered the doctor's office—their A/C is fucked.

"Shit." The line was busy, and I'd bet Jasper was on the computer.

I waited, smoked a cigarette. Most times, Jazz just hops on to check his mail. He knows the deal during the day—keep it short, keep the line open. We should just get a second line, but he mostly goes on AOL at nighttime, and if anyone needs the phone, he gets off.

Plus, I wanted to let Dad do his thing. We were actually at this job yesterday, too. We didn't have the part their A/C needed in the truck, and with all the other jobs we had, Dad rigged it the best he could—to hold them over until today.

I caught him checking out this receptionist when we were here then. I don't know her name, but she was all smiley at Dad, and I hoped he'd talk to her.

I'm no better, can be shy around the really, really pretty ones…but he's the worst. Most people think my father is my brother, and he's not a bad-looking guy.

I get it, though. Mom was this great love, all he'd ever really known since they had me so young, and he still loves her, but she's gone. The man's never moved on.

That was almost ten years ago.

After flicking the cigarette butt into the street, I called the house and it was still fucking busy . . .

Aggravated, I slammed the phone down, and entered the medical building.

Dad was actually almost done, and I was about to go wait in the truck, try to call Bella again. But this brunette in scrubs…the one from yesterday, I caught her peeping Dad's ass while he knelt down to the A/C.

It made me smile, but then she caught me looking at her, looking at my pops…

She actually blushed and turned in her seat.

I bit my lip, staring between them, and then I decided to go for it. "Hello." I leaned on the counter.

She was flushed, taking a deep breath, and she looked younger than my dad, maybe in her thirties. "Finished already?" she asked.

"Almost." I nodded. "Hey, can I use your phone?"

She picked it up and handed it over, and I tried calling Bella.

Still busy.

"Thanks." I handed it back, my gaze lingering on her left hand. There wasn't a ring. "So…how's your day?" I had no idea what to ask her.

She nodded. "Good, and you?"

"Well, my fa—my brother and I have been really busy." I thought better. "How 'bout youse? The doctor business going well?"

She giggled. "There's never a shortage of sick people."

"True." I pursed my lips. "Look, I'mma cut to the chase." As I pulled back on the counter to stretch my arms, I spied Dad still working on shit. "You feelin' my man ova there?" I tilted my head.

Her eyes widened. "Um…you caught me looking." It wasn't a question.

I didn't confirm or deny. "So…how 'bout I give you his number? You call, say what's up…" I trailed off.

She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, contemplative.

"You're not married or nothin', right?" I asked.

"Divorced. One kid—a toddler."

"No baby-daddy drama, right?" Last thing I wanted to do was hook Dad up, and he be miserable. He's been out of the dating game forever, and times have changed. It's the fucking 90s.

_I should get him some condoms, too_, I thought.

She furrowed her brow, looking at me like I was a weirdo. "We're-we're civil."

I raised a brow, nodding. "Cool. You gotta pen?"

"Wow, okay, then," she laughed again, handing me a pen and paper from over the counter.

"What's your name, sweetheart?" I asked, scribbling Dad's digits down for her.

"Esme," she said.

"That's beautiful," I lied. _What the fuck do I know?_ "That's Carlisle." I kept my tone hushed because Dad was coming over. "Use that. Understand?" I raised a brow, handing her Dad's number.

She looked to him and back to me. "Definitely." Her voice held some conviction there.

"That's what's up." It made me chuckle. "Awesome."

"We're all set here," Dad said, squeezing my shoulder with that death-grip of his.

It made me wince, and it reminded me of being a kid.

Esme waved, and we walked out.

Once in the hall, I stretched my shoulder. "The fuck was that for?" I started laughing. "You jealous I was talking to your girl? What?"

He had a straight face. "It's not about me. Yes, she's attractive…but you're already involved. You're happy. Don't fuck with that." He shook his finger at me as he walked out.

I smiled as I put my sunglasses back on. "I don't plan to fuck with anything…"

"You kids…think I don't know? You slipped her your phone number, didn't you?"

I cackled as I closed the back of the van. "Nah, I gave her yours, stud!"

"Edward!" he shouted as I ran to the front to hop in. "Edward…" He stared at me as he entered.

"What? She likes you or whatever." I started the van and pulled off. "I knew you'd chicken out and not call if she gave you hers." I shrugged. "Look, when she calls…Her name is Esme, by the way. You say what's up, get to small talk, and you ask her out. Take her to dinner." I actually have no idea what people do on a date. I've always just chilled with broads.

He sighed, massaging his forehead. "Okay." Dad actually agreed.

"Okay!" I nodded, and we weren't too far from the crib. "Uh, I didn't get ahold of Bella."

"What do you need to talk to her about? We'll go to your place, pick her up, and go someplace simple. I'm in uniform." He plucked at his shirt.

I nodded. "Sounds good." And I hoped Bella wouldn't be upset, but it's fucking Dad. He's nothing like Bella's mom. He can be cool.

Phil is still around. He either wasn't threatened by me, licked his wounds, or maybe he truly does feel for Renee. Who knows? All I do know is that Renee was faster to move him in after he was "jumped by some kids."

They'd still gone to the beach that weekend, just a day late. So, they spent a day there, and then came back to Brooklyn Sunday night.

Bella didn't call home until that Monday. She told her mother she didn't call to fight, but she needed to know what was going on and such. Bella doesn't even want to be in the same room as Phil.

She says he did nothing wrong, but I knew…just by looking at her face that she was creeped out. Not knowing if he watched her in the shower or not.

I groaned, that shit still vexes me.

"What's wrong?" Dad asked.

I shook my head. "I keep thinking about that Phil shit. How Bella's moms is still cool with him? What's that?" I wondered if Dad could make more sense of it. "What if he was peepin' her in the shower?" I should have done more damage. I mean, I got him from behind, knocked him to the ground, punched his lights out with my right hook, told him to stay away from Bella. If it weren't for all the people…shit. No, I was glad I couldn't really hurt him. Bella might think me crazy.

"Let Renee worry about it. If he was…that's unfortunate. It probably makes Bella very uncomfortable."

"Exactly," I exclaimed. "He moved in, and now Bella's staying with me—that's why. But I don't even mind. I'm actually…happy, you know?" I looked to him as I stopped at a sign. "It gave her an excuse to stay with me." It definitely did.

And I urged her to be—at least—cordial with her mother.

Also, I won't hurt Phil because I wasn't thinking about the bigger picture when I was so enraged.

As long as Phil is around, Bella's mother doesn't need her.

As long as Phil is around, Bella will continue to stay with me.

Weeks ago, we went to get some of her stuff while we _thought_ no one was home. Phil had no idea. His bruises were still present, but he must have forgotten my voice.

They fucking hated me. I'm obviously no teenager. Renee called me a thug; I didn't comment, nor did I give a fuck. The more Renee hounded Bella, the faster Bella moved to get her shit together. Renee said she was calling Charlie—Bella's dad, and that had my attention.

I wondered how much pull Charlie had over his daughter. Like, if . . . he's going to disapprove, but will Bella listen to him? Move out to Queens with him?

That thought made me sick to my stomach, but all this time has passed . . .

Phil kept eyeballing me while I was there.

But he made sure he stayed out of Bella's way, didn't look at her, didn't even say hello. I dug it.

Bella's eighteen. So, it's not like cops were gonna show up at my door to take her home.

Personally, I think Renee will relent. She'll either realize how wrong she was, apologize, or Bella will learn how to get along with her? I'm not sure.

To be honest, it bothers me. I wished she could be happier, get along with her mom.

But the fact that she doesn't . . . it's been working in my favor.

The fucked-up shit Rose did worked in my favor, too.

After they fought it out at the apartment, Rose had her daddy fire Bella.

Again, I'm sad Bella lost her job, but…I pay the rent, I feed her.

What's she need that bullshit job for when she has me?

But nah…she can't just sit around the apartment all day. I know she'll find another job or whatever.

Dad smiled and patted my back. "I understand. You feel bad but you're grateful."

I nodded. "I should beat his ass again, though. Right?"

"Edward…" He sighed, drawing out my name.

I actually chuckled. "I'll behave myself."

"Good . . . Whatever happened to that Puerto Rican girl you were dating?"

"Dating?" I snorted. "Tanya and me…all we did was fuck. It was strictly physical."

We definitely never had any dates. She never hounded me about taking her out, or for a commitment. All she'd want was some money to get her nails done because she's on Welfare. Only weird shit she'd do . . . she used to place her baby on my lap and take pictures.

I used to hand him right the fuck back. I think she liked to pretend he was mine? I don't fucking know. But her baby's half-black, so it's obviously not mine. We were only fucking around a month, maybe longer. We'd met at the subway, and she came right up to me, rocking her baby on her hip.

"I mean, how did it end? Everything is good?"

I huffed, turning down my block. "She pages me sometimes. She actually beeped me twice earlier, but…I just don't call her back. We weren't together, and I bet I wasn't the only dude she was with. You know?"

"But doesn't she live around here?" He stared at me.

I nodded. "Like a few blocks away."

"I'm just…everything is going so well. I want you to…play it safe, so there are no problems." He seemed really interested in …everything, concerned.

It made me smile. "Me and Bella are solid. I never, never felt this way before." I shrugged, knowing I could always be honest about everything but narcotics to my father. "She's amazing, and I just can't keep my fucking hands off her. She's gorgeous. Watch…you'll see." I was suddenly all the more amped to get upstairs.

Dad was still smiling when he left the van, but then he frowned. "You never told me how things worked out with Emmett?"

Yeah, I told my father all about paying Rose to set Emmett up.

Dad obviously didn't approve.

I knew Bella was mine the night we'd met.

I just didn't know how shit would play out afterward.

Knowing I wanted to chill with her again, I also knew that someone was gonna let my past out of the bag. It's not like I was away for six months. I was in the can for over _six years_, where my greatest accomplishment was getting my GED.

Now...I work this bullshit job. I do what I do…and I'm not the most romantic.

_Smart _women stay away from a cat like me. It's true.

Emmett…he'd be the safe choice.

I know no one was talking marriage and shit, but still.

Emmett's a good guy, a really great person. He's got the looks, is a total pretty boy while also being a monster of a dude. He comes from a good family, and he also plays up his fireman gig—talks a really good game, too.

It only took me a minute to ask Rose and slip her the money. She agreed real fast, but…

I would never tell Bella this, but Rose thought I was talking to her because I was interested. Rose offered…told me to leave the little girl for Emmett, insinuating she was a woman.

She's just a fuckin' skank.

I told her no, and then I asked her.

Rose was pissed at Bella, although I don't know why she would be, and she was upset that Emmett was so hung up on Bella.

Again, I didn't know how it would all go . . . so I needed some insurance.

I knew Emmett was going to seek her out. When you like someone, you don't give up on that shit. You go for it. He had no idea Bella was even at the crib. But as soon as he woke up . . . Jazz said he woke up talking about her, was adamant about seeking her, asking her out.

Jazz is my boy, but he can be a fuck, too. He talks about all that no-drama bullshit. He didn't tell Emmett that Bella was just there with me either—to which Emmett would have backed down.

My friend Jazz is a watcher, can be a quiet troublemaker, but he always has my back. So, he watched Emmett leave to meet up with Bella, and he didn't page me to give me a heads up either.

He's all about staying out of other people's business, my ass!

Jazz gets a kick outta watching shit go down.

"We're good," I said. "He won't step outta line or nothin' like that." I located my house key and ran up the steps, and I already heard the music blasting from upstairs.

"No, I was talking about…you two. Did you guys make up?"

I pursed my lips. "I know he's still sore about it. He doesn't give a fuck about me giving that ho money—"

"Edward…"

"Sorry." I chuckled. "Giving that _girl_ money…He's more upset about me being with Bella. But I think he's getting over it. He was chillin' with some chickenhead last night." I opened the door and we walked upstairs.

"Chickenhead?" My father asked.

I bit my lip. "A, you know…a loose girl."

He gave me the stink-eye. "What's wrong with calling them girls, women, females, ladies, or even babes and chicks?"

"My bad…" I opened the door, praying to God shit was cool on the other side.

* * *

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**NOTE: I'm doing my best to space out updates. I'll post again on Thursday/Friday. I have a busy few RL days ahead of me. Thanks for understanding. **


	15. Dinner with Dad

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA. **

**Higher**

**Chapter Fifteen: Dinner With Dad**

**EPOV**

When Dad and I entered the apartment, I already smelled the weed in the air, but then again this place always smells like pot. We need to light some incense.

But I also smelled…garlic?

The music was loud, the air was smoky despite the fan, and Jazz was half-passed out while he played his Sega on the couch.

"Hey!" I hopped in front of him.

Jasper cracked up, always a happy weed smoker. "Yo…Mr. C!" He shot up to hug my father.

"Where's Bella?" I asked.

Jasper backed away from my father. "Somewhere…Kitchen, I think?"

I nodded and went to search for her.

Bella wasn't in the kitchen, but there _was_ something in the oven. We never use that thing. I don't think we've legit cooked anything in that jammy since we've lived here. Although the microwave gets used all the time.

I raised a brow, entering our bedroom—kicking the door shut to get her attention.

My girl was sitting on the bed, leaning back on her one palm, legs bare and wearing one of my work tees with the Cullen logo.

It was classic. Dad'll get a kick out of that.

Her hair was up in one of those big messy bun-shits, and she wore these large, hoop earrings.

Bella looked sexy as hell.

She was also on the phone, but she smiled as soon as she saw me.

"How long you been on the phone? I tried calling like five times." I kicked off my boots.

"Sorry." She mouthed.

I sighed as I took off my T-shirt to stand in front of the A/C a minute, hoping to cool off. "We should get that call-waiting thing." I stared at my woman, but she paid me no attention, running her mouth to...it's gotta be Alice.

_Who else is it gonna be?_

Her eyes were glassy and happy, and she must have smoked with Jazz.

It's always easy to tell when she's blazed. There's always this permanent little smirk, and her eyes smile, too. It's cute. However, she doesn't smoke a lot anymore. It's definitely not an everyday thing these days. She's been good, behaving herself, and she barely even drinks.

"Yeah, Edward's here—he just got home. I'll call you right back. Feel better, and call me if anything." She sounded sad, her voice laced with concern. "Love you, too . . . bye." She ended the call to frown. "My poor Alice."

"What's up?" I asked.

"I missed you." Bella beamed only to squeal when she looked to me, rising to her knees and coming toward me. "Ugh, you're so warm; I love it…sexy." She ran her cold hands over my chest, making my cock come to life.

"It's hot out there." I rubbed down her back, always loving the feel of her in my arms, and then I had to squeeze that ass. "Hmmm. It's good to be home." My forehead rested to hers, and then I got those lips—sticking my tongue all in there, needing to taste her.

Bella moaned, weaving her fingers into my hair.

_Christ. I love that shit. _

But I knew Dad was in the living room . . .

I had no idea why I was nervous. Maybe it's because I never introduced Dad to anyone before? However, I knew he was going to adore her.

I pulled back to hold her face. "My father's here."

"Carlisle?" she giggled because she's high. _This is just great._ Bella is quiet already. And while she's always happy when she smokes, she gets even quieter. "Oh my God. Do you have eye drops?" She pushed me back to jump in front of the mirror.

I wore a huge cheesy smile as I held her back to my chest. "Look, it's no big deal. He puffs, too. He's not gonna give a fuck about that."

"Oh…" She nodded.

"He wants to take us out to eat." I turned her to have her in my arms again…have her tits against me. "Get dressed, but keep the tee on." I lifted it to see if she wore anything underneath, and I saw my boxers. "Put on jeans or something." She's got great legs, but they're my legs . . . and I try to be as cool as possible. I don't say shit; I just suggest.

She shook her head, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I used the twenty you left me on your dresser and went to Key Food . . . and I made dinner for you. Lasagna, and there's salad, garlic bread. We can eat here because there's plenty."

I swore my heart stopped. "You cooked…? For me?" I swallowed, thinking it so sweet, and if my baby can burn—has skills in the kitchen—that's awesome. I'd left that money for her, in case she wanted to go chill in Bay Ridge with Alice or something.

She shrugged. "I was home…and yeah. You do so much for me," she whispered. "I…I wanted to do something for you . . . and Jasper only just came home a little while ago, and Alice is upset. That's why the phone was busy for—"

I didn't care about what their problems were, cutting Bella off with my lips.

Always so excited to see her when I get home, and even more excited now, I brought her to the bed to hover over her, holding her tightly while I kissed her deep.

Bella yanked my hair, guiding my lips to her neck, which spurred me on. My dick was rock hard, and I pushed it against her, needing to feel her.

She squeaked when I bit her collarbone and eased my hands under her shirt. Wanting to say hello to my tits, I pushed her bra up. "You're so sexy," she moaned. "Hmm, Edward."

I panted, staring at her pretty face, and then I bent low to suck on her nipple. She's got a great rack; Bella says she's a size C or something, and she's got these cute, pink nipples. They're perfect in size, fit in my hand, and they always taste like her.

"Edward…" She pushed her hips up and yet reached for my belt. "Now…"

"Shhh." I kissed her lips, having noticed that Jazz turned the stereo down, and I knew my father was here . . . that we should be out there. Guided by lust, I leaned up a little bit, letting Bella kick my jeans and boxers down. "Shit," I laughed and shook when her cold hand grabbed my dick. She's been sitting in the A/C for however long . . .

She jacked my cock while I pushed into her hand, going back to her tits. Bella was getting heated, maybe overheated, moaning out these loud ones. I had to kiss her so she'd shut up. "Touch me," she whispered against my mouth.

"Can I hit it real quick?" I bit her bottom lip, sucking it back.

"Yes." She hugged me tight, pushing her chest up. "All day…I thought about you all day."

"Me too." I pulled the shorts off her, only to pause and stare at her.

She really is gorgeous, beautiful down there . . . pink, bare, and clean, too.

The first time we fucked, she was so tight—almost too fucking tight, and I was afraid she might have been a virgin, despite the fact that she told me different. But it didn't matter. She felt too fucking good, _way too good_, and I wasn't stopping. She wasn't complaining. She wanted it, and I just knew to be easy—gentle, and go slow because the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her.

Bella likes it rough, though. She bugs out when I really go for it, comes instantly.

_God, I love that._

And it was like I did break into that shit, but she still feels mad tight.

"Edward," she whined, her chest heaving, as she lightly tugged on my chain to pull me forward.

I slowly went low to kiss her, resting my elbows on either side of her head, lining us up—my dick always finds her fast, but I didn't push in. "You're beautiful…you know that?" My tongue came out to lightly lick her lips.

She took in a shaky breath, staring into my eyes, kissing me softly and gripping my shoulders hard.

Since her forearms were in my way—keeping our chests from touching—I gathered her hands into one of mine, bringing them above her head, while I pushed forward.

While Bella gasped, I clamped my eyes closed and paused; she felt fantastic, so good my abs stiffened, butterflies flew in my stomach.

And fucking her bareback . . . Christ. It's indescribable.

I started slow, picking up a rhythm with my hips, and I let out a low groan every time I'd fully enter her.

Bella was pushing back, and her legs were up so high and spread wide that her knees rested just under my shoulders. "Harder…" she pleaded.

I bit that lip again, letting out a hiss. "That's what you want, baby?" I let go of her hands, and she was fast to scratch down my back, making me groan and pick up speed.

"I want it…more." She bit my neck, making my eyes roll, and . . .

Shit was on now.

I hugged her tight, her face tucked in my neck, as I dogged her out—digging deep, hard, and so fucking fast. And she needed to come before I did. "That good?" I panted, bringing my hips back to slam into her.

"Yes! Oh God, yes!" She was mad loud again.

I slowed. "Shhh."

She nodded, blowing out a breath. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." My nose touched hers, so I could occupy her mouth, gradually speeding up again—picking up that same momentum while my hand snuck between us to play with her clit.

Bella whimpered. "Edward, I—I—" She tossed her head back, lifting her chin as she stiffened, clamping down on my cock, and every time she comes it makes me lose control—the feeling of her, seeing her.

I went even faster, causing the bed to rock—the headboard banging into the wall.

I didn't give a fuck.

Bella rode it out to pant and claw at me some more, grabbing my biceps—just losing it herself.

My chest vibrated, letting out a growl. I leaned back to sneak my hands under her—hold her ass close so I could get even deeper—swiftly bouncing her on and off me, my hips thrusting, too.

"Fuck." I bit back a groan, biting my lips together.

She gripped the sheets and sat up a little bit, but I pushed her back down—going faster, faster, feeling the fire in my gut.

All too soon, I left her to jack my dick—come on the sheets. "Fuck, baby…"

Out of breath and feeling amazing, I let out a chuckle.

"Hmmm, Edward." Bella kissed me deep, passionately.

I tangled my tongue with hers, only to collapse to her side. "Shit…"

"That was so good." She rubbed my chest. "I mean, my God…Edward." Her tone was emotional as she shook her head and stared at me.

I leaned on my side to palm her cheek. "I know." I kissed her once more.

But Bella backed up fast to gasp. "The lasagna!" She quickly scooted from the bed to hop into her panties and boxers, righting her bra and pulling the shirt down. "I forgot—" And she ran out the bedroom, leaving the door open.

Jazz raised a brow at me; he was standing in the living room with a glass of Kool-Aid in his hand.

That's when I jumped to pull my pants up and grab a cigarette. I didn't give a fuck about that shit; sure Jazz has seen my dick before.

But . . .

_Fuck me. _

That was good.

Every time we fuck, it's amazing. But I gotta go to the store later and get more condoms. We used the last one last night. It's like playing with fire, but Bella lets me get it wet—play for a bit before I put one on. The first time I did it, I just wasn't thinking…too swept up, and Bella didn't stop me.

Never in my life had I dared to do that, but with Bella being my girl, and because I trust her . . .

I've been tested, and Bella said the one time, she made sure they'd used a rubber. I wasn't worried about it. She's not the type to do some shady shit, stick me with a baby either. And I do pull out. But God…I wish I could just come inside her. That'd be hot.

When I went in to check shit out, Dad was already in the kitchen, oven mitt on his hand, while Bella held her forehead.

"Everything all right?" I blew my smoke into the air and rubbed my shoulder. Now that my mind wasn't occupied, I felt a burn. Bella's scratches were raised. Shit.

"It's perfect," Bella said, stepped back and closer to me. "Um…" She turned back to Dad. "I forgot," she whispered. "Sorry you had to—"

"No big deal." He smiled at her and looked back to me from over her head. I knew he'd instantly adore her. "I was just checking . . . You must be Bella?" He took off the mitt to shake her hand.

"Yes." She held his with both of hers. "You're Carlisle . . . It's great to meet you, Mr. Cullen."

"Likewise." Dad nodded. "Edward, did you want to set the table?"

I agreed, leaving my cigarette in my mouth while I grabbed some plates and shit.

"We can use bowls for the salad," Bella whispered.

And I knew she'd get all quiet.

I put the dishes on the kitchen table, took my bone outta my mouth. "Relax."

She nodded, holding her stomach, and then she stole my cigarette.

I smiled as I set the table, and I did leave bowls out for the salad. Dad placed the lasagna and garlic bread down, and then he called Jazz to the table.

I liked this.

There was all this traffic in the kitchen suddenly.

And sitting at the table for a meal . . .

We've always had the table in here. We break up weed on it, forget our mail here, toss keys on it . . . but we never sit and eat. The guys and I are always in our own corners or sprawled in the living room.

Before I took my seat, I kissed Bella's cheek.

"Looks delicious," Dad said. "Thank you, Bella."

"You're welcome. I hope you enjoy." She was still nervous, still kind of whispering; meanwhile, I bet my father heard that "Oh, Edward" shit before when we were fucking.

I squeezed Bella's thigh—a silent thank you—and a soothing gesture.

She grinned at me. "This is nice…sitting at the table." We shared the same thought, as she grabbed the salad. "Want?" She offered me.

I shook my head, rubbing my hands together, staring at that lasagna. "I'm going for that first. If there's room, I'll have salad," I laughed and waited for Dad to serve himself. Then I went for it, but I plopped a healthy portion onto Bella's plate first.

"That's too much," she giggled.

"I'll eat what you don't; trust." I kissed her cheek again; I just had to.

She wore a smile and picked at her salad.

And I swore I was having another orgasm with my first bite of food.

"You like it?" Bella asked.

"Love it." I kissed her forehead this time.

She wiped at it after. I might have left her some sauce there, but I didn't care—sitting and eating great food with Dad and Bella . . . Jazz, too.

But he was quiet until Bella piqued his interest.

"I spoke to Alice before." She let it hang there, and Jasper stopped chewing, a slight frown in place.

I furrowed my brow at him, asking what was up.

He shook his head and went back to his plate.

"Who's Alice?" Dad asked, looking to Bella.

"My best friend…she's dating Jasper."

"Oh." Dad nodded. "Good for you," he told Jasper.

He smiled at my father, but something was bothering him—something neither one brought up. Bella was probably going to tell me before I cut her off. Oh well.

"Youse want something to drink?" I stood from the table, realizing the only one with a drink was Jazz.

"Yeah, whatever you have," Dad said.

We didn't have much, us lazy fucks, who don't shop. "Kool-Aid, water, or a blue quarter juice?" I asked.

"Kool-Aid," Dad and Bella said in unison. It was cute.

I grabbed three cups and brought the pitcher over, pouring them some. "Dad might have a date soon." I smiled.

My father grinned, slouching back with a mouthful.

"Go Carlisle. Get it." Jasper hit his arm.

I laughed, and Bella was trying not to smile. "Eat." I kissed her cheek again. "Yeah…this chick from one of our jobs. She seems cool, nice."

"This kid just gave her my phone number." Dad shook his head, staring down to his plate.

"Well, when she calls…you can ask her out," Bella said, and I was happy she was making an effort.

Dad blew out a breath. "It's been a while…"

"You'll be fine," she assured him and glanced back to me.

My mouth was filled with cheesy, pasta greatness, so I just pointed to her plate with my fork.

She rolled her eyes at me, but she did get down to business. Conversations flowed, and the munchies must have hit Bella. She finished off her salad and what was on her plate. All she had to do was give in to it.

The garlic bread was banging. I could have eaten the whole loaf, but when my dish was empty…I leaned back to hold my stomach, so full.

"That was fantastic." I belched into my fist.

"Excuse you," Dad told me, looking to Bella. "Sweetheart, that was the best lasagna I've ever had. Are you Italian?"

Bella's cheeks got all pink. "Half…my mom is." Suddenly her thumbnail was tasty.

I couldn't really move, so I pulled Bella's chair closer to me, just to have her close. "That was great, baby." Fuck, I was out of breath, too. "Stop." I stole her hand from her mouth.

Bella hummed, squeezing my thigh before she left to bring my plate to the sink along with hers.

And I really liked this.

Fucking Bella treats me like a king.

I'd have to do my best to give her the royal treatment as well.

Shouldn't be too hard . . .

Dad helped Bella clean up, while Jazz and I were just stuck there—two fat fucks—and I really needed a cigarette.

I heaved myself out of the chair.

After all, I couldn't get too comfortable or anything. I still gotta drive the old man home.

The first pull of my cigarette after that meal…I hissed and blew my smoke out.

"Yo…" Jazz knocked once. "Can I rap to you a minute?"

I grabbed the ashtray and sat on my bed. "'Sup?"

Jazz walked in and took a sip of his juice. "We need beer or soda or something."

I nodded. "I'll pick some up when I take Dad home."

"That's what's up," he sighed. "I like having a girl live here. There's always toilet paper, and now she cooks? That's awesome."

"It is," I admitted.

"I've been doing my best to put the seat down." He chuckled. "Poor Bella, she fell in that one time."

"Yeah…I felt horrible. I've been trying, too . . . but what's up?" I asked again.

He stared at Bella's box of gel, hairspray—all that girl crap on my dresser. "What's this?" He took a tampon out a smaller box.

"Dude, you've never took one out wit' your teeth before?" I was joking. Fuck, I've never done that nasty shit before. But I know _what_ a fucking tampon is.

"That's gross. I never eat pussy—unless you love the person, then you wanna and shit. I love getting Alice with the tongue, but she's gonna pull all my hair out one day." He put his glass down and opened the wrapper. "You go down on Bella yet?"

"Yo…put that back...and fuck, yeah, I do. She's my girl."

"It's just one, and I want it…she got a whole box of them." He popped it out of the applicator. "Oh, it's a fucking tampon."

I shook my head at that simple motherfucker. "I think you're puffin' too much lately, man."

He stared in the mirror and put it up his nose.

"What's goin' on wit' you?" I asked once more, putting my cigarette out. Something was likely bothering him.

That sick fuck plopped the tampon into his Kool-Aid, letting it flower-out. "Alice lied about her age," he sighed, turning to face me.

"Uh…yeah. I knew that," I said. "Bella's eighteen."

"You couldn't tell me?" he asked.

"Wasn't my business," I repeated his words from that Emmett shit.

"Fair enough…She lives with her parents, too…and she _was_ a virgin." He looked to the floor. "I thought she just came from money…had a phat crib like that so young."

"You finally hit it?" I asked, surprised he hadn't told me sooner. I mean, I knew they were fucking already. Alice chills here with Bella sometimes—Jasper, too, of course—and she leaves in the middle of the night. I think she's slept over once, and that was a couple days ago.

He nodded. "The first time was weeks ago—the day before Bella moved in?"

I nodded, knew what day it was—Alice's birthday.

"It was amazing, man. Like…what making love is probably like? We went slow, we had some R&B going, fucking candles…it was special."

"What's the problem?" I shrugged.

"She didn't tell me she was a virgin until she…" He chuckled. "I knew it was something like that—so tight I thought my dick was gonna fall off, which was also amazing. But…she was frowning, making this face and she was stiff. So, I'm already inside her—been inside her trying not to blow my load for a minute—and then…I'm an asshole. I _finally_ saw her face, and I ask her what's wrong, and she says it's her first time."

I smiled. "That obviously means you're special. She's feeling you something fierce, right?"

"That was the first lie—"

"And I bet you still finished."

"Of course I did," he laughed. "I wasn't mad at that. My head was gassed that she not only trusted me, but was giving me something…so precious." He sounded wistful, which made me crack up. "I only wished she'd told me before. I could have…I don't know."

"Swift or slow…still hurts them." I shrugged.

"_And_ I would have gotten her off first." His eyes widened. "She had me waitin' so long." He groaned. "I wish she told me that was why. I was just so eager. Again, I should have known something was up. We're kissing and kissing for like…what felt like fucking hours, and she never went for the dick."

I raised a brow. "Well…" I didn't know what to say.

He smirked. "She's a little freak now, though. Alice didn't come the first time, but whenever we're alone—she fucking lunges at me. Calls me Jazzy now. It's awesome."

"Again…what's the problem?"

"Last night, we're here fucking around…chillin' out, and then she says she has something to tell me. She'd already called car service, so we were waiting downstairs on the steps…and she tells me she lied about her age. That she's not twenty, but eighteen. But not only eighteen…the day I took her virginity was her eighteenth birthday." His voice continued to rise. "And fuckin'…" he groaned, pissed. "She was technically seventeen—messing with me like that. I ate seventeen-year-old pussy and I got nothin' in return!"

He widened his arms. "I only did it 'cause I hoped she'd fuck me after. Thank God she didn't, that'd be worse…Christ. Could I go to jail? Well, I can't now. Yo, me and Alice don't work out…fuck, man. I'm checkin' IDs at the door." He punched his palm. "Word. Up."

"But…she's eighteen, so…she's legal." That's the way I look at it—grateful I won't get locked up again for being with Bella.

_She'd be worth it, though. _

"But she lied about two major things…Even if I can get over her being eighteen, which…yo, it's really not a big deal. Another thing that explains her immaturity, how sweet and naïve she is. My babe's got like no common sense, but whatever. How did I _not _know? Did I only see what I wanted to? I mean, she's not like the ghetto bitches around here. That's all I see—living here and working here. Did you see the hoodrat Emmett came home with last night?" He grimaced.

I shook my head no. "I saw him come in when I was going to the bathroom, but no. We went to bed early."

"Ugh." Jasper shuddered. "She was busted. I mean, I know I been wit' a few…You know, you wanna pull the paper bag ova their heads…but ugh." He shivered again, slapping his hand to mine, 'cause I been there, too. "And Em's a really good-lookin' dude. Alice met her while she was on her way to the bathroom. Then when Alice had to pee, she made me Ajax the toilet before she pissed."

"You cleaned the bathroom last night?" I was surprised.

He waved a hand. "The ho Em had'hea used it…whateva. Look…my point is…I'm just saying it was nice to meet someone…like Alice. Sure, Bella and Alice are young, can be silly—_especially together_—but they're classy?" He crinkled his brow. "I think so. Prime example—there's a difference between chicks like Alice and Bella and then like Rose."

I nodded since I knew exactly what he was talking about.

"It has nothing to do wit' sex neither. 'Cause…yo, Alice is a natural."

"I know what you're sayin'. We got lucky—meeting them. Thanks for being a creeper on AOL."

He didn't think it was funny, frowning now. "But she lied…if she can lie about that shit…what else has she lied about or _will_ lie about? I hate acting like a bitch about it, but that shit hurt. I feel like she stomped my heart." He lifted the tampon to suck the Kool-Aid off it.

At that same moment, Bella popped her head in. "Um…" She grimaced at Jasper. "Anyway—" she continued "—Jazz, can I have some of your weed to load the bong for Carlisle?"

I laughed. "I have some in the drawer."

"Go 'head." Jasper waved a hand. "It's on the coffee table."

Bella left, and I thought it awesome—she could bond with my dad.

"You think Bella's bossy?" he whispered.

I shook my head. "Sometimes in bed she's demanding, but I love it. Otherwise…no."

"It's not a bad thing—good leadership skills, whatever. But she bosses _me_ around. I bet she's got Mr. C wrapped around her finger." Jasper chuckled.

"Fuck…she's got me," I admitted. "As far as Alice goes, ask her…if she's lied about anything else. Get to the bottom of shit, air it out…and start over. We both know you dig her—like for real." I insinuated he might be falling for her already.

And Jasper nodded. "How 'bout you?" He raised a brow. "It's weird, right?"

I laughed. "Why fuck around, though? Giving her the cold shoulder while you're all wounded. Forgive her and get over it." I shrugged. "Bella!" I shouted for her.

"Now _you're_ a real bossy fuck," Jazz commented.

I gave him the finger.

She ran back, wearing a smile. "What's up?"

"What's up with Alice? Talk to Jazz a minute."

She frowned. "She was upset and she's sorry, really sorry. You should call her so she stops crying." Bella stared at Jazz.

"She's cryin' because of me?" Jasper looked mortified. "Over _my_ stupid ass?"

Bella hummed. "You don't even know how excited she was…right before we met you guys. She was sure you were telling the truth—had faith. You know? She liked you a lot without meeting you."

I blew her a kiss.

Bella beamed at me for a second. "She kept wondering why a guy like _you_ would like a girl _like_ her. She was gassed and excited, thought you wouldn't meet her if you knew her real age. Alice…she has a huge heart, you know? And…she gave it to you. Jasper, you're an awesome dude, but…Alice_ is_ special. She's amazing and she is very honest. Some people…they might wonder what a girl like that is doing with a guy like _you_. Understand?" I liked the way she broke shit down. "Call her."

Jasper barked out a laugh. "I've asked myself that since the night we met."

Bella pointed behind herself. "I'll be inside."

I waved and looked for the phone on the bed. "Call her." I couldn't find the damn thing, and I had to lift all the blankets before I found it under a pillow. "We need another phone—one we can keep in the kitchen, the living room. We have the extra jacks."

"I'm the only one wit' a computer, and the phone is constantly busy now. It's busy more_ now_—teenage girls, you know?"

"Shut up," I laughed. "I'll…I'll get a line for Bella in here. Tomorrow, I'mma get her a pager." Because if I call this line, the regular line, and I need to talk to her, she'll know. "We should get that call-waiting shit. I mean, my dad had that _before_ I went away." I shook my head, didn't why we didn't get it. "Besides your computer, this place is like Bedrock…all old and shit. We need new…whatever."

"Technology?" he raised a brow.

"That's the word," I sighed.

"Fuck that. Wanna talk about technology…When shit is better, I'mma get a cellular phone. Not one of those Zack Morris shit's either—them big shits? They got a new one out that flips. It's small. Like a TV remote."

I nodded. "That's…" I wondered how much it'd cost to get Bella and me one.

He stared down, pointing. "Why's your bed wet?" Jasper gaped at me. "You hittin' it without a jammy? You crazy?"

"Shhh! What the fuck? Stay out my business." It was a pretty big spot, which was likely a combination of us both. I don't think it's possible for me to come that much, but damn. We gotta change the sheets. I'll ask Bella to do it.

Nah, it'll dry by the time we go to bed. Fuck it.

"You could pull out and they _still_ get pregnant—when we leak, son," he whispered and widened his eyes, pointing to his dick. "I'm sayin'…"

"Here—" I wiggled the cordless. "Call your girl."

"Hang on." He actually closed my door.

"Wassup?" I kept my tone low.

He sat next to me. "You dumb motherfucker!" He slapped the back of my head.

I was quick to get him in a headlock. "Hit me again. I'll throw your little ass out a window."

"You deserved that shit!" he shouted.

I gave his scrawny ass a noogie anyway.

He pushed, and I let him go. "I'm serious, Ed…We all agreed. No babies in the crib…Well, besides Bella and Alice," he laughed, fixing his hair.

"It's all good," I whispered. "Don't worry so much."

"Look—"

"Let it go," I said. "What goes on in _my_ bedroom…Dude, it don't concern you."

"Well, I plan to be a bitch—plan to tell Alice so she gives Bella a lecture." He raised a brow. "If Bella says…"

I didn't say anything more about that, although I wanted to deck him for the hell of it. "Yo, you need a haircut…like a skin fade. You're lookin' like Shaggy from Scooby Doo lately."

"That was low—gotta make fun of my do." He smirked, petting his locks.

"Nah, you never brush it—it looks like a full, nappy pussy bush," I laughed. "You have feminine features, too…you know. Watch that."

"I'm liftin' weights again. But be serious a second."

I gestured for him to continue.

"Bella was out…food shopping around the corner, but I came home for my lunch break." Jasper widened his eyes and shook his head. "Before I left to go back, fucking Tanya was shouting from outside—looking for you."

"Fuck." I had to call her, and I didn't want to. "It's been like a month. That's enough time to get a hint or a clue, isn't it? And we weren't even fuckin' like that. I'd stop at her crib like maybe once a week…if I had nothing _better_ goin'. What's wrong wit' her?"

There was no way she was going to fuck with Bella, or me, or fuck with shit.

I won't let that happen.

"That's what she was bitchin' about—how you can't call her. She's just looking to bust your balls. But I took care of it, bro." He hit my arm. "I did you that solid. I told her you had a girl, that you were happy and in a _'committed and exclusive relationship' _and to step off—I was polite, though."

"What?" I laughed.

"Oh, she called you a pussy-nigga or somethin'…in front of the baby. What's his name, Nelson?"

I shrugged. "I dunno."

"Anyway, she talked about needing to get her _nails did_. She was…talking and mumbling to herself, and then she walked away. But the worst part—" He was laughing his ass off. "I'm about to cross the street to go back to work, and I peep Bella coming from around the corner at the avenue, _at the same time_ Tanya got to that _same_ curb. Dude, I was shook—thought they'd _just know_ and start swinging."

"Fuck," I said again.

"Yo, it was close. Imagine Bella was here? Bro, you must have an angel on your shoulder." He nudged me.

I hummed, handing him the phone. "Good lookin' out. Thanks."

"Thank _you_." He took it and went to leave.

"Hey!" I shouted and pointed to his tampon in a glass.

He snatched his Kool-Aid and left.

I put on a clean tee and followed after him, smiling wide when I saw Bella lighting the bong for my father. It was cute.

Dad covered the top with his hand, trying not to cough. "That's strong." He let it out.

"You're telling me," Bella said.

He offered it to me.

"Nah, I'm good. Gotta drive." I looked to Bella. It was already going on nine, and I knew Dad wanted to get home—to his shows. Besides toking, he had that look in his eyes.

"Edward, can you give me a lift home?" he asked.

I nodded. "You wanna come?" I asked Bella.

"Sure. Lemme just go—"

"Put pants on?" I finished for her.

Bella entered the bedroom and I sighed, facing Dad. "How do I get her to wear pants?"

"It's summertime . . . and don't be like that. Be secure in your relationship. Shit like that...it shows your insecurity."

"Fuck that. I just don't want my legs being seen everywhere. They're my legs." I pointed to myself.

He laughed at me, but I didn't know what was funny. "I was young…telling your mother she couldn't wear this or that. Well, I'd tried to. Lizzie was scrappy. But then you know what? I dug that I had my beautiful wife…she looked hot, but she was on my arm."

My brows rose, and I guess I could see his point.

"Son, how old is she?" he whispered.

I laughed. "Eighteen."

His eyes widened. "She's a sweet girl, very polite, and beautiful—Edward, you_ really_ lucked out…but she looks young."

"She does," I admitted. "But I'm not gross, like…I _like_ her _because_ she looks young. She's easily the most gorgeous chick I've ever met. You don't even know how nervous I was," I laughed at myself. "She's in that baggy tee, but yo. She's got _some_ body, man." I whistled, shaking my head.

He smiled at me. "Like her? Are you in elementary school? I think it's more than that, but what do I know?" He shrugged.

I didn't say anything, wondering why he thought that.

"All that time you were talking to me about everything, and you purposely left out her age. Does it bother you?" He lightly coughed into his fist.

"Nope…that's just how not important it is."

"_Unimportant_ or _not of any importance_."

I ignored that; he makes fun of my English all the time. "It should have been obvious, though. I spoke about her living at home...wit' her moms and shit."

"It's mother or mom. No S." He furrowed his brow. "The way you speak says a lot about you, and why do you add 'and shit' to nearly every sentence? And it's _fuck_ this or _fuck_ that." It really does get him upset.

I rolled my eyes.

"These days, kids are living with their parents for longer," he said. "At least…that's what I hear. I just assumed she was your age . . . geez, you're twenty-four, she's eighteen?" He made a face. "Maybe…no, I'm sorry."

"What were you going to say?" I asked.

Dad wore his "level with me" with a dash of "no offense" face, gesturing to me. "Hear me out, okay? Maybe…living with her mom doesn't work, but you said she has a father? He's in the picture—"

"Barely. We're together a month, and I've never met him."

"Well…What if she lived with him for a little while? In a year, two years, you guys are going strong, you two can get a place together—settle down for real."

"No," I said.

"Just listen…You're finally adjusted. You spent a while trying to get shit in order, you're still—"

"I don't want to talk about that. She's staying here. That's it." I was adamant. "She's not going nowheres."

"Anywhere," he sighed.

"Stop with the English lessons already!" Maybe I had trouble passing my GED, and I speak the way I speak, but I'm smarter than most motherfuckers out there.

"That's English?" he laughed. "Look, if I was Bella's father…" He whistled. "I'd try to kill you. I'm being honest. I wouldn't want my daughter anywhere near you. I'm your father. I know you, but an outsider looking in—who doesn't know you? Come on, Edward. Half the reason she's with you is more than likely because doesn't know any better. You really lucked out." That made me feel like shit.

"You ever wanted more kids?" I asked, highly curious. "Or did Emmett fill that void?"

He shook his head. "If we had them, we had them, but…Mom and I just never did. Since we were so young when we had you, and we struggled along . . . We were seventeen, and we had no idea what we'd gotten ourselves into," he laughed. "We were really careful in the years that followed. Then…we kind of threw caution out the window." He waved a hand, smiling. "But it just never happened."

"What about now?" Again, I was just picking his brain.

His eyes bugged out and he gasped. "Is _she_ pregnant?" he hissed, pointing that finger to my bedroom.

"No!" I shouted, my voice all high-pitched and shit. "No," I laughed. "I was just curious."

"Oh…" He slumped his shoulders, settling down. "Please, please, please, please," he begged. "Wait 'til she grows up a little bit before you even _think_ about—"

"I don't want—" I stopped talking.

Bella left the bedroom in tight shorts, having tied the long t-shirt in a knot. She had lipstick on now. Her hair was neater, but still up. She looked beautiful…those legs, she had some belly showing, too, and I groaned. "Ready?" I looked between them.

Bella popped her gum and left ahead of us, and we trailed after her.

"Yo, youse leaving?" Jasper came running out, sniffing the pits of a shirt before pulling it on. "To get to Guidoland you gotta go through the Ridge. Drop me at Alice's." He ran down the steps past Dad.

* * *

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	16. End of the Day

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA. **

**Higher**

**Chapter Sixteen: End of the Day**

**EPOV**

We filed into the van and headed out to drive my father home. Dad and I rode up front while Jasper and Bella had to touch all the crap in the back. Bella kept holding up a tool asking, "What's this?" and it was cute.

Jasper hopped out on Fourth Avenue, wanting to pick his girl up some flowers at a fruit stand. Since we were going in the same direction, we waited for him. He was quick, jumped back in, and we dropped him at Alice's.

Bella had to get out and say hello, and then the giggling ensued. They were loud, goofing, and Alice really didn't look all that upset.

I gave her ten minutes before I called Bella back to the van.

We dropped Dad off, and I told him I'd be here by eight a.m. tomorrow to pick him up.

"He's really nice," Bella said once he was gone.

I nodded and pulled away from the curb. "He thinks you're a sweetie, too—said you were beautiful." I held her jaw.

She giggled and grabbed one of my cigarettes.

"You don't have any?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She went to put it back.

I rolled my eyes and stopped her. "I'm not being stingy. I need a pack, too. When we go to the store…yo, we need rubbers, too." I gave her a fleeting glance, and I actually hoped she didn't give a fuck, that we could keep doing without. "Right?"

She nodded, lighting the cigarette. "I didn't have enough to get more today. But you really liked dinner?"

"I loved it." There was a green light streak and I stepped on the gas.

"Cool…I put some aside for Emmett."

I raised a brow. "Don't tell _him_ that. If there's any left over when he gets home, he's welcome to it, but . . . He'll get the wrong idea."

"Wrong idea? What? Being nice and polite?" she laughed.

"He's a dude…He already likes you. At least, I think he still likes you. I dunno. You tryin'a take care of him—it might fuck with his head," I explained.

"Well…I just figured because he does nice things for me…"

"What's he do for you?" I asked.

"Just courteous things. Like, yesterday morning he went to the laundromat, asked if I had laundry. At first I said no, but he was all, I don't mind. My stuff was nice and folded after, too." She shrugged.

"Don't do that no more." I didn't like that. I really, really didn't like that. It actually had my chest feeling all tight and shit. "Anyone's touching your drawers…" I pointed to myself.

"Oh, I didn't give him any of that stuff. Just shirts and shorts...pajamas," she giggled. "That is weird—gross, too. Some dude washing my panties."

"Still." I squeezed her thigh. "We're allowed to have a washing machine…I'll get one this week."

"Edward, the laundromat's up the block. You don't—"

"I'm gettin' you one. Shut up about it!"

_That's queen treatment right there. _

Well, women dig appliances, right?

Get her a washer _and_ a dryer . . . that's what's up.

She'll know how I feel about her.

I couldn't believe I never thought of getting one before. Well, I usually just wash my shit at Dad's, to be honest. Bella and I went to do laundry last week up the block. But that shit'll come in handy for us all. "It can go in the kitchen corner—behind the table," I told her.

"Okay," she whispered, had her head down.

"What's wrong?" I grabbed her hand to kiss it.

"Nothing." She smiled.

We were able to stop and get condoms, cigarettes, soda, beer, and icees. And we drove by the supermarket, while I hoped Bella would wanna stop there and pick up something for tomorrow. But she didn't say anything.

Shit was cool, though.

I really dug Bella staying here, living here. The only thing better was if we had our own place, but I think we're far from that.

We met a little over a month ago, and I couldn't believe all that time flew by.

_Huh?_

When we got to the crib, I sat on the couch. It was already past ten, and I never smoked my blunt.

"Tired?" Bella rubbed my back.

I yawned, and I didn't even wanna shower before bed. Fucking beat. "You ready for bed?"

Since it's contagious, Bella yawned, too. "Maybe I should stay up and play Sega…or watch TV."

"Why?" I asked, pulling her into my side.

"'Cause…I'll wake up early with you again, and then I'll have nothing to do. Sleeping later kills at least an hour or two . . . I dunno." She looked down, _and_ down in the dumps. "If I lived at home still, I'd probably be out somewhere right now."

I frowned, worried. "Well…we can do things. We always do something on Saturday nights." Staying home doesn't bother me. I'm so fucking happy, but . . . I thought Bella was, too. "Just tell me. How am I supposed to know you're not happy unless you say something?" I took my arm from around her and stared.

"I _am_ happy." She grasped my hands. "Edward, I'm so, so happy." I was afraid she was just saying that for me.

"If you're bored . . . I mean, you could look for a job, if smoking weed and playing video games isn't fun anymore." Fuck, I'd love to be in Bella's position—quit working with Dad, hustle when I have to, chill out with my girl all the time.

She nodded. "You're right. I'll, um…I've been lazy. I'll hit the avenue tomorrow—go see which stores are hiring."

"Whatever makes you happy, baby." I kissed her cheek.

"Yeah…"

I nodded. "Do whatever…but tuck me in first." I stood up to pull her along with me.

Then our roles reversed. She started to push me toward the bed before we both tumbled back.

I caught her, hugging her tight as she lay flat on top of me, and I hummed.

"I am happy, Edward," she whispered. "I'm the happiest I've ever been with you, but you work…and you have to work." She played with my chain, and her bony elbow dug into my chest.

I groaned, pulling her arms around my neck. "Summer will be over before we know it. Then…shit'll slow down. I'll be home by three or four—it's a eight-hour day instead of ten or whatever." I rubbed her back. "That's what Dad says."

"I hated Carvel…that was a shit job. Maybe I could work in a clothing store or waitress?"

"Stick with retail," I said. "If you waitress…you'll have to work evenings and weekends."

"I'd still have to work weekends anywhere," she sighed, scooting lower.

"Stop...You don't have to." I placed my hands on her shoulders, as I always feel...off when Bella wants to _suck me_ off. It always feels amazing, but she's my girl not some ho.

"I want to," she said.

My breath hitched as I watched her undo my belt. She's gotten exponentially better at sucking my cock, and she looks hot doing it . . . but I always have this war within me when she gets on her knees.

I got excited, hard with her just pulling my pants back.

On the inside, however, I feel Bella's too good, too pure for this shit.

"Can I?" She wore a smirk.

I folded my arms behind my head, throwing all those worries out the window.

She likes doing it.

Shame on me for trying to stop her, I guess. "It's yours. You want it…" I smiled, thinking, this is the life.

It can't get any better, but then it did—when she took me deep to twirl her tongue and moan around my cock.

"Whew." I blew out a large breath, listening to the phone as it rang. It must be inside because it wasn't loud.

"You wanna get that?" She jacked me hard.

I grunted a no and pushed her head down on me.

She gagged.

I pulled her hair and her mouth off me. "I'm sorry."

She grinned, gobbling my cock down again.

"Fuck." I bit out.

She started going faster with a rhythm, and she had a swirl to her neck.

I clamped my eyes closed, trying to concentrate, and then she played with my balls. "You're so—so good, baby." The phone started ringing again.

She smiled around my cock, shielding her teeth with her lips and everything got tighter—her mouth was so fucking warm. And that phone just kept on ringing. Then my pager went off, and then someone called again.

"What's going on?" Bella asked.

I tried to catch my breath as I looked to my beeper. I didn't recognize the number, but Jasper's code was at the end. "This Alice's crib?" I showed it to Bella while the phone started ringing again.

"Yeah…" She kept yanking on my cock. "I'll get the phone. You stay here." She ran out.

I threw that stupid pager away from me, and then I kicked off my sneakers and my jeans. Basically, I got naked.

"Lose the clothes," I told Bella. "You can scream. No one's home, and I plan to _make_ you scream." I stroked myself as I checked out those meaty thighs as she walked. "And I'm not tired anymore." It was true.

She tossed me the phone before undressing.

When her ass was exposed, I crawled over to bite it, making her hiss. "You don't think that's gross? My butt?" She has such an immature outlook on certain things that's cute.

As the phone started ringing again—having something to prove—I ignored it to spread her ass cheeks and lick her hole right quick.

She squealed and hopped away from me. "Edward!"

I shrugged. I'd never done that to a bitch before, but that's how much I . . . I don't know. Every part of her is glorious. "That was hot." It was taboo in a way that made it sexy. I'm the freak who likes to lick up her sweat and everything else.

Why not her ass?

It's Bella ass.

"Felt weird." She scrunched her nose and lost her shirt, and I eased back to jack my cock again. "But if you like it, I mean…I'm yours." She threw her bra away, letting those puppies loose.

"Get over here." I bit my lip. "When I'm done with this phone call, you'll sit on my face." I turned the phone on. Bella, nor any before her, has ever sat on my face either. It's surprising. How much I haven't done because of all that trust and shit. I usually hit it and leave.

And having a long list of past partners doesn't necessarily mean experience.

I know how to fuck, trust.

But when I just _had_ to lick Bella's pussy…

I had to. I'd been thinking about it for a while, all the time, actually. Every time I'd rub up her thighs, I wanted to bury my face in her.

Yet, I was nervous; I have to be the best at everything I do.

Bella's the first broad I've gone down on since…before I was locked up. Wow. I don't even remember ever doing it, though, but I swore I had, or maybe it was some teenage fantasy? Who the fuck knows...

It's just…pussy has never had a face before for me.

It's a startling realization.

Realizing that sex truly meant nothing with everyone else I was ever with, but when Bella and I fuck . . . It's a beautiful experience. It's wonderful, fucking spiritual and shit.

I laughed at myself for thinking like such a pussy. "Uh…I need the number." Of course, since I'd thrown my pager, I had to ask Bella for Alice's number.

Bella gave it to me and was on me fast, going for my dick again while I placed the phone to my ear. She looked so sexy, her knee bent, ass raised slightly.

I groaned, grabbing that ass. "So hot." And I spanked it to watch it jiggle. "Hmmm."

" . . . Hello?" Alice laughed.

"It's Edward." My mouth made an "o" shape as Bella licked up and down my shaft, massaging my balls.

"Yo…" Jasper hopped on the line.

"What?" I held the phone with my shoulder, pushing Bella's hair away.

Then we heard "BELLA!" which someone had shouted from outside. It was a dude. I didn't know what to do—talk to Jazz, continue with my BJ, or wonder why some guy was shouting for my girl.

"Who the fuck is that?" I looked to Bella.

"It sounded like—"

"Bella!" We heard it again.

"—my Dad." Her face paled.

Fuck, mine did, too.

"Ed, you there?" Jasper shouted.

"I gotta go," I said.

"Nah, listen to this shit, man…" Jasper actually sounded pissed. "We just got back from getting ice cream—"

"I don't care." My hard-on was almost gone, but Bella was just…sitting there. "Get dressed," I told her.

_Or should we pretend no one's home?_

"You do care, Ed. We obviously ran into Rose. She was about to close the store, but there was some dude talking to her. Alice knew who he was—it was Bella's father, and Rose gave him the addy. Then he bounced—taking off in his cab. Alice starts screaming at Rose…It was ugly. I never saw my baby get angry like that." Jasper ranted that out, Alice giggled in the background, and Bella's dad shouted for her once more.

"Tell Bella to call me," Alice hollered into the phone. "I want deets."

"He's here," I told Jasper. "Thanks for the warning."

"I tried calling how many times, my dude. Once from a pay phone and then we rushed here," he explained.

"I know…thanks." I ended the call. "Fuck."

Bella had her shirt on, hopping into her shorts. "How—"

"Rose," I said. "And after a month—three weeks of you living here he's coming by?" I started throwing clothes on, too.

"I—I don't talk to him often. He calls every few weeks, like once a month to check in. Renee must have just told him. I don't know." She bit her thumbnail.

"Put your shoes on. I'm sorry; he's not coming up here." There's too much shit around; it stinks like weed…

"It's fine. I'll just…I don't know. But _you_ stay here." She went to leave.

"Wait for me!" I called out, scooping my kicks on.

Her father had a car, was right outside, and it's close to midnight—I'll be damned if he tries to put her in and drive off with her.

Father or not, I'd clock him one.

We ran down the steps together—me in front of Bella, and he was right there, about to shout for her again. "Bella!" He widened his arms. "I spoke to your mother . . ."

"Oh," was all she said.

Charlie was about my height, looked about my father's age or younger, a thick mustache—a fan of denim and flannel.

"She told me you moved out weeks ago—neither of you could call me, and Renee had no answers. How does she not have your number or know where you live?" he was ranting. "That woman sometimes—I swear to Christ. Bella, what is this?" He gestured to me.

I put my hand out. "I'm Edward."

He dropped his arms. "Rosalie had a whole bunch to tell me about you—"

"You can't believe her!" Bella shouted. "Rose and I are fighting, but her lying to you—that's a new low." Now Bella was pissed.

"Oh, he's not five years your senior and sells crack?" Thankfully, his voice was lowered.

"No!" Bella shrieked.

I cackled, and they both turned to me. "Sorry." I put my hand up. "No, I'm actually an HVAC technician." I jerked a thumb to the van.

Charlie looked to it and back to me, and he didn't like me either.

_Great._

I'm sure there's plenty more Bella could have said, but… "Please don't give Mom the address," she pleaded.

Charlie backed up closer to his taxi. "Go get your stuff. You're leaving."

"What?" she shouted. "I'm not going anywhere." She stepped back into me.

I placed my arms around her waist. "Sir—"

"Get your hands off my daughter!" Charlie pointed.

I did not fucking move. "She's eighteen, sir. By right and law, she doesn't have to live with you or your ex-wife." I didn't know what to say either. Well, what would sound polite. I _knew_ what I wanted to tell him. "She's starting college in the fall—"

"You continue living with this filth," bastard called me filth, "I'm not paying for shit!"

"When have you ever?" Bella laughed. "Besides the money you used to give Mom, which I never saw… I don't want to fight with you, but where were you? All the times Renee would—" She stopped talking and turned to bury her face in my chest, sobbing.

"Shhh." I rubbed her back. "Tell him, baby…let him know." My tone was low, and then I looked to Charlie. "Don't worry about her tuition—I'll take care of it." I thought that might gain me some points, but I'd actually love to do that for Bella.

"HVAC salary, right?" He thought that was funny.

"Bella works, too." I shrugged, rubbing circles in her back.

"If youse last _that_ long." His tone was sarcastic. "You meet some guy and the next day you move in with him? Bella, do you even know him?"

Bella sniffled and turned to face him, and she had toughened up. "I do know him. But you don't, and you're judging him? I love him and what we have is amazing! I'm not leaving, and you can either accept it—that we're together, or—" She shrugged. "We never saw each other before…It'd break my heart."

I gulped, all happy suddenly, like I wanted to shout and let everyone in the 'hood know that my girl loves me.

"The fuck are you smiling at?" Charlie asked.

I chuckled, but I was instantly pissed. "Slow your roll, man. Don't come at me like that. You don't know me."

"You love him?" Charlie grimaced, pointing to me.

"His name's Edward," Bella said. "Yes, I do."

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine. _Be_ with him, continue to date him. That's fine…but _live_ with me if you and Renee are at odds. Bells, _start_ your life before you _settle_."

"My life started when I met Edward." Her tone was low again.

"Are you kidding me?" he laughed. "You're gonna get knocked up before class even starts!"

"We're safe!" she hollered. "I won't. Just because you and Mom screwed up—weren't happy, it doesn't mean I won't be. Please, accept it." She left me to grab her father's hand. "I can't leave with you. I'm happy, Dad. I'm finally happy. There's so much you don't know, and I find it baffling that just like Mom...you suddenly care now?"

"Bells…" He pulled her in for a hug. "I've always cared...I've always...Baby, you're so young…and I looked into things. There's a community college not far from me. Or…you could do loans and go to a four-year school. You had the grades—"

"I'm fine where I am," she whispered, clamping her eyes closed as she hugged him back tight. "I _can't_ live with you."

"Look—" I started "—Renee's man, he's living there now. He creeps her out." I wasn't sure if Bella wanted Charlie to know. I knew she was having a hard time getting it out.

"Did he do something?" Charlie pulled back to hold her face. "Tell me."

"No…" Her lip quivered. "He—I don't know. It's a long story, but Edward took care of it."

"What's that mean?" Charlie asked.

I made the punching gesture, which made him crack a smile. "I know there's an age difference. That was true," I said, my stomach knotting up. "I'm a little older. But I love your daughter very much. And I've been trying very hard to make her happy, make sure she's safe, to care for her. She's…she's, uh, my life now."

"What?" Bella turned to me.

I just smirked and shook my head.

She let out a squeal and then she was hanging off me, had jumped at me.

I chuckled, kissing her hair and hugging her tight. "I do."

"Oh, me too!" she sighed.

Our moment was cut short when Charlie asked, "And you being locked up for years? Look, I'm sure you're a nice guy. I'm sure you love her, but you have to understand that…I don't like the things I've heard." He stared at Bella. "What you've been up to lately...your behavior." He looked angry again, but his eyes were settled on Bella when he said that. "I'm not that crazy about my young daughter living with an ex-convict, but the things I've heard make me sick to my stomach!"

I scraped my teeth on my bottom lip. "My past…it's in my past, shit I can't take back. I did some shit, none of it was violent or anything. I did the crime and I paid the time—"

"Drugs, I was told."

I shrugged at a loss, and I didn't know what to say, but for Bella's sake . . . I wanted this guy to like me, respect me. "I was a stupid kid."

"Rose is a fucking bitch. God!" Bella shouted.

"She told me plenty, and I was grateful someone had answers. I'm trying to be nice here, give this guy the benefit of the doubt. Bella...I heard you're not working anymore. You're using drugs—poppin' pills. All you do is smoke pot, and wait around to get fucked by this one?" He counted off his fingers. "That is not what I call being taken care of, and you wanna throw your life away for this trash—"

"Whoa!" I widened my arms. "Listen, don't talk about things that are definitely none of your business. Like what goes on in my-fucking-bedroom." I pointed to myself. "I'm trying—doing my best to show you respect as Bella's pops, but you're pushin' it! And you're making these half-assed assumptions when you don't know jack shit! She's living with me a month, and this is the first time you're reaching out...? Nah, fuck that and fuck you. Some father you are...I'm not a piece-of-shit. You are!" I walked closer to him.

"You're gonna take a swing at me, too, tough guy?" He actually stepped toward me.

Livid, I laughed anyway, pushing Bella to my side.

"Stop!" She hopped up and down between us.

Charlie was smart, backed up. "What the fuck happened? That's making you act out this way?" He stared at his daughter. "Since when do you even care for boys? You still have Barbie dolls and you're a good girl—"

Bella cleared her throat, staring to the ground, and it was evident that Charlie knew nothing about her. "Nothing. I just grew up, but Rose is lying. I don't do drugs, he doesn't sell them…The only thing true about what she said is his age, which is…he just turned twenty-four. So, six years, big whoop."

"You're too young to just throw your life away—"

"How is she throwing it away?" I asked. "We're together. We're in love. We're happy...Accept it or step off already."

He looked to his daughter. "You're making these huge decisions…As your father, I see you making mistakes, and I want to help—do anything I can. You don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, or next week, or whenever."

"None of us do," I said. "But you go for it anyway and hope for the best." That's actually what my own father told me, when I was all weirded out by having a girl for the first time—lots of firsts with Bella, my love.

"You're investing everything in this guy…who will more than likely hurt you. There. I said it." He shrugged.

"Why 'cause I look like some playa?" I shook my head. "My jeans might be too baggy for you? Too many tattoos...? What's up? I got my word and my dick, that's it!"

"Edward." Bella rubbed on my chest. "Relax. I'm not going anywhere," she whispered. "Nothing matters."

I pulled her into my arms and planted my lips on her forehead.

"Bells, just think about the things I've said—call me, or I _will_ come here again. I wanna know you're safe." Now Charlie just looked exasperated as he opened the car door. "But you know what? For you, Bella, I do hope I'm wrong. I wish you nothing but happiness." He looked to me and entered his car. "Call me, Bella."

"Dad—" Bella turned, disappointment coloring her face, and then she waved.

She waited until he drove away to start crying.

"I'm sorry," I said.

She shook her head.

"Wanna go to the store? Get some more icees?" I suggested; they're her favorite. "Brownies? Cake?" I didn't want to say ice cream, afraid she'd think of Carvel. "We can…pig out in bed and watch a movie?" The sight of her crying gets me so fucking pissed for some reason, wishing I could fix whatever's broken. "Baby…" I wiped her tears away.

Bella sniffled, nodding. "We'll get snacks and smoke that blunt?"

I actually paused. "How 'bout we talk?" The last thing I wanted her to do was reach for weed or anything because she's upset.

"Whatever," she whispered. "Thought it might help me sleep."

"Come on." Even if I was still shirtless, I didn't care, wrapping my arm around Bella to walk down to the bodega.

But she kept crying and crying, sobbing, when she never does. Bella gets teary-eyed often, which I know is a girl thing, but she never cries like this.

I stopped us before we entered the store, concerned because she didn't cry _at all_ when she left Renee's. "Um…" I massaged her shoulders. "If…" I couldn't say it, but I had to. "If you're that sad…Bella, I'll drive to Queens every day after work. We can...go on dates and spend weekends together. You living in Queens won't change anything. This neighborhood is shit, and..." My heart felt as though it was breaking, but I had to say something.

She threw herself into my arms. "I love you too much to leave."

I grinned, lifting her chin to get those wet, salty lips. "I love you, too." My stomach was nervous and excited when I said it again. "And you going to live with your pops won't change that either." Deep down, however, I didn't want her going anywhere.

"It'd hurt me…literally almost kill me if I left," she whispered. "I'm sad because…I'm so pissed at Rose, at my dad for being so rude to you—"

"I'm tougher than I look." I winked. "He got me heated, too, though...but he's just concerned about...everything. He's still your father, same as your mom is your mom . . . Rose? Fuck her. But what I'm saying is…no matter what, just because they don't approve of me, it doesn't mean you can't talk to them, or go see them." The last thing I wanted was for her to lose them because of me. Her living in Queens, I can work around. Me being noble and stepping back? Fuck that. "You never know, though. Charlie seemed scared. And I am going to prove him wrong."

She started sobbing again. "I just…you're wonderful. I mean, sometimes you have an attitude and snap, and you say _everything_ that's on your mind…" She giggled through her tears, "but you're perfect."

I chuckled, slouching low to be attentive, wipe her cheeks again. "Baby, I am far from perfect."

"I feel so much for you…the past month…I look at each day with you as a gift. And I've been dying to tell you that I love you." She placed her hand on my chest. "I wanna scream it…and when I'm with you, I'm whole. I'm so happy with you…it's a high that doesn't end—" Her speech did because I kissed the fuck outta her, and we were on the corner, and I got overzealous, bringing her over to the brick side.

"I do love you." My heart was beating rapidly, my cock hard again when I gazed into her eyes. "I…" I didn't know how to tell her what was up with me. I knew how I felt; I just couldn't describe it as beautifully as she did. "I didn't know that was missing, that I was supposed to say it? That my feelings were love? Until I _just_ knew?" I knew I sounded stupid, but I did the best I could.

"Well…" she giggled. "I finally found the courage to say it…not only to tell my dad, but because I thought you might feel the same. Sometimes you're hard to read. In the beginning, I didn't know anything—how you felt? But you care so much for me…You've shown me more love than they ever did."

I didn't know what to reply with. "It's late…let's get your stuff."

She pulled me down to kiss me fierce again.

My hand went to her hip, trying to hold her as close as I could, while my tongue tangled—explored. She needed to watch it, or I'd fuck her right here. "So sexy." I squeezed her ass, our noses touching.

She nipped my bottom lip.

I groaned, going back for more.

A whistle and a chorus of laughter broke us apart.

When I turned to look, I saw Tanya and two of her friends—Irina and Kate—walking toward the store.

Tanya doesn't know I bumped off both her friends.

Irina and Kate liked me; it didn't even matter to them that I wouldn't kiss them. They get down with each other, so we all got down together one time—because I used to be nasty and it didn't matter if they were kinda busted.

Getting out of prison…it was a pussy free-for-all, I guess.

Irina and Kate are real skanky, though. They're actually the reason I was quick to get tested again—had my mind going crazy. I used condoms, lots of them, but you never know. I watched them fuck, and then I took turns fucking them. Then I was out.

Fucking Emmett and Jasper got down with those skeevy bitches, too.

The funny thing about Irina and Kate, though . . . They're actually decent people, like human beings, or whatever? Well, Irina's a cool chick. Kate is simple, like slow, or really fucking dumb. Tanya's not far behind Kate in that respect.

Either way, the situation I was in now was fucked. But I knew—despite whatever we'd done—Irina and Kate wouldn't fuck with Bella at all.

I didn't say anything, but I turned so that Bella was shielded from Tanya.

_Maybe we needed to leave this neighborhood,_ I thought.

"Hi, Edward." Tanya waved.

I looked to Irina, wondering if she was going to control her minions. "'Sup?" I jerked my chin, also wondering what that bitch Tanya was going to do. I knew I had to do something, and punching her in her face wasn't an option…unless she does some wild shit and places a hand on my girl.

Then all bets are off.

"I been beeping you off the hook. You can't call yo' girl back?" Tanya placed her hand on her hip. "What's up with that?"

"_Every_ time my wifey pages, I call her." I made a show of grabbing Bella's hand. "I would'a told you sooner. I've been busy…I'm wifed-up now. My bad for not letting you know." I shrugged, pulling Bella so she flanked me, was tucked under my arm. "Baby, this is Tanya." I decided to be polite, cool as a cucumber, and see where it got me.

Bella just stared at her.

Tanya sized her up, looking up and down. "Jazz told me. _You_ couldn't tell me?"

"I told you. I been busy." I brought Bella's hand up, kissed her knuckles. She was squeezing my hand so hard, I thought she might break it.

"You're such a pussy! Couldn't tell me. Got me waitin' by my _phone_ and shit." She twirled that fake nail.

"He's not a pussy. He just didn't give a fuck—you weren't important enough, not even a _blip_ on his radar." Bella took a step forward, and I still can't believe how fast she is to throw down sometimes. She's so small, quiet, but she chooses the best times to be mouthy.

What was she gonna do, though? Take on all three of them? I stopped her real quick.

Tanya's jaw dropped, stuck for a second. I guess she thought Bella wasn't going to say shit.

"It's whatever…my bad. You want a written apology?" I laughed.

Tanya looked to Bella. "You wanna step to me, little girl? What's up?" She threw her arms out, flinching back.

Once again, I had to pull Bella into me.

"Let that little white ho go!" Tanya shouted.

Bella let out a loud laugh. "I live with him. He loves me! That makes me his wife. And that makes you…well, you _were_ his ho, I'm guessing. You're his used-up ho! Taken out like last night's trash."

_That was the moment I knew I wanted to marry Bella. _

"_Fuck_ you, bitch!" Tanya sang, flipping my wife off.

"Just get your triflin' ass outta here!" I pointed across the street. "This is my block, you hear me? So you step off, and don't let me see you…you got that?" I bent lower to look into Tanya's eyes. "There's stores on every fucking corner that accept food stamps—you don't go to this one no more. You see my wife on the street, you say what's up, or you _cross_ the fuckin' street. Don't fuck with me and mines, or else I'll be coming through heavy—looking for you."

She knows better. It wasn't because we were so close or together, but Tanya's got brothers who know me—know what I'm about and shit.

Tanya turned back to her friends. "He's gotta white girl now, thinks he's hot shit."

"T, let's go." Irina pulled her away.

"Do you hear how ignorant you sound?" Bella asked.

Tanya laughed. "I'm Puerto Rican so I'm ignorant?"

"No, you're dumb as fuck!" I shouted. "_That_ makes you ignorant."

"Maybe you think you're hot shit. But you _ain't_ shit," Bella laughed.

"Enough." I yanked on her arm—didn't want this shit to escalate, and then Bella gets jumped. I'd end up killing somebody.

"Maybe you had Edward at one point, but he's mine now. So, get to steppin'." Bella leaned forward.

I narrowed my eyes down at Bella, and she wiped the smile off her face.

Tanya put her hand up_ in my_ face, so I could speak to it. It pissed me off, but she had no retort—she wasn't going to add fuel to Bella's fire—which meant she was going to heed my warning.

"I'll break your fuckin' hand. Get it out my face!" I spat, and now Bella held me back. "Don't come around this block no more."

Tanya gritted her teeth and then she turned. Her friends quickly did the same, and Irina mouthed an "I'm sorry" to me.

Once they were across the street, I faced Bella, and Christ...her glare on _me_ was murderous. "I'm sorry that happened…but what the fuck? You don't think?" I poked my temple. "You live here now. Making the chicas your enemies wasn't a smart move." I'd have to counteract that somehow. "They all stick together—they're all cousins or say they are." I huffed a breath. "Just…I'm sorry that happened. I know you're probably pissed at me. We fucked around before I even met you…I haven't spoken to her since _before I met you_."

"I knew you wouldn't let them hurt me, and she was talkin' crap about you—"

"Don't worry about me," I said. "You're a tough guy now...? No, you were just frontin', 'cause I'm here. What happens when I'm not around?" I shrugged.

"I would have!"

I rolled my eyes, but I knew she would, and she would have gotten her ass kicked. "Look, this isn't Bay Ridge…those bitches ain't gonna pull your hair and scratch at ya like Rose. They fight like men. You…you'll get your ass kicked. I'll take care of it, but from now on…think." I poked her temple this time.

"How many more are we going to run into around here? Sore girls you've used?"

That felt like a kick to the gut. "I'll take care of it. I'm sorry that happened." I couldn't even promise that won't happen again.

"How many?" she whispered. "Do I have to get tested?"

"I'm clean," I said. "I have those results at home…you can look at them. But if I thought I wasn't, thought I had something…I wouldn't hurt you that way. I'd be more careful. But we can both go together to get checked out if you want." I kissed her hand.

"And you get mad when I act like a slut, when I just wanna be_ your_ slut and...I love giving you blow jobs and stuff." She sounded weepy again.

"I let you blow me."

"Yeah, now. But you've said you don't like loose women, meanwhile..."

"You're going to be my wife someday, hopefully the mother of my kids. The shit hoes do..." I shook my head. "If I wanted one, I'd..."

"What?" she asked. "Go out and get one?" Bella actually raised her fist, like she was gonna do something.

It made me smile. "No, no fucking way." I pecked her lips. "You're just too good to be doing that nasty shit."

"That's crap...and it's not nasty, not when it's us." She tried to be mad at me, but she couldn't. I saw the look on her face when she relaxed her stance. "For all the bullshit today, I should get the whole blunt."

I smirked. "You still want candy, baby?"

"Yeah…you said you'd get me some." She walked into the store.

I smiled, trailing after her.

Knowing from now until forever . . . wherever that ass goes, I follow.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **


	17. A New Day

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Seventeen: A New Day**

**EPOV**

The next morning, the both of us were exhausted. I was quick to shut off the alarm, so Bella could sleep some more, but she woke up with me...woke up with her period, too, which blows. She bitched about it with me, but then she said some shit about how she knew it was coming today—forgot she was getting it today. I don't know jack about that female shit.

We were just cranky and grumpy.

In that hindsight way, I was glad she was bleeding. I mean, between Jasper and my pops bringing up that pregnancy garbage…I wasn't worried, but it'd be my luck that they'd jinx me and shit.

We got like_ maybe _three hours of sleep after fucking and eating junk food.

I _felt_ like garbage.

But I pushed through it, did a few reps—worked out like I do every morning, lifting my weights while Bella watched, eating a bowl of cereal—and then I took a shower. Bella's bleeding, so she refused to join me, thought it'd be gross or some ridiculous bullshit.

And Bella wanted to hit the avenue early.

And I suggested she ride with me; I could drop her off in Bay Ridge.

Since it was still really early, I brought her to Alice's house along with Jasper; he's off today. It sucked because he wouldn't get to the van today. That lazy, procrastinating motherfucker.

He was fast to hop out and paw at Alice.

I asked Bella to wait a minute.

"That's a lot. What's that for?" She had an attitude, staring at the money in my hand.

"It's...for whatever. I don't want you walking around with no cash."

"You got me cigarettes; you gave me a one-hitter. I don't need anything else," she said. "I'm good."

"Bella..."

"I don't need—"

"Just fuckin' take it." That proud shit pisses me off because she's broke. "Buy something…eat lunch, and you _better_ fuckin' eat something, and...get dinner for us." I hoped she'd cook again for me. "I don't know. I'll pick you up later." I grabbed that tiny backpack and shoved the money inside. "There." I threw it onto her lap.

She huffed and left the van, only to slam the door closed.

"Oh!" Instantly pissed, I fumbled to get my seat belt off. "Get ova hea! Now!" I hollered.

Bella jumped, but she turned around and walked over.

"Take it easy!" Jazz shouted from Alice's porch.

I ignored him, getting out of the car.

"What?" Bella wouldn't look at me.

"Look at me." I grabbed her chin, and she pulled away, fire in her eyes. It pissed me off even more. "Don't _ever_, ever walk away from me. Got it? Just cool it with the attitude." I pecked those lips. "I don't get a kiss? What's wrong with you this morning?" I nudged her. "Is it because of that dumb shit last night?" I asked. "You didn't say jack last night, and I was boffin' that bitch before I even met you, and I haven't spoken to her _since_ I met you."

Bella remained silent.

I raised a brow, bending low to be in her line of sight. "Fuckin' talk!"

"Why do you have to yell at me all the time?" she whispered, sounding like a child. "It makes me feel bad, makes me sad." She had tears in her eyes, the lip quivered, and I felt like dog shit.

"I…"

_Was I yelling? _

"I just talk loud…I'm a passionate fucker, baby." I tried my best to sound lighthearted, and I figured what I said was good as I wiggled her hips, trying to make her smile. "And you turning your back to me…that makes me _dumb_ sad." I gave her an Eskimo kiss, like my mom used to do. "Butterfly kiss, too?" I placed my eye to her cheek and blinked a few times.

She giggled.

"Still love me?" I touched my nose to hers once more.

"Yeah," she sighed, gently kissing my lips.

"Good." I groaned, squeezing that ass. "Our day isn't too bad, actually. I'll call you before I head here."

"Okay."

After one more long-ass, sloppy kiss, I had to go.

And I was late for my father.

He ran out the house shouting at me, and I ate it. I didn't say shit. I took his clipboard to get the address for our first job. After all that hollering, he had nothing to say to me.

But Dad didn't even talk to me until after we were done with the first two stops. We headed toward Greenpoint, and he finally spoke after that one.

So, for three hours, we gave each other the silent treatment.

"Esme called me." Dad let that hang there.

I was paged, and I looked at it. "Did you ask her out?" I asked, seeing that it was my uncle who beeped me. I'll call him back when I get home, but I already knew what he was going to ask. The weekend's coming up and all.

"Saturday." He grinned, a small one, but he did look happy.

"Get yourself some condoms," I said, lighting a cigarette.

"It's a first date."

"It's the 90s…the only people who are like you…are nuns and shit," I laughed.

"I don't even know if we're compatible—"

"You gotta dick, she's gotta pussy—youse are compatible." I continued to laugh my ass off.

"You're…"

"What?" I asked.

"I respect women, and I thought I taught you the same." He sounded mad.

"I'm goofin' around. I respect Bella—"

"Because you love her, but you don't respect other women—and don't deny it. It's all over your face, even if I've never seen you in love before." He shook his head.

"I'm not denying it," I whispered. "She knows. And other women? How do they even matter when I am in love with _my_ girl?" I gave him a fleeting glance. "They could all disappear—the rest of them—for all I care." I was honest.

"You told her?" His tone was surprised. "Good for you. I thought I'd have to spell it out for you." He patted my shoulder.

"You think I'm stupid? Just fuckin' say that." I pulled up to our fourth gig. "Save your breath."

"No." He stopped me from leaving the van. "Edward, you grew up too fast in many ways, and in some others…especially matters of the heart, you're still a little boy. Then you went away, and _you won't talk about that_…God knows what you learned in there. I worry about you, and I try to teach you. You have all this hostility and anger inside you…You don't even realize what you're doing, how you're acting half the time—and you're also too quick to push others away to save yourself from hurt and ridicule. I'll never stop correcting you or being honest with you, nor will I stop trying to help you. But I do not think you're stupid."

I nodded. "Okay…and I don't talk about being away…because even thinking about it…it brings me back there. And that shit is in the past. I got out, and I haven't stopped moving forward. I won't look back."

"Good, but if you ever want to talk…" He squeezed my shoulder.

"Thanks," I said.

"I lost you twice already. Once when your mother passed, and then when you were arrested. That's not happening again." He left the car.

I took a sip of my Pepsi before following after.

/=/=/=/=/

We stopped for lunch at around one, and we were near Bay Ridge at that point. I called Alice's, paged Jasper, but we'd finished eating, and I still didn't hear from them.

The afternoon kind of dragged, but we were done by four, which was awesome.

Exhausted, I dropped my father off at his house, and then I went to the pager store. I got Bella this cute beeper. It's red, very small, and I got her a silver chain with a charm so she can hook it onto something.

I actually contemplated the cell phone deal. It's much more affordable than it used to be—since they're becoming mainstream.

Either way, I knew Bella was going to love it, and I also picked up a dinky wall phone for the kitchen.

_We keep losing that fucking cordless jammy. _

Nevertheless, I called Alice's, and there was no answer again.

Aggravated, I drove to her house, and no one was home. I called my crib, and Emmett was home from his long-ass shift. He said no one was there but him.

I rode around Bay Ridge for close to an hour.

No sign of Alice, Jasper, or Bella, and by now I was heated and anxious. I went to Alice's house again, too, and no one was there, so I drove around some more.

While at a red light on Fifth Avenue—I was actually going to check out Carvel—a car that was insanely blasting their music pulled up next to me. The van vibrated with the force of the beats coming from that whip.

Curious, I looked down to the decked out compact BMW with the spinning rims . . .

Bella was in the backseat, laughing her ass off. Jasper was driving while Alice rode shotgun.

"Yo!" I banged on my door.

Jasper turned off the music . . .

"Whose car is that?" I asked.

"Joyriding, baby!" Bella cackled mad loud, excited as fuck.

"Whose car?" I asked again.

"We don't know!" Alice was giddy.

Bella laughed with her, but Jasper was as pale as a ghost.

"You boosted—" I smiled but swore I was about to have a fucking heart attack. "Pull over!" I pointed to the curb while I tried to keep my anger in check.

Jasper gulped, leaning over to talk to me. "Ed—"

"You know what? I don't give a fuck about youse two." I left the truck. "Get out!" I tore the back door open and pulled Bella out. "Get in the fuckin' van!" I pushed her toward it and looked back to Jasper.

He saw me coming in the rearview and made the tires screech as he peeled away.

It was a smart move, probably the only one he made all day.

Taking my girl joyriding in a stolen car?

Not so smart.

There were beeps behind me, and I was trying to catch my breath.

But when I hopped in, looking to the passenger's side, Bella wasn't there.

"Fuck!" I shouted, livid, as I double-parked, and then I ran down the block to catch her. "What's wrong with you?"

She was crying, walking away from me with her head down, trying to hide under her hair.

"Come're!" I reached for her.

"No! Just go!" she shrieked, lifting her head, and that's when I saw it. I couldn't see it when she was in the car or with her face down.

She had a black eye and a scratch on her cheek.

"Who did that to you?!" I palmed her cheeks. "What the fuck happened today?"

She pushed me with everything she had because I did move; she was able to slip away.

I groaned to the sky. "Bella…" I grasped her bicep and pulled her into a doorway, and I blocked her exit. "What happened to your face…?" I was trying so hard to stay calm, and she wasn't helping. "Are you fucking stupid?" I asked her.

She wouldn't look at me.

"Fine. We'll talk at home. Let's go." I ushered her over to the van.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." She turned. "You're scaring me—"

Tired of this shit, I lifted her and tossed her ass over my shoulder, and she beat at my back. Then I placed her in the van. "Stay…don't make me fuckin' chase you. I am in no mood!"

She left her seat and chose to sit in the back.

I didn't care about that.

As long as she was out of that hot car…safe, with me.

I felt easier as I drove us home, and then easier and easier . . .

"Can you tell me what happened to your eye?" I asked.

She wouldn't answer me.

"Bella…?" I turned to go down our block. "I got you something." I passed the bag with her beeper to her.

I'd gotten a red gift bag to make it pretty…and Bella threw it back at me. "I don't want _anything_ from you!" she cried.

I placed the van in park and took the bag. "Do I have to carry you inside?"

_Silence._

"You gonna make a run for it?"

She sniffled, climbing to the front and rushing to get out.

I waited to see what she was going to do, and she ran to the stoop.

Meeting up with her, I shoved the bag into her hands. "It's a beeper. It's red." I opened the door.

"Fuck you!" She threw it at my feet and then stomped up the stairs like a little girl.

"Fuckin' brat!" I shouted up to her, following. "Actin' like a fuckin' baby and shit!"

Bella used her key to get in, but she locked_ me_ out.

I chuckled. "This bitch…" I used my own key to enter. "That was real fuckin' cute!"

I heard my bedroom door slam.

"What happened?" Emmett asked.

I laughed without humor, collapsing down on the couch—clueless. I had no idea what to do. I had so much anger in me, I threatened to explode. "I'mma kill Jasper…that's what's gonna happen."

"What'd he do?" Em asked. "You wanna beer?" He left the recliner.

"Nah…" But I needed something…so I'd be able to breathe. "I'm good." My leg bounced as I stared at the floor, but then I shot up to go into my bedroom. "Emmett?"

He looked over at me from the fridge.

"She starts crying, screaming…don't worry about it. She makes it past me and tries to leave, don't let her—get her before I do."

"What the fuck happened?" He shrugged. "Yo...she starts screaming, like horror movie screaming, I'mma come in there."

I laughed again and turned to punch the fucking wall. There was a fist-sized dent, and I didn't even feel it—it did nothing to calm me.

"You're fixin' that shit. But, yo…" He massaged my shoulder. "Relax. Don't talk to her while you're like this."

I swallowed, nodding as I faced him. "Get off work. I go to get that spoiled bitch a pager, and then…we planned for me to pick her up from this chick's house. No one's home. No one's pickin' up phones and calling me back, answering my pages—nothin'. I drove around Bay Ridge for an hour…over a fucking hour." I gritted my teeth together. "Then I'm at a light, and who's next to me? Jazz, his girl, and Bella…in a boosted car."

"That dumb motherfucker," he said. "You're serious?"

I nodded. "Then…my boo-boo's got a black eye, and she's mad at me for getting her outta that car."

"Who hit her?" he asked.

"She wouldn't tell me."

"Want me to talk to her?" He raised a brow.

"Nah, son. I got it." I kicked my door to let her know I was entering.

"Ed…be calm. Talk to her; don't scream." He patted my back and walked past me.

Bella was in the room, sitting on the bed, smoking _my_ blunt—the one I roll every morning for when I get home.

I didn't comment.

I sat on the bed, steepling my fingers together. "Talk to me."

She shook her head.

"Then I'm gonna talk," I said. "And, yo...you might not like what I hafta say."

She didn't give a shit either way.

"First off, tell me who hit you. Just…whisper a name, since you suddenly can't speak." I stared at her.

She took another pull from the blunt and then she dumped it in an old glass of soda on the nightstand.

It was a whole fucking L.

And now it's garbage.

I laughed. "What'd I do, Bella?" I didn't think I did anything wrong. She was wrong. I was not.

"You're an asshole," she whispered.

I nodded, waiting. "And…?"

She turned to smile at me. "That's it."

"Who'd you fight?" I asked.

"Rose knew we were at Alice's. She came to confront me."

"Who threw the first punch? Was it _you_ again?" I raised a brow, having figured that one out myself.

"Maybe…fuck her. I'm not sorry. She got a hit or two in, so fuckin' what?" She shrugged. "Her fuck father was at Carvel—"

"Whoa…I thought Rose came to confront you?"

"I lied. I went to Carvel. Asked her to step outside." She smiled.

"You're fuckin' serious?" I stood up. "And it's funny?" I balled my hands into fists, stiffening. "What goes through your head? At Carvel? The cops could'a been called!"

She didn't answer that. "The car…stealing, it was my idea." She stood up to face me, which was bold on her part. "We were bored…They couldn't fuck if I was hangin' around."

"What happened to lookin' for a job?" I asked.

Bella found the floor interesting.

"Hmm?" I cupped my ear to hear her better, but she had no answer. "You—"

"Jazz hot-wired a car, so fucking what?" She was a tough guy again. "We rode around for a little bit, and it was exhilarating! I was having such a good time, and then you had to shit on it—screaming at me in the street, pulling and grabbing at me, embarrassing me, scaring me! I remembered you told me Jazz was a great carjacker . . . I'm stuck in this apartment all the time, and for a few minutes—"

"Oh, I'm supposed to feel bad for you? You puff all day long, watch TV and play video games, and then I'm makin' you come left and right...Poor you." I played my violin for her. "My heart breaks for you."

She groaned, stomping her foot. "You don't understand what I mean—"

"Jazz was great at what he did, but did you forget the end of that fuckin' story?! The last time Jazz boosted a car?" I screamed over her words. "I can't believe you'd do something that fuckin' dumb!"

Honestly, I wanted to grab her biceps and shake the stupid out of her.

I backed up to get away from her.

She rolled her eyes. "You're overreacting—"

"And if you got caught?"

"You said he was the best at—"

"Youse boosted a BMW, not some bullshit Civic—that's grand theft auto. You're an adult, and it don't matter if Jazz was driving. Minimum—you would'a gotten like three years. Can you do a three-year bid, Bella?" I asked, and I'd gotten in her face, so I backed up again. "You think you're tough shit…" I chuckled, nothing was funny. "You think you're so brave? Throwing a few punches at some ho? _Why?_ Because she _dissed_ you? Gimme a fuckin' break. Bella, you don't know a lot. You ain't seen or done shit—you wanna roll like some thug?"

She turned away.

"Fuckin' _look_ at me!" I threw the glass ashtray to the ground by her feet.

She jumped, but I got her attention. "Just leave me alone."

"Mature answer. There are consequences for every-fucking-thing you do, little girl. Wise-the-fuck-up!" I shouted. "But you know what?" I backed away to the door.

"Maybe the thrill of me is gone for you…" I laughed. "Yeah, you're bored, right? And you thought…I don't know what you thought. Being with me is cool because of my edge, or whatever the fuck you said. I'm not a sideshow act, here to fucking amuse you and get you into trouble." The reality of it all hit me like a ton of bricks. "We fuck, I give you free drugs and a place to crash. I'm not—"

I tapped on my thigh, ready to explode. "I did my time…I'm not out there bangin' like I used to, but if those are the cats you go for—you wanna legit gang-banger who's gonna share you with his friends, fucking use you to do his dirty work, too. If I'm not enough, and you truly wanna throw your life away, go…go find whoever…I'm finished—I am fuckin' _done_ trying to save you. I've been there for you, I've tried to help you every step of the way—every-fucking-day since I met you—trying to care for you, love you the way you deserve." I shrugged, counting off my fingers. "But fuck that. If you're hell-bent to pursue that life, I will not watch you do that to yourself. I'll have to walk away."

Bella had no reply; she didn't give a flying fuck, and that...it hurt. She didn't even try to deny my words. Nothing.

I swallowed my tears, refusing to cry, since I'd thought she was my girl all this time. And last night, she said she loved me—me, which had nothing to do with anything else, not my past, nothing. I thought I found a needle in a haystack—a drop dead gorgeous chick with a huge heart, someone to love me for me, and not for the things I do or don't do. "Think before you do stupid shit like that." My voice broke, and I cleared my throat. "Be gone by the time I get back—your shit, too." I walked to the door.

Bella wouldn't get my tears…

It all became so clear, why she was with me and shit.

My shock, and joy, when Bella didn't judge me was for nothing.

Because a cat like me is what she'd been looking for—sow her wild oats, take care of her, whatever.

"Edward, don't. I'm sorry—" She grabbed at me. "Don't go. Please. Please. Please."

I pushed her back. "Get the fuck off me!"

She didn't listen. "You're wrong. Baby, please—"

"Just stop." I shook my head, not wanting to see her with the tears and her snot-nosed face. She can turn that shit on and off like a light switch. "Go clean up—start packin' your shit." I dug into my pocket for some money, and I threw fifty bucks at her. "Take a cab to your father's." I counted out another fifty. "There...that's for lettin' me hit it last night. Thanks."

"No!" She hugged onto me. "You said you loved me! You can't! You love me!"

I kissed her forehead, my heart breaking, and I didn't know what to do. No, I knew what to do, but her embrace confused me, made me sick to my stomach, and it calmed me in the weirdest of ways.

Yet, I couldn't look at her.

And she wouldn't play me.

_Fuck that. _

"Be gone before I get back." I pushed her away.

My cousin caught her before she fell, but she was fast to come at me again. "No! I'm not leaving!" She clawed at me. "Edward, no—"

"Stop!" I shouted. "Stop fuckin' touching me!" When my grip on her arms made her whimper, I loosened my hold.

"Ed, let go." Emmett pulled her. "Calm down, bro."

I showed him my palms. "Keep her."

"Edward, no!" Bella shouted.

I managed to leave and close the door before she could touch me again.

"Edward!" Bella shouted out the window. "Please!"

I didn't answer as I hopped into the van.

She continued to shout while I pulled out of the driveway, but I didn't give a fuck.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. **

**Dun. Dun. Dun. SexyLexi is such a bitch, my God! Another cliffy!**

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**See ya soon!**


	18. Hustle

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA. **

**Higher**

**Chapter Eighteen: Hustle**

**EPOV**

When I drove up the block, I saw Jasper and Alice walking.

They must have left the car wherever, close by.

I didn't even stop, and I kept driving.

Far enough from my crib, I called Demetri, and then I called my boy in New Jersey.

Then I went to grab the buy money from my spot…

All I do is go into a rest stop with a bookbag of cash. I sit next to Paul, and then I pick up his bag—which is exactly like mine—and then I walk out.

It's simple, safe, and we never use the same spot twice. He hooks me up with eight hundred Mitsubishis, or whatever number I need that week, which is the hottest brand of X right now. The amount I get depends on how much money I have to re-up.

He's reliable and cheap.

Paul sells them for five bucks a piece because he actually makes them, so he's getting like…some huge percentage for only selling them for change.

My uncle doesn't get shit out of the deal, actually. He makes out like a bandit by keeping peeps at his club all night, dancing and paying an arm and a leg for watered down drinks and bottled water.

I sell to him for $15. It used to be a lot less, but these days, it's a bigger risk. Anything ten or below isn't worth my time. He usually has my money by Monday—after the weekend is over.

Any chump you buy X from at the Tunnel will charge you $20 to $25 a pop. That extra five or ten dollars goes to the nickel-and-dimer.

So, for fronting like...for example $2500 and taking a drive, by the start of next week, I'll have $7500.

I have a guy in Manhattan who puts half of it in a Swiss bank account for me.

The rest I bank—in my way, which means hiding spots—or I put that money to work for myself. I buy more shit to distribute, thus making more money.

But…I'm truly content with making one swap a week.

Ecstasy—the new party drugs, the MDMA mixtures—are getting to be more mainstream, especially during the past few months. You get some nerdy, pharmacology motherfucker like Paul, who knows what he's doing, who's bored with his life, wants more money, and you put him to work. You front the money to get him a space somewhere, the necessary equipment, and there you go. I actually knew Paul from junior high, and I'd just happened to run into him one day. He told me what he was up to, how he couldn't find a job, and we hooked up—started doing this.

And I knew exactly who to go to, who'd unload it all easily, and who owed me one, Demetri.

Back in the day, fuck me. Every day, every hour, I was making moves.

When they caught up to me—all because of a broken taillight—they couldn't believe my identity.

Just a sixteen year old, white boy from Brooklyn. I was nothing special, and yet for close to a year I moved more shit than hustlers twice my age.

The shit I'd seen…

The fucked-up shit I'd done…to make money and to people, just because I felt like it.

I didn't want any of that for Bella—

I stopped that train of thought as soon as I started.

I'm not doing this.

It took me an hour and a half to get to where I needed to be. My mind was blank. I couldn't figure out why, because I was hurting like I'd never hurt before—this unbelievable pain, but I couldn't think.

Like always, I got a coffee, sat near Paul, and I ignored him while I pretended to read a book.

"It's all set?" he asked without looking at me.

"Yup." I licked my finger to turn a page.

Paul took the last sip from his cup, threw all his garbage away—pretending like he was in a rush, which I don't get—and then he grabbed my bag.

The place was decently crowded, no cameras were on us, and I'd already checked the place out thoroughly. We were good, but I think Paul's paranoid.

I sighed as my pager went off.

It was the house with Emmett's code.

I ignored him.

After throwing my cup in the garbage, I hopped back into the van and headed…

I had nowhere to go now, knowing Bella was most likely still there.

Emmett kept paging me, too.

Biting the bullet, I called from another rest stop, one closer to the city.

_"Hel-hel-hello?"_ It was Bella.

I didn't say anything.

_"Edward, I-I-I love youuuu,"_ she wailed.

_"Hello?"_ It was Emmett. _"Yo, can you come back here? Fuckin' talk to her? She won't stop crying."_

"She'll get over it," I said. "I was just a lay to her."

_"Edward…you know that's not true,"_ he said. _"Just…come home. Talk to her, work shit out…Did you really do all that shit—shit to me included—just to walk away because of a misunderstanding? Bella knows she was stupid, and she's sorry. She was mad at you, but she knows she fucked up. And all that shit you said to her? She doesn't want anyone else. She wants you . . . she, she loves you."_

I nodded.

_"Can you come talk to her?"_ he asked, and I heard her crying in the background.

I hung up the phone to turn and kick my tire.


	19. Inevitable

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA. **

**Higher**

**Chapter Nineteen: Inevitable **

**EPOV**

No matter what, I knew I was going back home.

I knew I was going to hug Bella, stop her from crying…listen when she has her head, and...maybe forgive her.

I knew…

Because Emmett was right.

Did I know I was going to fall in love with Bella from jump?

Nope. I just knew I wanted her.

Did whatever I had to just to have her…

And I cared about her too much, like if she's hurting as much as I am...I want to dry her eyes. No matter how much of a pussy move that might be, I had this overwhelming need to soothe her.

Also, now that I've calmed down, I can think logically.

Bella was being stupid, looking for kicks and...acting like a kid, acting her age.

She can be emotional, but I knew that her world changed completely within a short span of time, too.

Anger aside—logic or no logic—I wasn't going to let Bella go that easily.

If what I'd told her, what I'd ranted about turns out to be true, I'll let her go.

But I hoped beyond reason that she truly loved me—because of her reluctance to leave and all.

Even so, I didn't speed home.

That would have been stupid.

I went the speed limit, and now it took a while longer.

Honestly, with traffic, it took me close to two hours just to get back to Brooklyn.

It was total bullshit.

But it was okay. I needed the time for me, to clear my head some more before I saw Bella.

She scared the fuck out of me. If she didn't know boosting a car was wrong before, she should definitely know better now. Especially after I told her my story.

And she goes and does it anyway for the thrill?

My mind continually flipped back and forth between wanting to be there for her, and then...

I didn't give a fuck if she was crying, upset.

Inside, I was still fucking pissed, and a large part of me_ didn't want_ to see her.

But I_ had to_ see her.

And I had no trees on me…

When I got to Sunset, I stared at the bookbag on the seat next to me.

Nah, I couldn't take one.

If I did, that'd just make me a hypocrite.

Again, when I parked in the driveway, I took several cleansing breaths.

After leaving the van, I stretched out, because that was a long-ass drive.

The crib was quiet, when I can usually hear some ruckus from the sidewalk.

It was even quieter in the hall.

Steeling my nerves, I slung the bag over my shoulder and unlocked the door.

Emmett was sitting in front of the TV with a bucket of chicken, and he pointed the thigh in his hand to the back.

I jerked my chin in greeting.

And then that motherfucker Jasper turned the corner.

Before I knew it, I'd stepped onto the coffee table, and I threw my fist out as I hopped down near him. I got him in the eye, and he dropped to the floor. "You dumb motherfucker—you take _my girl_ on a ride?" I yanked him up by his hair, only to clock him once more.

That second hit knocked him out, which was disappointing.

"Ed, that's enough," Emmett said. "You made your point. He knew you were gonna do it…He decided not to run like a bitch. For a dude his size, man, that takes heart—you want some chicken?" He held out his bucket.

I let Jazz drop to the floor. "No, thanks." I huffed, and I felt a lot better.

Alice left my bedroom. "Jasper!" she screamed.

Unaffected, I walked over him and went around her.

When I approached the door, Bella scrambled to get to me—got caught in the sheet, and then fell down.

Her hands stopped her fall…

"You okay?" I tried to help her up, but she went limp—letting out a wail and resting her cheek to the floor.

I closed the door, and then I picked her up. "Shhh." I placed her on my lap. "Are you okay?" I looked for blood, sure she'd hit her nose or her mouth.

She was fine; she just kept crying and now clawing at me.

I hugged Bella the tightest I could without breaking her ribs. "I'm here, baby."

Her cry was strangled, trailing off with a series of whimpers, and then her breathing was shaky—letting out these weird hiccup cries.

"Look at me," I whispered, holding her cheeks to gaze into her eyes. "I'm here. I'm angry with you. I'm not going to lie or sugarcoat…I'm fuckin' pissed. The shit you did, and then the theatrics, when all I wanted to do was help you." I shrugged. "But I'm here…I—" I blew out a breath. "I love you, Bella. I was stupid to think I could walk away…But I was even angrier earlier."

She sniffled and nodded. "I'm so-sorry."

I shook my head. "It's good I left…but I came back. Baby, I'll always come back to you." I knew that to be true. "Stop crying." I used the pads of my fingers to clean her face. "Take deep breaths and relax." I pushed her messy hair back and twisted it to stay away. "Did you eat dinner?"

"N-no." She hiccupped and shook her head, tears still falling. "I—I got my last check." Her breaths were so shaky.

"Shhhh." I rocked her. "Calm." I ran my hand down her forearm.

"I h-have some mon-ey for you."

"You don't worry about money. Keep it. You earned it," I said.

"May-maybe it'll be enough for-for—"

I placed my finger to her lips. "Stop. Keep your money."

She gripped my collar, only for her face to crumble again. "I wanted to die—when I thought you left. I'd rather be dead—"

"Bella." I held her chin. "Don't talk like that. Stop."

"But it's true…E-Edward, I love you so much, and I was mad too. But I was being stupid…I wasn't thinking, and then you scared me…yelling and grabbing me. And I was mad at you for the wrong reasons. I'm stupid."

I didn't deny it. That shit _was_ stupid.

"I don't want anyone else. I want you…forever." Her knuckles were white with how tight she held my shirt. "I wanna build a life with you, devote myself to you, marry you one day. I wanna have your babies. I love you…so much."

All that made my chest feel tight again, but for different reasons.

I leaned forward, and Bella closed the distance.

Our kiss was gentle and filled with many things…and it was salty.

"I'm sorry." Bella was more relaxed.

I nodded. "I'm sorry if I scared you." I didn't know what else to say. "You scared _me_, Bella. You pissed me off…but I'd never hurt you, not ever, and definitely not on purpose." I cringed, wondering if she had bruises on her biceps. "I don't lose it like that anymore." I thought about how I just clocked Jazz. "I used to have a problem with my temper…well, it was worse, if you can imagine. I'd _never_ hit you. I've learned how to walk away, and that's what I did before. Maybe I'm a grabby, loud guy with an attitude…"

"But you're my guy," she whispered.

I nodded, matter of fact. "Yeah, you're stuck with me."

"Not stuck…blessed."

I cracked a grin. "I'm still mad at you…no need to suck up."

She giggled through her remaining tears. "But it's true."

I sighed, looking to her blackened eye. Maybe she did beat Rose's ass. I don't know, but now that it's hours later, she had a nice-sized shiner. "What happened at Carvel?"

She swallowed, nodding. "Um…Alice's neighbor, Leah, said she'd run into Rose." She wiped her boogies on the back of her hand.

I leaned backward to take off my shirt; we used that as a Bella-rag, cleaned her up good. Neither of us was getting up for tissues, and she blew her nose in it too.

"Thanks." She sniffed. "We went to high school with Leah, and Rose told her all this crap. I told Leah none of it was true, and she believed me…Anyway, Rose told her that I blew both you and Emmett at the club…that's why you both liked me or something. I was a whore, I kept lifting my skirt for attention, and Rose told Leah about your past. Rose was running her mouth."

She was almost pleading with me. "I had to do something. Leah believed me…but I went looking for Rose. I don't care what she said about me, but…spreading your business." Bella shrugged, at a loss. "I lost it…we rolled around on the concrete, and this is nothing in comparison." She pointed to her eye. "I pulled out clumps of Rose's hair, and you being mad at me...when I was defending you, I got upset with you. And you were hurting me when you were pulling me, grabbing me. Your grip was too tight, but it's okay—"

"It's not," I said. "I'm sorry."

"I don't care." She hugged me tight. "I deserved worse."

"Stop." I held her chin to look at her. "No, you didn't—you don't, and I'm sorry if I hurt you."

She coughed into her closed fist.

"Where does the car fit in?" I wiped a few more tears away. "Stop crying, baby." My lips lingered on her cheek.

Bella's face crumbled, and she buried it into my chest. "I-I was so scared—you left, and I—"

"Shhh." I rocked her.

Bella sobbed some more, but she calmed down again.

"I'm here...I'm not going anywhere," I whispered.

She let out a strange noise, whatever it was strangled, as she sat up to face me. "Um...It was my idea…I was just so bummed and bored, and I wanted to do something—I didn't want to bother you at work. I missed you and—"

"I called around looking for you at lunchtime. You weren't around, but I was."

Her lip quivered again.

"Don't cry," I said, placing her down next to me. "I'm starving. You hungry?"

"Yeah." She cleared her throat.

I smiled wide, although I didn't mean it just yet. "I want one of those big heroes from the deli—the Italian bread. You think you can eat one of those?"

She grinned, grabbing my hand. "If I don't finish, you will…or take it to work."

"Ham and cheese, lettuce, tomato, mayo?" I asked, 'cause I know what kind of hero my baby likes.

"Yeah…"

"You got it." I grabbed another tee out my drawer.

"I'll go with you."

"Baby, I'm gonna be right back. I'm not even taking the car. It's two blocks away." I lit a cigarette. "I'll be gone fifteen minutes the most."

"Okay."

"Go clean up," I said.

Bella righted her shirt and shorts, and then she walked out of the bedroom.

While she was gone, I hid the bookbag underneath the floorboard in my closet. The bag usually chills in the van when it's empty. I also took out a eighth of bud that'll last a day or two around here.

I left the bedroom to seek Bella in the bathroom. She was washing her face.

"I'll be right back." I kissed her shoulder.

"Okay." It was mumbled.


	20. Conclusion

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Last update until next week some time! We'll be flipping back to BPOV in the next series of chapters. **

**Enjoy! **

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty: Conclusion**

**EPOV**

Sighing, I walked through the living room. Jasper sat with Alice, holding ice to his face. Emmett still had his chicken.

I left without a word to anyone, nor did anyone have a word for me.

In the hallway, I counted how much cash I had on me.

Then I went toward the deli. I got our food, the chips Bella likes, and quite few other snacks—I just randomly filled my arms with junk. I also bought a beer that I kept in the paper bag, drinking it as I walked another block over. On my way, I greeted the bangers I knew, not saying much.

Irina and Kate were on the stoop of their building, like they always are.

"Edward!" Irina waved. "Hey."

I jerked my chin. "You two interested in making some cash?"

Kate rubbed up my bicep. "Since when you need to pay, papi? You come to us—it's free." The hand went down my back.

I smirked at her greasy, nasty ass. "It's not like that."

"Yo, even if he wanted to pay for that . . . We ain't pros." Irina grimaced at her friend. "What's wrong wit'chu?"

Kate's simple ass just smiled.

"What do you need?" Irina asked me.

"I need you two to rough up some bitch for me." I lit another cigarette.

"Can I get a sip?" Kate asked.

I handed her the beer. "Keep it. Youse want a snack?" I held up the bag. "I got Yankee Doodles..." When approaching hoodrats for a favor, you get more with sugar than just being a dick about shit.

I gave them each a Drake's cake, making sure they didn't take anything Bella liked.

"Can you bust me down?" Kate looked to my cigarette.

I took my pack out and handed her one. "Look…tomorrow, I don't care when, or if it has to be done the day after. I need you two to go down to Bay Ridge."

"Bay Ridge?" Kate made a face.

"Shut up!" Irina hissed at her. "Okay…" She gestured for me to continue.

"It's a couple stops on the R train, nothing major. 86th and Fifth, there's a Carvel. This ho is running her mouth…I want her teeth knocked out so she does less gum flappin'. You feel me?"

"Sounds like fun," Irina said.

"We'd do anything…_anything_ for you, Edward." Kate winked.

I smiled at her to be nice, quick to look back to Irina. "She's a blond…dye-job blond, about five seven. Skinny. Yo, she kinda looks like Kelly Bundy, but more trashy. Her name is Rose. You'll know it's her because you're gonna go to her job, but you gotta get her outside. I know they open at ten and close at ten on weekdays and Saturdays. She's management; she'll be opening and closing up. If you go in the store—cause a scene—someone might call five-o. Youse handle it however…But make sure you peep her nametag—Rose, Rosalie Hale." I ranted all that in a whisper.

"Understand? Don't kill her. Youse are…bruiser chicks, but youse ain't killas." I chuckled. "Rough her up—put the fear of God in her. Lemme know when it goes down, too." I took out a pen and pulled some paper from the bag, and I scribbled my phone number down. "You got my beeper, now you have my phone number…Try my crib first, then if I'm not home you page me. Do not give this to Tanya. Do not give this to anybody. If my girl answers, be polite. Don't say shit about nothin', just ask for me." I had to figure out what I'd tell Bella. I'll worry about that when I have to.

"And don't let that bitch know the beat down came from me. _I'll_ handle that." I nodded.

"I got you." Irina nodded. "Any problems, I'll page you…call you."

"Thank you." I shook her hand, leaving two hundred bucks and the number there. "Youse split that...Clock her nice in the eye, too—the right eye. And I mean get her good." Or else I'll have to send them back another time.

They both nodded, seemed excited about it.

"And if either of youse see my girl on the street…Yo, if Tanya even thinks to step to her—"

"We won't let that happen," Irina said. "It's cool. Your wifey's _fine_. Good for you, Ed. Don't _do nothin'_ to fuck that up…especially this one." She pointed to her friend.

"I've been on my best behavior." I smiled. "Her name's Bella…She's a scrapper, too, ain't afraid to step to a bitch, but…if she gets hurt…I'll tear through everywhere. Youse know me."

"Hurricane Edward," Kate giggled. "Bella's a lucky girl, she has that fat cock all to herself. Right?"

"_All _to herself," I agreed. "Lemme go. I left for sandwiches a while ago."

"Take care, Edward."

They waved, and I sped back home—feeling much better.

So, so much better.

Now that Rose would get what's coming to her, I tried to remember what else I had to do. The washer/dryer jammy, right. That shit would have to wait 'til tomorrow or something.

Still uneasy, I didn't know how to be, feeling awkward when I entered the apartment. It had nothing to do with Jazz, his girl, or Emmett eyeballing me. Jasper knows he fucked up. He knew I'd beat his ass. Alice was just upset with me for hurting her man, who—again—had it coming. Emmett was still watching TV, smoking a cigarette, unaffected. He didn't give a fuck.

I was still upset with Bella, angry with her, and no matter how many times I told myself to let it go, the pit in my stomach wouldn't go away.

And I knew we had to talk some more.

That would more than likely be the only way I'd work through this aggression...talking it out with her.

When I entered our bedroom, Bella was changing the sheets, making the bed.

"Hey," she whispered.

"'Sup?" I placed the plastic bag down on the nightstand. "Food's in there."

Bella reached for the red bag with her pager. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." I pushed my hair back and sat on the bed. "Come here."

She was apprehensive; her movements slow as she came toward me.

"It's cool," I said. "I'm not gonna yell at you, but you know we gotta talk more."

"I'm not, um, scared." She furrowed her brow, sidling up to me.

"You have no reason to be," I replied.

"I love you." Bella kissed my cheek. "And I'm sorry," she said, before I could say anything. "It was a lapse in judgment. Bay Ridge is so lame, barely any cops around because it's a good neighborhood. I don't know—"

"Guineas live in Bensonhurst, but they own Bay Ridge, too," I explained. "Many live there—mafiosi or whatever they call themselves. It's safe because thugs know better, and they pay to keep cops away. It is what it is."

"Still…I'm so sorry." She kissed my cheek again. "I really, really am sorry." Bella met my gaze, eyes pleading.

I nodded. "I know you are." I placed my arm around her. "I don't want problems wit'chu. I wanna forget about today, but I'm still mad…I wish I wasn't."

"I'll never do anything like that again. I'll chill out. Okay?" She squeezed my hand. "I didn't think you'd care. I thought you'd think it funny." She put her head down. "Like…you might think I was cool. I didn't think—"

"Baby, you are cool—the way you are." I shook my head. "I don't do shit like that no more. I know better. That shit is dumb—too great a risk. I don't want my fuckin' woman doing that shit."

"I learned my lesson," she said, looking over to me.

"Okay." I nodded.

"But I need you to understand—the way I feel." She turned to face me. "I'm not as cool as you and your friends…I'm about as edgy as a butter knife. Last night…I was pissed…just pissed that someone else had you. I went off on anger, but I was scared. I have no balls…I was a good kid…dabbling with weed and X…Do you know how badass I used to feel?" she laughed. "Then I met you…your past isn't a big deal. I don't wanna be with a criminal, and I'm so happy you have your shit together now. You're wonderful. I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess I've been trying my best to be…more like you, cooler." She sniffled, had started crying again.

"Stop with the tears." I used my knuckle to wipe a few away.

"I'm not from the ghetto. I love Ace of Base. I don't talk as cool as you. I'm just…a boring white girl from a middle-class family." She shrugged. "Boring."

I shook my head, wondering what was so fucking horrible about that. "First, you know what you do to me. You're beautiful; your body is bangin'. Your family is your family…and I love you…for the Bella that you are. All that shit you just said…What's wrong with being you?" I smirked over at her. "You think I'm cool? That I speak like an illiterate, fucking read slow—" I chuckled, standing from the bed.

Now that…even if the things I've said about myself are true, there was no way I'd name them off for Bella. "You're a smart girl. You're young. You start college next month and, baby, you could go somewheres." I got down on my knees, easing between those meaty-meat thighs.

"Baby, I'm going to bust my ass to make sure you get everything you deserve. I promised to take you higher…if you'd let me. I'm not breaking that promise. Me leaving was stupid, thinking I could legit leave. It's good I left, though, needing to get my dome right."

"I understand. I was just scared you'd, you'd really leave me. I need you."

Her words made me grin. "I need you, too . . . We're just starting now. But one day…I mean, you start school, you focus on that." I lifted her hand to kiss her palm, and then I placed it on my cheek. "You study in some kick-ass field, get a career—something that makes your heart sing, not just a job—and we'll get a house. I'll pull my weight. I'll better myself for you—to be on your level. You make me wanna be better, baby. I won't sling forever. But I want so much for us." I cleared my throat, feeling emotional.

The way I saw things…Bella is smart. She can study and do well on tests.

Last night, after we got back from the store, we chilled in bed like I'd suggested. And I asked her about the shit her father had said. Bella decided on community college because there was no way she'd be able to pay for university—she said she's too poor to pay the tuition, and her family made too much money for her to qualify for financial aid. While her grades were good, they weren't up to scholarship par.

Bella's caught in the middle, and she can't swing working full-time and a whole course load. Even if she had the drive to strive for it, she didn't think she could do it.

She settled on getting some bullshit two-year degree.

But I wanted so much more for her.

I wanted her dreams to come true.

She's got the potential, and I swore money wasn't going to hold my baby back.

_No fucking way._

I'll work my ass off—convince Dad to let us do business on weekends, sling some more to come up with the cash. It didn't matter to me. It'd essentially be _nothing to_ me. I'd do whatever I'd have to—to make Bella's dreams come true.

Now, if my girl becomes some high-powered attorney, or decides she wants to be a doctor or anything she'd make like six figures from…

By that time, we'd be settled.

I could get us there, and then Bella could keep us there.

Give and take…

And no matter what, I'd always pull my own weight.

Hell, maybe Bella could be a career woman, pop out a few babies, and I'd stay home with the kids. But all of that is only if she felt the need to pay me back—I'll work hard now, so Bella won't have to struggle in the future.

It seemed win-win.

Bella wiped at her cheeks. "I promise." She nodded. "We'll do it all together—get higher," she giggled. "I'll do my best. You take such good care of me, and one day…I'm going to take care of you."

"You already do." I smiled, placing my lips to hers.

Keeping my eyes closed, I deepened the kiss, so I didn't have to open my eyes—already feeling the tears seep through my lids. And I wasn't necessarily sad. It was just like I had an epiphany.

Yeah, we haven't been together long, but I knew Bella _was_ my future.

We were meant to hit the heights together—get through the mud, fight tooth and nail for a kick-ass, comfortable future somewhere.

We'd make it.

I knew it.

And I wanted to tell her that I loved her.

And those words…

They meant so much yesterday—such a heavy sentiment—and yet, in this moment, they didn't feel like enough.

"Edward…" She pulled away to wipe my tears away.

I chuckled at myself, sniffing and looking away.

"Don't be embarrassed," she whispered. "It's okay, but why—"

I wasn't sobbing, crying really. I was just tearing with a lump in my throat, butterflies in my belly. And I couldn't remember the last time I cried.

It was probably when my mother died.

Getting arrested, being locked up…I was already dead inside. I knew a few people who were locked up with me. They had my back, and then before I knew it…

Others were afraid of me. I was the kid you didn't fuck with.

Hard as stone, I'd take each day as it came—do what I had to so I had some money in my commissary, hustle on the inside, count down the days, work out, and I tried to read…

Reading puts me to sleep, and I knew others who cried themselves to sleep.

I never did, never gave a fuck.

That was my problem.

And most of my problems I'd handle with my fist, or get someone else who was doing a long-ass bid—someone who had nothing to lose—to do my bidding for me.

Heartless…

I guess I'm persuasive, too—a manipulative fuck, someone who will do anything to get their way. I used to think it was a good thing. I still do, kind of.

But with being out, learning how to live in a world that I'd never lived before…trying to make it by waking up in the morning, working—labor, doing right by my father, my friends…

I couldn't go back to my old lifestyle, and the first month I was out…

Sometimes I'd wish I was still inside, actually. Things were simpler, weren't as hard. Somewhere along the lines…being locked up since I was sixteen, being there for so long…it became like a home.

I was different. No one knew this Edward, and I hardly remembered who I was before I went away.

Just home, I was still living and interacting like the world was a prison. The way I went around doing things…It was ridiculous, and Dad did his best to get me accustomed to having freedom again.

He'd put me on a schedule. Dad would wake me up at six in the morning. I'd exercise, have breakfast, and then we'd go to work. After the day was over, we'd go home, have dinner, watch TV…all while Dad would constantly correct me.

Months ago, it wasn't only my English that he'd harp on.

I had no idea what I was doing, nor did I know how to speak to people.

In a nutshell, I was so used to living like an animal that my father had to teach me how to be a human being again.

Regular people could _just be_…but I couldn't. Smoking weed relaxes me, makes the loud world shut up for a little while, but I know I can't live my life stoned out of my skull. I can't be smoking all the time.

That's why I roll a fat blunt every morning.

It's incentive.

For every day I get through—every day I work, behave myself, and do the right thing—that blunt is my reward.

And last night, today…

I realized I don't necessarily need it anymore.

Sure, things have gotten easier while also more complicated in different ways.

But I'm coping better, understanding more.

I know I still have a long way to go.

Hopefully, I mean, in a few years…maybe I'll be able to keep my anger in check, I'll stop screaming all the time, I'll drop the attitude.

"I'm sorry," I sighed, grabbing Bella's hand. "You probably think I'm a pussy—"

"No!" She threw her arms around me; it made me smile. "Never. Men are so macho…I think it takes a stronger man to cry…you know?" She pulled back to stick her tongue down my throat.

I rolled with it, kissed her back, and I thought her words made some sense.

Bella leaned back. "And because you're such…a good man…in here." She placed her hand on my chest. "I'm sure you'll forgive Jasper."

I sucked my teeth and looked away. "He fucked up—taking you along on that ride."

"Me and Alice goaded him!" she nearly shouted. "We weren't thinking—were stupid, and Jasper does whatever we say. I don't know why." She winced. "He just does. Little dude thinks he's a pimp walking around with us both." Bella snorted. "You know what I mean."

"My friend has a lot of growing up to do, too," I said.

Bella nodded, but she also grimaced and rubbed her stomach. "Cramps," she said.

"Can you take anything for that?" I asked.

She shook her head. "It's nothing major like that. I just feel gross and tired."

I squeezed that thigh. "Let's eat—watch a movie." I turned to grab the bag, get our food out. "We'll stay in bed, go to sleep early." After today, that sounded like the best plan ever.

"_Fresh Prince_ is on." Bella grabbed for the remote.

I continued to get our food situated. "You want some Coke?"

She nodded. "Yeah…with ice, please." She got under the blankets. "Oh, you got me Sugar Daddys?" She spoke of those caramel shits that threaten to break your teeth.

"Well, you like them." I made for the door. "Be easy, though…watch your teeth." I frowned.

She giggled, settling back against the pillows, and I stared at my beautiful Bella from the doorway.

"You want some ice for that shiner?" I raised a brow while my stomach knotted up—anger hitting me like a wave, but it quickly ebbed. Like a flare-up?

She squinted. "It doesn't hurt. I'm okay. I promise."

I nodded, leaving for the kitchen.

Going into the fridge, I grabbed a twenty-two of Heineken for myself, and then I poured Bella a cup of soda with some ice.

Before I left the kitchen, I lifted the beer to my lips and guzzled that shit. It was nice and frosty, and I was mad thirsty. It really hit the spot, and I felt even better after a belch.

That was…until a bruised Jasper entered the doorway.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, reproachful.

I sighed, walking around him. "Lemme give Bella her soda."

He waited for me in the hall while I brought our drinks in.

Bella was wrapped in the covers, giggling at the TV, and eating her sandwich. She looked adorable, and I wanted nothing more than to hop into bed with her.

"Jazz wants to talk," I told her, keeping my tone hushed.

Bella sat up to rub my bicep. "What'd you tell Jazz? About Alice? Just like you knew he would…You know you're going to forgive Jasper," she whispered. "Just…get over it, you know? Like you told him. I'm sorry. It was all _my_ fault, and I'll make it up to you. I promise."

I pecked her lips. "I'll be back." Longingly, I stared at my hero, all filled with meat and cheese, but it'd have to wait.

Beer in hand, I entered the kitchen to have a seat at the table. Jasper didn't sit or get too close.

He actually grabbed a glass out of the cupboard. "You wanna share that with me?"

I cracked a grin and then poured some of my beer out for him. Then I pushed it across the table. "Sit," I said.

He cleared his throat, taking a seat.

"You know me." I started. "Maybe you never seen me with a girl before—never cared for any broads." I shrugged. "But if something happened to Bella, if she got in trouble—dude, I would have killed you. Hunted you down and fucking strangled you. I know we been boys since we was in diapers, but…that girl in there is my heart."

He nodded. "It was your heart's idea, but I take full responsibility." He shook his head. "They both have those big, brown eyes—and I'm a sorry sucker, and then they pout. I was a goner, defenseless against the two of them."

I actually laughed, and I believed him.

"And…like you said, you know me too. I wanted Alice to think…I wasn't a computer nerd who tweaks cars and smokes too much weed." He pushed his hair back. "And remember what it was like? Back in the day? I mean, we weren't shit, but we had the stats like we were? The girls, the older women, and here we were…kids. We'd jack a whip, cruise around on top of the world—"

"And then we knew better, and then we grew up." I sipped my beer. "Jazz, man—it's depressing, to think back and think those were the best days. I know what you're saying, but we were dumbass kids, bro. We're adults now. Now we both got too much to lose, and doing stupid shit…the risk's too high. And the future? You should focus on that. You don't like who you are? Strive to be better, impress Alice that way. Don't go back, because then you'll get stuck in the past."

"I know," he admitted. "You like making money, hustling—that gets your dick hard. Jackin' a whip, it always did it for me, the thrill of the ride. Earlier? It didn't do anything for me. All it did was make me wanna save money and get my own car." He chuckled but winced and touched his eye. "The girls thought it was…I know I'll get laid later because of it, and this." He pointed to his eye. "Alice is all—sympathizing. Her Jazzy got hurt." He rolled his eyes. "I'm just sayin' . . . they got a kick out of it. I'm feelin' like a loser lately, and then I was suddenly hot shit because I did that dumb shit."

"I get it," I said. "But I'll tell you the same shit I said to Bella. Fucking wise up. Think." I left the table. "My bad for clockin' you."

"It's fine. Trust me, bro. I get it, deserved it, and I knew it was coming." He stood up to widen his arms. "You've always been like a big brother—and you still keep my ass in line." He hugged me.

I laughed, patting his back. "Thanks for…understanding, forgiving me, too."

He gave me a pound, knocking his closed fist to my own. "Womb to tomb."

"Word." We snapped our fingers together, and then I walked toward my bedroom wearing a smile.

"Ed!" Emmett called me.

Huffing, I turned to face him.

"Lemme talk to you a minute."

"What's up?" I asked.

"Yo…I was coming home from work. That chick gave me her number—Tanya."

"Dude," I laughed. "You don't wanna go there. Trust me. But if you want to…" He's had chicks when I was done with them, just like I'd had chicks he was done with before. "It's nothing to me, but she's not allowed in this house—out of respect to my wifey."

He nodded, slouching back. "She's not that bad, I don't think. I'll holler at her, hit her off." He scratched his chin. "What'chu think? That cool with you?"

I widened my arms. "Why you askin' such stupid questions?" I guzzled some beer back. "Em, do you…get it, whatever. Just don't bring that skeeze up in here. She's never been here before. We used to chill at her place. Tanya lives with her moms, but it's…whatever, Em. She's not the type you get involved with, though."

He waved a hand. "I only planned to hit it once. She got a kid. I'm not daddy material, and she was all on my jock, wants it bad."

I leaned against the wall. "You ain't a bad looking guy. You got a decent job…You could probably land some classy broad, settle down, find someone you like."

"Well, once upon a time…" he shrugged, "I thought I'd found that. Thought I'd have that, and then you stole her away."

Taken aback, I raised a brow. "You still sore over that? You didn't even know her."

He waved a hand. "Forget I said anything…Bella got any more friends besides Alice?"

I hummed. "There's Rose…" I thought if they got closer…I don't know. It'd be easier to keep an eye on her, know what she's up to since the feud between Rose and Bella has only escalated when I thought it'd be over by now.

"Rose beeped me earlier…I called her back from work," he laughed. "She was crying. Bella told Rose you were gonna send people after her."

"What?" I spat, wondering how Bella would know that.

"Look, I told Rose to stop running her mouth and nothing would happen. She said she would." He leaned back. "But fuck her. Who cares?" He drank his soda. "Dumb ho. How's she gonna punch Bella in the face?"

"I heard Bella beat her good." But I hadn't really heard that as much as Bella just told me.

"Rose ain't scared of Bella. She's scared of you, what you're capable of," he explained. "And she's all crying, acting like she didn't do nothin', saying she was worried about Bella, that's why she told her pops." He shook his head. "I wanted to play her my favorite violin song."

I chuckled. "I'm not worried about it. Everything's cool, the drama will subside soon enough." I finished off the Heineken, and I needed to take a wicked piss. "But if she was a decent lay…Leave Tanya to 61st Street, and holla at Rose." I adjusted my cock, holding the crotch of my jeans.

"It was…I don't know. She wanted me to munch on her cooter, but…fuck that. She gave good head, though. I'll see. I just see you and Jazz, and here I am, lonely on the couch."

I felt for him, I really did, but… "I got food waiting for me. We'll hang out tomorrow night—all of us. Sound cool? Maybe we'll hit up a bar? You could pick up a new sweetie, or get drunk and call Rose," I laughed.

He waved me away. "All right. Enjoy your food and your woman." He changed the channel. "Maybe I'll let Alice do my nails again." Emmett was definitely feeling sorry for himself. "But yeah…tomorrow night sounds awesome. Thanks, Ed."

I threw him a chin jerk and went for the bathroom.

Keeping my back to the door, I dug my cock out and lifted the seat.

"Ugh…do _any_ of you close the door ever?" Alice asked from behind me.

"You better run, little girl. I don't wanna turn around and poke your eye out." I winced, steady stream of piss still flowing. I really had to go.

Alice gasped.

"Yo, Ed, man!" Jasper complained.

I shook my head and put my cock away, flushed the toilet, put the seat down… "She didn't see nothing," I said as I washed my hands.

"That's my girl, man."

"We're even—you whipping your cock out in front of Bella?" This shit wasn't my intention, Alice catching me; it just worked out well. "We all need to do shit different—there's girls here now." I dried my wet hands on a towel.

"Bella saw your penis?" Alice pouted.

"Uh…" Jazz was stuck.

"You showed her?" Alice pushed him. "I'm going home . . . BELLA!" she fucking shrieked, and Bella ran outta the room.

"What?" she asked, holding her heart.

"You saw Jasper's penis?"

Bella shook her head, looking to me.

"Relax!" I exclaimed. "Jazz was pissin', like you just caught me..."

Bella rolled her eyes, disappearing back into the room.

When Alice dropped her shoulders, relieved, I finally entered my bedroom, following Bella.

"You missed the whole episode." She got comfortable in bed again.

"It's summer—they're reruns." I chuckled, pulling my shirt off.

"_Fraiser_'s on now," she sighed, and I noticed she did a good job on her sandwich; she caught me checking it out. "I was so hungry. It hit the spot." She really looked like she was about to fall out, tired.

I grinned, crawling behind my baby with my hero in one hand, while I turned the volume up a pinch with the other. Bella's always watching TV with the sound too low, and then she threatens to break speakers when her music's on. "I think the dad is funny on this show," I said.

"Niles is hilarious," she giggled.

I rested my cheek to her bicep, taking a bite of my food.

Once again, I was filled with such contentment.

Maybe my past was fucked, maybe today was fucked, but I knew my future was _bright_ as fuck.

"I love you," Bella whispered.

I planted a greasy kiss in her neck, still chewing. "I love you."

She smiled, nestling back into me.

I watched TV, calmed down some more, and before the show was over, Bella was asleep.

Briefly, I thought about rolling myself a blunt—chillin' with Emmett.

But I didn't need it.

So, with my full stomach, I placed my arms around my sleeping Bella and succumbed to sleep myself.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **

**After all the crap it took to get these two together, did youse really think I'd break them up? **

***scoffs***

**LMAO. **

**Last update until next week some time! We'll be flipping back to BPOV in the next series of chapters. **

**v**

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**v**


	21. Sunset

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Some more time has gone by...time has moved head. **

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty-One: Sunset**

**BELLA POV**

_**September 1st 1994**_

When I got on the R train to head home, I sat down, thankful I found a seat at this time. Of course, I'm actually going toward Manhattan, and all traffic was in the opposite direction—leaving Manhattan since it's rush hour.

The train was still crowded, though.

Then this old lady stood to my side, trying to hold onto the bar next to me.

My head whipped around to the other people around me...curious to see if anyone else would give up their seat.

This city is filled with some rude-ass-fuckers. No one even glanced at the elderly lady. She could fall, break something…

I actually had a nagging feeling in my gut about it, too.

"Ma'am?" I looked to her as I stood up. "Please, sit here." I brought my mini backpack over to my front, so I could keep an eye on it.

She smiled, and her wrinkled face lit up. "Thank you, child."

I grinned back and eased my way to opposite side, where the doors would open.

Usually, when I visit Bay Ridge during the week, I wait for Edward to get out of work—pick me up.

Today, I went to visit my mother, and Alice was actually away with her parents. She didn't want to leave, but her father begged, which surprised Alice. Normally, her parents only worry about themselves. I mean, they ask her when they go away sometimes, but they're so nonchalant about it.

_Vaguely, I wondered if that was some running theme with the baby boomer generation. _

They went to the Jersey Shore for the weekend. Mr. and Mrs. Brandon, who've met Jasper but believe he's nineteen and not twenty-two, invited him to go along as well.

_Man, I'd pay to be a fly on their wall this weekend. _

Jasper…I hope he fares well amongst them. I know he smoked a lot before he left, saying he wasn't going to smoke for the whole weekend. Yeah, right. They left this morning, and I'll give him until tonight...until he's sneaking away with Alice to light up. The heat was sure to be on him, too, since Alice's parents are...like stuffy aristocrats?

I hope Jasper uses the right utensils at dinner.

Most of all, I just hope Alice has fun. She should. I was happy for them, but I was a little jealous—they get to go to the beach and we're stuck here.

Her parents have an actual house down there. As Alice's closest and oldest friend, you'd think they'd invite me and my boyfriend. There would be more than enough room.

I spent the morning with my mom, and then I had to get out of there when she started her shit.

Yesterday, my mother had called Alice, who called me . . .

I'm not a bitch, but I know better.

While I wished I could give Renee the phone number and the address to Edward's apartment, I knew she'd abuse it.

Then again, Rose could always give it to her.

Regardless, I didn't want her constantly hounding me.

I didn't even speak to her over the telephone. She told Alice to tell me to be home early.

Edward dropped me off on his way to work.

I was promised that Phil would not be there.

My mother asked me to break that down the minute I got there. She was calm, wasn't annoying, and she actually seemed concerned. But if she was that concerned, loved me so much, she would believe me, would have chosen me instead of that perv—her flavor of the month.

That's exactly how I see it—how it is.

Her blatant disregard for my feelings…fussing over Phil and his…

Fuck that.

I have eyes, I see, where I hadn't before.

Things just hit a boiling point with us.

I grew up a latchkey kid because besides work, my mother was always more concerned with her lackluster love life.

And I was always there for her.

Anyway, I'm sick of thinking about that shit.

It was time to move on...onto better things.

_There's no need to dwell on the past and all that. _

I've been doing so much better. Maybe I'll have a beer with Edward now and then, but I haven't even smoked pot in weeks. I've been happier . . .

I told my mother the truth, about what happened that afternoon I slashed Phil's tire.

I explained that while I'm not sure, I had this overwhelming, creepy feeling in my gut that Phil _was_ watching me while I showered. Then he kept eyeballing me when I was in a towel…

My mother quickly dismissed my worries, saying that it was my imagination.

Pissed by that blatant disregard again, I was ready to call Edward, see if he could come back and get me.

Renee begged me to stay, excused herself to the kitchen to make us some eggs. She burned them, but again, she gets props for trying. The woman can't cook because she's never done it before! Cooking is a skill that gets better with time like many others. Renee's mother, my grandmother—who died last year—taught me how to cook.

Mom was never close to Nonna Pascari, but I enjoyed getting to see her whenever I could. She lived in the Bronx, where my mother grew up, so yeah. I didn't get to see her that often. I'd asked if I could live with her. My mother always said no, and then she died last year. My grandmother wasn't that old; she'd started young like her daughter, had Renee when she was twenty. But she lost control of her car while on her way down to Atlantic City. Nonna hit the guardrail hard, sending her into traffic that was going in the opposite direction. It was this huge pile-up of vehicles, and she passed instantly—before she even made it to the hospital.

My mother and I ate with minimal conversation…then she asked me to move back.

I was expecting her to ask, but…

I didn't even want to be there for a few hours if Phil was. And she really thought I'd want to live with the man?

Renee insisted that_ they_ really wanted me to come back. Once more, her including that asshole in the equation made it all the more less appealing.

Not that any of it mattered...I wasn't leaving Edward for anything.

She never asked me about Edward. She never brought him up, which was smart on her part.

I am crazy in love. I love that man something fierce, and there was no way her words would change that. I was glad she'd saved her breath.

She went on to ask me if I was okay, which…I'm better than okay.

Edward forgave me for joyriding. Truth be told, that day I got upset with Edward for getting upset with me. I was sad, hurt, and…I was mad at him for some stupid reasons.

Everything…my life was different.

And I wanted to adapt, be more like those I'm around.

While I missed very few parts of my old life, it was hard adjusting.

I went from being totally alone—basically—to having someone in my corner seemingly 24/7.

Every minute I spend with Edward is amazing, but…

I don't know.

Feeling like maybe I didn't fit in his world, I was stupid and thought I should change—have more of an edge, be cooler?

I still cringe when I think about it.

But since he came home that night…

That night we put all our feelings out there. We had a great talk, and Edward is a lot smarter than he thinks. He's hard on himself, but he's wonderful, and he's sweet…too sweet. He cares about me so much, which—as someone who's never had that—is baffling.

I'm just me, and here's this…amazing man with this huge heart…and he's doing all these things just for me!

I revel in Edward's love, and things have been better—even more fantastic between us.

Back to my visit with Renee, she lost me when Phil came home. I swear to Christ, he totally looked down at my cleavage when he said hello. Bastard tried to give me a hug, too.

I didn't even make a stink, although I felt all kinds of violated.

I won't be telling Edward.

Let sleeping dogs lie and all that.

Strangers—or even Emmett, who does have a wandering eye but knows not to cross lines—random guys checking me out in general doesn't bother me. It's the fact that Phil's dating my mother, and with all the crap Renee was talking, we're supposed to be this family; Phil a stepfather-figure.

That shit is creepy, nasty…makes my stomach knot up.

If I moved back in with them, I'd have to worry about Phil being handsy, my step-daddy trying to sneak into my bedroom at night. God forbid.

_Fuck that mess. _

When the train pulled into the 59th Street station, I was quick to hop off, happy to be freed from my jumbled thoughts. The subway wasn't crowded, and I was walking up to Fourth Avenue in no time. It truly is convenient that we live—literally—down the block from the subway.

As usual, I was aware of everything, but I still kept my gaze low. The sun was out, so I truly had nothing to worry about. This neighborhood, however, can be scary.

Thirsty, and knowing there's plenty to drink at home, I stopped in the store to get a fifty-cent ice.

I placed it between my teeth, about to tear it open, when I heard, "BELLA!"

My body whipped around, and I saw one of those chicks who was with Tanya that night.

Living here, and since that night, I've seen all three females randomly around.

But they have never interacted with me, nor have they called for my attention. Tanya pretends I don't exist, heeding Edward's warning, and I've been on my best behavior since the carjacking incident...which…it's been a month, the best month. It's the beginning of September, actually—Labor Day weekend—so it's been more than a month—with no drama, no problems.

Well, I still haven't found a job, which stinks. Edward says I don't have to work, not right now. No one minds me living there for free. Sometimes, I cook. I'll clean the bathroom because no one else cares, the kitchen because no one cares, the living room . . .

And in two weeks—around the time of my birthday—I'll be starting classes at Kingsborough. I have an appointment with an advisor next week to work on my schedule. Edward said he'd pay for it, but my father relented. He's going to give me some money—I hope to have a job soon, when I'm settled in school—and I was approved for a student loan. It'll come together; I have faith.

So, yeah…about six weeks have passed by with no drama.

This chick was alone, but she was the biggest of all three—on the heavy side with cornrows, wearing baggy pants and a loose shirt, looking like a dude. And she just looked mean, like she was in a lady gang.

Rose was actually jumped when she left Carvel one night, many weeks back. I felt bad for her, which surprised me...that I even cared? When we fought it was a total catfight. Rose _can't_ fight—she'd scratched me, went for my hair while I'd gone for hers. Her elbow got me in the eye, and that's how I got my shiner. She never landed a punch.

Ever since I threw that first punch at her at Edward's…Dude, I have a decent right hook that no one taught me, and there was something exhilarating about fighting.

_I'd never go around looking for it, though._

I heard Rose was beat up by the girlfriend of some guy she'd been fucking around with? I have no idea with the damn rumor mill. She needed stitches; she had a few caps put in because they fucked with her smile.

Honestly, I felt badly.

While Rose admitted she'd hated me for however long, I always looked at her like she was my best friend. I don't know, but she did all that fucked-up crap to me. I got over it.

Alice stopped being her friend, hasn't spoken to Rose in a long, long time.

When this chick started getting closer, I decided to steel my nerves, knowing she could totally beat my ass. She didn't need her friends for me to feel intimidated.

But if I ran now…

I'd be running forever, and I do live here.

"Hey," I said, when she was in front of me, unconsciously taking a step back.

"How you doin', sweetheart?" She eyed me from my toes up, but she wasn't sizing me up.

"I'm good." I nodded, folding my arms across my chest. "You?"

She smiled. "Oh, you know. Same ol', same ol'." Her head bopped to a muted beat I couldn't hear. "I know we haven't met on the real—I'm Irina."

"Bella." I put my hand out.

She shook it, and there was nothing malicious going on, yet I wondered what the hell she wanted. "I see you around the way with Ed . . . He's a good guy."

"Yes, he is," I agreed.

"Eat your ice, Ma…don't let it melt." She chuckled.

I bit my lips together, but I didn't eat my ice; I threw it into the garbage. "How do you know Edward?" I was curious.

"Around the way—same 'hood." She shrugged.

"Oh…" I nodded.

"On your way home?" She went for the corner, as if she'd accompany me.

"Yeah." I walked next to her, stuck for conversation. "I like your nails." That was the only feminine thing about her—her longish, ruby red nails.

"Thanks. I get 'em done ova at the chino's, a block down that way."

I stared at my short, bitten down nails. "I've never had mine done before. Like, I've had manicures, but…no nails."

She stopped walking. "You got time? We can go check it out now."

"Um…" I did have time, nowhere to be. Edward wouldn't be home for a couple hours. We had leftover baked ziti we'd have again tonight. Emmett's home, but all he does is watch TV. "How much?"

"Fifteen."

_I had a twenty on me, and I bet Edward would like them_, I thought. "You don't mind? You can just show me where it is…"

"I got time…nothing to do." She turned around, and so did I. "Where you from? Originally?"

"Bay Ridge." I stopped walking. "No offense, but why are you talking to me?"

She laughed and patted my back. "Keep walking."

Nervous now, I didn't.

"I meant I'd explain as we walked." She was laughing again. "Look, mami…I see you around, only with your man. I'm guessing you got no job…You look like you need a friend. I'm for real. I can understand because of Tanya—"

"What's her deal?" I started walking again, thinking Irina nice to do such a thing. My guard would still totally stay up. Others like her would never do what she's doing, but that doesn't mean it's impossible…how I gave up my seat to that old lady.

"I'mma be real wit' you, all right?"

I nodded as we crossed the street.

"They used to mess, which I'm sure you know."

"I do," I said.

"Not for nothin', how you live with those three hotties and keep your dome straight?" she asked.

I giggled. "I…only have eyes for Edward. Jasper and Emmett, they're like brothers." They truly are. Jasper is a total troublemaker, but honest and funny as hell. Emmett…well, we're friends. He's always trying to give advice that goes in one ear and out the other. He occasionally checks me out, and I ignore it.

"That's what's up . . . The shit with Tanya…She didn't give a shit. She's seeing some cat named Miguel. He lives in our building, but she saw Edward with some girl. She didn't know what you looked like 'cause it was dark out, but…suddenly Edward dissin' her became a problem, when she was fine talkin' to her man Miguel."

I rolled my eyes.

"We were also just on our way to the store that night." She pointed back to the one I'd just been in. "When we saw youse…Tanya, knowing he had a girl, had to say somethin'. It's mad petty. Just pay her no attention."

"Okay…thanks, by the way, for doing this." Still apprehensive, I decided to roll with it and be polite. "You're not gonna lure me away and then Tanya hops out to kick my ass, right?"

She chuckled. "Nah, you're cool. I swear."

I smiled and we entered the nail salon.

The bell sounded as we walked inside. It reeked of chemicals, and there were two long rows of manicurists. Irina told one of them what we wanted, and we were able to sit next to each other.

An Asian lady got busy doing my nails. The manicurist kept tsking and saying, "No bite," to which I was embarrassed.

During, Irina started telling me more about herself. The first thing she said was that she was bisexual. She loves sex, having _a lot_ of it with both men and woman, and I didn't give her my opinions on that. I mean, she basically painted herself a total slut. In the end, I just smiled and I didn't judge her. The more she spoke, the nicer she was. She's twenty-five, currently unemployed. She had a seven-year-old son named Julio. Irina lives with her mother and her sister, along with her son, and her friend Kate. She's lived in Sunset her whole life, and she plans to go back to school.

All-in-all, she honestly seemed like a nice person, and I hoped this wouldn't come back to bite me in the ass—chillin' with her.

After the shit with Rose…

I felt I couldn't trust anyone, except Edward and Alice—the two people who own my heart.

Irina asked about Alice, too, because she'd seen her going here and there with Jasper. I actually clammed up, didn't want to tell her too much.

Because I didn't know…her true intentions. I didn't want her knowing that Alice still lives in Bay Ridge, stuff like that.

I made sure to get the acrylic tips nice and short, much shorter than Irina's. They already felt weird, uncomfortable, and I hoped I could function with them.

After we picked out our nail polish, Irina asked me how I met Edward. "Well, Alice and Jasper met on AOL?" We took our seats again and handed our colors over. "Alice had to bring friends for Edward and Emmett. We all had a blast, and…Edward and I hit it off." I knew I sounded wistful, with stars in my eyes, but I didn't care.

"Damn, girl," she teased. "You got it bad, huh?"

"The worst…I'm gone, hooked on all things Edward." Again, I wanted to shout that from the rooftops.

"That's cool…Edward was bitten by the love bug…I'd never think it true if I didn't…see you guys kissing that day," she laughed.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, you know men…they're easy," she said, and I guessed she didn't want to tell me about Edward's past, for which I was grateful. I hate being reminded of just how many women he's been with. Although, after having such amazing sex, I couldn't imagine going six years without it. "Edward also has a reputation…You know what? My bad. I swear, I wasn't sayin' that shit to get you upset. You know? It's actually a good thing—I was gonna say, but I don't wanna blow up E's spot. He's a good guy."

"Tell me," I blurted, needing to know now.

She laughed, nodding. "Okay…He picked up a reputation for not kissing bitches. He'd do whatever, just avoid their mouths." She shrugged.

"Oh…" I remembered Edward backing away, the first time I'd tried to kiss him. But then he kissed me ALL night. ALL night. We kissed and kissed, and we just continued to kiss. The cab ride…it was just a make-out session. "Really? Edward's…always kissed me." I honestly couldn't see it.

"The boy never kisses," she said. "I've heard that over and over."

"Did he at least kiss Tanya? Weren't they seeing each other for a while?" I asked.

"Hardly. That bitch used to gloat. Look, she's my friend, but she's a simple bitch. I don't say nothin' to you about her that I haven't already said to her face." She pursed her lips.

"All right." I respected that, the not talking shit thing.

When the lady was finished painting my nails—hot pink because I just had to have it—I was afraid to touch anything. Thankfully, I'd paid beforehand. We sat under the nail dryer for over twenty minutes. Our conversation still flowed, but we didn't talk about anything important.

But then she brought up Emmett's huge-ass donkey dick—her words.

I felt my face flush, and I didn't want to know, but I totally did. "You've…with Emmett?"

"Girl…" She squirmed in her seat. "That boy is fine, sweet as hell. He still single?"

I nodded.

"My girl Katie and me—we tag teamed that boy, and he was able to _keep up!_" She winced with a shrug to her shoulders, excited. "All those fucking muscles, those dimples…" She hissed, sitting straight.

"Cool." I smiled.

"Those boys know how to fuck…I can't even. I can't even pick a favorite."

"Um…" I frowned, wondering if Edward was bunched in that. "Edward—"

Her eyes widened. "I meant Jazz and Em, sweetie."

I blew out a breath. "Cool." I was relieved. "Really?"

She nodded slowly, and then we stopped talking.


	22. Down

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Down**

While Irina and I left the nail salon, she told me to just be natural with my nails, because I had my fingers spread like they were still wet. They felt nice and dry and cool when I made a fist, and my hands actually looked sexy.

And I couldn't wait to scratch along Edward with them, his scalp, his back and shoulders.

I sighed as we approached 59th Street. "Thanks again…that was fun."

"No problem, mami. I got you." She placed her arm around my shoulders.

Feeling awkward, I said, "I like your cornrows." They were only on the top and her curly hair was flowing down.

"You like these?" She pointed. "Yo…I can do yours right now."

"Oh…" I touched my hair. It was clean since I'd washed it this morning, and it was down. "I don't know. Don't they hurt?" Alice had them done when she went to Jamaica a few years ago with her parents. While they weren't the same twists that Irina had, they were still braids—cornrows.

"It's not too bad. If you're interested, I'll go my crib right quick and get some bands."

I nodded.

"We can sit on your stoop, chill out."

"Sounds good."

We went our separate ways, and I couldn't believe how lonely I truly was without Edward and Alice. My best friend and I aren't as attached at the hip now that we have boyfriends. But I always try my best to split my free time. I hate being alone and shit. Edward would be home in about an hour…

And I felt bad saying no when she seemed so cool.

When I entered the apartment, Emmett was on the couch—where he always is when he's off. I waved, not making small talk as I went into the bathroom to thoroughly brush my hair. Then I went to the fridge. I figured Irina would be quick, and I should bring some drinks down. I also grabbed the radio Edward got me for the kitchen. It's small, battery-operated, and I think he got it so I'd enjoy being in the kitchen more? He's so cute, and he's not subtle at all.

"Hey." Emmett was in the kitchen doorway. "How'd it go with your mom?"

"Eh…" I grabbed two Heinekens. If Irina doesn't like beer, I'll grab her some soda.

"Thirsty?" Emmett pointed.

"Oh, um…" Now I suddenly felt weird, embarrassed almost to admit I was hanging out with Irina, and I didn't know why. "I ran into Irina. We got our nails done." I showed him. "She's gonna do my hair...if you wanna come down and chill."

He nodded, not saying much about it, which surprised me. "Irina's a cool chick."

"I think so too." I was honest.

"Bella!" That was Irina.

"I'll be downstairs." I walked around Emmett and ran down.

Irina sat on the top step, a bag of small rubber bands and a comb in her hand, and a spray bottle of what must be water next to her.

"Beer?" I offered her one.

"Word." She grabbed it. "Have a seat." She pointed to the step below her.

I sat down, turned on the radio, and then I hummed some Mary J.

It didn't hurt as much as Alice said it did. When the pick would scrape against my scalp, it was uncomfortable, but not painful.

We didn't talk as much as we did at the nail salon. Mostly, we listened to Hot97, singing along, too. Neither one of us had a great voice, but it didn't matter. We'd still try to hit some of those sweet notes, and we both kept failing—laughing together and at ourselves.

We were having a good time.

Irina had finished with more than half my head when Edward pulled into the driveway. And it was like the radio knew he was home—SWV'S "Weak" sounding from it.

Fuck, that song is so apt.

_I don't know what is that you've done to me…_

_But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way…_

_Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing…_

_It's a feeling that I want to stay. _

_'Cause my heart starts beating triple time, with thoughts of loving you on my mind. _

_I can't figure out just what to do, when the cause and cure is you—_

Disappointment filled my gut when he left the van with that black Jansport—the knapsack that has the Ecstasy in it. I don't care about its contents, but that means he might be heading back out.

And I'll miss his sexy ass.

Whether he's picking them up or dropping them off, the process takes a few hours.

_I had my nails, and soon I'll have my hair nice. I wanna fuck all night…which would be a great start to the long weekend_, I thought.

The knapsack: Edward thinks I don't know, but I did snoop one day, and I found one helluva hiding spot. The floor in the closet is slightly raised, not noticeable at all. I don't know if it came like that or if Edward made it so when he moved in.

But it's genius.

Edward hadn't closed it properly after he dug out some weed or placed the bag inside that day, so it's his own fault.

Had he righted it, I would have never known.

Nevertheless, the Jansport made me frown instead of smile at him as he left the van.

_He'll be gone for hours._

Unless that guy met him in Manhattan and he already picked it up? Regardless, he probably has to meet up with Demetri, and he usually does that at night. His uncle is like a vampire_—_sleeps all day, parties all night_—_like a lost boy.

To be honest, I'm not crazy about him selling, hustling, and dealing these days.

It's never an issue that I'd argue over, nor is it something I enjoy him doing. He did that before we met, and I never judged him, but nowadays_—_now that I am crazy in love with him, I love him_—_I'm constantly on edge whenever he's doing something shady. I wish he had no involvement in anything like that.

God forbid something happens, like if he gets arrested again...

Him doing it doesn't bother me; I could _never_ think less of him.

The risks he takes worries me, scares the hell out of me, actually.

Edward furrowed his brow, pausing at the bottom of the stairs. "What's this?" I'm sure he referred to Irina.

"Relax," Irina said, and I didn't know what that was about.

Edward threw her a chin jerk, and I wondered what they were silently communicating about.

That piqued my interest, and I didn't like it.

"I ran into Irina when I left the subway," I explained, lifting my knees to my chest.

"Yo! I'm peepin' ya panties from down hea. Cross yo' legs." Edward stomped up the stairs. "Wearin' shorts like that." He gave my outer thigh a slap.

"Oww-uh!" I rubbed the sting out.

Edward smirked. "Don't be a baby. That wasn't hard." He bent low to peck my lips.

"It _was_ hard." I was pouting. "I heard that shit." And I_ felt_ it, too. "Why you always—" I just shut up, not wanting to make it an issue or fight with him.

"What?" Edward backed down a few steps. He placed light kisses on the spot before sucking some high-thigh fat—near my crotch—into his mouth, grunting a hum. "Hmm." My traitorous pussy responded, and I squirmed. True, he spanks my ass during sex harder than that, but still. "You got ya nails done?" Edward picked up my hand.

"Yeah…you like them?" I asked.

He shrugged and then nibbled on a nail. His nose was scrunched while he did it, and he looked silly, so I giggled.

"Tilt your head, mama." Irina gently tapped my head.

I went right, and she twisted some hair near my temple. She must be almost done. "You goin' somewhere?" I asked, looking up to Edward.

He let the bag drop, and there was a slight weight to it. I'd imagine he'd need a lot more than usual this week. "Nah…I'm home for the night. We had dick to do—guess it's 'cause of the holiday. I was off at noon, did whateva."

_But it's after six p.m.,_ I thought.

"It was cool." He sat down below me, easing his back between my legs.

I snuck my hands into the neck of his tee to run them down his chest, and his happy growl made my fingertips vibrate.

It made me smile.

"Did'ju cook?" Edward lit a cigarette.

"Can you bust me down?" I asked, wanting him to save me some.

Realizing I only legit need to smoke if I drink, puff, or do whatever, I haven't been buying packs. After all, I'm broke these days, and I feel badly when Edward gives me money unless it's for the house or…whatever. It makes me feel like I'm a kid with an allowance. It's all good, though. I don't need my own cigarettes; I smoke Edward's.

"Here." He handed me his stoge, fast to light another one. "Did'ju cook?" he asked again, and I saw him rub his stomach below me.

"Um, I thought we'd have leftovers." I pulled from the ciggy.

"Oh…" That wasn't a happy sounding oh, and his shoulders dropped.

I sighed. "We have Spam…mac and cheese? All the meat is frozen. The chicken cutlets might thaw quick, but we'd be eating at like ten tonight."

My man, Edward, can be picky. Especially when it comes to food. If he's in the mood for something, he has to have that. However, if I cook a real meal—and it doesn't even matter what it is—he's happier than a pig in shit.

"Fuck that," he said. "The macaroni from yesterday is cool—"

"Awesome."

". . . I guess." He spoke over me or _I_ spoke too soon.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, what are you in the mood for?" The supermarket is only four blocks away, and it's a big one.

In Bay Ridge, the closest market to my house was ten streets away. And if you bought a lot and you didn't have a car, it was a bitch getting home. I use one of those shopping carts that you fold; the guys already had one that hung behind the front door.

"You know what sounds good, baby?"

"Hmm?" I took another drag, flicking the ashes to my left, and I noticed Irina was being really quiet. Since she wasn't earlier, talking my ear off, I wondered what that was about.

"We get steaks," he said. "Don't that sound good?" Steak is expensive these days and to feed three men? I buy chopmeat, London Broil, different kinds of chicken, and pork chops—never steak. "We gotta li'l grill in the closet upstairs—just need a small bag of charcoal, some lighter fluid." He nodded. "We can cook 'em on the fire escape or right hea."

"Okay," I said.

"French fries, too. How do you cook those?" he asked.

I smiled because he's so cute. "I have frozen fries in the freezer. They go in the oven."

"Dude, can you even boil water?" Irina laughed.

Edward scratched his neck. He didn't shave this morning and had stubble. "Yeah…I can fuck wit' that."

I wished I could kiss him right now, but he must have had the same thought. Edward kissed my knee, and I wove my fingers into his hair. "That's feels good." He rested his cheek to my thigh.

I hummed, happily, trailing my nails along his scalp. _My baby_.

"You're all set, ma."

I felt Irina lean back.

"Thanks." I smiled, and the first thing I did was raise my brows. It felt tight up there. "How's it look?" I squeezed Edward's shoulder.

He stood up from the step. "Good." Edward winked down to me, extending a hand. He yanked me up, and because he was lower on the stairs, he palmed my ass. "Beautiful as always."

Grinning, I bent low to tangle my tongue with his.

He let out a short groan. "I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you, too." And he could never imagine how much. "I love you." In my periphery, I watched Irina walk down the steps. "Thanks again!"

"Today was fun," she said. "I'll see ya around." Irina lifted her hand.

"Oh…" I felt she'd done a lot for me. "Did you wanna stay for dinner?" I thought maybe we could walk to the store together, too—chill some more.

Edward's hold on my ass was almost painful suddenly. I guess I shouldn't have asked, but I didn't care.

"Nah, it's cool. I gotta get home to Julio," she spoke of her son. "Youse enjoy, though."

"Okay." I waved.

Once Irina turned her back, Edward looked up to me and shrugged, silently asking what that was about.

"She did my hair for free," I whispered.

"Right," he said, rising a few steps to kiss me silly again.

Edward needs to stop kissing me like this all the time. It makes me wanna _fuck_ all the time. It's like the man oozes sex, and I have to have his dick, his hands, his intense stare, his grunts, groans . . .

When Edward let up, I was dizzy, and I knew I was soaked.

"Damn, baby," he commented, coming back at me.

"Supermarket?" I gulped.

_If we start fucking around, we'll never get there._

Edward heaved a heavy sigh. "Let's go." He put the knapsack on his back and then held out his hand out for mine.

"Wait…the bottles and the radio." I reached for everything. No one would give a fuck about the empty beer bottles, but someone would definitely swipe the radio.

"Gimme." He took them to toss them down into the trash cans. "Just take the radio. It's small."

That wasn't a bad idea.

And it truly wasn't.

On our way to the market, it was like we were sharing a Walkman, and I swayed my hips with a hop to my steps—so, so fucking happy to be with Edward on this glorious night.

The sun was setting, the streets were quieting down, and the wind was a little cooler.

I felt like I was in heaven with my boyfriend, and I practically danced as we strolled along the avenue.

"Yo…chill." Edward wrapped his arms around me, stilling my hips.

I frowned. "I was only…"

"Those dudes were just—" He gritted his teeth, looking behind us to widen his arms. "Get a good look?!" He bopped, jerking and emphasizing his words, dripping aggression.

"Edward!" I hissed through gritted teeth.

There were two guys leaning against a car by the corner store, but when Edward said that, both stood up.

"Just enjoyin' the view, son." The one chewing the flavor stick smiled at me. "How you doin', mama?"

"This motherfucker…" Edward stepped toward them.

With all my strength, I pulled him back but that didn't work. "Edward—" I jumped to be in his face "—walk away."

Honestly, my stomach was a mess, and I swore I was gonna cry. "Please. Please. Please." I was afraid of him taking on the two dudes at once, and I didn't want him fighting over something this dumb.

"Yo' girl's_ fine_, Ed…Good for you." The other one chuckled and faced his friend before he started humping the air. And I guessed Edward knew him.

Flavor stick guy blew me a kiss. And I wanted to scream at them, too—to stop their shit unless they wanted to die.

Edward's crazy…well, he can be, and I love him anyway.

"Edward…please, walk away. It's not worth it." My eyes pleaded.

"You. Are." His chest heaved, his teeth were gnashed together as he stared, and then he swallowed—looking down to me.

"Please…" It came out like a whine.

Edward stiffened and recovered, his eyes softening. "Fuck it. Let's just go home." True, we were only a block away from the apartment, but still.

"Um—" I was cut off when he grasped my hand to pull me across the street.

Alas, I didn't bitch about a thing…

"Keep up, baby." He was walking really fast.

For that, for him to be practically running, we should have just kept going toward Key Food.

I did my best to match his pace, but his legs are much longer…

Then he was running up the steps ahead of me, into the apartment.

Still nervous, and hoping he wouldn't be angry with _me_, I followed.

I was just in such a good mood, too happy—and with feeling good, and with good music playing…

_Ugh. I was so stupid_.

I hated myself, thinking Edward might blame me for what happened, or take his anger out on me for dancing. He'd never hit me or anything, but he might yell. I had no idea; I was just wary.

I was halfway up the inside staircase when Edward _and_ Emmett came running back down.

They were shirtless and Edward had a bat . . .

"Whoa!" I shouted as they passed me.

Edward actually wore a smirk, a sinister one; he was still pissed. "Make the mac and cheese, baby." He pecked my lips with force, making me jerk back. "I'm starvin'."

_But I think he was hungry for bloodshed, to be honest. _

They started running once out the door.

"Edward!" I shouted, and then I took off after them.

They were too fast, had already turned the corner, and I held my boobs to my chest so I could run faster. "Ed—" I stopped and stared when I made it to the curb.

I could see from here, and there was no stopping them…

Those dudes didn't even see Edward and Emmett coming.

The one with the flavor stick got it first. Edward knocked him in the back with the bat while Emmett got the other one.

When it became an all-out brawl, punches being thrown and everything, I swallowed my nerves and ran closer. And I bit my tongue; I didn't wanna start shouting up a storm or distract Edward.

It's bad enough this is happening, but I didn't want Edward to lose the upper hand?

Edward had since thrown the bat into the street, and I went for it, because it was metal and it might have his fingerprints on it?

I was scared shitless the cops were going to come, and I kept my eye out for them as I advanced toward them.

Emmett caught me—saw me while he was kicking the-one-who-knew-Edward's-name. "Go home!" he boomed, which alerted Edward.

Edward slammed flavor-stick-dude into a parked car, making him fall to the ground. "Go!" I knew that was for me. "Now!" He kicked the guy in the stomach.

"Stop it!" I didn't really yell, but I was loud. "It's enough." I backed away a few steps. I mean, those guys weren't even fighting back. They were moving, so I knew they were alive…they were roughed up enough, I thought.

When both guys were down on the ground, bloodied and beaten, Edward and Emmett let up, and I'd stepped quite a few paces away already. My eyes stayed glued to them, though.

My stomach was so fucked, churning with the bad butterflies, and I didn't want to turn the corner just yet.

"Yo!" Someone hollered from a window above. "Five-o. Five-o. Five-o!" He must have been able to see the cops because I didn't hear sirens.

When I saw Edward and Emmett coming toward me, which they did with the first "Five-o," I started running back to the apartment.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **


	23. Poom Pooms

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

**Last update today. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Poom Pooms**

Knowing the police were coming, I swore my heart stopped; meanwhile, it was thumping away crazily, and so many things happened at once.

As soon as I heard the sirens in the distance—which meant they were still a few blocks away—Edward and Emmett had caught up to me.

Emmett took the bat from me, Edward tossed me onto his back so fast, and then we were flying.

I never looked back, and I don't think I even inhaled a breath until we were in the apartment.

Edward dropped me onto the couch, and all three of us were panting.

All I heard was my own beating heart in my ears and our breathing...

"You all right?" Edward plopped down next to me.

I gulped, my mouth dry, and I couldn't talk yet. I just nodded, but I was still worried.

_What if someone tells the cops where we live?_

I looked around for the backpack, which was on the floor near the TV. "Hide that." I rasped out.

Edward waved a hand at it, wearing a wide smile. "Yeah…"

"Whew!" Emmett was happy, too. "Haven't done some shit like that in a minute." He slapped his hand to Edward's.

"The cops…" I couldn't believe them.

"Relax." Edward squeezed my thigh.

Emmett placed his hands on his hips, furrowing his brow and staring down at me. "The nails, the cornrows, the doorknocker earrings," he laughed. "What'd you get hit with the ghetto stick?"

"They're just thick, gold hoops." I looked to the floor.

I thought I looked cute this morning—wearing my sneakers, my shorts, and my baby doll tee that shows some of my stomach.

"Only thing new are the nails and the hair." I've had my hoops since last year.

"Don't listen to him. You're gorgeous." Edward kissed my lips. "And the only thing she gets hit wit' is this!" Edward grabbed his crotch from over his jeans, and then his mouth was on mine. He gave me one really sloppy kiss, making my back hit the couch cushions.

Emmett cleared his throat.

Edward stopped to lean away, but he still held my thighs to his waist. "What's up?"

Emmett just widened his eyes and pointed to the back hall. "Do that shit in your room, bro." He sat in his recliner.

Edward grinned, pulling me to sit up.

"What if the cops—"

"No one's gonna say shit," Edward said. "Relax, baby." He kissed my neck.

My heart began to slow. "Are you sure?" I asked. "And why do that anyway? That was so dumb!" Still, I couldn't be mad at him, because now that it was over…I found it hot; it turned me on.

I hated myself before, when I thought Edward was mad at me, but he was angry with them. And my man defended me, my honor, which…made me wish I'd worn something else this morning.

_But seriously. _

_It's the 90s. _

_I should be able to wear what I want without men being jackasses. _

"Respect! That's not dumb!" Edward spat. "I'm supposed to let them do that? In front of me? _In front of me?" _He pointed to himself. "Nah, I don't fuckin' think so." His attitude was back as he left the couch. "And now they won't do that shit behind my back neither. Other dudes'll know, too…not to look at you. They're lucky the cops were coming. But, yo…sirens be blastin' all the fuckin' time." It's true, around here they do. "They probably weren't even coming for us. A bullshit fight?"

I felt much better. "Okay."

"Abdul at the store wouldn't say shit . . . Lemme see." Edward lifted the screen to hang out the window. "Nah…they must'a just been on Fourth Avenue, passin' through." He came back in.

"Cool," I said.

Edward grabbed the knapsack, going into the room. "Yo, you wanna make that?" he called back.

I nodded, knowing he was hungry. "That was crazy."

Emmett didn't say anything.

"Thanks for having his back." I shrugged, making my way into the kitchen.

"That's my cousin," he sighed, staring at the TV. "You're his girl..."

"You want mac and cheese?"

Emmett was flicking through the channels. "Sounds good, B. Thanks."

After I filled the larger pot with water, I set it to boil, and then I lit the clipped cigarette that was in the ashtray by the sink. It actually helped to relax me even more because I felt all this weird tension coming from the living room.

From where he sat, I knew Emmett could see me, and I bet he glared at me a few times or something.

I turned toward him. "You okay?"

He nodded.

I widened my eyes and arms. "Why are you being weird?"

"Because…I don't know." He changed the channel again. "Look, if_ I_ had a girl…I wouldn't let her walk around dressed in poom-poom shorts and a belly shirt."

Self-conscious now, I pulled my shorts down. "As if! They're not _that_ short—these are _not_ poom-pooms." They're really not.

"I said_ if _I had a girl…you know, a general assessment. They just invite cats to look—causes trouble."

"Oh, you're not talking about me?" I asked, keeping my voice down, and I wished this wasn't happening. "I just wanna look good for my man. What's wrong with that?" Maybe I've always been shy, but in the summer, I've never had a problem wearing something that might be a little bit revealing. I despise the heat, too.

He let out a breathy chuckle. "Then wear it where only _he _can see it."

"Just forget it." The last thing I wanted was for Edward and Emmett to have problems again. It's a terrible feeling, to be the reason why they're at odds. Although Emmett's the real reason, not me. I just wish he'd accept that we were together, or at least not be weird about it, jealous? He gets pissy about Alice and Jasper, too. His friends are happy, whatever.

It's not like I get a vibe from him. Mostly, he's friendly, I'm friendly, but every once in a while…he'll say something like he just said, something weird.

"What's wrong?" Edward slapped my ass, making me jump, and then he walked around me.

"Nothing." I smiled.

He nodded, taking his blunt over to the couch to relax.

Uncomfortable now, I excused myself to the bedroom.

"Baby, you wanna smoke?" Edward shouted.

"No!" I closed the door to lean against it, just needing a second.

When I reached for last night's PJs—an Edward shirt and a pair of his boxers, because I just love wearing his stuff—I thought better. It's getting cooler; we still have the A/C and fans going anyway.

Knowing I wouldn't be hot, I changed into sweats and the T-shirt.

As I took off my earrings, I finally had the chance to look at my hair. Since I know what they look like on others, I had a feeling they'd look good.

But…with having my hair pushed so far back, it made my ears stick out.

Maybe if she only did a few on each side, my ears would be covered a little. She went all out. I had mad cornrows, and they were tight, so I used a scissor to cut each rubber band. It took a couple minutes, and then I felt it…my scalp was kind of sore.

The water was probably boiling, and I snuck out to pour the macaroni in.

Then I went into the bathroom, so I could sort out my hair.

At least I had a good time bullshitting with Irina while she did it. In truth, I only wanted the cornrows because then we had an excuse to hang out; I wasn't alone.

My hair was wavy at the top, and I brushed it out.

When dinner was ready, I loaded three bowls, and then I brought them out to Emmett and Edward. It's not like I have to serve them, not at all, but I thought it a nice gesture. They thanked me.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked.

"Nothing." I smiled, coming back with my own bowl. "I'm good." I took a seat next to Edward, and the three of us watched TV.

We'd watched a sitcom before Edward noticed my hair.

Again, he said I was beautiful either way.

Sitting here with Emmett was boring. Edward's been trying to chill with him more, says Emmett gets sad or something since everyone else is paired off. I think it's bullshit, stupid.

Fuck Emmett. He pisses me off sometimes, I swear. He bitches that he can't meet a nice girl. He's quick to sleep with them or try to, and no matter _what_ they do, they're _always_ hoes. Emmett's never happy, but he's never lonely either, so I don't know why Edward feels badly. He has eyes.

I barely ate, and I was kind of bummed.

After dinner, I was still blah, and I watched some more TV in our bedroom...alone.

Edward joined me twenty minutes later. "What's up wit'chu?" He crawled on his knees toward me.

Since I knew what would make me feel better, I kissed him deeply, and I heard Edward kick off his boots while we started making out.

I didn't waste any time. When he leaned back to rest his forehead to mine, and he was about to say something, too—I pushed him farther back to take off my pants. I got completely naked as Edward just watched. He had that mesmerized little grin on, and it made my breath catch in my throat.

From the fight, he honestly didn't have a scratch on him.

Getting onto my knees, I placed my lips to his once more. Then I squealed when he pulled my legs out from under me; I landed on my back, and Edward hovered over me.

But I was on autopilot, trying to rid him of his jeans, tangling my tongue with his.

He pulled back to nuzzle his nose to mine. "What's the rush?" he whispered.

I gulped, my chest heaving. "I wanna fuck...I need you."

"We didn't get the chance to talk at all. What happened wit'cha moms?"

I groaned. "Nothing important." It took some effort, but I was able to slip out from under him and turn us over.

Undoing his belt felt like a small victory.

Edward had a dumbfounded expression on his face, but he let me undress him. However, when I reached for his boxers, he stopped me. "Come here."

I placed my hand to his chest, and I pushed down, wanting to keep him there. But I did lie to his side, bending low to kiss him.

I had an errant thought. "I should just…not wear revealing clothes anymore. I should wear baggy pants and shirts like Irina, dress like a dude."

"Where'd that come from?" Edward stared at me. "I'm a fan of pants…just sayin', but—"

I didn't say anything, huffing a breath.

The shit with Phil looking at my tits this morning, and then those dumb guys and the fight. The shit Emmett said. Edward's a fan of pants, which is probably a hint of some sort.

"Men shouldn't be so fucking rude. They shouldn't be pigs," I said.

"You're right." Edward pulled me into his side. "Especially if ya gotta man right next to you . . . You're mad at me?"

I rolled over to face him. "Not at all. No, baby." I toyed with his chain. Edward isn't religious at all, but he wears a gold crucifix, which is decent in size.

"Talk to me." He ran his knuckle along my cheek. "What's on your mind?"

"Those guys just pissed me off," I said, because I could NOT tell him the rest. He beats up strangers on the street. He'd go after Phil again, have problems with Emmett. It wasn't worth it, and I'm so going to say something to Emmett. He needs to get over himself.

And I needed to snap out of my funk. It'll happen when Edward sticks his cock in me. That makes the world disappear.

Edward smiled, looking very pleased with himself. "Well, I took care of it."

"You did," I agreed. "I understand why, but—Baby, God forbid you got in trouble. You got arrested and had to do time again..." Edward already has a record. They'd send him back to prison in a heartbeat, and that's one of my newest fears.

He scooted closer, our bodies touching as he gazed into my eyes. "Would you wait for me? I don't plan on going back ever. I'm just curious." He nipped my lips. "This pussy's mine…You won't give it away…You'd wait."

"I'd _want_ to," I whispered. "But if you went away…that'd probably kill me, Edward. I'd try my best to tough it out." I didn't really want to think about that.

Because at this point, I can't imagine my life without Edward in it.

"But you'd wait…stay mine, faithful?" He raised a brow.

"Of course. You own my heart, Edward. I love you…I can't fathom being with someone else, nor do I have the desire to. You—you fill every single need. I love you more than—more than anything." I felt like I might cry, and I looked away. "I don't wanna talk about that. I need-need you like I need air to breathe…" My lip quivered.

"Oh…stop." He held me close and kissed my neck, and I managed to stop my tears before they really started. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good…You're not allowed. How 'bout that?" I asked, trying to sound funny.

"It works." He nodded as his hand ran down my side. "Christ...look at you."

I leaned more into him. "Touch me." I turned to be on my back, and I spread my legs wide.

Edward let out a slow hiss, his palm running up the inside of my thigh. "So fucking sexy." He looked back to me. "Baby…you're gorgeous. That's why men look." He moved lower on the bed to place a kiss on my stomach. "They can't help themselves." His lips descended, and I squirmed, letting out a large breath. "But you're mine…I don't want them lookin' at what's mine." His voice took that tone.

I shook my head. "Me-me neither."

He bit his bottom lip, his finger sliding down my pussy lips.

I let out another large breath, trying to spread my legs wider, but I was as open as I could be.

Edward scooted up, using his middle finger to rub down the center—what I call the slippery slope.

My hips rocked, and his finger slipped inside of me.

"You're fuckin' soaked, baby." He licked his lips and then bit my nipple.

Breathing heavily, I grabbed his hand, so he'd finger me faster. "Yes!" It felt amazing, my whole body suddenly a live wire.

"I love you." He trailed kisses up to my neck, licking, nipping, and biting, and his breaths kept hitting my ear—making me shudder. "Hmmm." His finger left me, and it was noisy—sloshy almost—and totally fucking sexy. Then he massaged my clit, which made more of those sounds. "You like that?"

I moaned an agreement. "Fuck me, Edward. Fuck me." I was begging, needing his thick cock to fill me.

"Shhh." He kissed me, and I guess I was loud.

_Oh well,_ I thought.

And I hated that I thought about him at a moment like this. But maybe if Emmett heard the things his cousin could do, he heard us, he'd _finally_ realize. I didn't know. That thought actually spurred me on in a weird way. Especially since we don't have the music blasting like we usually do, and I'm always being shushed. Fuck that.

"Come," he whispered, sucking my earlobe into his mouth.

"Bite my nipples." Another plea.

Edward grinned, and then he started making love to my tits again—going from one to the other while his finger continued to make circles on my clit. He'd slide lower, go inside, and then he'd come back up.

I held his hand high, so he stayed focused on my clit.

The butterflies were back—the best butterflies, the good ones.

Filled with lust, passion, and excitement, I was on sensation overload—Edward, just Edward, what he was doing to my pussy, his mouth on my nipples, and the vision of him. His eyes were a darker shade of green, and they said so much. I saw his love, his want and need for me in his stare.

Edward also kept leaning into my hip; I felt _his_ need, too, his hard-on, and I wanted to ride his cock.

"Oh!" I stiffened. "Fuck! Yes, Edward, yes!" I cried through a whine, all my love and devotion—admiration for this man encompassing me, too.

_Only Edward can make me feel this way. _

My breath caught as I came around his finger, and then I gasped because he wasn't stopping.

"Ride it out, baby. Lemme see," he crooned, bending low to lick my nipple rapidly, his tongue wiggling. Yet, it was light, which teased and heated me even more.

My entire body shook as wave after wave hit me, my pussy pulsating. "Ed—" I wanted him to stop, but I couldn't speak. "Ughhhhh. Oh!" I continued to tremble, covered in sweat, and I'd never felt anything like it before—a hella long, phenomenal orgasm.

"Damn, baby…" His tone was awe-like before he sucked his finger into his mouth. "Hmm."

I huffed and huffed, trying to catch my breath, feeling so overheated. "Christ…I love you."

Edward chuckled, but then he stopped, his brows rising. "Yo…" He wore this surprised yet very happy smile. _"Whaaat…?"_ He scooted closer to look between my legs—briefly looking back to his forearm, which actually had like droplets on it, and then his eyes went back to the sheet.

Suddenly, I was alarmed. "What happened…? Edward?"

He beamed at me, licking up his forearm through a groan before coming close to kiss me passionately.

I'd sat up a bit to meet him, quick to massage my tongue to his, and that's when I felt it—the wet spot under my ass.

"You squirted," he whispered, palming my cheek. "Wish I could'a caught it with my mouth—really seen it. Fuckin' hot." He grunted, going for my lips again.

"What?" Confused, I pulled away.

"You squirted," he said again, smiling like a loon, but I didn't know what that meant.

"Meaning?" I hopped up, and the bed was soaked. There was a large circle, making the blue sheets a shade darker. "I peed?" Mortified, I almost cried. "Oh my God." I left the bed and felt my stomach—where my bladder is, but I didn't have to use the bathroom. Maybe I did? Maybe... "That's disgusting." I held my forehead. "Did I...?" I turned back to him.

Edward's body shook mad hard as he laughed into the pillow, laughed at me—at what I did.

I felt my face crumble, and then I heard what was the front door slam closed. It was loud; made our door shake with its force. No doubt done on purpose.

"Fuck. We should'a put music on, like we usually do—you were _dumb _loud!" Edward was still laughing, staring at our bedroom door. "_Too_ fuckin' loud!" He cackled away.

I let out a horrified wail, thinking I'd pissed during sex, and he didn't care, thought it funny.

My cry had startled Edward, and he turned to me. "Oh, no, baby..." He leapt from the bed to hug me close.

I cried into his chest. "So embarrassing. I'm sorry. You probably think—"

"What?" he asked. "Emmett'll get over it."

"N-no," I sobbed. "I don't care about him! Fuck Emmett." I wiped my eyes.

Edward cracked up again. "Then—" he coughed through a laugh, trying to compose himself "—why you cryin'?"

I pointed to the bed.

"You came mad hard, baby. How is that something to cry ova—" He left his mouth open, and his eyebrows were almost touching his hairline. "You don't know . . . Oh, baby." He squeezed me once more.

But Edward still looked shocked. "I'm sorry. What you just did was amazing—not a bad thing._ I'm_ da bomb!" He pointed to himself. "I'm _the fuckin' man! _I can't wait to make you do it again." He chuckled. "_You_—baby, you're incredible. In-fuckin'-credible. I love you." He peppered my face with kisses.

I shook my head no, my face crumpling again.

"Bella, don't cry." He had that awestruck look to him again. "It's an amazing thing, but you don't know, um." He sat back on the bed. "Look, I don't know the science behind it. Um, sometimes…when women come hard, they squirt." He shrugged. "I've seen it in a lot of porn. Never in real life, but it's _very_ real." He kissed my stomach, his hands kneading into my ass.

I sniffled and nodded. "It's not piss?"

Edward took my hands into his again, bringing them to his lips. "No. It's come, whatever." He kissed my knuckles. "Meaning, you came so hard it came shooting out."

Briefly, I wondered if I could find a book about it in the health section of the library. I doubt Alice knows what it's about. She's new to sex, too.

"It's normal?" I whispered. "You swear? There's nothing wrong with me?"

He leaned his chin to my belly, staring up to me. "Yes, I swear. You're perfect, nothin's wrong wit'chu."

My shoulders slumped, relieved.

"And even if you pissed? S'not a reason to cry like that." He pulled me even closer. "Gotta toughen you up." He touched my chin with his knuckle.

"I was…embarrassed, thought I was gross—thought you'd think me nasty. I dunno." I wiped my tears away. "I've only seen like one porn." And that was years ago.

My father left one in his VCR, and he wasn't home.

I watched it, and I was amazed at eleven.

"Oh…" he laughed. "I can help with that. We'll watch some soon, and then you'll see. But right now—" Edward gathered my naked body into his arms, bringing me onto the bed—quick to climb on top of me.

"That was beautiful." His goofy smile made me grin now. "I make you feel that good?"

"Too good," I whispered.

"Tell me." His nose touched my cheek, and then he kissed down my neck.

"There's something sexy about you using your fingers." I swallowed, his wandering mouth making my body hot again.

"What else?" He scraped his teeth across my jaw.

"Um," I sighed when he started pushing his hard cock against me. "When I'm open for you, when my legs are out, and you can see everything…" I didn't know if I was describing it right. "You make me feel sexy."

"You are." He bit my lower lip.

"Can-can I be on top?" I asked, because he never lets me, and I don't know why that is. He was freaky about the blow job issue until I admitted that I enjoyed it. Edward thought I was only doing it for him, and he thought it was something only sluts did or something—something _his girl_ shouldn't do.

Anyway, he got over that fast, like a week after...that one horrible day. Well, most of that day was horrible until Edward broke his feelings down for me.

_That felt like an eternity ago. _

I hadn't forgotten my objective either. I just needed him to pound his dick into me. In this moment, I didn't care for everything else, although anything he does is amazing. I just needed it.

"You _wanna_ ride me, baby?" He leaned away to palm my tits and squeeze them, letting out a grunt.

I nodded, my breathing heavy again. "I wanna."

"In a minute." Edward disappeared, hopping away to pull my hips closer. "Open." He nipped the side of my knee, lying on his stomach, while I felt his hot breaths hit my pussy.

My eyes closed and I spread my legs; my knees fell apart on either side of him. And I wondered what I could say that would be hot. When he asks me questions in that sex tone, it gets me even more excited, hornier. "You like licking my pussy?"

His eyes met mine as he wiggled his tongue on my clit—light as a feather, though, barely touching. "I do." He spoke against me and that tickled, making my hips squirm.

I leaned up on one of my elbows, my other hand reaching under his chin to finger myself. "I taste good?" I sucked my finger into my mouth.

It was salty and tasted how my scent smells, which I think is really Edward's. My pussy only has that aroma—and it's not bad. I actually like it, it turns me on, too—when Edward and I are fucking around.

Edward must have liked what I did because he placed his finger inside me.

I moaned, rocking into his hand.

"Suck." His soaked finger came up to my mouth.

I took it back deep, twirling my tongue around it. "Hmmm." My eyes were locked to his as I moaned some more.

"You _know_…you taste—fuckin' delicious." His voice held so much conviction, and then he growled, his head diving between my legs.

He licked up and down, and then he stuck his tongue inside of me—groaning really loud before muffling his face into me.

"Fuck, Edward!" I hopped up to watch him, pushing his hair back. "That feels so good..." My breath caught, and my hips moved with him, wanting more.

It felt _too_ good, like it always does when he goes down on me.

Overzealous, my hold on his was tighter as I pushed into his mouth. "Yeah," I whined, humping his tongue, and then that finger came back, and he circled it around my hole, and then I lost it.

"Fuck!" I stiffened, only to shake again, coming around that same digit as before. This orgasm wasn't as heavy but just as good, and Edward stopped. He didn't pleasure me to the point of . . . whatever he'd called it.

Spent, I collapsed back, but I had no time to recover.

Edward was quick—just took his cock out of his boxers to ram it into me.

"God…" My gasp turned into a moan. I was as stiff as a board for a second. "That's it."

I missed him.

I missed the feeling of him inside of me.

I'd missed being whole all day.

"My pussy." He growled, pinning me to the bed and hugging me so close—my legs pressed to his flanks.

His arms wrapped around my back, and his embrace was almost too tight—as he started to slam into me over and over and over again with just a slight, yet forceful, push of his hips.

Our bodies were flush against each other, and I enjoyed being had by Edward—his hips were the only things moving, and he was trying to get as deep as he could, be as close as possible.

"Fuck, baby." He bit out, his stubbly cheek scratching against my bicep as he turned to look at me.

I could barely breathe, he was squashing me, but I didn't care.

I just needed Edward to have me—take all of me.

Then he stopped moving; his hands that were under me trailed up to hold my head, his fingers weaving into my hair. Our noses touched, and his kiss was gentle, like his thrusts now.

However, Edward slowly picked up a rhythm, the momentum gradually building, going faster and harder, digging deeper with every buck of his hips.

I swallowed my cries, biting my lips together, and a whine still escaped.

The force he was slamming me with . . . Christ.

I knew my thighs would ache tomorrow, and I loved that idea.

But then he left me so abruptly.

I shot up, thinking he was going to come, but he hadn't.

"I was 'bout to—" He left the bed, his chest moving up and down rapidly, his unwavering stare intense.

"What's wrong?" I panted, missing him, suddenly cold.

"I was gonna come—don't wanna yet. I'm not done wit'chu," he said, settling down again.

"Lemme know next time. You can...come in my mouth, on me." I liked that idea, too. He never comes inside of me—always quick to come in his hand, a condom, or on the sheets.

"No," he said.

"Why—"

"Because..." This time he blew out calming breaths and moved to the middle of the bed, resting back against the pillows. "Come here."

Was he going to let me be on top?

_Funny how I was nervous now. _

"Wait a second." His eyes widened as he grabbed a rubber from the nightstand. "Damn." Edward let out a chuckle that was mixed with a groan.

_Oh, right. Condom._

"You don't have to," I whispered.

He stared at me, pausing. "No...I have to."

My thighs shook as I got closer to him. "You wait." I stopped him from putting it on, bending low to lick up his shaft.

His breath caught. "You're help-helping. I don't wanna—not yet."

"I want you to come...in my mouth," I whispered, wanting that more than being on top. "I wanna make you—"

His abs stiffened and then trembled when I sucked him back.

Edward tasted like our sex, my pussy, and I made a big show of cleaning myself off of him. "Hmmm." I jacked what I couldn't fit in my mouth.

"Stop," he said.

All I did was go faster.

"Shit!" he spat, roughly pushing me away to roll the condom on. "Get ova hea."

"Oh..." I sat back on my calves.

"Let's go." He pulled me closer.

While I held onto his shoulders and swung my leg over his, I straddled his lap, pushing my tits into his face.

He went for them, but I wouldn't let him have them just yet.

My kisses started on his neck and went low to bite his nipple.

Edward hissed.

I reached below us, rubbing his cock into my clit. "Oh…" It felt better than I thought it would. "Shit," I giggled, making his dick tease my entrance before I brought him up again.

"Fuckin' sit on it already." Edward squeezed and spread my butt cheeks, only to bring them back together, digging his fingers into my flesh, letting out a guttural grown. It kind of hurt and felt wonderful all at once.

And despite his words, his instructions for me, _Edward _pulled me down onto him.

He filled me again, and, in a slight circular motion, I tried to pick up a rhythm like he does. It took a few tries—while Edward's hips bucked up to meet me—but I eventually found a groove I liked.

I _really_ liked. "Fuck…" I was breathy. "Mine," I sighed; his dick belongs to me, and I felt so fucking sexy being on top of him, taking charge.

"That's it, baby…You got it," he crooned.

Edward eased back and down, his hands running up my sides to palm my breasts. He pinched and pulled on my nipples, tweaking them roughly while I started to go faster.

Edward gritted his teeth. "Baby—baby, sl-slow down."

But I couldn't.

I was close, and I was suddenly chasing that orgasm, needing another one—this one.

And I wanted Edward to explode.

My hand came down, slapping his chest to gain more leverage, my feet moving to be flat on either side of him, and he was so deep…

_Hitting this one spot…_

And then the headboard started hitting the wall, and I dug that.

_I _was the one doing it.

_I_ was the one fucking _him_.

"Slow—" Edward's head tossed from side to side. His hands kept coming for me, and I'd hit them away, and then he was gripping the sheets. "Slo—" Edward's stomach quivered. He was covered in sweat, and he wasn't even moving his hips to meet me anymore.

_I _was in charge.

Gulping and out of breath, I gripped the headboard with both hands, using that to fuck him all the more harder, faster, my hips making circles.

And at this angle, my clit was slightly rubbing against his pelvic bone, and I needed more of that.

"Bella—" _he_ started to squirm "—I'm gonna—" His fingers dug into my ass, holding me too tight, too close, his hips leaving the bed—he was coming, making that face I love.

"Oh, my fuck! Fuck!"

I knew he came, but I couldn't stop…I kept going.

"Fuck, I-I love you." His breath caught again before he let out a loud groan. "Stop—"

That's when I exploded, letting out the loudest grunt, becoming like a statue on top of him—my toes curling. "Ohhhh…" I shuddered.

Then I was limp, my arms and legs feeling like spaghetti.

Edward wasn't any better, lying back and staring at me, his chest heaving. "That was hot—you, you goin' buck wil' on my dick like that." He blew out a breath. "I need a cigarette, like whoa."

I nodded; I needed one, too.

Meanwhile, we were both still, and I swore I could fall asleep, connected to him.

Edward was staring at me. "Beautiful," he whispered.

I was able to give him a lazy grin.

"How many was that? For you? How many times did you come?" He pinched my nipples, making me shiver.

"Um…" I had to do the mental math. "Four."

He waved his arms in the air victoriously. "'Cause I'm the man!"

I thoroughly agreed. "You are." I scooted off of him, and with bringing my thighs together…they were sore already, along with my pussy. It felt…thoroughly fucked and satisfied, which filled me with delight.

Edward was absolutely giddy as he left the bed to discard the condom, grab a smoke. He lit two and handed me one before climbing back into bed.

And as I stared at him, I wondered if he knew I was on the pill. I must have taken one in front of him before. "You know, I'm—"

"We got this shit down now." He nodded, cutting me off. "Almost three months together. Baby, just because…I been around the block don't mean shit. With you, 'cause I trust you, I get to explore and shit." He smiled widely. "Gimme kiss." Edward gave me sloppy smooch, and he's so fucking cute sometimes.

"I don't know if I know what you mean," I admitted.

He raised a brow. "You're only the second chick I've gone down on—the only one I really gone down on. I don't even remember that other time. Yo, it could'a even been a fantasy, some dream. Who fucking knows? I don't remember, but I think I did it once years ago."

"Really?" That made me happy, made me feel special. "And the kissing thing." I caught myself.

"Wha—"

"Wow. We've been together three months?" My tone registered surprise, and I damn near cut him off this time.

But I couldn't tell him what Irina said—about him not making out with women. I guess guys who are promiscuous do that, won't kiss on the lips or the pussy, and I totally get it and am fucking ecstatic.

There are no mouth condoms that I'm aware of.

Although Edward pulled away—the first time I went for his lips, after knowing him like a half-hour—it was only twenty minutes after _that_ he finally kissed me.

And I do feel special because of that. Especially since Edward doesn't seem to have any boundaries with me. His mouth has been on everything, and I mean _everything_.

"We met on June 10th." He shrugged, blowing his smoke out, and I relaxed.

"Oh, yeah…" I did the same. "It was like two days after I graduated."

"What do you want? Our anniversary?" His fingers lightly grazed my forearm. "I heard three months is somethin'."

"Nothing," I said, my mind running away from me. I thought more about Edward's mouth and where it's been on me. I love him more than anything. I'll kiss his lips and suck his toes if that's what he liked, but I didn't know if I could lick his ass.

"What's that face for?" he asked. "You made a grossed out frown-y face." Edward mimicked my expression.

I giggled. "I was just thinking…" I giggled again.

"About what you want?" He rubbed up my bicep.

"No, but…" I hummed. "How 'bout another night of great fucking?"

"We do that almost every night…and I hope that doesn't change."

I shrugged. "That's all I want, though—time with you."

"You already have time with me…" He grinned, giving my hand a squeeze. "Okay, sounds good."

I put out my cigarette in the ashtray that rested on Edward's abs, and then I nestled into his side. "I love you."

"Love you, too." He placed the ashtray on the nightstand. "What'ya were thinkin' 'bout before?"

I smiled because he always wants to know what goes on in my weird brain.

Especially when he's mushy and gentler after sex.

"Like…how you licked my butt?"

"What about it? You gonna lemme have at that ass?" He grunted and grabbed my hip. Then he slapped my ass. "It's mine."

"Oww." I pushed his hand away, but it didn't really hurt, my whining is just a reflex reaction. Edward's always rough and handsy, but it's not malicious. I don't even think he realizes.

He leaned over to place soft kisses where he hit. "We can definitely…No, I'm sorry. That-that shit might hurt you—you shouldn't be doing that." His mouth went to the center; I felt his breath on my crack, and then he lightly licked up it—

Laughing, I rolled over. "I was wondering—" I stopped his hands when they came at me to grab me "—because I love you so much, if I'd be able to do that to you."

His face fell. "Why would you wanna do that nasty shit? Lick my ass?"

I shrugged, wondering what was so wrong with it.

Just because I didn't know if I'd _like_ it . . . doesn't mean I wouldn't try it.

"You do it to me," I said.

"That's different," he retorted, standing to put his boxers back on.

I sighed, sitting up to get dressed, too. "How is it different?"

"I'm a dude." He fell back into the bed again.

"And I'm a girl…What's your point? An asshole is an asshole." I curled into his side.

He laughed. "That's a great…Whatchamacallit? Like, a way of puttin' things?"

I knew he meant "analogy" but Edward's got so much pride, and every time someone corrects him, even if _he_ asks . . . I know he feels bad after.

"Now, I really wanna do it," I lied to get him away from his question.

"No way." He tickled my side. "My ass is hairy and—nah. Fuck that. I'm a man."

"It's not hairy! Your ass is actually awesome. You have hair, but…" I just rested my head on his chest. "I'd do it—I'd do anything, try anything you want." I let that hang there.

His kiss was gentle. "I love things the way they are. You bored or somethin'?" His brow furrowed.

"No way. Are you kidding?" My eyes widened. "I love everything the way it is, too."

"Cool." He settled down, only to get excited again. "Dude…!" He boomed, elongating the word. "Yo, I didn't tell you."

"What?" I stared up at him.

He started to laugh out loud. "You know how Dad's gotta girl now, right?"

I smiled, so happy for Carlisle.

All those weeks ago, he went on a date with that woman, Esme. They hit it off. He really liked her, and they were taking things slow. Edward said that his father was acting like his mom had only been dead a month or something, instead of ten years. Moving on can be hard, I imagine, and I told Edward that.

Anyway, supposedly they go out to eat every Saturday night—have date nights, which is awesome.

"Yeah, go on," I encouraged, reaching for the blankets to pull them over us.

Edward turned off the lamp and eased down to hold me close. "They _finally_ fucked. Finally."

I gasped. "They hadn't? It's been more than a month."

He shook his head. "I kept tellin' him. I mean…he kept takin' her out, spendin' that money on her—"

"I think Carlisle's looking for more of a companion—he's lonely," I whispered. "And just because he takes her out, doesn't mean she has to_ put_ out. He spends time with her because he enjoys her company." I nodded, having gotten to know Carlisle a bit.

"Well, yeah…God. Thinkin' 'bout that shit makes me sad. I'm glad he's happy and hittin' it now. He's been in the dugout too fuckin' long—_dumb_ long." He winced and kissed my forehead. "Yeah, too long, because he asked me when broads started shaving all their shit off."

"Shit?" I asked.

"Pubes, whatever."

"Oh," I giggled.

"You gotta see those old pornos, yo. Bushes like this." He widened his arms.

"That big?" I rolled my eyes, but I was relaxed now and feeling so tired.

"Seriously, baby…I'm happy for him, and he used the condoms I bought him. I'm proud, too."

I rubbed his chest and let out a yawn.

"He said it was good—but he didn't wanna tell me nothin'."

"He's a gentleman," I whispered, closing my eyes.

"Sleep, baby," Edward said softly, placing his lips to my forehead. "I love you."

"Love you." I smiled, nestling deeper in him, happy.

I'd never been this happy before in my life—never.

_Everything was perfect_, I thought, before giving in to sleep.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. **

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**Last update today.**


	24. Perfect

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Perfect**

Hearing a crash, a loud boom, I hopped up awake.

My head whipped to Edward, and I saw him jump up, startled, also.

I looked to the clock to see I'd been asleep for a while. It was going on two-thirty in the morning; meanwhile, I felt groggy, like I'd just fallen to sleep. "What was that?" I hissed, my eyes feeling heavier.

"Sounded like someone kicked_ our_ door." Edward, who looked sleepy, too, lifted a finger, indicating I wait a second while we listened. His other hand went to the nightstand. He has a revolver or something in there.

I gripped his free hand tightly, wary.

We relaxed as a headboard began to serenade us.

"Emmett," he whispered, pulling me into his arms again.

"Hmm…'k." I collapsed, my nose landing in Edward's armpit, instantly falling back to sleep.

/=/=/=/

Last night was so amazing; I woke up in the morning wearing a smile—the same smile. The alarm clock didn't go off, so I felt well rested too.

I stretched, while Edward hugged my torso close. "I gotta pee."

He let go, rolling over to bury his face in the pillow.

I giggled, poking his slightly raised butt.

He swatted back at my hand and missed.

While I did the pee-pee dance, I put a bra on. It sucks, but Edward freaks if I don't wear one outside our bedroom—especially since we live with two dudes.

Even though I have nipples, I doubt Jasper knows about them or cares. He's seriously like a brother, but it's the principle, and the other one . . . Argh.

Despite my thoughts, I sighed, smiling wide, as I skipped to the bathroom.

After peeing and brushing my teeth, I washed my face and cleaned up in other places.

Combing my hair with my fingers, I wondered if Edward . . . if we could have an encore.

_That'll be a great way to wake him. _

During the week, he has a morning routine, and there's never any time for much else. On weekends, we wake up whenever, do whatever.

And sometimes, we do spend a few extra hours in bed, joining the world at noon or later.

I hoped today would be one of those days.

"Yo, git'da fuck out!" Edward had shouted.

Alarmed, I ran into the room, and I jumped at what I saw. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked Tanya. She was standing in our fucking bedroom wearing a T-shirt—a baby-doll tee at that and revealing underwear.

She smiled at me. "Just sayin' good mornin'." Tanya turned, wiping sleep out of her eyes, lazily swaying her hips as she left.

I gaped at that bitch and then my head whipped to Edward.

He was still on his stomach, slightly turned and squinting his tired eyes.

And he had a finger pointed at me, which was a silent threat.

I knew that finger. He was warning me not to touch her, not to say anything.

_Fuck!_

I cringed and slammed the door closed after her nasty ass. "What the—"

Edward jumped from the bed. "Stay in here." He tore open the door.

I followed after him anyway, but he closed the door on me.

_Fuck!_

Cringing again, I stomped my foot, pissed.

_Who the fuck does she think she is?_

"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" I shouted to no one, hoping she heard me.

Livid.

_I was fucking pissed. _

And I was just so happy.

Hindsight, she obviously spent the night with Emmett, but to sneak into my bedroom? Where my man is sleeping in his drawers? She must have been spying, saw me go into the bathroom. Now that I think about it, Emmett's door was open, but I didn't see anything, nor did I look inside.

And what did she think was gonna happen? Was she hoping to fuck Edward or something? Doesn't she have a kid? Who's watching her baby?

_That fuckin' skank!_

I groaned, throwing myself onto the bed to stiffen, enraged, once more.

But then when I heard shouting, I crept to the door, opening it just a crack.

Looking down the hall, Edward was in Emmett's room.

Tanya was in the hall, and Edward was tossing her clothes out to her.

My mouth made an "o" shape, and then I snickered.

_You go, boy!_

Edward practically chased her out of the apartment. Tanya still only wore the shirt and the panties, and she didn't say a word.

And there was no sign of Emmett.

Once the front door closed, Edward was fuming and coming toward the bedrooms.

Quickly, I hopped back in bed.

"I was sleepin'! What the fuck? I didn't know," Emmett shouted, so I guess he _was_ here.

I snuck into the hall, and Edward was livid, running his mouth and shit.

"Um…" I took two steps down the hall, and then they came tumbling out of Em's bedroom. "Stop!" They were fighting, throwing punches, rolling around on the floor. "Edward!" I stomped my foot.

Edward was doing well, but then Emmett got him in the balls, making my baby collapse down. "Stop it!" I shrieked, nervous, but they kept going.

Edward's back was touching the ground. He was still clocking Emmett, but Emmett was able to wail, had more leverage.

About to vomit, I ran into the living room to grab the bat. "Stop! I mean it!" I lifted the bat, but no one noticed me. "You fuckin' fuck!" I hit Emmett with the bat—got him in his shoulder, his neck, and he fell into the wall.

But Emmett recovered fast to come back at Edward.

I went to swing again, but Edward caught the bat. "Chill!" he spat. "Fuck!" He spoke to us both, sitting up.

"Damn, B. Fuck!" Emmett held his shoulder. "What's wrong wit'chu?"

"Fuck you!" I was still pissed…bringing that bitch here, placing a hand on my man.

"Hey!" Edward hopped up. "Bro, you _need_ to get over this shit," he told Emmett, his tone harsh yet taking a pleading tone. "You were wrong bringin' that skank hea—"

"Yeah!" I nodded.

Edward groaned and grasped my bicep. "Get in the room!" He pushed me inside and closed the door.

My arms folded over my chest, my lip quivering as I stared at the closed door.

_That wasn't very nice._

I was only trying to help. You know?

Refusing to get weepy, I lit a cigarette and stripped the bed of the sheets. Now that we have a washer and dryer, it's easier to keep the bed neat and clean. But Edward hadn't come back, and I didn't wanna leave the room…

As I finished my cigarette, my mind wandered and I was no longer sad.

I was mad again.

Did Edward throw Emmett a beating for fucking around with his old girl? Why would he care? I know friend codes and shit. Like, if Alice and Jasper ever broke up, and I was single, I'd never.

Same with how Edward's Rose scheme would have worked,_ if_ I gave a fuck.

_Why did Edward care?_

I'm the one who should be pissed.

When he entered the room, I was still angry. His cut lip didn't even soften me.

"Shit..." Edward fell onto the bed. "What happened to the sheets?"

"Why do you care?" I stood up to turn and face him. "Emmett's fucking Tanya, so what? You hit him because—"

"Stop!" he shouted, wincing. "I need fucking ice." Edward went to leave the room again.

I stopped him. "Answer me."

"I don't give a fuck. All right? He asked if he could, I said I didn't care, but I didn't want him bringin' her back hea. That's disrespectful _to you_." Edward poked my chest with force, made me step back. He was ranting, and in my face like he was about to throw down with me. "I didn't do shit!"

He was so loud, I jumped, and Edward backed up a few paces.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I cleared my throat, and I know he'd never hurt me. It's that voice—his mouth, how loud and harsh he can sound. "Okay."

"While I'm kickin' Tanya out, Emmett's in bed laughing," Edward said. "Then Emmett just came at me._ I_ didn't throw the first punch."

"Why—"

"Because of you!" he hollered.

Teary-eyed, I said, "It's not _my_ fault."

Edward didn't say anything, and his expression made me think he was holding something back.

I wanted to ask him, but I was scared. "You think I—"

"Maybe if you weren't so loose the night we met, flirtin' wit' Em, too…" He shrugged and recovered to stare at me wide-eyed.

"It's done. You already said it." I ran out of the room to lock myself in the bathroom, just needing a minute. Edward walks away when he doesn't want to fight. And I think that's a good thing; I wanted to do the same.

Plus, what he said…I wasn't crying, but just in case…I didn't wanna cry in front of him. I know I get emotional, cry over stupid shit sometimes. I'm a girl. I don't know.

Edward then thinks I'm being a baby, and I always want to prove to him how grown I truly am.

Hey, I pretty much raised myself, but Edward's words…the mean ones…hurt more than anything, only because they come from him.

"Bella!" Edward knocked.

I ignored him.

"Don't make me take the door off!" He banged. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't mean that!"

"What's up?" I heard Emmett.

"Get the fuck out my face!" Edward replied. "You—with your bullshit…"

I rolled my eyes, using some toilet paper to wipe my nose—a few tears had escaped. Those sneaky fuckers.

"Baby…" Edward was crooning. "Open up, please."

"Fuck you!" I shouted, refusing to be a cry baby.

"Fuck me?!" He threatened to break the door down with the way he was hitting it.

"Can't I have five minutes to myself? You fuckin' animal!" I blew my nose.

"Not from me, you can't—open this fuckin' door!" He must have kicked it.

"Just leave me alone. God!"

"Bella—"

Hearing the loudest bang yet, I let out a scream when the door almost fell back on me.

Luckily, I was sitting on the toilet. "Edward!"

He didn't care and pushed it to his side. "I didn't mean it—what I said." He was reproachful again.

"You're crazy!" I kicked his hand away. "Just leave me alone."

Edward groaned and lifted me out of the bathroom.

Staring back—refusing to fight him—I was tucked in his arms, and I saw that the bathroom door was fucked.

"See what you made me do?" He tossed me onto the bed. "You couldn't just open the door?"

"What was I gonna do, Edward? _Live_ in there? I wanted five-fucking-minutes!"

"Oh!" he spat. "You know what…" Edward left the room.

Still pissed, I followed after him with the sheets to throw them into the washer.

Edward was in the freezer, holding the frozen fries to his mouth.

"We need to stop," I said, and I meant it. While I was upset, fighting with Edward wasn't worth it.

He fights hard and dirty, and I don't stand a chance, although he's always walking away . . .

_And I'm wrong for needing five minutes of privacy, so I can shed a few secret tears?_

Edward nodded, letting out a sigh.

I set the washing machine and leaned back on it to face him. "I hate that you think that. I was on X, friendly…I never flirted with him. Never. When he showed up at my job, I told him to step off. We've been together like three months. It's getting ridiculous."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Let's just forget it. I'm sorry I said what I did."

"'K." I looked out the window, and it was so sunny out.

"My pops has a pool…" Edward stared outside, too. "It's small and old, but it's still a pool."

"I'd like to do something today. How 'bout the beach? Coney Island?" I cracked a grin.

He shook his head. "You think Sunset's ghetto…?" Edward raised a brow. "You used to go there a lot?"

I shrugged. "Sometimes…mostly Brighton Beach." But I was crazy curious about the house where Edward grew up. Carlisle comes over quite often, actually. He eats dinner with us, smokes a bowl, and then he leaves.

Even if he has a girlfriend now, he's still here more, and he barely speaks about her.

"Lemme call Dad." Edward grabbed the kitchen phone to dial.

It was only going on ten a.m., and I hoped Carlisle was home.

I mean, he never invites us over, so I hope he doesn't mind having people there.

"He's the one who brought it up—said he fixed the pool. Stupid, I mean, the summer's over, but he was bored…" Edward shrugged. "'Sup, Dad? Yo, you still want company . . .? Word?" He raised a brow. "All of them? Oh, yeah, all right. See you soon."

He groaned as he hung up the phone. "Emmett!"

"Is he coming with us?" I was mortified, thinking I'd have to swim in sweatpants.

"Since he got the jammy fixed, he invited the fam ova for a barbeque—"

"Family?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I forgot to mention it." Edward turned when Emmett approached. "Your moms and them'll be there by one—Pop said. You need a ride?"

_Why was Edward being so nice to him? Cousin, right. _

"Good lookin' out," Em said, and they slapped hands like they weren't just rolling around the floor.

"I'm going to take a shower—wait." I turned back to the door destroyer to widen my arms.

"Get that look off ya face. I'll fix it." He glared.

I scoffed at that sexy fucker, and then I sat in front of the TV to watch cartoons . . . and _California Dreams_.

Ten minutes later, Edward joined me on the couch. He brought two Phillys and the small garbage pail over so he could roll.

"The bathroom door?" I asked.

"Emmett's showering—I'll do it. Relax. It's not too bad—half-off its jammy."

"Who's gonna be there?" I asked, a little nervous, and I wondered what I'd wear.

"Emmett's parents, that broad Esme, and her kid. Uh, Dad, and us—break this up for me." He placed a large amount of bud on the coffee table, and it was in two clumps. "I dunno who else. That's it probably."

I sighed, leaning forward to break the weed up.

"I'mma roll two L's . . . We'll probably smoke." Edward licked the cigar down.

I tried not to stare at his tongue. "What do you mean?"

"Emmett, you, me, my pops…I wonder if his chick puffs." He sucked his teeth. "This shit's stale." He had to use a box cutter to open the Philly instead of his thumbs.

Edward looked back to me. "We'll just be chillin' in the backyard. The pool really ain't shit—like four feet deep. The yard is small, but he built it for Mom when she was first sick, since she'd always wanted one. I dunno. We'll have beers, play some cards, eat…everyone'll talk shit 'bout peeps who ain't there."

He chuckled. "We just can't smoke in front of my aunt and uncle—Emmett's parents. His dad's five-o, a pig, and my Aunt Anita is just a high-strung bitch. They tolerate me, but—" He paused, looking over to me. "What if I called Demetri—told that fruitcake to come by with one, like a gesture?"

I winced. "Edward—"

"It's about time they put shit behind them. They're brothers. I ain't neva had a brother, but Jazz and Em—we fight, we make up, we fight again…" He shrugged. "They haven't spoken or seen each other since I was first locked up. It's time they chill out. And at least I wouldn't have to go to Tunnel later. I'd just give him his shit before he bounced." He dumped all the tobacco from the cigar into the trash.

That's another thing I hate that concerns the knapsack. Edward never lets me go with him—not since the first time when I met him. He's not into clubs, whereas I'm dying to dance and go back. I thought Tunnel was better than Limelight.

And with all the love I have for Edward now, and with how good I've been lately—barely smoking weed and not taking anything, since I don't need anything but him—I'd love to drop an X and bug out with my Edward, have fun.

"No, I think that's a bad idea." It didn't matter what my hang-up was. "Not unless Carlisle says it's okay." I didn't want any drama today.

He nodded, sucking the Philly paper into his mouth. "You're right." He squeezed my thigh. "Wear that jumper thing today—that's hot. You look cute." He scooped some weed to roll it up.

I grinned, because that wasn't a bad idea; meanwhile, he disliked it when I wore it two weeks back. "You got it."

"Well, you won't be around the 'hood, you know? You'll just look hella sexy—and I get to show you off." That hand roamed up my thigh, and I squirmed.

Last year, I went through some of Renee's old clothes when I needed something to wear. It's a vintage, sleeveless, and strapless jumper from the 70s or the 80s—I wasn't sure. It's a one-piece, it's a tube-top and shorts set, and I do look cute in it. And I can wear my kicks with it.

"Show me off?" I asked.

"Yeah, I ain't neva brought a chick home before. My aunt and uncle think I'm such a loser—" He shook his head. "They'll be all, 'How'd he bag that?'"

"Because you're wonderful," I said. "You're a good man with a huge heart." And I won't stop saying that until he believes it. "You take care of the ones you love. You have a great job."

He just nodded, staring down, but it was placating.

I poked his side. "I mean it. I love you, Edward."

"Love you, too, baby." Edward turned to hug me tight. "Gimme kiss." He placed a forceful wet one on my lips. "You know I didn't mean that shit before. I was just…I dunno. It's not your fault, got it?"

I kissed him once more.

"The night we met, I knew just by looking at you—how silly and playful, and just how you carried yourself. You were a good girl. Sure, you kissed that ho, were very friendly, but…I could just tell that there was so much more underneath all that—and that you might'a done that shit to get my attention?" Edward raised a brow at me.

"Maybe…I dunno." I smiled, but he was right, and he already knows that's why. "I totally did."

"And you look young. That's why I was all like, 'How old is she?' But even so…you only stepped outta line and got fresh with _me_—you were only open to_ me_, which…yo." He smirked at me.

"I said you were special…You are special." I felt my face get all flushed, thinking about that night. It made me sigh and rest my cheek to his shoulder, while he broke apart the other Philly.

After a few minutes, he chuckled. "I was . . . Yo, I was so fuckin' thrilled." He kissed my hair, and I sat up. "I wanted you so bad, babe. You don't even know. I was nervous and quiet at first, like how you get when you're high."

I snorted. "Yeah…I just thought…I dunno. You weren't interested."

"I thought you were the _finest_ bitch I'd ever seen, and I didn't think I'd have a chance. I thought you'd—" He groaned, shaking his head. "And when you'd touch me—it was like nothin' I'd ever experienced. I mean, having a woman all on me always felt good, but when you'd just hold my hand…it was nuts, the shit I felt."

"I feel the same!" I got excited, pointing at him. "The X gave me the opportunity to be more open. But, honestly, all I did was do the things I'd still want to straight—I just had the excuse. I was buggin' out because…Damn, Edward. I thought it _was_ the X, you know?"

"I know how X works. You're free and happy. Your shyness disappeared…"

"Then you—my beautiful, perfect stranger, who I'd just basically made love to—drops me off, and my heart was breaking. 'Cause I was tryin'a be this adult, accept that I'd just had a one-night stand, but it was so much more. I was trying to be a woman about it? I thought I'd never see you again, and I wanted you so bad, and I didn't think I'd have anything to lose," I rambled. "I thought you were so hot—still do, by the way—and I just knew I needed you."

"Ditto, baby." He winked.

"…But you're a guy. I'm sure all that sensation you got when I touched you was from the X. You took it, too."

He stared at me. "No…it wasn't. Bella, I—"

"You didn't have to do anything—giving Rose money." I pinched his chest, and he swatted my hand away. "It was always you, baby. I think I fell in love with you that night." I grinned. "Tell me more."

It's awesome, not being uncomfortable, airing out all those confusing times. I know I was scared in the beginning, but I don't really know what was going through Edward's mind.

He nodded. "You—baby, you were the best lay. Still the best lay. When we fuck—damn. It's on a whole'notha level. The first night, I was scared, though. Sure, you was feelin' me, we boned, which was amazing, and you—I knew you enjoyed yourself." He chuckled.

"Best." I was getting heated right now, turned on, and he wasn't even touching me. Just thinking about it.

"So, I did what I did after. You didn't know anything about my past, and I—" Edward bit his lip, squeezing my thigh and turning to face me. "I needed to see you again—have a shot. I was scared this cat, Emmett, would woo you and shit. But I didn't know what would happen between us anyway, like if I got you in the end. I thought we'd…fuck around. I didn't expect to love you, but I did, and I do. Maybe I didn't see it at first as that, but…you had me from jump."

"Same thing with me," I said.

"But…getting to know you, the days after, I was able to see you—without the X, how you really were. You ain't no ho. It's not your fault. I'm really sorry I said what I said. If someone else called you that shit, I'd fuckin' kick their ass, and there I was insinuating. Baby, I'm sorry. I was a dick."

"I know I'm not a ho, and I know you're sorry. You get mad, and you just start running your mouth," I giggled, wanting to keep talking about stuff.

Also, in the beginning, I'd never speak this much—sure he didn't or wouldn't care, but my Edward listens to every word. He cares.

"Edward, I only slept with that kid Matt because…I don't know. I was drunk, when I _never_ used to drink, and I wanted to get it over with. He really wanted to, and I didn't care." I shrugged, making a farting noise with my mouth. "I didn't love him. I didn't even really like him. But he was popular at my school. Rose was all tellin' me I should." Shaking my head, I found myself wishing that Edward was my first.

"Forget about him. You said it was like thirty seconds—did you bleed?"

I furrowed my brow. "No, he was nowhere that big. I don't know. It hurt, and it was over before I knew it. But being with you hurt, too, and I didn't bleed—"

"I meant your cherry." Edward stared at me like I was stupid.

"I know. Um, I don't remember to be honest. I barely remember the sex. I was saying…like if he_ didn't_ pop my cherry, then you would have." I pursed my lips.

"Forget about him." He nodded, loading the other Philly with trees. "I took your virginity—well, we can pretend, whateva, if it'll make you feel better."

"That's sweet. I'd like to think so," I admitted. "Because…what I did with him and what I did with you were two very different things. And after sleeping with you…I don't even know if what I did with Matt was sex," I giggled, pointing to my head. "It makes sense up here."

"I got'chu—I understand." He nodded, smiling widely, and we watched Emmett enter the kitchen in a towel. "I gotta go fix that shit." He made to get up.

"Thank you." I still couldn't believe his crazy ass broke it.

He opened his mouth to say something, but then his shoulders dropped, and he started cracking up.

"What's so funny?" I asked, wanting to share his humor.

He straightened up and pretended to swing a bat. "You clocked that motherfucker." Edward looked like he might piss himself.

"Well…"

I didn't want to say that during their fight…I saw how the power had shifted. They did a number on each other, going back and forth, but Emmett sucker punched Edward, and then my man lost the upper hand.

Emmett might be bigger—have more muscles—but Edward knows how to fight. Like I said, he fights dirty, and he's a total scrapper.

However, even Edward didn't go for that punk move—punching the nuts.

_Fucking Emmett. I wish I'd gotten another hit in myself. _

"I wanted you guys to stop fighting."

"Nah..." Edward came closer, gazing into my eyes, his mouth an inch from mine. "You had my back. You saw me on the floor—you did that shit for me." He knew the truth, and I'm constantly surprised at how much he does see.

I grinned. "Of course."

He nipped my bottom lip, sucking it back into his mouth. "Baby…" His stare was intense.

"I know," I whispered. "I love you."

"No, I mean, yeah. I love you, too." He shook his head, leaving the couch. "I just wanted to—forget it. It's not important." Edward waved a hand.

"Tell me." I rose to meet him.

"I forgot." He chuckled, slapping his forehead. "I do that a lot. Oh! Can we fuck right quick before we go?"

I glanced at the time, hoping we had some. "We have to be—"

"Nah, you're right. Lemme go fix this shit." He turned for the back hall.

I shrugged, my stomach growling because I was hungry.

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **


	25. BBQ

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA. **

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty-Five: BBQ**

While Edward put the bathroom door back on its hinge, I picked out my clothes and placed the sheets in the dryer. Then I hurried to check on Edward, who wasn't finished with his task just yet, before I decided to make some breakfast. It was late, but I was starving since I'd barely eaten my dinner last night. And I didn't want to eat like a hog at Carlisle's.

On my way back into the kitchen, I ran into Emmett.

I ignored his ass as I perused what was in the fridge.

But I felt him staring, and I suddenly wasn't hungry anymore.

I went back toward the bathroom.

"Yo…you ain't gonna say you're sorry?" Emmett asked.

I whipped around at the same time I saw Edward break his neck to see. "Sorry? But I'm not sorry," I admitted with humor in my tone. "You should be apologizing to me—bringing that skank here."

"Jealous?"

I cackled. "No fucking way. Bro, you could sleep with the whole block, I won't care. Do you, you know? It's the principle, and what the fuck was she doing in our room?" My voice was loud, and I tried to calm down. "Trust me. I'm actually angrier she saw Edward in his boxers than her disrespecting me." That was very true.

"Chill." Edward held my waist. "Door's fixed. Go get that shower."

I nodded, turning for the bathroom.

"Yo!" Emmett chuckled. "That's it? You're not gonna let me explain?"

Grinning, despite my agitation, I faced him again. "Yeah, that's it. Edward said the shower's fixed—and I listen when _my man_ speaks." I pursed my lips. "That's my man." I pointed to his cousin.

Edward smirked. "Go…" He gave me a little nudge. "I should start calling you Barry Bonds...lethal with a bat and shit."

"Who?" I quirked a brow.

Edward waved a hand. "Nah, fuck the Pirates."

"Dude, he's with San Francisco now...the Giants." Emmett supplied. "You were locked up...They didn't let'chu watch TV?" They continued to talk about...whatever, and I turned for the bathroom.

Smiling, because I didn't even have to think about opening my mouth to speak my mind before, I closed the bathroom door.

And it was crooked, but I still managed to shut it properly.

I was still pissed as the water beat down on me, and I washed up.

He fucking invited Tanya here, and what the fuck was that bitch doing in my bedroom? I really wanted to know that.

Before I massaged the shampoo into my hair, I reached over to turn on the radio we have in here. It's always been in the bathroom—a little boom box with a tape deck.

I felt better after belting out some Mariah Carey, and…I never care who hears me.

Again, I cannot sing, but I can't listen to Mariah and not sing.

Focusing on the music, I actually left the tub with a smile on.

Drying off was a bitch because there was so much steam.

Squeezing into my bikini as it skidded across my skin, I wished I'd opened the small window. Nevertheless, I was dressed and almost ready to go.

Knowing Edward needed the shower, I grabbed all my stuff, so I could finish in our room.

"Damn!" Edward elongated the word as he passed me.

"Shut up." I was cheesing, smiling so wide my face hurt.

"Oh, baby…maybe we should stay home." He didn't really mean that and pushed his cock against my back. "Hmm?"

"No." While I was nervous, I really wanted to go—not only so I could meet everyone, but so we could be there for Carlisle.

"Gimme this." He stole the towel my hair was in and slung it over his shoulder. "I'll be right out."

My grin stayed in place while I entered our room.

After blasting my music, I put mousse in my hair, wanting it wavy before I scrunched it up into a messy bun. I put my makeup on, using only a little eyeliner and mascara with some lip-gloss.

It sounds silly, but we'll be in a pool, and I didn't want to look like some painted whore.

I knew it made me look even younger—not wearing my makeup, but I didn't care.

Being with Edward has done wonders for my self-esteem. It's not that I used to see myself as ugly or anything. I was just me, Bella, but Edward compliments me all the time. He's always got his hands on me because he can't control himself.

_I dig that. _

Even _I_ got stuck, kept checking myself out in the mirror today. And I swear to Christ, I'm nothing special to look at—to cause so much trouble.

However, thinking about the trouble my appearance has caused Edward . . .

When I started to resent my tits and my ass, I looked away to put my matching shell-top Adidas on.

When I found the purple jumper last summer, I had to get a pair of kicks to match. Alice talked me into getting a matching bathing suit, too. It's a lighter shade of purple and strapless, and I never wear it—never thought I would wear it—but it was seven dollars.

In Bay Ridge, there's a store that sells clothes really cheap. They're not name brand. I'm not decked out in Ralph Lauren or Tommy Hilfiger like Edward—yes, those baggy-ass jeans cost a mint.

Most of my clothes are hand-me-downs, and the most expensive thing I wear are my sneakers.

Knowing it was too nice out; I put on my no-show socks instead of my striped tube socks that go to my knees. Usually, I'd rock those with this outfit.

Edward came in when I was placing sunblock on my legs.

"You're gonna kill me—get me arrested." He took off the towel to snap it at my ass.

I giggled. "I better not."

"Kidding." He faced his closet.

Since it was all I saw, I tiptoed to sneak up on him, creeping to palm his ass cheeks.

Edward was fast to catch me. He wore a smile and started to tickle me. "Don't sneak up on me."

"Sorry." But I really was, and I thought about something I wished I didn't. "Being in prison—you probably watched your ass—your back a lot."

You hear that "Don't drop the soap" joke all the time, and I've never known anyone who did real time...and I never thought about it until now.

He laughed, pulling his bathing suit up. "What do you wanna ask me?" he hedged, raising a brow, while tossing a wife-beater tee over his head.

"Well, you hear things." There was a lump in my throat. "Did you ever get hurt?" I whispered.

He shook his head. "Nope. Nothing like that ever happened to me. I was beat up a few times…" He shrugged. "But mostly—"

"What?" I sat on the bed.

He sighed, getting into his jeans.

"You don't have shorts?" I asked.

"Nah…" he said. "If you're bringing a bag, get a pair of boxers for me...doubt I'll go swimming, though."

"What were you going to say? Please, don't hold back." I know he hates it when I do it, and for as long as we've been together, he doesn't talk about being in prison—what it was like.

"Mostly…" He started again, sitting next to me to put his socks on. "I'd start the beatings…I'm no fag, yo. I never messed with any of that shit. That never happened to me. I knew a lot of people back then, and there were a few where I was. They had my back. I'm not sayin' that shit _don't_ happen. It does. I just neva seen nothin' like that." Edward stood up to step into his boots, and he looked so fucking sexy—he always does.

"Oh…okay. I just wanted to make sure." I smiled. "You never—"

He placed a cigarette in his mouth, fast to light it. "Same shit I told my pops. That's in the past. I don't wanna think about it. I served my time, was a troublemaker for the hacks." He blew his smoke out. "I had a job in the library, although I wasn't that smart—I'd get chump change and do what I'd have to, to have money in my commissary, so I'd want for nothin'."

"You're smart," I disagreed. "Stop saying you're not. It bothers me."

He knelt down to ease between my thighs, hold my hips. "All right. I'm not _book_ smart."

I giggled. "Just because you don't like to read doesn't mean anything."

He leaned forward to kiss up my neck, and I tilted my head, loving the feel of his lips. "You smell so good, baby." His breath hitting my ear sent tingles below.

I held his face, backing away to kiss his lips.

He pulled back to smile wide and stand.

Heated again, I grabbed my hoops from the dresser and placed them on.

I caught Edward checking me out through the mirror while he put deodorant on. "I'm sorry we're not going somewheres this weekend—like Jazz and Alice?"

I shook my head. "As long as we're together…doesn't matter."

He nodded as he picked out a shirt from his closet. Dressing nicely for Edward means he wears a Ralph Lauren polo instead of a regular shirt. It doesn't matter. He'll only rock his undershirt and stick the collar of the other one in his back pocket, lets it hang. And he does it so intricately that it's never really wrinkled. The collar is straight and popped when he does wear it.

I've seen plenty guys who have the same look, but no one looks as good as Edward.

"What you starin' at?" Edward started shoving things in his pockets.

"You."

The ride to Carlisle's was a quiet one. I didn't mind sitting in the back of the van. There's a small bucket seat that unfolds, and my ass fits in it, and I get to sit behind the passenger side and gawk at Edward's profile.

Not only was I in love with him, but I'm obsessed with him. I'm not sure if there's a real difference. I don't know. All I do know is that I love to stare at him.

Edward adjusted his sunglasses. "You a'ight back there?"

"Perfect," I said, placing my own shades on.

When we were close, my hair was drier, and I took it out of the bun—messing it and hoping it looked all right.

"Should we stop somewhere? Pick up dessert or something?" I asked.

"Did you want to?" Edward gave me a fleeting glance.

"I'd _like _to," I confessed. "Or maybe wine?"

"It's just my dad—how many times he eat ova?" Edward laughed. "And I brought two blunts."

"It's polite," Emmett added. "Yo…if _my_ father starts his shit, I'm out."

"You'll be good, bro. Take it easy." Edward patted his back, and then I felt the van pull over. "Be right back." He hopped out, and I turned to see him enter a bakery.

"You got that boy pussy-whipped." Emmett snickered. "Good for you."

I leaned over to see him. "He loves me."

"Look—" he turned to face me "—I was sleepin'. I don't know why Tanya was in your room."

"You like her?" I asked.

'Cause in my opinion—now, I am not a man, so who knows—Tanya wasn't that great looking. And to get with both Edward and Emmett? I know Emmett doesn't have any standards, but I'd like to think Edward does or did.

Tanya has an okay body. She's taller than me, and she's thicker—not overweight at all—and she has that light, light orange, peroxide blonde dye-jobs. But she doesn't have that pretty a face, although—from what I noticed today—she does have nice, hazel eyes.

"Like her?" he laughed. "Nah…We met up a few weeks back, did whatever. Last night, I went for a walk, and we bumped into each other, started talking." Emmett shrugged. "I won't bring her by again—disrespect you. All right?"

"Okay. If she wasn't…weird, like what she did this morning, I wouldn't care." I would, but Emmett lives there, too, and I'd feel odd telling him who he can and can't have over. He has chicks over sometimes, but they're actually nice.

Again, they're girls I see around the neighborhood, but I don't know them.

"What happened to Carmen?" I smiled. "She was nice." I think he had her over last week? She had dinner with us, and then they disappeared into his bedroom. But I liked her. She was pretty and polite, and just a nice person.

"Nah, that girl's loose—"

"She was so nice!" I exclaimed. "And who cares what she did before she met you—did she sleep with Edward?" I rushed out before covering my mouth.

"Yo, Tanya's a ho, too. Especially since she gotta man now. I don't know. Maybe I need to slow down, get to know a broad before I sleep wit' her. When they give it up right away…hey, I think they're loose. But the truth is…I'mma ho." He cackled. "I usually wanna think I'm a mack, playa—"

I furrowed my brow. "He did? Didn't he? In the past sometime?"

Emmett jerked his chin. "Why don't you ask him?"

Edward hopped in with a large pastry box. "Here you go." He handed it to me. "What's that face for?"

"You slept with Carmen?" And I wasn't aware I had a "face" on.

Edward gritted his teeth and turned to punch Emmett's bicep. "What the fuck you gotta tell her shit for?"

Emmett started laughing. "I didn't, bro. You just blew up your _own_ spot. I didn't say shit."

"He didn't," I whispered, hugging the box to my chest. "I'm not mad. I was just curious."

Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "The reason I don't tell you or make a list—yo, why do you need to know? You neva used'ta care . . ." He pulled away from the curb, obviously upset. "Besides, yo...it all meant nothing, so that's why I don't. I also find it _disrespectful_, that if I see a chick I hit off, I point her out and tell you," he ranted. "Let the past go…I have. I'm 100% faithful, devoted to you, so you got nothin' to worry about."

"I trust you…I was just curious," I sighed, wishing I'd never brought it up.

"I don't tell you because I _wanna_ keep shit from you. It just means nothing; it ain't worth bringin' up . . ."

"Okay." I wanted to get off the subject.

Edward had a different idea. "Look, we'd just moved into the apartment. It was like a month after I got out, and we had a little party at the crib—invited some broads over. Carmen was one of them."

"You didn't have to—" I started.

"I wanted to explain, but can you stop?" he shouted. "Asking me, asking Emmett and Jazz every time you see some chickenhead around the way?"

"Fine. I'm sorry." I reapplied my lip-gloss. I didn't expect Edward to huff and puff about it. "I do trust you," I repeated.

"A'ight . . ." His shoulders relaxed. "We're here."

My stomach lurched, jumped with a start.

"Ha-ha…Old school. They got the picnic table in the driveway." Emmett jerked a thumb. "Why didn't they have this shit at my parents' crib? They gotta bigger yard." He left the van.

I placed the pastry box in his vacant seat to climb into the front.

"Hey." Edward grabbed me, made me sit on his lap. "I love you, baby…Don't stress about the dumb shit I done. Okay?"

I placed my lips to his and kissed him deep. "I love you, too, and I just get curious." But he was correct; I never used to care, nor would I ever judge him, and I knew he wasn't a virgin when we met. "My mind wanders sometimes, and I wonder what you see in them vs. what you...see in me." I shrugged. "It's not really jealousy, more like…curiosity?" I paused before I winced. "Maybe a_ hint_ of insecurity?"

"You got no reason to be that way, Bella." He palmed my cheek.

"I can't help the way I think," I giggled, nervously, but my words were true, and I'm more nosy than worried about him sleeping around or something.

He nodded. "We'll work on that. Over time, some more time…We won't live in the 'hood forever. Right?"

"Wherever we go…" I squeezed his hand.

He grinned. "Maybe sometime soon we'll get a small apartment somewhere, and we'll save for a house?"

I felt like squealing because I love when he talks like this—about the future, but not only that, _our_ future together. "I'm happy…just being with you. For that, we should stay where we are and save. I'll get a job soon—"

He cut me off with his mouth, kissing me silly once more. "Hmmm. You look fantastic, baby. I mean it." His eyes trailed up and down my body. "You're gorgeous every day, but today…" His hands started to roam, too; Edward was dripping sex again, and I pulled away.

"We should…" I tilted my head toward the house, knowing it was to my right.

"Let's do this." He left his seat, taking my hand to pull me out through his side. We walked around the van to get the pastry box and my beach tote with our crap in it from the passenger seat.

When I faced the house, I was surprised to see a few people staring at us.

Emmett was correct.

On the side of the house—in the concrete driveway—there was a round table with chairs set up. Smoke wafted into the air from the BBQ. Oldies music, like doo-wop or whatever, was playing from the radio . . . and they were just gawking.

It'd only taken me a few seconds to take in my surroundings, make my assessments and notice, but still.

"Edward…" I whispered through clenched teeth, a smile on my lips, and then I realized.

While I was sucking my boyfriend's face, all his family saw was my ass in the air—from the van.

"They'll love you." He kissed my cheek, ushering us over.

As we got closer, I saw an older couple. The man was obviously Emmett's father. They look so much alike. The woman had short red hair, and I wanted to believe she was Emmett's mom—Elizabeth's sister, Anita—since Edward almost has the same hair color, although his is shades darker.

More importantly, sitting amongst them with a little girl on her lap, must have been Esme. She was gorgeous, wearing this huge smile, and she had shoulder-length brown hair. Esme was prettier than I'd imagined.

_Edward really hooked his father up!_

Carlisle is a very good-looking man, and he's not old by any means. When Edward talks about his father's lack of love life, it actually always surprises me.

Like his son, who has the same panty-dropping smirk, I'd expect Carlisle to be the same.

"Hello." Carlisle kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly before embracing Edward.

"We stopped at a bakery." I held up the box.

Carlisle smiled wide. "You didn't have to do that, but thank you." He placed his arm around me and turned me toward the table. "Bella, this is Emmett Senior and Anita—Edward's aunt and uncle."

"Hi…" I reached over to shake both their hands.

"We actually call this one Junior." Carlisle nudged Emmett, the one I knew. "This is Esme..." He paused, like he wanted to give her a title, not sure.

"Hello." She lifted her baby to give me half-a-hug. "It's great to finally meet you. Carlisle's told me so much about you."

"He did?" I was surprised. Especially since Carlisle barely speaks about Esme, although I know they're happy—he's admitted that much. I just always figured he was a quiet man. "Hi…" I shook the baby's hand. She was cute with brown curly hair, and she must have been around three years old.

"This is Bianca…can you say hello to Bella?" Esme kissed her cheek, encouraging. "She can be shy, but after a while...now she talks Carlisle's ear off," she laughed.

"She's a great conversationalist," Carlisle commented, looking back to Esme. They had a small moment, made eyes at each other—the both of them were practically beaming—and it made me smile even bigger.

"Bewwa," Bianca said, and it was the cutest thing.

"Oh…" I giggled, admiring her flowered bathing suit, and I didn't know babies wore bikinis, too. "This is adorable—_she's_ adorable." I gestured to both the baby and what she was wearing.

"She loves to swim. It's getting hotter now—the sun's out, so we might go in." Esme looked to the sky. She was so warm and she—more so than the others—had me feeling comfortable. "Bianca, this is Edward." She turned to him.

"Hey..." He bent low to give Esme's cheek a smooch. "'Sup, baby girl?" Edward tried to give Bianca a fist pound while he chuckled, and the baby shook it instead with both of her hands.

"Hi." Bianca smiled, and she leaned toward him, almost as though she wanted him to take her.

"Wanna go with Edward?" Esme asked her. "That's Carlisle's baby."

"Baby," she giggled, pointing to Edward, but she was quick to hug onto Esme—indecisive yet curious about him.

"So cute." Edward pinched her cheek.

Seeing him with the baby—just interacting—had me feeling weird, instantly flushed and turned on. It was weird.

Bianca ducked, hiding her face in Esme's neck.

Funny how I wanted to shield my blush, too.

"Burgers are almost ready," Carlisle announced, closing the lid of the barbecue. "Five minutes."

"Come wit' me." Edward stole me away. "Gotta put this shit inside." He took the dessert from me.

We walked into the side door that led us to a small hall by the kitchen.

While Edward rearranged crap in the fridge, I wandered away—knowing no one would care. Carlisle's home, which is a townhouse, was very cozy. And this was where Edward grew up, well, sort of.

"You wanna tour?" Edward wrapped his arms around my waist, digging his nose into my hair to kiss my neck.

"Yeah." I nodded.

We went farther into the living room, which had light green walls. I noticed that Carlisle had plastic covers over his furniture—the couch and love seat—but a brown, comfy- and old-looking, recliner was bare. That's probably his spot, where he watches TV. His television set that stood alone was pretty big, too.

My head whipped around for pictures, what I was more interested in seeing. Luckily, I found a few. One where Edward was a baby; he was cute with no hair. Carlisle looked crazy young and he had longer hair that was slicked back. There was another of Edward when he was around six on a bicycle, and his uneven smile made me giggle.

Edward stole that one away from me.

There were quite a few that hung on the walls, but most were of Edward when he was under the age of thirteen, and there weren't any of Elizabeth.

When I inquired about it—keeping my voice hushed, of course—Edward explained that Carlisle removed them when Esme started to come over.

Downstairs, there's a bathroom right off of the kitchen and a dining room. Upstairs, there were two bedrooms, another bathroom, and a teeny den space Carlisle uses as a home office. We didn't go into Carlisle's room, but we trailed into Edward's.

The walls were a light blue, but it didn't look like a child's room—what I expected. There was a full-sized bed and a chest of drawers, and a small TV with rabbit ears.

"Pop redid it when I was coming home." He shrugged. "It's not much…this place."

"It's great." I turned to wrap my arms around his neck. "I love it." And I truly did.

Renee always rented. We never had an actual house, nor did we always live in the spacious apartment she has now. We used to rent a one-bedroom on Third Avenue. I'd usually fall asleep on the couch waiting up for her every night, but we'd basically shared the bedroom until I was ten, until I suddenly wasn't enough for her . . .

_Maybe I was never enough. _

Especially since...

Well, we remember and believe what we want, and she was hardly ever home back then, too.

_The location didn't matter. _

When we moved, I had my own room, and Renee started having her own sleepovers . . .

"Where'd you go?" Edward whispered, and he'd started to sway us from side to side.

"Nowhere," I sighed. "I just think it's awesome—this is your home. A _home_, and your parents always lived here." That whole concept was cool to me, having history and whatnot.

"Someday we'll have a home of our own."

I nodded, hoping, praying, and wishing his words true. "I can't wait."

Edward bit his lip before he kicked the door closed and brought me over to the bed.

"We can't." I panicked, but he was already kissing everywhere—every inch of exposed skin.

"Look at you…I can't help it." He pushed his cock into me, biting down on my shoulder.

"Christ, Edward..." I was out of breath. "Not here."

"You can be quiet." He leaned away to run his hand up my thigh. "Right?" He scooped the crotch of my bathing suit over.

I convulsed for a second, spreading my legs. "Fuck." I breathed through it, trying not to make a sound when he started trailing his finger up and down my wet pussy. "Edward, stop."

He didn't; his eyes focused on his hand. "Lemme—" Edward bent low to flick his tongue to my clit, and then he groaned, his lips nestling deeper into me.

My eyes rolled, my hands palming his cheeks, as I swallowed my cry of pleasure.

There was a knock, which made me stiffen, and I silently berated myself—I hated myself for disrespecting this home, Carlisle's house.

Edward looked to the door. "Yo!"

"Don't yo me!" Carlisle hollered back.

Edward laughed, leaving the bed to right his clothes and wipe under his bottom lip with his thumb.

Then he sucked that thumb into his mouth.

_He was trying to kill me. _

"Edward..." Carlisle knocked again.

I sat up fast, crossing my legs, and hoping I looked casual.

When he opened the door, Carlisle had a brow raised. "Downstairs." He tilted his head toward the steps.

I felt uncomfortable, and I left the bed and the room.

Edward didn't look like he was moving, but I slid past him to get to the stairs.

Carlisle looked like he meant business.

"We're just chillin', no big deal," Edward explained, catching me before I got too far.

"Oh..." Carlisle nodded. "Then chill _outside_ with your family. I wasn't born yesterday, Edward." He looked to me.

I found my sneakers interesting.

"She just wanted to see my old room." Edward looked like the cat that ate the canary, but he did find it amusing. He always does when Carlisle parents him. He only gets upset when his father makes him feel stupid.

"But you—look, I know what you guys were doing," Carlisle laughed.

"Sir, Mr. Cullen, we-we really weren't doing anything…untoward." My face blazed red.

He smirked at me. "You're cute." Carlisle placed his hand under my jaw, much like Edward does, and then he passed me to go down the stairs. "If you're not outside in two minutes—"

"We're coming," Edward laughed, taking my hand, and then we followed his father outside.

"Eh, we got caught."

"We were wrong," I whispered. "We shouldn't have..." I stopped talking when we met back up with everyone.

Edward pulled out a chair for me, and the table was set with all these side dishes.

I didn't say anything, turning to smile at his aunt and uncle.

"It's all set." Carlisle brought a tray of hot dogs and hamburgers over. "Let's eat."

No one wasted any time, piling food onto their plates. I was being polite, trying to wait until the traffic of arms, hands, and bowls being passed around subsided.

"You gotta eat," Edward said, serving me some potato salad. "I know you like these deviled egg shits, too." He nodded and gave me three of them.

I placed my hand on his thigh. "I plan to eat." He acts like I never do. "I'm actually starving."

"Good." He dropped a hamburger down for me. "You wanna hot dog?"

"No..." I giggled. "Thank you. You've given me plenty to work with."

"Just have some macaroni, too." Again, he served me and then himself. "Macaroni for that ass." He kissed my cheek.

I giggled some more.

"Bella—" Edward's aunt placed a hand on my shoulder "—how did you meet Edward?" she asked.

Speechless; I didn't know what to say. Especially when Emmett—that ass—guffawed.

"Through a friend," Edward said with a mouthful. "Why you wanna know?" He sounded more suspicious than she did, defensive.

"Just curious." Anita went back to her food.

"How old's this one?" Emmett's dad jerked a thumb to me, looking to Carlisle, like I wasn't here.

"Mind yo' neck," Edward said.

"Edward." Carlisle had a tone.

"I'm sayin' . . . it's rude to ask some broad her age." He shrugged. "They don't know my Bella—to be askin' that shit."

Carlisle actually smiled at his son and placed a hand on his forearm.

I turned to his aunt because I'm not ashamed of my age, and I know Edward isn't either. "I'm eighteen. I'll be nineteen in two weeks."

"Oh." She nodded. "You know Edward well, then? You guys have been together a couple of months now, correct?" Her eyes danced to Carlisle and then her husband, giving a brief glance to her son.

"She knows…" Emmett kept his tone hushed.

"We live together," Edward said. "She knows me."

"You're living with the boys?" Anita didn't sound happy about it, and I didn't know what the big deal was.

"We met through my cell mate—he was writing her, but I had to when I saw her picture, and she wanted me anyway. That date-a-con pen pal program?" Edward turned his whole body to face his aunt and uncle. "She loves her some thug." He hummed. "I read her my rap-sheet as foreplay."

"Edward!" I slapped his bicep. "He's kidding. We met—"

Anita chuckled. "I know he is, dear."

And the rest of the table found Edward hilarious, too.

"Oh." I settled down.

"Eat." Edward lifted my fork and placed it in my hand.

After we finished eating, I helped Carlisle clean up the table, and then I moseyed into the back. The yard was crazy small. The only thing in it was the pool, but it wasn't too bad. I could tell it was shallow. It had some width, though.

"You coming in?" Emmett lightly splashed me. "It's feels good."

I nodded. "I'm waiting for Edward." Squinting my eyes through my sunglasses, I looked up to the overcast sky. Clouds replaced the sun, and I wondered if it was going to rain.

"Youse better come in soon—" he sipped his beer, floating along "—before it starts raining."

"Do you mind if we join you?" Esme asked, approaching the pool with Bianca.

"Hey, you...cutie!" I exclaimed, excited to see Bianca. She's just too fucking adorable.

"Can you hold her while I get in?" Esme offered Bianca to Emmett or me.

"I'll take her." I opened my arms and she latched onto me.

She was heavy, but it wasn't so bad. My hips have always been on the wide side, so all I did was pop it, and Bianca had a place to sit.

Esme walked up the ladder and winced as she got in. "It's not that warm."

"Carlisle just put the water in," Emmett explained. "That would'a been awesome—if he used hot water."

I handed Esme her daughter, who actually loved the water. She didn't care if it was cold. After a few minutes of watching Emmett's big ass float around, and Esme play with Bianca, I wanted to go in.

Going back to the table, I didn't find Edward.

"Where's Edward?" I asked his aunt.

She was guzzling her longneck, too. "Inside."

I smiled about to search for him.

As I entered the side door, I heard voices—my name in particular—and I stopped the screen from slamming.

"But Mom said—before she died," Edward argued.

I stopped right outside the kitchen, as I didn't want to disturb them...and I'm too fucking nosy.

"Her engagement ring is yours. I'm just saying, not now," Carlisle replied. "It's way too soon, son. I suggest you wait a while—is she pregnant?" He rushed that last part out.

"No!" Edward kind of shouted. "I love her—I'm crazy in love with her, and I want to give her somethin'…that means somethin'. She's mine—she should have a fuckin' ring!"

I gulped, my stomach knotting up, and I couldn't help the huge smile I suddenly had.

"Watch your mouth!" Carlisle's tone shocked me. I've never heard him raise his voice before.

"Sorry," Edward mumbled, more relaxed than he was seconds prior.

"She's a kid, Edward." Carlisle sounded frustrated. "You love her? Then love her enough to give her some time. Let her grow up a little bit. You get married now and babies will be soon to follow…" He trailed off. "I know you're ready to settle down, which…I'm glad you've _slowed_ down with the different women and whatnot. And I adore Bella. I love her, too." That made me happy. "She's great for you, and I've never seen you so happy. She's a wonderful girl, Edward. I mean that. I'm sure you two will get married someday. I'm positive that will happen, and I'll give you the ring, _and_ my blessing—"

"You don't think I'm serious?" Edward chuckled. "Well, I am—I'm dead-ass serious, Dad. I wanna marry her, and I think she'll say yes."

"Because…she's got stars in her eyes, willing to do anything to please you. She's too young to know what truly she wants," Carlisle retorted.

_I'm not too young,_ I thought.

Legally, I could get married. I could do a lot of things.

And there's nothing I want more than Edward.

"I'll wait…" Edward relented.

I pouted.

"I'm not sayin' we'd get married this week. Just…I wanna put a ring on her finger."

"So, get her one," Carlisle laughed. "Esme has a little sister, and she went nuts over a ring her boyfriend gave her. It had their initials in two hearts—"

"That's…" Edward didn't sound happy. "That's a no to Mom's ring then?"

"Your mother told me it was yours; she said so on her deathbed. It _is_ yours..._I'm_ asking you, please. Let me hold onto it for a little while...just a little while longer," Carlisle insisted, yet he was trying to bargain. "Come to me in a few months."

"Right…" Edward hissed. "How's things with this chick?"

"Esme," Carlisle corrected. "Things are well. I have no complaints, and I'm surprised Anita hasn't given me any lip."

"Why would she?" Edward asked. "Dad, Mom's been gone a long time. You should become a monk? Gimme a break. Mom—with the way she loved you—she wouldn't want that for you. Sitting home, eating popcorn in front of the TV, working all the time…lonely. She would'a wanted you to move on. The shit _I_ did…I bet _that_ shit had Mom rollin' ova in her grave. But you should be alone? No. Esme's nice, and you say she's wonderful. I'm happy for you."

"Your mother was the only woman…I'd ever known. Do you understand?"

Edward found that funny for some reason, and I thought it sweet. "She was your one and only until Esme? Yo, how'd that go? I bet you came mad fast."

I tried not to giggle.

"Yes, your mother was my one and only."

"That's all you're gonna gimme?" Edward asked.

I decided to square my shoulders, pushing the screen door to let it close with sound before walking ahead. "Oh! Hey." I stood there. Carlisle was washing the few dishes while Edward stood to his side. "I was looking for you."

"What's up?" Edward asked.

"I was going to go swimming, but I wanted to wait for you," I said.

"Go 'head, baby. Enjoy." Edward came over to softly kiss me. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay." I squeezed his hand, and God help me, I wanted to jump him.

In my gut, my heart—everywhere—I knew Edward loved me.

But to give me an engagement ring?

"I love you," I whispered.

"Love you, too." He slapped my ass. "Go before it starts to rain. I'll be out soon."

I giggled and turned for the door, a happy, giddy mess.

After grabbing my beach tote from the table, I walked into the back to place it on a lounge chair.

Carlisle had a few towels out here, and I took one to place it near my bag. Then I pulled my hair into a messy bun before I took my jumper off.

Emmett whistled like an ass, and I turned to give him the finger. "I'm sorry," I told Esme and Bianca.

Esme waved a hand, smiling.

"Yo!" Edward shouted, and when I turned, I saw him stomping his way toward me with his nostrils flared.

I backed up a step, nervous. "What?"

He took off his undershirt. "Put this on."

"Edward, that—" I didn't get the chance to finish because Edward started pulling it over my head. He even grabbed my hands to pull my arms through the sleeves.

"Don't pout." He kissed my lips. "Have fun."

I rolled my eyes. "As soon as I get this wet it's gonna be see through." Wearing this shit was useless...and his behavior was unnecessary.

"It'll hold shit in place, though. Why you don't got no straps? Hold the tits up?"

"Because there are no straps on my jumper." I shrugged. "I don't wanna swim anymore. Forget it."

"Why? 'Cause you can't show everyone your—"

"Edward!" Carlisle called him over with his finger.

"Get in the pool." He gave my ass another slap, going over to his father.

I sat in the chair and stared at the ground.

"At least he cares," Esme said. "My ex-husband…I could have walked out of the house naked. It wouldn't faze him."

I smiled. "This is just a bathing suit. I just—"

"Where's the rest of it?" Emmett asked.

I stood from the chair. "Enough outta you!" He was pissing me off. "Stay out of my relationship."

He laughed and sipped his beer.

"Youse two don't get along?" Esme looked between us.

"Eh…" I sat back down.

"Bella loves me…we're like this." Emmett crossed his fingers to show Esme. "She loves my dimples." That hit a nerve.

"I'll take a shit on your dimples!" I shouted, and then I was embarrassed. Everyone heard that, and I tried to ignore his parents who were staring at me.

"You all right?" Edward was laughing.

I narrowed my eyes at that sexy fucker who wants to marry me.

But just like he asked me to stop asking him about his past…

I should ask him to stop being a Neanderthal, the sexy brutish caveman that he is.

"I'm fine." I huffed.

"Her bathing suit's cute. Let her take off the shirt," Esme told him. "Looks like Bianca's a bit."

Edward barked out a laugh. "Your peanut doesn't have—" he made the boob gesture "—or." He just gestured to me. "_My_ peanut…" He stared at me.

"I'm a peanut now?" I asked. "I just want you to know it's not about the shirt. It's about the way you're acting. It's too much."

"Too much?" He came to sit next to me. "It drives me insane. There. I finally said it. You're classy. You never show too much, but—"

"You want me to wear what those Muslim women do?" I snorted, knowing that might make his crazy-ass happy.

"I wouldn't go that far," he teased, kissing my lips. "Smile."

I gave him a toothy grin. "You're possessive, and it's hot, but _you_ are insane. My clothes don't do that."

"I'm, what?" he asked, and then he tossed me over his shoulder.

I beat at his back. "Don't—"

He dropped me into the pool.

My head almost went under, but it is shallow and I was able to kick up. "Ass!"

Edward and Emmett thought it was so funny.

"You don't love me," I said, shivering and pulling my top up.

"See? If not for the shirt, your tits would have popped out. And yes, I do love you. Too much." He lit a cigarette. "Have fun. Swim." Edward walked away from the pool.

I scoffed at his retreating form.

It's weird, how I can go from loving him crazy to wanting to hurt him.

Not enough so that he's injured, but some.

_Just a little . . . _

Nevertheless, I didn't leave the pool.

But it's not deep, so it wasn't like I could really swim.

Esme and Bianca were having a ball with those noodle things.

Now that everything settled down, Emmett took the sun, floating on that big tube.

I pursed my lips, thinking, and then I waited until he was far enough away from the baby.

Quietly, I snuck up on Emmett, and I tried to capsize him—push him over.

"Chill!" he shouted, because I was having minor difficulty.

But I didn't chill. I didn't stop until his ass fell over.

Then I hijacked his raft at lightning speed. "Thanks, roomie." I climbed into it, bending my knees in the center.

"What?" Emmett grabbed the entire tube with me in it, and he tossed me to the other side of the pool.

I screamed, but I didn't get hurt. "Ha! It's still mine."

Emmett was about to come get me, but he stopped.

"Ha!" I yelled out again, since he's scared of Edward. "Hey…"

"Havin' fun now?" My love leaned over the edge.

I tried to pull his arm. "Come in."

He scrunched his nose. "Nah…I'm good."

I sighed. "It's no fun without you. I'll get out."

"You sure? I'll go in." He nodded. "Lemme get undressed."

"No." I knew he really didn't want to. "I wanna get out." I gave Emmet—that stupid baby—his float back and walked to the ladder.

Edward stood on the other side with a towel widened.

"Insane," I coughed, letting him wrap it around me. "Thanks, baby."

"You're cute." He kissed my cheek.

I stopped Edward from getting too far. "Thanks for…caring."

He furrowed his brow and gathered me into his arms. "You okay?"

"Yeah…" I hugged the towel closer.

"Let's get your stuff, get you changed." He had that look in his eyes.

I grinned. "I'm not doing that here," I whispered.

"Relax. I can control myself," he lied.

Tucked into his side, we grabbed our bag, and then we went to the bathroom.

My boyfriend thought he was slick.

Until Carlisle asked if I needed Edward to hold my hand.

We were cock blocked by Daddy C once again.

The rest of the afternoon truly dragged. It started to rain, and we brought the party inside to play cards.

Seriously, it seemed like we'd just had lunch, and then Carlisle was serving chicken.

I ate so much.

And I fell asleep in the van on our way home.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **


	26. Chill

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Chill**

**September 12th 1994**

Chillin' on a Friday night, I sat on the couch, drinking beers with Emmett and Jasper. It wasn't too late, and I only had about an hour until I had to meet my uncle. But instead of my having to go to Tunnel, I asked him to meet me at a coffee shop in Dyker Heights, where he lives. Bella insists that if I'm going to Tunnel that she should come along. She understands that I don't go there to chill, but she wants to. And I didn't want to have the same argument again.

Tomorrow night is Bella's nineteenth birthday, and since I wouldn't be carrying that shit with me—we could check it out. I'd take her.

Bella's stoked. She bought some miniskirt for eight bucks that she's anxious to wear.

She's even more excited because I put aside a few Ecstasy tabs for us.

Again, with needing to keep an eye on my woman, I don't plan to take one.

But I can't pretend to like the first time, so I planned to just not take one and be straight about it.

Bella started school this past Wednesday. She's only scheduled to attend three days a week. She wanted it that way—her Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays jam-packed with classes.

She seems happier now, doing her own thing and shit. She's yet to find a job, but that's not important. Her tuition came together. Bella wanted to take out a loan. I squashed that idea since I had the money. Why take out some shit with an interest rate? Charlie gave her what he could, and I paid the rest.

I was very, very happy to do it.

She has no idea.

Just doing that for Bella made me the happiest man in the world—providing for her, caring for her.

Anyway, my trip tonight would be quick, but I thought I should get going. I also have to make another stop beforehand, which happens to be next to where I'm meeting my uncle.

Right when I lifted my ass from the couch, I heard, "Bella!" being shouted from downstairs.

Since my baby was taking a shower, I went to the window. "Yo!" It was Irina and Kate.

"Bella home?" Irina asked, looking up to me.

"Nah, she's not. She's out—" Just as I said that, Bella left our bedroom—dressed and ready to go somewhere. I had no idea where she was going, that was news to me.

"That's Irina?" Bella was brushing her hair, and she looked cute—wearing jeans, some loose-legged shits, which were only tight around her ass and hips, and my belt with the loops that go all the way around held them up. She also wore a very fitted top. Her shirt looked skintight, showed off everything.

I placed my hand on her shoulder to keep her from the window. "What?" she asked.

"Yo!" Irina called once more.

"I'll be right down!" Bella hollered.

"Where you goin'?" I asked, my eyes falling to her tits. They were…fuck, they looked even bigger in that shirt.

She turned to smile at me. "Oh, just hanging out. Nowhere special." Bella walked back into our bedroom.

I followed and closed the door.

"With them?" I grimaced, pulling her into my arms to kiss her hair.

"What's wrong with them?"

Honestly, I could make a list as to why Bella chillin' with Irina and them was a bad idea. Irina and Kate are much older—a few years _my_ senior, and they have absolutely nothing going on for themselves. They're mad slutty, will most likely be around dudes at some point, or they'll go 'trolling for them with _my_ girl.

They'd get her into some kind of trouble for sure.

Since Bella's down to chill with them and she never confronted me about it, she obviously had no idea I hit them off once upon a time. And the possibility of Bella finding out…has me on edge.

Why does she have to be reminded of my past all the time?

I hate that shit, and I hate this _shit_ neighborhood.

"What if you ran into Tanya?" I had a feeling that's all I needed to bring to her attention.

Bella leaving actually struck a nerve—it fucking bothered me.

"And you don't tell me?" I shrugged. "Were you gonna wait 'til I left and then chill with your homegirls? You felt you had to be a sneak? What are youse really gonna do? Go chill with a few guys, what?"

"Wow." Bella took a step back. "It…wasn't a big deal, and…when I see Tanya, we ignore each other. I don't know. And—"

I shook my head. "No."

She furrowed her brow. "No, what?"

"You can't go." My eyes zeroed in on her tits again. "And what the fuck are you wearing?"

"These jeans aren't tight!" She held her own hips.

"Your shirt!" I gestured to her. "What's that?"

She plucked the clingy shit, and the fabric bounced right back. "It's a bodysuit," she whispered. "I was-was gonna wear your Yankees jersey over it." Bella looked away from me and to the floor, and I knew that shit was a lie.

"Good save," I said. "Look…since Alice is sick—"

Bella shook her head. "If we go to the movies, she might meet us at the Fortway in Bay Ridge?" She'd brought her voice down. "She just told Jasper that—so she could get some time for herself, so _we could_ maybe have a girls' night. Alice obviously can't come here now, so—"

"Those broke bitches downstairs do _not_ have movie money." I shook my head.

Bella shrugged. "We don't really know what we're doing yet."

"Forget about it," I said. "You wanna go to the movies? Fine. I'll be back in an hour and change, two hours the most." My lips lingered on her forehead. "Okay? We'll go to a late show—"

"Edward." She nudged me away. "I already told them I'd—"

I rolled my eyes and walked around her, leaving our bedroom to get to the living room window. "Yo!"

Irina and Kate looked up to me.

"She's not goin'. She can't—"

"As if!" Bella bitched beside me. "Edward!"

"She'll call one of youse." I closed the window to turn to my lady. "What?"

She groaned and stomped away from me, slamming the bedroom door shut.

When I turned to Emmett and Jasper, they were staring at me.

"What?" I asked.

They shook their heads, looking around me to the TV. "Your mom didn't produce glass, yo…" Emmett gestured to me.

Massaging my forehead, I groaned, going back to the bedroom. The door wasn't locked. I let myself in to see Bella sitting on the bed. She wasn't crying but wearing a scowl.

"Listen—"

"No, you listen!" She whipped around to me, standing up. Bella looked like a pissed off kitten, hackles raised and claws out. "In a few hours, I'll be nineteen. I don't live with my parents anymore—not that they ever told me what to do. But, Edward, you're not my fucking father! I'm sick of this! I'll _wear_ what I want and I'll _go_ where I want, with whoever I want!" she ranted.

I chuckled despite myself—angry while my heart broke a bit—and I didn't have much time to think of much else because Bella kept going.

"I'm yours! I live with you—I'm not going anywhere, my God! I love you, but…" She collapsed back to sigh. "What's wrong with me having friends? I'd never lie to you, like Alice did to Jazz. You don't mind when I hang with Alice, but that's only because she's _always_ here, and then_ you're_ here—I don't go anywhere. All summer—what did I do?"

I had no reply, my mind flying in all these different directions.

But…there was a time when all Bella wanted was to spend every second with me.

What changed?

It…felt like I was losing her and yet she's a few feet away from me.

"Fuck. That came out all wrong!" She palmed her face.

I sat on the bed, feeling like I had been kicked in the gut. "You want space—space from me, what?"

"No, never." She placed her hand on my shoulder.

"You don't love me no more? I'm not—" I blew out a breath. "I'm trying…I'm trying to be better. I'm doing the right thing." I'm saving money, doing everything I can to provide for her and then some. I'm also hoping to get us out of this neighborhood...by any means necessary.

Although, I haven't taken any drastic measures _yet_.

But . . .

Has Bella finally wised up?

Has she realized she can do a whole lot better than me?

I'm not blind. I know I have something good—something fantastic, and I've been busting my ass to make her happy, to give her whatever she wants and/or needs.

Also, I wondered why us _just being_, spending time together wasn't enough.

It's more than enough for me. I'm the happiest I've ever been. When I get out of work, I speed to get to wherever Bella is. She's my world, and I was surprised at myself—how I wasn't angry in this moment but hurt.

Sure, I wanted to remind Bella of all the things I've done for her, throw them in her face and call her ungrateful.

But…everything I've done, all the decisions I've made since I met her…they were about or for Bella.

They were things _I_ wanted to do, felt I _had_ to do.

She never asked for a thing.

All she wanted was me.

_What changed?_

"I love you so much," she said, nestling into my side. "I figured tonight wasn't a big deal because you had something to do; you wouldn't be here. And…I like hanging out, partying a little. I know you're past that—"

It reminded me of shit my father said, about how Bella might not be ready to settle down—she might love me but she's still a kid.

And he was right; I was losing her.

Bella's either not ready or doesn't want an actual commitment with me.

"I'm more than happy to see you every day, every night, to spend every _minute_ together. I live to be with you, baby." She started to kiss along my neck, and I let her. "What's so wrong with me hanging out with a few friends for a couple of hours, though? Me wanting to hang doesn't mean anything. Especially if you're not going to be here. I should just wait for you?"

Her hands gripped my shoulders, and she straddled my lap. "Hmm?" she asked, touching her nose to mine. "Can you say something?"

Gazing into her eyes, I was filled with so much fear; I couldn't speak.

Never in my life…

With growing to care and love Bella, I had a newfound fear in shit—just anything, any threat, something happening to her, stuff like that.

When I'd never been scared of a fucking thing my whole life . . . and I've been through some shit.

Above all else, though, I was petrified that she'd leave me.

"Edward…?" she whispered, placing her lips to mine.

Consumed with too many emotions, I deepened the kiss.

Our tongues tangled while I hoped she'd feel my love—as if I was silently begging her to stay.

Needing her close, I brought Bella over to my side to hover over her. My hips eased between her thighs, our chests touching, and I hugged her tightly—feeling I needed to be even closer than that.

"Edward…" Bella rubbed my back, panting.

My lips went back to hers, and then they trailed down her neck. "I love you," I whispered.

"I…I love you, too." She moaned when I sucked and bit the soft skin under her ear, her hands running down my abs to my belt. "Do you—have time? Can-can we—"

Knowing what she was asking, because my girl_ loves_ to fuck, I leaned away to get rid of her jeans. After pulling them down, I tossed them over my shoulder to stare.

She was gorgeous, that shit she was wearing so tight, like lingerie or something. All of her curves were more pronounced, and my hands explored them while her body shook from my touch.

Bella's hips rose from the bed, her chest heaving, and then she sat up to undo my pants—all frantic-like.

I let her do it, tossing her hair away from her shoulder, and I noticed I'd marked her—gave her a hickey.

Bella sucked me deep into her mouth, and I let out a loud grunt. It felt fantastic, but it wasn't enough—not right now.

I pushed her off, my hands running down her sides again, going toward her pussy—where I undid three snaps. She wore panties underneath, and I peeled them off.

Bella smiled, spreading her legs wide, reaching for me with a lustful gleam in her eyes.

But I couldn't meet her stare, and it wasn't because I was too busy staring at her body.

While I was turned on, I was still scared shitless, thinking this was the beginning of the end.

And I didn't _want_ to let her go…

And I couldn't _force_ her to stay with me…

Bella either loves me as much as I love her, or she doesn't.

She sat up to palm my cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Turn around." I twirled my finger.

"Oh…" She let out a giggle, getting on all fours and backing up to me. "We never do this."

My hands spanned her ass, and I wanted to pepper it with kisses, worship it the way it deserves. But I quickly lined us up instead; her pussy soaked already.

I pushed forward, making Bella squeak a scream. My shoulders relaxed, and my abs tightened, she felt incredible—she always does.

Able to go balls-deep at this angle, I kept pulling all the way out and digging in as far as I could—keeping a slower pace and staring at my cock as it fucked her. Bella fucking loved it—started shouting, moaning, and screaming.

And all of that…it drove me nuts, like it always does.

_I make her do that. _

"Faster…" She started to hop off my dick, picking up speed.

I let her do it, my hand coming back to come down hard on her ass.

Too excited—my passion, my lust for her taking up every inch of space in my heart, my mind, and my body—I left her to kneel onto the bed.

Bella collapsed onto the mattress, but I yoked her up into my arms, keeping her back to me—had her kneeling with her back to me. "Edward—"

I hugged her tightly, biting down onto her neck as my cock found her fast.

We rocked together, my hips thrusting with force, as my hands squeezed her tits—going up to her neck, and then to her hair—just to have a better grasp of her.

"My God…" She moaned, trying to hit me back, push down onto me harder, faster.

Out of breath, not sure how long I'd last, my hand snuck down to her pussy—twirling my fingers around her clit.

Bella barely moved; she just took it—my cock, my fingers, her body quaking with each stroke.

With my free hand, I pulled her hair to expose her neck. "I love you," I whispered, biting down.

Her breath caught, her body stiffened, and she cried out, tightening and coming on my cock.

I growled, tossing her away from me, only to grab her ankle and bring her closer—turning her onto her back.

Bella spread her legs, trying to reach for me, pull me down to her.

She didn't need to. I was on her fast—pumping in and out of her roughly, as rapidly as I could, needing to…just needing to.

Bella groaned. "I love you—so much, Edward. My God." Her nails scratched down my back, and I lost it.

I went as deep as possible, letting go—my eyes rolling, my fucking toes curling.

Coming inside of her without a rubber was probably the dumbest move, and yet it felt too fucking good for me to care.

Bella is mine.

I love the fuck out of her.

I wanna spend the rest of my life _with_ her.

Whatever happens…happens.

But I didn't know what my intention was.

Did I hope she'd get knocked up?

So, she'd stay with me? So, she'd always have a tie to me, no matter what?

"Um…" She swallowed loudly. "Wow."

My lips went back to hers, and I explored her mouth, my heart singing and swelling in the moment. "Christ, baby." I nuzzled my nose to her cheek.

We were still connected, and I pushed forward again, making Bella moan. "We'll—we'll go to the movies when I come back." I left her, leaving the bed to pick up my jeans.

Bella sat up, her brow furrowed. "Okay." She knew what I did, and she had no comment. Bella didn't run to the bathroom either, and then she wore a hint of a smirk.

"What?" I asked, hoping my heart would slow.

She looked down and now she wore a frown. "Are we okay? I-I'm confused."

I nodded. "I love you…I—" I didn't know what else to say, my gaze lingering on her neck. She had what looked like a bruise there. "It bothered me," I admitted. "I'm chill with it just being us, and…it's like I'm not enough." It killed me to get that sentence out, but I had to be straight with her. "I'm doing the best I can, and you'll see—how happy we'll be once things come together—we get outta this shit neighborhood." Hopeful, I got back in bed with her.

"You're more than enough," she said. "I love you more than anything, and I'm so fucking happy, Edward." She hugged me tight. "You're wonderful…I'm sorry. I'll…I don't know. Hanging out with them didn't seem like a big deal to me, but it's not worth us fighting or you being angry. I'm sorry."

I palmed her cheek. "We're gonna party tomorrow night. It's your day, and we'll have a great time."

She nodded, smiling widely. "I can't wait."

"Irina and Kate…baby, they'll only get you into trouble. You wanna chill on the stoop with them or whatever…? I don't care. But I don't feel comfortable with you going wherever-the-fuck with them, and then I don't know where you are." It felt great to get that off my chest, too. "This neighborhood…Look, we move someplace else, someplace better…" Hopefully we'll be married by then. "I'll ease up. I don't know. God forbid something happened, baby." I turned her chin, making her look at me. "It'd kill me."

Facing facts, Sunset Park is mostly Hispanic, and a ghetto at that. We have Crips and Bloods who are always fighting each other, the fucking Latin Kings, and there's a new gang on the rise now. They weren't a large group before I'd gone away, but they've grown. At the moment—word around the way is that they have beef with the Latin Kings—call themselves Ñetas.

Bloods are allies with the Latin Kings, and Crips side with Ñetas . . .

Then we also have a handful of Zulu Nation motherfuckers, but they chill more toward Park Slope, and they honestly don't bang like the rest of them.

You can tell who's who by what color they're representing—whether it's blue, red, yellow, or white.

No matter their affiliation, those bangers are hustlin' on every corner. There's shootouts sometimes, people getting robbed _all_ the time—and Bella's just this cute little white girl, who's too naïve, doesn't even feel the need to look over her shoulder. She smiles at everyone who waves, is always polite while still shy.

I feel uncomfortable even if she's just walking down our block from the subway.

Although, I've taken many random walks with her, to show everyone whose girl she is. That one time, when Em and I beat those two assholes…they were nobodies, and…to be honest, no one bothers Bella.

I know a lot of people around here, and they're on point when it comes to showing respect—for the most part.

You never know, though, which is why I'd rather be safe than sorry...paranoid and act like an asshole rather than something happening to her.

When it was just us guys…all we saw was a spacious, three-bedroom apartment with reasonable rent. Jasper was already working at that garage, so he was familiar with the 'hood, but Emmett was surprised as fuck—at what Sunset had turned into. Sunset has been predominately Hispanic since the '60s—so I've heard—but it wasn't always ghetto—gangs and ethnicities didn't always separate it.

We actually happen to live on the Puerto Rican side of our block—flags everywhere to represent. And the Dominicans live across the street, and both groups don't fuck with each other.

Others might find that ridiculous, but it's nothing to me.

Honestly, the way this 'hood is set up . . . all divided, it's almost like a prison, something I'm used to—knowing the way shit is, respecting it, and minding my own fucking business.

That's all you gotta do.

You mind your neck and watch your ass, and then you _beat_ some ass, you show _no mercy _if someone doesn't show _you_ that same respect—no matter who you fucking roll with.

That's how you survive—respect and fear coincide—and I'm chill with everybody.

They do for me, and I do for them, and I usually don't have any problems.

"Okay." She rasped, clearing her throat. "I get it, but..."

"What?" I asked.

Bella waved a hand. "Nothing."

I nodded, placing a soft kiss on her lips, and then I left the bed. "I'll be back."

"I'll…be here." She didn't sound happy.

I slumped my shoulders, pausing by the door. "You're going to be here when I get back, right?" I was shouting, anger flaring up inside me. She gets mad, decides to do something cute and bounce. I'll go nuts, having that shit on my mind.

"Of course," she said. "I'm not going anywhere. I swear. I love you! Why can't you believe that? I couldn't leave you…I can't live without you!" She says this now…

When I turned, I saw she'd gotten cozy with the blanket, but tears stained her cheeks.

And I didn't know what to say.

While her words were exactly what I wanted to hear, and they made me happy—

"Believe me!" she shouted. "Edward—"

"I do," I whispered, but I still wasn't sure. "I love you, too. Relax. I'll be back before ten."

But what happens when she meets some college kid? A good kid her own age with a clean slate, and the novelty of being with me is over? Her tolerating me has run its course?

She realizes he's a better fit; he's smarter—can do better and goes for Joe College?

When I left the bedroom, I was stuck—leaning back against the closed door.

Inside, I felt nuts again, my stomach in a knot.

It felt as though my love for her…

That all my feelings for Bella…

They were driving me crazy, like I couldn't deal—so fucking afraid, willing to do anything to make her stay, make her love me back.

"You all right?" Jazz passed me to get into the bathroom.

I nodded. "Beep me if she goes to leave, but don't let her go." I jerked my thumb to my bedroom.

He chuckled. "She's not a prisoner—"

"Just do it!" I spat.

Jazz showed me his palms, not saying any more, and then I left.

* * *

**Thank you for reading.**

**Please leave me your thoughts.**


	27. X Man

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: X-Man**

Before I was to meet my uncle, I had to stop by a jewelry store near my father's house. They close at nine p.m., and I was just going to make it. Homeboy was actually locking up shop when I approached the door.

He didn't bitch but opened up wide for me. "How are you?" he asked, and I don't know his name.

I nodded. "It's ready to go?"

He walked behind the counter and then placed the red, ring box onto it.

Afraid to open it, I just stared for a second.

It's no big deal, just a birthday gift for Bella that I hoped she'd love.

Needing to have a ring on her finger, I picked out a nice one—this thick, yellow gold band that had two diamond-encrusted hearts. Our initials and the date we met had been engraved on the inside of the band.

I knew what it looked like, and it truly wasn't anything that grand, special. But the bullshit promise, double-heart rings, or whatever they're called, are mad cheap.

I went with this one because it was more expensive, but not by too much.

Homeboy opened the box and held it out to me. It was the same as it was the other day, and I reached to close it up.

"How much?" I asked.

"Since you're Cullen's kid—three-fifty."

"You know my father?" I raised a brow.

He nodded. "Both your parents, actually. We were all New Utrecht, class of 1970." He started chuckling. "How's Carlisle doin'?"

"Good." I didn't say anything else as I counted out his money. "Thanks." I placed the box in my pocket.

"She's going to love it." He followed me out.

I gave him a curt nod and then hopped back into the van. Before I drove off, I grabbed my gun from under the seat to place it in my waist. Yes, Demetri is my uncle, but I don't trust anyone when I'm doing shit like this. Especially if we're not at the club with a shitload of other heads around.

I just feel safer with it.

I got to the block quick since it wasn't too far, and I drove around for a while, checking shit out. With nothing shady on the outside, I parked the van in front.

The coffee spot, which is just one of those old-fashioned mom-and-pop shops, was empty when I entered; I knew it would be, and I spied the old man who runs the joint behind the counter. He didn't even look up when I entered, and I also spotted my uncle right away. He sat in a booth toward the corner, had his arms widened when saw me.

"I got caught up," I explained, sitting and reaching low to undo the package from my calf. "How you doin'?"

"Got you a coffee." He pushed a cup over. "I bet it's cold by now."

I grabbed the mug with my free hand to sip it. "Tomorrow, I'mma be coming through with my girl. You could meet her." It killed me to be so nice; it always does. Truth is I have a lot of resentment toward this motherfucker. I'm constantly hoping to push past it—let go of the past—to get Dad and D to talk again, so we can possibly be a family or some shit.

Demetri already knew what I was doing, and he had his hand reaching for mine underneath the table.

I kept my eye on the old man, who still paid us no mind while he watched the evening news.

"Sounds good," he said.

When he had it, I let go.

"We gotta talk." Demetri placed the package into his jacket.

I had some more cold coffee. "Yeah, me too."

He gestured for me to go first.

I sighed, sitting back, and I felt comfortable speaking here. Nowadays, I'm truly no one. No one gives a fuck about what I do, no one knows what my uncle's up to, and no one's the wiser.

"Next time, I want my money upfront—when we exchange hands. Have your boys pay you before you come see me," I said.

It's a reasonable request, how I used to do things, and Demetri was short last week. It was only a C-note, but still. That shit don't fly. My uncle's getting a little too comfortable with me, and when people start slipping…it's time to have a firmer hand, which is another reason why I came by strapped this time.

I promised myself this morning I'd be cool, but I wasn't sure…not with how I was feeling now.

Coiled and ready to spring, the wrong word, the wrong move might set me off.

He smirked, leaning forward. "That's…Look, I met this guy…and you know it's business, Ed. He's got the same product you do for less money." He shrugged sitting back.

I chuckled, not really surprised by that.

Ecstasy—the new party drugs, the MDMA mixtures—are getting to be more mainstream, especially during the past few months. You get some nerdy, pharmacology motherfucker like Paul, who knows what he's doing, who's bored with his life, wants more money, and you put him to work. You front the money to get him a space somewhere, the necessary equipment, and there you go. I actually knew Paul from junior high, and I'd just happened to run into him one day. He told me what he was up to, how he couldn't find a job, and we hooked up—started doing this. And I knew exactly who to go to, who'd unload it all easily, and who owed me one, Demetri.

"Oh, I'm sorry…you're mistaken." I shook my head, keeping a smile on my face when he'd actually struck a nerve—quite a few. "You think I work for you?" Raising a brow, I leaned toward him, grabbing my .38 Special, my little five-shot revolver—from my waist—to place it to his kneecap. He felt the barrel because he sat up real quick, stiffening; I could smell the fear from across the table. "D, you work for me. Get that straight, and the next time we meet, you're gonna pay me upfront. Understand?"

"Edward…" He backed into the booth.

"A lot has changed—" I nodded "—many things are different. But I still got a lot of friends. I'm not the punk kid you pushed out on to the street to deliver dope—"

"I was young and stupid, and how many times have I apologized?"

I smirked. "You were small-time. A year in the game, and, hey…I was making more money than you were. You weren't shit then, and you ain't shit now. So, if you _fuck_ me…Yo, I'll make it so _no one…_not a fucking soul sells to you or your boys—not even a fuckin' aspirin. You hear me, D?"

He swallowed, staring down to the table. "I really created a monster—"

I slammed my free hand down to get his attention. "You understand?"

Demetri nodded.

"Good." I smiled, not taking my gun back. "But the price just went up at Tunnel for X…because…I want twenty a pop now. Next time I see you, you best have my ten grand. Now…go." I jerked my head to the door.

Demetri scrambled to get out of the booth, staring at me wide-eyed. "I should call your father—"

"Do it. I'll put a hole in your head without blinking, you fuck."

My uncle took in a shaky breath, rapidly walking out of the coffee shop.

When he was gone, I slumped my shoulders, resting my elbows to the table to place my lips to my hands—stuck.

Back in the day, business was never personal, and I couldn't believe my uncle was ready to fuck me over for a few extra dollars.

Hurt, I turned off any emotions I had for the man, which has always been easy for me.

Fuck.

With all those rave-style clubs in the city now . . .

The owners actually want X dealers in their joints. They rack up the entry fee, and they _still_ make dumb money from those watered-down drinks.

And people who roll…they party all night.

If Demetri didn't want to buy from me anymore . . . it'd truly be nothing _to_ me, but it's the principle.

I could talk to Paul—see how many he can make in a week. Or, we could slow down for a bit, at least until he's got a nice-sized stock, and then we take over the scene.

I could distribute to more people, make more money…I could even put people out on the streets during the week, hook up with a few bangers from the 'hood.

Alas, Ecstasy is a party drug. It's not like coke or heroin—something someone might need daily to feed a habit. It's big at the clubs, college campuses, and shit like that.

I could definitely fuck with that again, too . . . make even more fucking money.

And it's not like dope or blow, and they're actually cracking down on Special K right now, which is wider spread than X.

Ecstasy is new. Its popularity stays growing and growing, and there's no true top dog in that market at the moment, that I knew for sure. It's still hard to come by, too, and that's why it can cost up to thirty bones for one tab—for two to three hours of feeling nice, the high of a lifetime. It's worth it to those who enjoy.

That could be me—X-Man of New York—and I wouldn't have to lift a finger.

Aggravated, I groaned as I tore out of there, needing to get those thoughts out of my head.

But, seriously, I still have just as many connections as I used to.

It'd be so fucking easy.

I could see it clearly.

I could get Bella and me out of that shit neighborhood—get us a house someplace nice, get her away from all the garbage.

We could move closer to her school . . .

And maybe if it was just us, she'd want—

I had to get those thoughts out of my head, too.

All those thoughts never left my mind, though.

I knew what I had to do. A part of me has always known, knowing I'd get back in the game sooner or later.

Money needed to be made, so I could make a few moves.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **


	28. Misconception

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Misconception**

Since I promised Bella I'd be back early, I didn't stop by my father's house like I'd wanted to. I doubted he was home, too, probably someplace with Esme or sleeping, but I had this overwhelming need to speak with him.

I'd also told my woman we'd go to the movies, which was the last thing I wanted to do...

_We might be too late to make it to one anyway._

Amongst everything else I _didn't_ do . . . I didn't drive straight home either.

I drove around for a while and listened to the radio, hoping to clear my head, maybe sort through some of my thoughts.

It worked...kind of. Well, not really. I couldn't make sense of my thoughts, but I was able to relax a bit.

After calming down, I started to make my way back home.

When I pulled into the driveway, it was a little past eleven, and I saw Bella sitting on the stoop with Irina and Kate.

I wasn't upset. She was safe, chillin' in one of my tees and sweat pants, and she was smiling and laughing, looking happy.

It made me grin as I tucked my piece under the front seat.

Then I rushed to get to her, like I always do, despite the doubts and all the uncertainty that plagued me earlier.

Bella seemed to be having a good time, yet she frowned when she caught Kate staring at me. It was an awkward moment, and I'd felt Kate's eyes on me, while I only had eyes for my woman.

"Hey." I ran up the steps to peck those lips; she tasted like booze.

"Hi," she whispered, looking slightly around me, and I stared down to the bottle in her hand. Bella was drinking a forty-ounce St. Ides Special Brew.

"What's that?" I laughed as I lifted it to take a swig, and it reminded me of being mad young—swiping one from the corner store, chillin' in the street. That was the 80s. Shit's different now. You can't just walk around with a bottle no more unless you wanna get harassed by the pigs; however, you shield it with a paper bag, and it's all good.

It baffles me—how they cracked down on some dumbass shit, trying to clean up this city.

Sunset's behind, or officials just don't give a fuck, but other places are built-up.

There aren't as many junkies, hookers, and hustlers around since they're constantly chased away by cops . . . _in those other places. _

Cleaning graffiti has actually become a career—a city job.

It costs an arm and leg to live in Lower Manhattan now, when you couldn't pay people to even go there back in the day.

The Daily News—the newspaper—costs fifty cents now; subway fare has gone up along with bridge and tunnel tolls.

Technology, or whatever-the-fuck Jasper called it, is everywhere—becoming more affordable.

A few weeks back, Bella was bitching because the VCR jammy in the living room ate her tape, and I couldn't even help her. Before I was locked up, I stole a few Betamaxes, sold them around the 'hood, kept one.

We'd steal records and cassettes from the local record store. Compact Discs…they've been around for a while, but who has a CD player? They're expensive—are only catching on now.

Music in itself has changed, too. Hip-hop and rap are on the radio, when they were mostly underground years ago—they call all that shit old school now.

Once again, there have been _a lot_ of changes in the past eight years, but many things have remained the same.

"It tastes good." Bella chuckled, belching under her breath.

I grasped her chin and searched her eyes. They were glassy and yet alight with happiness. "You drunk?"

"Tipsy…maybe." She snorted. "But…" Bella glared at Kate again.

"We should go," Irina said. "Just wanted to have a drink with B for her birthday." She held her hand out to slap it to Bella's. "See ya." Irina grabbed her friend to run down the steps to the sidewalk.

"Goodnight, Edward."

I heard what'sherface, but I didn't acknowledge her.

"Goodnight, Kate!" Bella spat.

I kept my back to them, and my girl was still staring hard. "What's that about?" I asked her, getting a kick out of it.

Bella pouted. "She was cool, and then you show up, and she gets all…whatever." She rolled her eyes, pulling on the railing to stand. "I gotta watch that bitch."

"No." I caught her before she stumbled back. "Yeah…you're_ just_ tipsy." My tone was sarcastic, and I held her bicep, helping her into the house. "You can trust _me_—don't gotta watch Kate…I wouldn't fuck her nasty ass with Emmett's dick."

"Emmett's dick!" she guffawed and then kept on laughing.

I chuckled. "It wasn't that funny."

She giggled, blowing out a breath. "I-I haven't had a drink—nothing—in so long." Bella started to crawl up the inside staircase.

"Cut it out." I knew she was being silly. "Walk right."

Bella just cracked up, and I grabbed the bottle from her again. She'd only drunk half, and with how small she is…and I remembered getting fucked up on just one of these . . .

"You're drunk." I smiled.

She fanned a hand in front of her red face, still laughing.

"Come on, baby." I gathered her into my arms and brought her upstairs.

The living room reeked of weed. Emmett and Jasper were playing video games with the radio going.

Bella urged me to take her straight to the bathroom so she could pee, and I did that before going into our room.

Thirsty, and because I didn't want Bella to get sick, I drank the rest of that shit—guzzling it down. It kind of went to my head, and I felt a little something, but it wasn't enough to even warrant a good buzz.

Sighing, I took off my T-shirt, and then I went to grab a Heineken.

Bella could chill with me if she wanted to, or fight Jasper for a controller—play some Sega—but all I wanted to do was relax in bed with a beer, maybe puff.

I was just settling down when Bella entered the room. "Hey!" She seemed energized now.

"'Sup?" I sipped from my bottle.

She closed the door to lock it. "It's my birthday soon."

"It is," I said, glancing to the alarm clock, but then my eyes traveled back to Bella with a quickness.

She was shimmying out of her sweats, her panties falling with them, and she was coming toward me as she did all that. It was sexy, but I was a little wary, too—hopeful she wouldn't fall and bust her drunk-ass.

"Ready for me, Mr. Cullen?" she hiccuped, raising a knee to get on the bed.

"Mr. Cullen?" I chuckled, reaching out to palm her beautiful face. "Gorgeous."

She giggled as she continued to crawl on top of me, straddle my lap. "You know what'd be awesome?"

I groaned, moving the T-shirt to roam my hands up her thighs to hold her ass, enjoying the feel of her on me. "What?"

She sighed, caressing my chest with her soft palms. "You're so fucking...sexy. It kills me."

"Kills you?" I quirked a brow.

"Yeah...I look at you, and I just . . ." She trailed off and met my gaze. "You came inside me before."

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

Bella's hips slightly rocked against me, her fingers weaving into my hair. "I keep thinking about it." She stopped talking, content to run her hands up, down, and around my torso, which was giving me a hard on.

Even so, I was waiting for it.

Drunk or not, I bet she's pissed.

"Oh...and you left this." Bella moved her hair to show me her neck, and I winced. It didn't look like a hickey—more like a big bruise now.

"I'm sorry." I ran my thumb over it.

Bella shuddered but recovered, reaching down to undo my belt. "I need it—real bad. You gonna give it to me, Mr. Cullen?"

I stopped her, confused. "Uh—"

"You own me," she whimpered, squeezing her tits. "It was so hot—you claimed me."

I furrowed my brow. "How many of those brews did you have?"

"I'm not drunk-drunk, I swear." She scooted lower, going for my belt again.

I slouched back, letting her as I drank my Heineken.

"Yeah, drink more." She pulled my zipper down. "Maybe-maybe then we can do some real kinky shit. The real kind, yeah." She nodded.

"The real kind?" Even though I was still confused, I laughed as she started to jack my dick. Bella's just too fucking cute sometimes—all the time.

"I don't know, but I bet you do. We could watch a porn and do everything they do. You can be Mr. Cullen, and I'll be your student. And you teach...sex things." She stared at her hand while it worked my cock. "Hmm. I'll try anything. I'll do anything. As long as I do it with you...it's not wrong." Bella backed up a little more, bending her head.

"That's hot." I thought that role play shit sounded really fucking hot. _Christ_. "But I like everything the way it is—"

"Me too!" she shouted. "I love everything we do, too. You-you never come inside me…or my mouth, and I want that. I dunno why, but I do—come in my mouth this time." She sucked me back deep, and my hips rose from the bed.

"Bella—" Yeah, I was rock-hard, but my head was still fucked. Even more so now that Bella thinks my behavior was okay. I mean…I didn't know what to think, but I was glad she wasn't angry. Earlier, I was fine with how I'd reacted, but now…?

I should have spoken to her or something, broken my feelings down before I acted.

That's not really me, though.

However, I've been trying my best to think before I do.

And now I realize that I might have overreacted . . . No, I _definitely_ overreacted.

Bella licked down my shaft, her eyes locking to mine. "I'm not worried about getting pregnant."

"You're not?" I raised a brow. "You wanna baby?" I didn't even know what I wanted, which just solidified it—what I did before was dumb.

But if Bella wants a baby…

I could fuck with that. I'd work, she'd stay home…we'd get married.

She'd be mine forever, and that was the only thought I had before.

As long as it was something _she_ wanted, though, I wouldn't tell her no.

_Mine forever. _

Bella started to jack my cock even faster. "I've been on birth control for—"

"What?" I pushed on her shoulders. "You—"

"I asked my doctor for them, a long time ago, just in case, and he never told Renee. I didn't…" She frowned. "I wasn't having sex, but I was afraid…because of my mom. I'm not stupid," she giggled again, placing her mouth on me once more, making me forget.

I groaned, pushing her head down a bit, needing to get farther in there.

Bella gagged, and I pulled her up, remembering . . .

"You—you didn't tell me." I panted, placing my bottle down on the nightstand. "You—"

"I didn't hide it either," she said. "They're always in my purse, and I know I must've taken one in front of you once. We never spoke about it…and I don't mind condoms." Her eyes fell away from me. "To be honest, at first—when we were first together—I didn't wanna tell you. If you knew, you'd wanna do it without condoms, and...I didn't-didn't know if...like if I could trust you? There's so many things out there." She slurred a little. "But now that some time has passed, and you've been tested...and I trust you, I've been okay with you not using one. But then you always put a rubber on anyway."

I nodded, and I couldn't believe that I was a little sad at that—hearing that. "Um…" I grabbed my cock, placing it back inside my boxers. "I just—wanna chill tonight."

My head was full; I thought it might explode. All the shit before I left. That crap with Demetri, and now...

Bella being on the pill isn't a bad thing, but...

I just didn't know.

She never breathed a word about it. To me, her reluctance to tell me, thinking I'd just miraculously know . . .

Her omitting that fact—intentionally or forgetfully—was the same as lying.

Bella gaped at me. "But…I was just being honest. I don't understand."

"Neither do I," I whispered, shocked at myself. While my body betrayed what I was saying, I didn't feel like fooling around. "You lied to me."

"No, I didn't." She shook her head, and she tried to go for my pants again.

Wordlessly, I pushed her hands away.

"If I would have told you in the beginning, you wouldn't wanna use condoms. Using rubbers and the pills...it's safer. And I can't say no to you. I would have let you...when you could'a had anything. I couldn't tell you from jump, but then...when I trusted you, I let you...I let you fuck me without one—no matter if you pulled out, and you never even asked my permission that first time, but I didn't stop you. I never stop you. I never say no, and you say whatever." Her face crumbled, and she started crying before she curled up on her side.

"Baby…" I sighed, placing my hand on her hip. "Why are you crying? Talk to me some more." Needless to say, I felt like shit after that rant. Most of all, because she was absolutely correct. Had I known? Forget about it. I'd never put a rubber on.

She rolled over. "You're upset—you want a baby."

"No," I said. "I just want you."

"Why are you upset?" She clawed at me. "I'll stop taking them—"

"No." I leaned back to look at her. "Relax."

"I wanna get married and have babies someday. But if you want that now, it's okay." She hugged me tight.

I shook my head, staring up to the ceiling, and I reminded myself that she's drunk, to be patient...to be all the things I've been trying to be.

"I'm not too young. I know I want you, and that's not going to change. So, why not?" She sobbed into my neck. "We could never be like Renee and Charlie—"

"You went from not wanting to be around me and now you're talkin' marriage? Babies?" I laughed, and I hadn't forgotten about our argument from earlier. "You confuse me." I was speechless, trying to keep my anger at bay.

Since I've met Bella, she's changed in many ways—I've changed, too, for the better. She's tougher to the outside world while being totally submissive to me at times. I try my hardest not to take advantage of that—knowing she's very impressionable.

And my behavior before I left…

I felt guilty for placing that kind of pressure on her.

But all those fears I have…they're _very_ real.

"I always wanna be with you." She crashed her lips to mine. "You need to believe me, and I'll do whatever it takes to make you believe me. I'm yours…forever." She sniffled, and I smiled wide.

"You promise?" I nuzzled my nose to hers.

"Always." Her fingers wove into my hair. "You act like…_you're_ lucky, but I'm lucky…because I have you…a man who cares so much, a man who…Christ, Edward, when you touch me…I mean, I came alive when I met you. I don't—don't need drugs or anything. You're my high. I live _just_ to be with you. And I hate being alone—without you. I thought if I was occupied until you came back—going out was so I wouldn't feel alone, sad without you."

I grinned, resting my forehead to her chin, and I wanted to believe her words.

"Believe me," she begged, holding my jaw and making me look at her. "I know I'm young, but I know what I want—that's you and our future." She moaned, kissing me deep and reaching for my dick again. "I need it."

I blew out a breath; she got me going with that kiss again, and she was frantic. "Go 'head," I whispered, folding my arms behind my head.

Regardless of my thoughts, regardless of the fact that we should talk some more, I wasn't going to deny her.

Because she was right; she _never_ denies me.

Bella stroked my cock a few times, and then she climbed on top of me—panting and wearing a hint of a smile, rushing to fuck me.

It was actually...adorable and sexy, which made things fade away.

As soon as she sat on it and I entered her, my abs stiffened. But I couldn't focus on myself, staring up at Bella as she started to ride me—watched her get lost on my cock.

"Oh my God…" She tossed her head back, going faster, digging her nails into my chest for a few and then she calmed down. "This is my cock—I need—it—sometimes." She sounded all nonchalant-like and too fucking cute. "I—I—need—you!" Bella bared her teeth, gripping the headboard.

My eyes widened, and I tried to control my own breathing.

But then Bella slowed only to stop and tear off the T-shirt. "Suck my nipples." She bent low, letting me have one, and I bit it to lick it between my teeth—eliciting this loud-ass moan. "Yeah, yeah, yeah…" she whined, close.

My finger went right for her clit, making circles, and then she grunted—her body stiffening and yet shaking as she came. "Oh…" She shuddered, opening her eyes to smile at me.

I sat up, holding onto her hips so she didn't fall. "C'mere."

Bella's lips touched mine, and I rolled us over, our bodies still connected. "Yes, now, _you_ fuck me!" she shouted.

"Shhhh." I let out a breathy chuckle. "You drive me crazy, you know that? But I love you...I love you so fucking much, baby."

"I-I've been crazy…since I met you, and I don't care." She was serious now. "I…I'm doing things I never thought I'd do." She squirmed below me.

I grinned, pulling back to slam into her once, making her gasp.

"Listen…um…" She pushed into me. "It's love…I think it's just love…makes us crazy, but I don't really feel crazy." She palmed my cheeks. "I just love you. I feel complete…but you need to get it into your head. I'm not going anywhere."

I gulped, my mouth a bit dry—and I was torn between wanting to fuck the fuck out of her and keep talking. I dug her words, and I needed to trust her.

Just like Bella gave me her heart with no guarantees, I needed to hand mine over.

I thought I did, though...

I needed to trust her.

That was my problem.

"I-I don't trust easy."

"I know." She kissed me softly. "I just hope…one day…"

"Wait…I do…trust you." Every thought in my head told me I did, but… "I don't lock anything away—"

"I'm not going to leave you. I can't…even if I wanted to, which I don't. You trust me with a lot, but not personal stuff."

I hitched her leg to my waist to dig in there deeper for a second, my thrusts quickly gaining speed. "Damn…" I tilted my head to the side, gazing down to her as I rolled my hips. Bella was soaked, so warm, and…

I stopped moving. "I just want you…I want you always. I want your eyes to always be on me. I wanna be on your mind constantly, and maybe I'm old fashioned—I think men and women have roles." I shrugged, leaving her to lie next to her. "I want you to strive and go to school…but I wanna care for you, too." I palmed my face, not even sure what I was saying anymore.

Bella pulled my hands away. "I'm always thinking about you and looking at you," she giggled, ghosting her fingertips over my chest. "Always…you don't even know." She moaned and started to attack my neck with kisses. "Have me…take me." She tried pulling me on top of her. "There's nothing I love more…than when you have me. When you're fucking me…" She jacked my cock again.

"Roll over." By now, I wanted to finish—both fucking and our conversation.

But, no.

I was done talking.

There was nothing to speak about, really.

Bella's mine. She's belonged to me since day one, and I'd just have to make sure she stayed mine.

Like I've been doing…

Bella was fast to get on her back, spread her legs, and I actually left the bed. My jeans were pooled around my ankles, which is never very comfortable. Before I threw them shits toward the hamper, I looked to the clock, seeing that it was a few minutes after midnight.

I dug into the pocket.

"Here…happy birthday, baby." I tossed the ring over to her.

Bella gasped. "Yes!" She scrambled to get to me, and I caught her before she hit the floor—always getting tangled in these fucking sheets in her haste. "Oh, God!" Bella hugged me tight. "Yes!"

"You didn't even open it yet." I chuckled, bringing us toward the center of the bed.

"Oh…" She reached for the box.

With her glorious ass in my face, I hopped up to enter her once. "Fuck…" As I started to move, I watched as Bella opened the box. "You like it?" My hands grasped her hips, and I started to bounce her on and off of me.

She was quiet.

"Bella…" I stopped, bending low to kiss her spine. "If you don't like it—"

"I love it," she whispered, and I saw her place it on her left ring finger.

I smiled, about to gather her into my arms, needing to face her.

She stopped me. "No, keep going." Her voice was emotional.

I pulled out altogether, huffing and sitting back. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She turned with tears in her eyes. "It's beautiful." She hugged her hand. "I love it. Thank you."

"Good." I pulled her legs, unfolding them to hover over her.

Bella hugged me close, tucking her face into my neck.

I entered her, feeling at home and cozy again, feeling fucking amazing once more. My thrusts were hard and yet on the slow side, just enjoying the feel of her, not wanting to let her go, but needing to finish—hoping to get one more orgasm out of Bella before I lost my shit.

When I felt Bella shaking—not in the good way—I backed up to look down at her. She tried to hide her face, but I wouldn't let her.

Bella was sobbing without sound, one of those hard-core cries.

Dumbfounded, I didn't know what to say, or what the problem was. "Baby…calm down." I placed my lips to her head. "Talk to me. Just—"

"It's not—not an engagement ring," she whimpered out.

My jaw almost hit the mattress. "You thought…" I hugged her tight again. "Bella, not yet. It's not an engagement ring _yet_. But this ring…it comes before it." I lifted her hand. "This is what you get before that."

She sniffled. "I just feel stupid."

I shook my head. "Don't." I placed kisses down her neck, those loud and wet ones that make her smile.

But she wasn't smiling yet.

"You wanna marry me?" I asked.

She pouted, her chin wrinkling as she nodded. "So much."

Even if she was crying, she still looked too fucking cute. "Good." I pushed her hair back. "That's good…'Cause next time…when I have _that_ ring, I won't be nervous." I gave her an Eskimo kiss.

"O-okay." Her voice was shaky, and I'd get my hands on one tomorrow if she'd just stop crying now. I hated the disappointed look on her face.

"I promise, baby. Someday soon, and you're not going to know when. It'll be a surprise. I'll ask…I'll have that ring, and I'll get down on one knee. I'll do it the right way," I whispered, locking my gaze to hers. "Okay?" I nipped her lips.

"Okay." She'd calmed down. "I still love it, though. Thank you." She admired her birthday present.

"Cool."

I never seem to do the correct thing, as I still have a lot to learn about life and shit—need to learn how to deal with things, handle certain situations like a human being.

But that…I knew how I wanted to ask Bella.

I'd seen enough movies to know what to do, and I swore I would one day.

I'd do that correctly.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. **

**Please leave me your thoughts.**


	29. The Past

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: The Past**

**September 13th 1994**

We slept late on Bella's birthday. We woke up to her pager going off around noon, and Bella quickly left the room to call whomever back, not wanting to disturb me. She said it was her mom, that Renee invited her over for lunch.

I wasn't invited, but I urged Bella to go.

We scrambled to shower and put clothes on, but we dicked around a bit—not leaving until after two p.m., and then I dropped her off at her mom's before I headed to my father's.

He was busy raking the little leaves off his small lawn when I arrived. Dad looked happy to see me, too.

"Hey…" I walked around the van, and I didn't see Esme's car. "No Esme?"

He grinned. "Not…today." They're moving at a snail's pace, it seems—to me anyway.

"How was your date last night?" I lit a cigarette. "You had a date, right?"

He sighed. "It went well."

My eyes widened. "No details? I tell you shit," I laughed, blowing my smoke into the air.

He bit his bottom lip, looking to the ground. "It's good…" He shrugged. "I don't know what you want me to say, Edward."

I laughed again, reaching over to pat his back.

"You can smoke in the house." He turned for it.

I threw my cigarette into the street anyway. "You got any soda?"

He nodded, placing the rake down. "I was going to throw some burgers on the grill before I put it away."

"Sounds good," I said, following him inside. "Bella's at Renee's."

"Oh." He smiled. "How's that going?"

I opened the fridge to grab a can of Coke. "Fine. They don't see each other often, but there's no beef anymore."

"Good. Very good." He sat at the table.

I pulled out a chair to do the same. "I got her a ring…I gave it to her last night."

"If this is about _Mom's_ ring—"

I waved a hand. "No…I don't know." I leaned back. "Last night, we're fuckin', right?"

"Edward!" He threw his hands up.

I chuckled, but I needed to continue. "I…I was rough—some shit happened beforehand. I had this thought, and I was scared." I studied the wood grain in the table.

"What'd you do?" he whispered.

"I…I wasn't wearing a condom, which is no big deal. She lets me play around before…then I put one on or pull out." I shrugged.

"What'd you do?" His voice was stern now. "Did you hurt her? Did you—"

"No! Christ. I fuckin' came inside her!" I shouted. "I'd never hurt her like that. I didn't…I wanted—" A day later, and I still couldn't process my thoughts.

Dad left his chair to sit next to me. "Just talk…like we used to. Just talk and we'll piece it together." He rubbed my back.

Again, I started laughing. My jumbled thoughts would come rambling out, and Dad would make sense of them. It's been a few months since…

"She wanted to go out with her friends. It bothered me. I didn't want her to go. I had to go out—do something. But she was gonna chill with these chicks that are bad news. You know? I didn't want her going, and she…pitched a fit. Then she took some shit that she said back, and then…it all had me thinking, like I was losing her. I was scared. I can't—"

"Bella's young," he said. "It's perfectly normal to…wanna party at that age, have fun. You can't smother her. What used to happen? Hmm? When I'd get on your ass? You'd act out more—go against me. The more you get on her ass—treat her like a child—the more she's gonna wanna go out to be away from you. She'll be _aching_ to get away from you if she feels trapped. That's not what you want. If these people were bad, then you should have explained that. I know I had better results with you—just talking to you. And I know you want to take care of her. But there's a difference. You're Bella's boyfriend. You're not her parent, and she's technically an adult—semi-living on her own."

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "But—"

"Just because she wants to hang out with her friends…it doesn't mean she loves you any less. Look, I can't predict the future. I don't know what's going to happen, but I believe she loves you. I can see it, and that actually makes me love her even more—how happy she makes you. But you need to trust her—that she's not going to cheat, or…I don't know what you're afraid of..." He paused. "I know I need to have more faith in you sometimes. You're constantly surprising me." He palmed my cheek. "You've grown so much—mostly just because you have something to care about."

I didn't know how to reply.

"For years, I'd pray for you—that you'd care about something, that your heart would soften. God finally answered…in Bella," he whispered. "'Cause now…you have a reason to stay on the straight and narrow. You have a reason to wake up in the morning. You care…which was all I'd been trying to teach you."

"Sometimes…I think I'm going crazy," I admitted. "Sometimes, I don't think or I can't think, and I just do—she's making me insane." My finger poked my temple. "Maybe…maybe I'm not meant to be with somebody."

Dad laughed. "Edward…that's love. That's not a _you_ thing, okay…? Love makes the sanest of people go a little crazy. It's irrational…it's heavy, and it's also the best fuckin' feeling." He touched his chest.

"You love her," I said. "Esme."

He smirked. "I'll tell you something…It doesn't take place in my bedroom, but…" He quirked a brow at me and then he left the table. "I'll be right back."

I waited, and he ran up the stairs.

While he was gone, I decided better and took the hamburger patties out of the freezer. I put those bitches on a plate, starving, and then I went outside to fire up the grill.

I was just dousing the charcoal with lighter fluid when I heard the screen close behind me.

"Here." He held out his hand.

I saw a gray ring box, and I knew what was in it, but I ignored it to fire up the coals—stuck for words.

"Take it," he said.

When the flame died some, I closed the grill and turned to him. "You—"

Dad placed it in my hand. "I'm trusting you…to make the right decision…whether you wait or…The ring's yours." He patted my bicep. "Mom would have loved Bella. She'd want her to have it, and I think she would have disagreed with me." He chuckled, taking a seat.

I pulled up a chair, hearing some birds chirping in the tree. "Disagree?"

"Your mother was…so optimistic, such a romantic. She'd be planning your wedding already." His tone was somber and yet he was still smiling.

"It still hurts to think…about her?" I asked. "Even though—"

He pushed his hair back. "Your mom was my best friend. She was everything. We were kids…we fell in love. We went through a lot together. We grew up together. But meeting Esme as a man, after knowing all that I do now, it's different." He looked to me. "I think I'll always miss your mother, Edward. I don't think that'll ever go away, and I've spoken to Esme about it. With…falling in love with Es…I no longer feel guilty. I don't—" He shook his head. "You were so right—with what you said. Mom would have wanted me to move on a long time ago."

I grinned, because it's rare that Dad admits I'm right. "I'll wait." I opened the box to look at it, the ring.

Again, it's only special because it was my mother's. It might not mean anything to Bella. It's not crazy big. My parents never had a lot of money, but they had love—a dumb amount of love. My mother wore it every day, but…a couple of days before she died, she took it off and gave it to me—told me to save it, that it was good luck to her. Maybe she felt she had to give me something. I don't know. But she was adamant about me keeping it.

"How'd you propose?" I looked back to Dad.

He hummed, standing to flip the burgers. "It was a different time," he laughed. "There was so much change…my God." He closed the grill to face me again. "I was dating your mother. Don't get me wrong. We grew up on the same block. We had the same friends, and we _were_ friends…ever since we were practically in diapers."

"I know all that." I waved a hand. "How'd you ask?"

"I'll get to it…" He looked happy suddenly. "It was 1970…I was seventeen, had to pick a Selective Service—knowing that on my eighteenth birthday, I'd more than likely enter the draft lottery. They were scary times, too. No one that I knew wanted to go to Vietnam. I was decent in school, but…my father wasn't going to pay for college. I was to go into the business with him." He tilted his head toward the van in the driveway. "But I was a boy…a stupid, lovesick …scared fool when it came to your mother." Carlisle started to crack up, slap his knee.

"What's funny?" I smiled.

He shook his head. "I was young…I wanted to…" He waved a hand.

"Oh!" I laughed. "You wanted to fuck Mom?"

"Edward!" He punched my arm.

"What? Didn't you?" I snorted.

He nodded. "She wouldn't…and I tried everything." He palmed his face. "My last resort was…crying to her about the war, telling her how scared I was. I even asked her to run with me—to Canada." He raised a brow.

"You conned my mother into giving up the goods?"

"Hey…if I didn't, you wouldn't be here," he laughed. "We…did it, and then...we kept…on." Now this was hard for him. "And then she was pregnant. I spent every cent I'd saved…and my father helped me out, to buy that ring." He pointed to it. "The first time I asked…Mom said no. She thought I was only asking her because of you. But…I explained…I mean, I even knew from back then. Edward, we were young, but you weren't some mistake. You were just a surprise."

I furrowed my brow, thinking his words sweet, but… "You never went to Vietnam!" I exclaimed.

"My number was called for a physical…when you were a few months old, but no. I never went." He smiled. "You…you can think whatever you want about me. I'm a good, mild-mannered man. I'd like to think I'm a decent father, too—"

"I gave Bella Ecstasy," I said, ducking my head, and I couldn't believe I'd fucking told him.

"What?" he asked. "What's that?"

"You don't watch the news?" I was surprised he didn't know. "It's a new drink." I went on, nodding. "High in alcohol or whatever. She was shy sober…" I didn't know what else to say. "The, uh, the more she'd drink? The more she was all over me." I shrugged. "We had…sex the night we met, and I've been…nuts ever since. I get it."

"You kids move too fast." He shook his head. "I mean, in my day—"

"In your day? You act like you're sixty," I laughed. "And I don't care what you say, people were gettin' busy just as fast, I'd imagine." I had a feeling he was full of shit.

Dad left his chair to take the burgers off the BBQ. "We didn't have this HIV/AIDS, which is scary . . . Sex didn't kill people when I was a kid." He turned back to me. "You've been tested?" He pointed the spatula at me. "In today's world, there's a whole lot more than a baby to be frightened off—having relations without protection."

I nodded. "I've been tested a few times."

"Good." He sighed, closing the grill. "I had to…" Dad walked back into the house.

I followed. "For what?"

He placed the dish down, grabbing a few paper plates and the buns. "Esme didn't believe me—that I'd been single? She suggested it, wanted me to before we…and I still used a condom." He nodded. "Always practice safe sex—"

"I know I made a mistake, but Bella's on the pill, and we're both clean," I drawled, sitting at the table. "You really do treat me like I'm ten years old still." Snatching a bun from the package, I slapped a burger into it. "I know…you had to teach me how to be normal again, but…I know how to fuck. I was doing it before I went away, although I wasn't as good." I chuckled, biting into the burger.

"Yeah…you were sticking that ding-a-ling anywhere when you were what? Fourteen? What'd you know about love or sex or anything back then?" Carlisle's tone was hostile. "You mistook teenage urges for lust, feelings, and when you got out…you still had the same mindset, no respect for women, or for sex, or for anything else—using it as a release, which is disgusting…to me." He placed his hand on his chest. "The biggest mistake I ever made…After Mom died, you wanted me to leave you alone. That was what you wanted, and I wanted to make you happy. I should have never done that, letting you do whatever. Had I known Demetri was sick—"

"He was a drug addict." As far as I know, I think he still uses, but we never talk about it.

"Still…you bonded with him. I thought it was great…No one told me shit. I still don't know—to this day—what my brother was thinking." He banged his fist down.

I placed my hand on his. "It's over." Stuck, because we never talk about it, I actually got nervous. "I was a kid…it was when Mom was sick, and my head was messed up, I guess…I remember I wanted a new pair of sneakers. I knew you were struggling with Mom's hospital bills…I didn't want to ask you for anything, and I was walking up and down Bath Ave…looking for a job." I chuckled. "Jazz was with me. We hit up every pizzeria—thinking we could deliver. D caught up to us, bought us a few slices…talked to us. It was dumb—he said I could make some money, and all I'd have to do is deliver something."

"You had no idea?" he asked, leaning toward me.

"Not the first time. You'd be busy…Mom was in the hospital, and I'd be out on my bike . . . I'd go here, there…wherever they'd send me. The only thing they'd say…which made me wonder…was to drop my school bag and take off. If I saw cops or anyone coming for me. The next time, I looked in the bag. I still had no idea what it was—turned out to be these tiny, dime bags of dope—"

"Marijuana?" he hedged.

"Heroin," I said. "Then…D's friend Felix, who liked me—I don't know—he said he'd give me more money. All I had to do was look out for him—I didn't have to touch anything. Instead of twenty bucks a run, I'd get fifty just for keeping a look out while he hustled—sold the shit."

"Go on…How did you get into—"

I held up a hand, indicating he wait. "After a few months…it was after Mom died, and I didn't want to be in this house, which is not your fault." I looked to him. "I just…I'd met Felix's boss, Aro. He gave me my own corner, my own supply, and then after only a few hours after school, I was making a hundred dollars a day." I counted off my fingers. "It was easy…too easy, and…I got greedy, I guess. That hundred bucks wasn't enough—even if I wasn't spending all that money. I'd save it, buy all new clothes and hide it all from you. I'd steal whatever I wanted, too…But…when I had a lot of money saved, I went to Aro's boss, Marcus…who was a supplier…with all that cash. I wanted my own, so I could get _all_ profits."

I chuckled. "I can't even tell you what was going through my head back then. I could blame it all on D, but…No, I really can't. Then…Emmett and Jasper, my buddy Riley…who died. Remember him?"

"Overdose," Dad whispered.

I nodded. "I'd never let Jazz or Em touch that shit. Riley would deal, I'd deal…He started using…" I didn't wanna talk about Riley; I never do. "And all this time, I was meeting new people—other dealers, bangers—a lot of shady fuckers. I'd constantly get mixed with this or that, and by then I wasn't in school. Then we fought when you found out…" I couldn't look him in the eye. "Demetri was never home, and when he was…he'd be passed out somewhere. I came and went as I pleased—more so. I had friends all over who'd let me crash with them."

"And you still don't know why you did all that?" he asked, keeping his tone low. "You say it's not my fault—"

"It's not," I said. "I liked money…still do, and it was all easy. That stuff…it made sense to me, and…I'd do other things, too, because I felt like it. Because I liked causing other people pain…I was heartless." I stared out the window. "I'll burn in hell for the shit I've done, but…I won't let you blame yourself. Whether or not you forgive D…" That was something I wanted for so long, but after last night… "That's up to you. Personally, Demetri hasn't been my uncle for a long, long time." I didn't know what else to say, and then my pager went off.

It was actually Alice's number. "Lemme use your phone?"

Dad gestured to it.

I stared at him as I called Bella back. Carlisle was quiet, he wasn't eating, and I felt horrible. But he'd ask me all the time, wanting to hear my story, and I edited a lot. No one needs to hear it all, all that bullshit. I tried to be as honest as possible—

"Hello?" Alice picked up.

"It's Edward," I said.

"Hang on," she giggled.

"Hey!" Bella got on. "I'm at Alice's now. It's no rush…I just wanted to let you know. Lunch was…blah. I don't know. But we're going to hit up 86th Street—get Alice an outfit for tonight."

"Okay…just page me when you're ready." I massaged my forehead. "Have fun."

"Love you."

"I love you, too." I hung up the phone to go back to the table. "You a'ight?" I hit Dad's shoulder.

"Tell me about the cocaine in the trunk—how it got there?" He looked to me.

I shook my head. "No…it's done, over with. You know what happened after…the boosted car and all that. I took money from one person, went to pick it up from another, and then I was bringing it back to the customer…got pulled over. It's not important." I picked up my forgotten hamburger and then I placed it back down.

"When you were a kid, I never even thought to lecture you about drugs—"

"What?" I laughed.

As a kid, all that garbage was circulating like crazy. Shit wasn't as regulated as it is now.

_People's grandmothers were getting high and shit._

"Guess…I thought you'd know better." He wore a frown. "I used to hide my reefer, thinking it so horrible, and my son's selling heroin." Carlisle spoke to himself. "Your mother never even drank. You were never around people who—I had no idea about my brother." He sounded angry now. "I knew he was a pervert—"

I barked out a laugh, but I didn't know what he was getting at. "He likes dick…not kids."

"You know what I mean. What a man does in his bedroom…that's his business." He showed me his palm. "When he first became involved with that freak show place—Mom and I'd gone...it was obviously before she got sick, '84?" He furrowed his brow. "That place was nuts. It wasn't like the discotheques or the supper clubs. It was practically filled with men, the funny kind—" he wiggled his hand "—and they were all in costumes, dressed as women."

I covered my mouth as I chuckled. Carlisle sounded so old. "Clubs ain't like that anymore," I explained. "It was…I mean, some places were like that when I'd…be around, when I was younger. But the place he's in now…it's nothing like that. It's actually decent—different kinds of music playing, all kinds of people, bars everywhere. He made a good investment."

Demetri used to be a promoter for Limelight—the spot Dad was talking about—and he'd do whatever-the-fuck on the side. He saved his money, and he bought into Tunnel, along with many others. My uncle was never a skeeve-junkie, really, but he still chooses to handle the shadier side of club management, I guess. Fuck if I know or care.

"Things were just changing again when I'd gone away." I continued. "Heroin…people were still doin' it; they're doin' it now, but…coke was hot in '85, '86…" I pursed my lips. "Fuckin' crack, the poor man's coke. Now…things are different and still the same."

Carlisle hummed. "Just…stay away from it. Don't—I mean, you need money, you come to me. We'll figure something out—"

"I know. Relax." I wanted to stop him from repeating himself for the millionth time. "I live simple…I'm fine money-wise, and Bella's looking for a job. We're very comfortable." I nodded. "I was too young, never fucked with my credit or anything." I didn't know what else to say that'd ease his fears. "Tell me something." I turned in my chair. "You're so quick to pick my brain, and you'll talk about Mom, but…trust me with some info."

Dad grinned. "I do trust you, but there's not much to tell." He sounded like Bella. "Uh, I was at Esme's house for dinner last night…Her ex-husband was coming to pick up the baby, and…meeting him was a trip. I instantly hated him," he chuckled, pushing his hair back. "Instantly. This…irrational…ridiculous dislike; meanwhile, he was polite. I'm not Bianca's father, nor do I want to replace him. But I didn't…like it." His words were slow. "With your mother, I was the only man in her life…Esme has a past, obviously, since we all do. I guess I felt threatened. Here I am, all hopeful, and she has all this history with her ex. She could always go back to him. They have a baby together…" He trailed off.

"Eh, well…" I smiled and landed a hand on his forearm. "You need me to do something—"

"Edward!" He had that tone. "Honestly."

I scoffed. "You never used to bat an eyelash—if I needed a beatin' growin' up." I pointed to myself.

"That's how your grandfather disciplined me. You act like I abused you. One time, I lost my temper." He held up a finger. "Okay, twice. But, come on, Edward. All the shit you'd get into, and then the police coming to ransack my home…"

"I'm sorry," I said.

He waved a hand. "The fighting? You, Jasper, and Emmett—you guys were always getting into that kind of trouble. You had a temper. That? You got that from Lizzie—Mom. She'd…throw shit at me all the time. But the other stuff? I guess, as a parent, you hope for the best. You…hope and/or assume your child knows right from wrong. It is my fault," he admitted that last bit in a whisper. "I should have looked out for you. I should have taught you right from wrong…instead of…slapping you around, calling it a day, and then looking the other way." His eyes started tearing. "During that time…things were such a mess." He gulped, had stopped talking.

"Go on," I encouraged, highly curious, although I honestly don't blame my father for a damn thing. He knows that. He also knows it's truly not his fault, but I can't take his guilt away.

"A week…after your mother passed, I bought a gun." He wouldn't look at me. "I missed her…I-I'd lost my reason, my will to live. I had the gun…and after work that day, I parked the van in the driveway, and then I sat there…I just sat there, wanting to pull the trigger, and I couldn't do it. You…probably would have been better off. After you got into trouble, Em and Anita wouldn't take you in—didn't want you around Emmett—but they would have raised you," he cried. "They would have done better—"

I shook my head. "By that time, I was knee-deep in shit already—riding my bike to Gravesend to sell dope on a corner, skipping school. I was doing that already—before Mom died!" I shouted, having gotten excited. "I told you. I was approached at thirteen, the money came easy, and I kept at it. I was _good_ at it, when I'd never been great at a thing. I was a baby G, hustling, and if I didn't do that stupid shit…" I blew out a breath.

"If I never went away, I could be King of New York by now. It wasn't your fault, and Emmett—his parents are still together; they seem normal. He's a decent man, has his shit together, but he's no saint. I come as I am. Emmett—a lot of people—they put their best representative out first, have so many fuckin' problems. Maybe I'm not the best person, maybe I've done some bad shit, but…and I know it sounds corny…You always stressed honesty, being myself. Maybe I wasn't always honest to my customers, doing shady street business, but everyone else…Bella says I'm too honest sometimes. If you…" I paused to get my words right. "If you can't see a lot of good in me, then…focus on the decent shit—be proud of the little things."

"Son…" He kept his mouth open, but he didn't say anything.

"What?" I asked, trying not to look at his tears, needing to keep myself shut off, unaffected.

"You made mistakes that you've paid for—you're still paying for them, but you're a commendable person. And that's something huge, to me. I'm proud of you every day. Maybe I never sat at a graduation, but the person you used to be and the person you are now? Son, you're not the same person—not at all. When I'd visit you…Edward, you'd stopped being my son." His voice broke. "I'd drive upstate, and I'd visit a criminal—from the way you spoke, your attitude, the heartlessness as you say, you were cold and mean. There was nothing left of you—nothing. There's nothing scarier than seeing someone you love and not being able to recognize them. When you came home…I'd lock my door at night before going to sleep. You were scary…but little by little you were coming back to me. When you met Bella…I still don't know how you managed to pull that off. I'm sorry. I meant…like how you'd appeal to her? But whatever you did, it worked, and then…my Edward was home. You came back. You changed so fast, and every day, every week, you're getting better and better." He smiled.

I didn't say anything, and I kept telling myself not to get offended. Sure, I knew I was a mean bastard. I knew I was a fucking animal, but…I guess it bothered me that my own father couldn't see past that.

"Um…" I cleared my throat. "I was honest…I got her fucked up, but I told her about myself. It wasn't something I put deep thought into. I don't know. I knew she was young…and it's never hard to turn on the charm for chicks—to mack it. When I met Bella, I only wanted to fuck her. I didn't think past getting my cock wet, and she was down for the ride. She kissed me…and I'd never been kissed like that. I got lucky; she was all over me, wanted me just as badly as I wanted her. Feeling like a bitch and shit, I was…Dad, I have no idea. She…awakened something inside me?"

I had no idea what I was saying. "And I was so used to—like you said, using women for a release—that it all shocked me. And…every woman who I'd been with…all they'd know was my first name. Some were my age or older, all…loose. Then…here's Bella, and…she was partying with us, doing all these things, but I saw through it? She could have had any dude she wanted that night—any of them." I nodded. "She wanted me…I-I told her a lot, but…telling chicks about your rap sheet really isn't the best pillow talk," I laughed.

"I bet some women like that," he commented.

I nodded. "Believe it or not, hey…But…with Bella, we hadn't even fucked yet. We were in the cab, on the way home, and…I couldn't stop kissing her. I wanted to make her feel good…I wanted…No, when we got back to my place, _by the time we got there_, I wasn't even all that eager to fuck. I just wanted more time with her, but she…she had other plans, and she was so cute—fuckin' clueless."

"Clueless?" he asked, smirking.

"She was like…half-a-virgin, and I'll leave it at that. But after…once the sun came up, yo…I had no idea what I was doin'. I knew Em, Jazz—someone was goin' to warn her, and I don't blame them for wanting to or doing so. I told her…I was a dick. She didn't judge me, and I was so used to it…being judged and shunned, I tried to push her away, thinking that'd be coming soon, regardless. The shit she'd said, too. Basically, all she wanted was sex or something. I was hurt, and I wanted to hurt her. But I felt like dog shit after. I felt bad when I'd usually forget—not give a fuck. The whole ride to drop her off kept playing on a constant loop in my head. I went to her job…and she was so happy to see me." I smiled.

"She turned it all upside down, and I cared—I was thinking about her _all the time_. And . . . she just brightens my world…simple as that. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. There's nothing I won't do to keep her happy." I missed Bella so much right now; meanwhile, I knew I'd be seeing her in an hour or something. "I won't lie…The first couple of times we chilled, all we'd do was fuck…that's it. She'd never ask me questions either. She'd never talk about herself, which…In hindsight, once we met, did what we did, we started spending every minute I wasn't working, together. I'd started to open up. I just started telling her everything, and it actually felt good to confide in someone…" I sighed.

"You fell in love. Whether it took five days or five months—"

"But I didn't know…It took…very close to a month before I even realized it." I chuckled. "And we don't even fight a lot. Seriously. I can be _such_ an asshole sometimes." My pager went off. "It's Bella…again."

"Go 'head." He gestured to the phone, wearing a bright smile now. "I just want to let you know…I ask about things I already know the answer to because…now that _you're_ different. You might have a _different_ outlook. You could never even give me answers before. Now…? So, I apologize for picking your brain." He squeezed my shoulder.

"It's cool." I stood up to call Bella back.

She answered on the first ring this time. "Hey!" Bella sounded giddy.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Sorry I took so long."

I glanced at the clock, and I couldn't believe it was almost five p.m. "Where'd the time go?" I asked no one in particular.

"Oh, I'm sorry—"

"Baby, relax…I'm just running my mouth wit' Dad. I didn't even realize. Besides, it's your birthday, Bella. Are you havin' fun?" I asked.

"Yeah," she giggled. "I'm…I can't wait to see you. I have something to show you. I think you're going to love it!" She squealed into the phone, which made Alice giggle alongside her.

"You…" I thought Bella sounded way too happy. She's upbeat and silly a lot of the time, but she sounded off, rushing her words, too. "What'd you do?"

"You'll see—"

"That's not what I mean." I tried to keep my tone light while my stomach knotted up. My father was in the kitchen, so I stretched the cord—walking a few steps away. "What'd you take?" I whispered.

"Nothing!" she shouted. "I swear!"

I nodded. "You can tell me…" I faked a laugh. "It's no big deal."

"You're lying, but no. I didn't—I didn't take anything. I can't wait 'til later," she laughed.

"You ready or what? We still gotta eat dinner." I looked back to my father. "You meeting Esme?"

He shook his head. "You guys have fun. I have burgers."

"Carlisle has to come!" Bella shouted.

I pulled the phone away from my ear, she was so loud. "Why?" I was curious as to why Dad had to be there, wondering what Bella was up to.

"It's Saturday, and he's alone. I don't want him hanging out alone. I don't know," she explained.

"Oh…" I looked back to Dad. "Birthday girl says you hafta come."

Dad chuckled, putting his hands up. "I won't argue." He left the table. "Where are we going?"

"Just wear jeans or something." No matter where we go, that's what I'm wearing. "Where do you wanna go?" I asked Bella while Dad ran upstairs to change.

"I dunno…I borrowed sweats from Alice so I'd be comfortable—" She stopped talking.

Thinking back, I knew she was wearing jeans when I'd dropped her off. "You a'ight?"

"I'm perfect—oh, I can wear those." She must have told Alice. "I'm good, don't hafta stop at home. We can go straight to wherever. We just have to figure out where so I can call Jazz and Emmett," she giggled. "Alice suggested Sammy's. They have great Italian—pizza even, and they have those big tables in the back, and it's very casual."

"Isn't that just a pizzeria?" I laughed. "Look…I'll pick you up, we both put nice clothes on. We'll have everyone meet us. We can head to a nice spot in the city. You want Italian? It's your birthday; we go to Little Italy." I smiled wide.

"No…Sammy's has great calzones."

"All right," I sighed, hearing my father come back down. All he did was change his pants. "Sammy's it is. It's still early…You call Jazz and Em, and I'll be by soon to scoop you."

"Six-thirty?" she asked.

"Perfect." I shrugged.

"Love you."

"Love you." I hung up the phone. "I wish…she'd make up her damn mind sometimes," I told my father. "It's her birthday, you know?"

Dad didn't reply, too busy cleaning off the table. "Where are we going?"

"Sammy's on Third. It's in Bay Ridge." I sat back down. "They serve booze, and they'll serve anyone wearing shoes and a shirt. We'll be fine." I plucked at my t-shirt, knowing I still had to change before we actually went out later. "Yo, did you wanna check out D's spot? I'm not saying talk to him, but…and why aren't you seeing Esme tonight if homeboy's got the baby?" I spluttered.

He paused by the sink. "We…had a small argument."

"Call her up." I couldn't imagine what they'd fight over. "Invite her."

"I'm giving her space." He faced me. "When she wants to talk, she'll call."

"Huh?" I stared at the man like he had five heads. "Who did the wrong? If you fucked up, you should'a called her and shit. You're only digging yourself a deeper grave. I'm just sayin'." I showed him my palms.

"I didn't do anything." He pointed to himself. "Last night, after her ex came by, I…stayed the night."

"A'ight." I nodded, proud. "That's what's up."

He ignored me and continued. "We went to breakfast this morning, and we were just talking…With us getting closer, she wanted to talk about the future. She asked me if…I wanted more kids." He stared down. "I don't want any more children…I feel I'm too young to be a grandfather—" he gave me the stink-eye "—and I'm too old to have an infant?" Dad grimaced, shaking his head. "I also don't know if I'd ever get married again…I couldn't answer that one, but I was straightforward about the child issue."

I held back my eye-roll. "Dad, you're not old, so chill-the-fuck out about that shit. Women can still have babies at your age. You're not old—forty is nothing."

"I'm forty-one. Nevertheless, she accused us of being back to square one." He shrugged. "She ranted and raved—pretty much jealous of a dead woman." Carlisle groaned, shaking his head. "I didn't mean—"

I wasn't upset at all. "It's cool."

"She told me…I could never love her the way I loved your mother. But it's not about more or less or my reluctance to move on anymore . . . It's different: what I had with Mom vs. what I have with Esme. Plus, she's still young. She's only thirty-four, and even though she's divorced, she…would like to get married again, have more kids. And I do care for her. I told her…that I did in fact love her, that I'd fallen in love with her…over breakfast. But then…I bowed out." He gritted his teeth, angry, but he let it go very fast. "I told her…if she could make it work with Bianca's father, or someone else…she deserves what she wants, and since I feel the way I feel, she shouldn't waste her time."

"You guys broke up?" I shouted, sitting up.

"I've been trying not to think about it," he whispered.

"You could have told me before—talked my ear off." I didn't know what to say.

He placed his hand on his chest. "I know I did the right thing, and I asked we be friends…So, she'll call when she's ready." Carlisle was very calm for someone who has a broken heart. Or, was it really broken?

"Look, we'll get dinner…then you come back to the crib, we'll smoke. One of us'll lend ya a shirt." I stared at the flannel he rocked. "Wear your work boots—and you come out with us," I laughed. "Drink a few…I'll…Bella won't mind if we go someplace else. Maybe a bar?"

"I don't want to ruin her plans."

"You won't. I know my girl. She loves you, Pop…She'd rather have you come out for her birthday than…settling on some stupid club. As long as there's music, she can shake her ass with Alice…She'll be happy. We'll go to a bar." I nodded, standing up. "You could pass for like…" I stared at him. "You could so go for thirty-two, thirty-three?"

"I don't have a problem with my age—"

"No." I walked over to him, placed my arm over his shoulders. "Me and you…we're total opposites in a couple ways. You're correct most of the time, and while you disagree with me, I'm also correct on some matters, and we should find a compromise—a happy medium." My grin was so toothy, I surprised myself. "Jasper, Emmett, me…hell, Bella might get in on it, too. We're gonna get you laid tonight—"

He pushed me away from him. "Edward—"

"You're upset. Now you're single. You were hurting for dumb long, then you got some pussy…It's gonna be real hard turning back into a monk." I wiggled my brows. "Also—" now I was being serious "—if you keep living like an old man, you're going to _turn_ into one. Yo, you never partied before—be easy, relax, and have a good time."

"You…When did you get so smart? Because…your half-assed idea came across as tempting." He rolled his eyes. "I'd love to spend time with you kids, but…don't worry about getting me laid. Okay? That's my business."

"But you'll come out?"

"I'm not going to ruin Bella's birthday—"

"It'll be great." I was actually very excited to have Dad come with us. "Let's go, so we can eat and then chill at the crib…" I grabbed my keys from the table, going out the side door since we hardly use the front.


	30. Cake

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA. **

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty: Cake**

Carlisle followed me out to the van, and then we emptied the cargo space, knowing we'd be driving everyone back to the house. We placed all of it in his work van. He actually seemed better—better than when I got there, better after getting some shit off his chest. Maybe Dad couldn't recognize me when I got home, but I know that man very well.

I doubt he'll be going home with some tramp from a bar, but at least I'd show him a good time tonight.

We'd just entered Bay Ridge when Dad turned to face me. "What'd you get Bella?"

"I told you. A ring." I tapped the other one I'd stuffed in my pocket. "Like you suggested?"

He nodded. "That's nice."

I frowned, remembering how heartbroken she looked last night. "First, all she saw was the box—kept shouting 'Yes!', and I thought she was just excited. She thought I was proposing…" I stopped a red light.

"Ouch," he whispered. "But she was saying yes?"

"I felt terrible…but she does love the ring. I told her it was a I-promise-you'll-get-the-real-thing-soon ring." I belched, hitting my chest, all gassy 'cause I'm starving. "She was fine after that, though."

Luckily, I'd hit a green light streak, and I stepped on the gas while I had an errant thought.

"Listen…when you see Bella…Like I said, I got carried away. I…gave her this huge hickey that looks like a bruise…Again, I did not hurt her. She came as soon as I bit down—"

"Edward, please."

"I'm sayin', though. She put this makeup shit on it, and now it looks even more like a welt—like I bopped her on the neck. I just don't want you thinking I hurt her...Christ. I wonder if Renee thinks I . . ." I winced.

Carlisle didn't care to comment on that, asking me, "What kind of cake did you get? I love birthday cake." He rubbed his stomach.

I furrowed my brow. "Um…"

"You did get her a cake, right?"

My shoulders slumped as my head whipped around, looking for a bakery.

"Didn't she get you a cake?" he asked.

"She put a candle in a cupcake." I smiled. "We hadn't been together that long, and Emmett spilled the beans. She didn't know it was my birthday because I didn't think it important…to tell her. You know I don't care for my birthday."

Actually, I just haven't had a reason to celebrate my date of birth for the past ten years. In the pen, it was just another fucking day—another year locked up. What did I care?

"Even so, you have to get one—look, there's a place." He pointed. "We can eat it at the restaurant or back at your house."

I agreed as I pulled over.

Having always loved the smell of bakeries, I kept inhaling deeply through my nose as I gazed at all the cakes.

"Can I help you?" this chick asked.

I nodded. "I need a birthday cake—one that'll feed like ten people?"

"Well, most you see here feed ten." She gestured to some round shits. "The strawberry shortcake is popular." Knowing Bella wasn't a fan of strawberries I scrunched my nose.

Then I turned when Dad joined me.

"What do I get?" I asked him.

He smiled at me. "I think you're cute—how whipped you are, and I don't mean it as a bad thing." He patted my back. "I think it's fantastic."

I didn't comment.

"Good evening." He smiled at the chick behind the counter, and she grinned right back. Pop can front, but he has game—with that gentleman shit. "We need a birthday cake—make it half a sheet cake, the real whipped cream frosting, half golden butter, the yellow cake, half chocolate, with chocolate pudding filling."

She smiled even wider. "You must know your way around cakes, huh?"

"It's a been a while, but my wife used to have birthday parties for this one." He placed his arm around me, and he ruined it, talking about Mom again like she's just at home, waiting for us.

I truly felt for my father, knowing how confused he must be. But it sounded like he had a great thing with Esme. What's the big deal? Getting married and having another kid at his age? I bet it'd be so easy for him. Carlisle already has a house that he owns. He's settled with his business, and he makes a decent living. Dad raised me. Despite the dumb shit I've done, he's a great father, so he knows what he's doing in that respect.

What would be the big deal? Move Esme in, knock her up, and they live happily ever after? He'd never be lonely again, I thought.

Homegirl cleared her throat and started writing shit down. "We happen to have one all ready. Did you want something written?"

Dad looked to me.

"Uh…Happy Birthday." I nodded. "Bella…Happy Birthday Bella."

Now she was smiling me at me.

Dad must have caught that. "It's for his fiancée." He added.

She nodded, walking into the back.

I turned to my father. "Who are you? All talkative and shit…?"

He chuckled. "I'm trying to…relax." He leaned into me. "That one seems desperate, and you—she seemed to be checking you out."

"Not me," I said.

"I trust you, Edward," he whispered. "I just…I'll always look out for you." Now, he was confusing me even more.

"Yeah, whatever…How much you think that'll cost?" I took out my wad of cash, wanting to count it out. He stared at my hands wide-eyed, and I knew why. "I brought a lot—thought Bella might wanna shop for her birthday, too. But she goes nuts for Salvation Army clothes." I grimaced. "She's gets excited if she finds a steal at two bucks."

Carlisle sighed. "Now, you like your name brands, but as a boy, you grew up wearing my old clothes. Your mother would shop there, too. Nothing wrong with it."

I didn't say anything, as that chick had worked fast.

Surprised, because of the color of the lettering, I smiled, thinking it was perfect.

Red is Bella's favorite color.

The cake was large, too—looked like it could feed around twenty or more, but with Dad, Jazz, Emmett, me, and the girls—I had no doubt it wouldn't go to waste. It also didn't cost as much as I thought it would.

Dad turned to me before entering the van. "I'll hide it in the back. We'll have it at your house."

"Sounds good." I hopped into the driver's side, quick to start the engine.

/=/=/=/

When we pulled up to Alice's, they were waiting outside, and Bella wondered what took so long.

And she was wearing these spandex pants.

I thought shorts were bad, but spandex is going to be the death of me.

This time around, though, I wasn't as focused on the attention she'd get. I just kept staring at her thighs. My baby didn't look bummy; she looked cute—very happy. Her hair was up in that messy bun she rocks when she wants her hair to be curly later on—she told me that. She wore these large hoop earrings, sunglasses, and her pink lip shit with this semi-long fitted tee. It was actually a Teddy Ruxpin tee, while her outfit looked like something they'd rock back in the '80s.

Broads were wearing funky shit like that before I'd gone away.

I'm way too obsessed with her clothes . . .

She sat in the back with Alice, but her cake was hidden _way_ in the back, which was cool.

We got to the restaurant in no time, and we quickly got a table. As soon as our drinks arrived, Jasper and Emmett came through. We were fast to order, and all we got were two large pies with different toppings, and a couple orders of garlic knots.

I was disappointed, as I wanted to go somewhere classier for Bella's birthday.

But she was happy…

And that's all that mattered.

Alice was dressed for tonight, so she was coming back to the crib, too.

Before we arrived at the apartment, Dad suggested I make a stop. He needed something. We waited, patiently, and I curiously, since he'd gone into a liquor store. Then he came out with a bag before entering the Hallmark store next to it.

Bella couldn't see him, because she was in the back giggling with Alice about something, but I bet he stopped in for a card.

That made me smile, that he cared enough.

Dad came back to whisper that he'd bought some champagne to go with the cake, a card, and a little something for Bella. Now, I peeped a gift bag, too.

Everyone was fast to pile out once we'd pulled into the driveway. Jasper actually missed Alice so much, he tossed her little ass over his shoulder, and he didn't stop until they reached his bedroom.

As much as I tried to shield it from her, Bella spied the cake box before I could sneak it into the kitchen. She just smiled, otherwise pretending she hadn't seen it.

Carlisle gave Bella her gift.

Her face blazed red as she kissed Dad's cheek and thanked him very much—told him he didn't have to, all shy and shit.

"I wanted to." Dad held her face, just placing a hand under her jaw, like I do.

I smirked at them, their exchange warming my heart or some shit.

Bella smiled wide up to him before peeking into the bag.

"It's really nothing big." Dad sat on the couch. "You can…open it whenever." He winked.

"Huh?" Bella giggled.

"You seem embarrassed," he whispered, but Emmett and I still heard him. "You don't receive gifts or compliments too often, do you?"

I was taken aback, wondering where the fuck that came from. "She gets plenty of compliments from me." I poked my chest.

Bella covered her smiling mouth, and my father never replied.

"I compliment my woman. She knows she's beautiful." I placed a smooch on her cheek.

"I believe you." Dad chuckled. "But…it was just a general assessment." He looked to Bella. "It's not a big deal. Pay this old man no attention."

"Old…" She scoffed and shook her head—like I did—while she sat on the recliner to dig the card out. She read it to herself, getting a little choked up in the process. "That's so sweet." She tackled him with a hug again, and he laughed, and I knew it'd only taken him thirty seconds to fill it out. I was there. "Read it." She handed it to me.

I actually placed it back into the envelope. While I'm always nosy and curious when it comes to anything Bella, I didn't want to make Dad feel weird. "It's nice." Still, I'd glanced at it.

"You didn't even—" She stopped talking and took a white cardboard box out. Bella furrowed her brow, looking between Carlisle and me as she opened it.

Inside, there was a jewelry box. It was porcelain, and it had Cinderella and a few mice on it—and it played music.

Needless to say, Bella went bananas over it. She hugged it to her chest, telling my father it was beautiful, thanking him again before running into the room to put her jewelry in it.

_Adorable. _

Dad got comfortable in the living room with Emmett, set to watch television until we were all ready.

I offered the shower to Bella first, but she actually declined. She was clean, her hair was cool, and I didn't even ask questions. I wasn't even curious until she said she _couldn't_ shower until tomorrow. Then she went on about how she's not so sure about taking the X tonight. She liked the idea of us all staying local and checking out a bar.

Knowing I'd get her liquored up, too, she said she'd be fine with having drinks and taking a bong hit.

That…I thought that was really cool. Sure, all week she couldn't shut up about Tunnel, rollin' with me again, but this change was cool, too.

Although I wasn't going to stop her, I wasn't going to encourage her to take that shit either.

It was her choice, her birthday, and I knew I'd keep her safe no matter what we ended up doing.

When she was through with her rambled rant, I sat back on the bed to hold her waist. "You sure you didn't do anything? Baby, you seem…jittery and—"

"I'm happy? I'm not allowed?"

"Of course you are." I rested my chin to her stomach, my hands palming her ass.

"Easy." She winced, squeezing my shoulders, like I hurt her.

I eased up, fearful. "What—"

She cut me off. "Um—"

"Bella!" Emmett shouted for her.

I stopped her from turning to him. "What's wrong wit' your ass?"

"Nothing," she said.

"Yo!" Emmett again.

Our door was open, and so we just peeked out.

"Your friend's still coming? Have her come here." Emmett seemed…hopeful?

"What's that about?" I looked to Bella.

"Oh," she giggled, closing the door and turning to face me. "Alice's neighbor—the one we went to school with?"

I raised a brow. "The one who ran her mouth because of what Rose said?"

"No...the one Rose ran her mouth _to_. Leah's really nice. She's funny, great personality—"

I knew Bella might want to deck me, but I had to ask. "She's either ugly or extremely overweight."

"No! She's pretty, kinda tall, but shorter than Emmett." Bella went to the mirror to take her earrings off.

I sat there, watching her. "What'd you do today? I know something's up."

Her cheeks flushed, and she wouldn't meet my gaze. "I was never at my mom's—"

"What?" I made to stand, but Bella kept me sitting.

"Lemme finish." She was nervous. "Alice paged me this morning because I had something planned. My mother's gonna take me to a late lunch or something Monday—when we're both done with school." She stuck her tongue out. "I told Renee you might come—"

"Bella…why'd you lie?" I didn't want to get upset. Nope. Nope. Nope. "Why—I mean, what'd you do today? That you _had_ to lie? Or, _felt _you had to lie?"

She put her palms up, ready to plead or something. "I didn't—it wasn't a _real _lie." She bargained through a whisper.

I chuckled. "Yeah, it was…You said you were at Renee's, but you were…?" I cocked a brow. "You know what?" Remembering what Dad said before, I wanted to play it cool. "You're an adult…Um, but don't lie to me. I can't stop you from going anywhere, but don't lie." The thought of trusting her and then—

"Edward, please…let me finish. Don't get upset." She pecked my lips.

I hummed which was more of a groan. "Okay." Again, I had to slow my roll.

"You might think I'm crazy, but I don't care." She stood between my thighs, leaning into me.

I cringed, wishing she'd get to the fucking point already. "Bella—"

"The other day, you gave me some cash. Remember? So, I could get an outfit for my birthday? Well, I only spent ten bucks, which you know because I told you—"

"Bella…" I chuckled.

She continued to speak over me. "I had all that money left over that you told me to keep. But I wasn't going to spend a cent. I put it in your top drawer because I didn't want anything else, but…then I wanted this, so I stole the money back. But you didn't even know I'd put it in there, so it wasn't really stealing—"

"Just stop," I said, staring up to her. "Take a breath. Be easy."

Bella munched on her bottom lip, a nervous fucking wreck, like she was on the hot seat—being interrogated or some shit, and I'd knock her around if she'd said the wrong thing.

Seeing her in such a state actually calmed me down. Well, my anger disappeared, curiosity and anxiety taking over. I was worried and confused.

"Baby, relax." I slumped my shoulders, taking her hands into mine. "Relax…" I wiggled her from side to side. "Just…talk to me."

Bella blew out a breath, her cheeks still red. "I'm not crazy." Her lip quivered but then she stopped herself from crying. "I didn't lie…like bad lying. I'd never…and I'm telling you now."

"What is it? What'd you do?" I asked, the suspense killing me at this point, too.

She turned around. Her ass was in my face, and then she slightly pulled her pants down.

My eyes almost popped out of my head, my heart skipped a beat. "You—" I couldn't talk. "Um…" I didn't want to touch it, but…fuck me. I didn't know what to think either.

At the small of Bella's back, she had a tattoo. It was a two-inch X with a smaller E and a B on each side. I knew what it meant—our initials and what brought us together, the Ecstasy that remains a joke between us both. "You—"

"I have a lot of faith and trust in you—that what you say is true. I can feel your love. I know we're not together long, but…I'm marked as yours…forever," she whispered all that out with quiet tears falling down her cheeks. "I needed…to…I wanted to more than anything. I had you in mind, but it's just as much for me . . . Say something."

All I wanted to do was lay her down, so I could marvel at it for a while. My cock was instantly hard, too, thinking the tattoo itself hot.

She wiped under her eyes, wearing a hint of a smile. "It's sore now…and it hurt, too."

"Tattoos…hurt," was my dumbass reply. "Especially the first…I wish you'd'a let me go with you. I could'a held your hand—" My breath caught when I stared into her eyes. "Bella, Bella, baby…" I palmed her cheeks. "You love me like that?" My heart swelled, and I was so fucking happy. "You—" My words were stuck, too.

"Like that." She placed her hands over mine. "With all the losers my mother's gone through…Last year, I would have laughed if someone told me I'd have what we do now. But I found you." She sounded so sweet, tears in her eyes again, but these were different—happier.

"And I found you." I nodded, staring up at her. "There's a tatt parlor two blocks from here…I'll get your name." I went to stand.

She pushed me down, giggling. "I didn't do it so you would—"

I cut her off with my lips, kissing her deeply, hungrily, but I stopped my hands from wandering too far south. "You start getting ready. I'll be back."

"Edward—"

My mouth crashed to hers again—kissing her sloppily, wanting nothing more than to make the sweetest, most passionate love to her—but I stopped myself once more.

I needed to do something else first.

Bella still had her eyes closed, her lips puckered when I leaned away. "I'll—" I cleared my throat.

She opened her eyes, lust shining in them. "Um…It's not that-that sore. We can—" She started walking backward, gripping my tee and taking me with her. "Fuck me, now—"

I growled, adjusting my cock. "Baby, I _gotta_ go."

She shook her head.

I pried her fingers from my shirt. "Get ready to go. I only need fifteen minutes—twenty the most." Before she could say more or catch me, I left the bedroom—tearing through the apartment. "I gotta run to the store—don't do cake 'til I come back," I told my father and Emmett.

I didn't wait for a reply and stomped down the stairs.

"Edward!" Bella called for me.

"I love you!" I hollered back, on cloud fucking nine.

Rapidly, I walked up the block, and that's when I heard, "I love you, too!" shouted from our window.

I chuckled, picking up the pace of my stride even more.

I felt like—if I enjoyed my birthday—that was the best gift I could ever receive.

Never so sure of anything in my life, I entered the tattoo shop that was luckily pretty empty.

Actually, the dude who took me into a backroom works with Jasper during the week. I didn't remember his name, but he knew me—was nice and polite, and he got his gun ready as I took off my shirt and explained what I wanted.

It'd go between two of my other tats, but I wanted Bella's name on my heart—my left pec—in cursive.

The gun truly felt nice as it started. Already a fan of ink, it didn't hurt at all. And he was done pretty fast because it wasn't that complex. The one I have of my mother's name on my right side and pretty far up near my shoulder; I did that shit at home when I was a kid. That's why it's all funky. The crazy fuck that I am carved out her name with a box cutter, and I went deep before smearing ink into it.

Since I was already here, I had this dude redo it. He knew me, only charged me fifty bucks in total.

Both spots were red rimmed and greasy from the bacitracin ointment, so I didn't bother putting my tee back on.

I wanted the world to see Bella's name there.

Proud, and oh-so fucking thrilled, I walked back to the apartment.

Between talking to Dad and the wild shit Bella did…I felt as though I acted a fool yesterday, doubting Bella, doubting myself and feeling less than.

Bella has_ faith_ in me; she _trusts _me, _loves_ me…she _is_ my future.

I believed that with my whole heart now.


	31. Future

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty-One: Future**

As soon as I approached our building, I peeped Bella hanging out the window.

"Hey!" I shouted, widening my arms and wearing the only huge smile—legit cheesing up to my girl. "I thought you were gettin' ready?"

"Did you do it?" She beamed down to me. "Where is it?"

I didn't answer and then I ran up the stairs—both flights—as fast as I could.

Bella met me at our door to pull me inside, her eyes scanning me over. "Where—"

"It's right here." I pointed to it, and it was a nice size—big enough for her to see right away.

"Edward…" She stared and she started to weep.

"Stop." I chuckled, placing my lips to hers as she cried into my mouth.

Dad was staring at our exchange. "Everything okay?"

"Perfect," I said, holding Bella to me to usher us farther inside. "I forgot—had to stop somewhere." I peeped one of my shirts and a pair of my jeans near my father. Bella must have hooked him up while I was gone. "Why is no one getting ready?" Excited, my head whipped to everyone. "Dad…get dressed. Emmett…" He looked about ready, and I turned back to Bella who was still in those old clothes.

"I just..." She sniffled. "I wanted to wait for you."

"What's going on?" Carlisle chuckled.

I just turned to him, and his gaze settled on it quick—eyes zeroing right in.

Carlisle shook his head as he chanted my name, sitting back. My father obviously didn't approve, but he didn't even like me placing my mother's name on my body either. He's never been a fan of any tattoos. "What…What would possess you to—?"

I chuckled as I gathered Bella into my arms, holding her waist and keeping her back to me. "I wanted my woman's name on me. What?"

Dad just kept shaking his head, leaving his mouth open like he wanted to say something.

"I got one, too!" Bella hugged my forearms to her chest. "Can I show him?" She stared up to me.

I kissed her forehead, letting her go. "If you want…"

"What?" Dad asked again.

"What's goin' on?" Emmett approached while he looped his belt into his jeans.

I couldn't even wipe the smile from my face. "Show 'em, baby."

Bella blew out a breath, facing me now, and I bent over to bring her pants down just a bit—a little bit to give them a preview.

"Youse are fuckin' nuts, man!" Emmett hollered.

"Thank you!" my father hopped from the couch, basically agreeing with my cousin.

I shrugged, looking down to my woman who was still grinning from ear to ear.

After everyone—except Alice who'd gone with Bella to get inked—told us we were crazy, they were fast to get ready to go. Since we decided to stay local, we were all casual, and then we piled into the van, heading to a bar that's right on Sunset's border.

Bella didn't want to go into Bay Ridge, and it took us a minute to find a spot that wasn't predominantly filled with gang members. Whether it be whoever-the-fuck, I just didn't wanna chill around anybody who had affiliations with anyone...I didn't want any problems, but Bella was cool with the idea of hanging amongst those people—the novelty of it.

She received an eye roll from me after that comment—kidding or not.

We found this place on 71st and 8th Avenue that was pretty cool, sort of empty even for a Saturday night.

And I was able to slip the bartender a C-note, so he'd look the other way as far as Bella and Alice were concerned.

As long as they didn't cause any trouble, we were all good. Then I found out Alice had a fake ID, and I could have just gone to the bar _for_ Bella.

Oh well . . .

Bella, since we're out, wanted some fancy mixed drink thing. Before the bartender even finished serving all of us—the both of them—Alice and Bella, had emptied their glasses. They placed their lips to those straws and sucked them down fast, almost within seconds.

They were thirsty and giggly, and Jasper quickly got them another round.

I nursed a longneck.

There was a jukebox, where we were able to play our own tunes. There was also a pool table, and like I said, there were barely any people here.

We had the run of the joint, and we were all having a great time; I was able to relax.

After the past two days, I really needed this—to kick back and chill. I was glad Dad was out with us, that we didn't go into Manhattan, that I was the _only_ E that would enter Bella's mouth…

Before I knew it, I was deep into a game with Emmett. Then I realized that we'd never served Bella's cake. "Fuck…"

"You're beatin' me. Why you bitchin'?" Emmett's a sore loser.

I shook my head, pulling on my smoke. "The cake…I forgot." I turned to smile at my girl, exhaling.

Tonight, she was in a miniskirt, wearing all black with these white tube socks that went up to her knees. She looked cute as hell—standing at the jukebox with Alice, staring back at me.

Emmett sucked his teeth, sitting up onto the table to take a shot I knew he'd miss. "Damn, man." He scratched, making the pool stick hit the felt of the table, as he also looked back to me. "We'll do it when we get home. Where's this girl? Did Bella call her?"

I nodded, blowing out a breath. This chick was supposed to come to the crib, but she never did. Bella called and told her to meet us here.

"I'm nervous, bro. But I spoke to her earlier . . ."

"That chick?" I placed my cigarette into my mouth, leaving it there and going for the eight ball. "Corner pocket." When it slammed into the slot, I threw the pool cue down. "That's how you do it."

Emmett didn't look like he cared anymore, peeping back to Dad and Jasper who were drinking and talking. "Her name's Leah. Bella says she ain't no ho, says she's really nice and shit. I spoke to her for like…half-a-minute. Leah told me that she's thick—Puerto Rican and Irish—that she looks like Janet Jackson."

"Nice." I raised a brow. "That's what's up. Good for you." I guzzled my Heineken.

"I'm kinda nervous." Emmett rubbed his stomach. "You wanna do some shots? Liquid courage?"

"Since when do broads make you nervous?" I laughed.

He looked away from me, shrugging a shoulder.

"Look…I know you see us, and you get how you get…but don't force yourself—"

"Shots?" He interrupted me, like he didn't wanna hear it.

Emmett can see how happy Jasper and I are, and he gets lonely, feeling down in the dumps and shit. He wants a girl, his own woman—not some ho, or a one-night stand—really badly. I feel for him, I truly do, but…

I nodded. "Grab a bottle, some glasses . . . We'll get my father toasted." I slapped a bill into Emmett's hand.

"I got it." He went to give it back. "I ain't that broke." He walked toward the bar.

As I placed my money back into my pocket, I saw Bella coming toward me in my periphery. Of course, she was drunk already—had two or three of those Long Island iced teas, so she's silly, happy, and I was happy for her. "How you feelin'?" I pushed her hair behind her ears.

She giggled, nestling into my side. "I'm great, having fun."

My gaze flashed to Emmett. "When's your homegirl coming through?"

Bella furrowed her brow. "Any minute now. She was getting off of work at nine." It was about ten p.m. now, I thought. "She's excited to meet Emmett." Bella let out a squeal.

"You're too fuckin' cute." I kissed those lips.

Bella hummed, running her hands down my sides.

I leaned away to put my cigarette out in the ashtray.

"What's this?" Bella patted my mother's engagement ring that was still in my pocket. In my rush to get us going, all I did was wash up and put a nicer shirt on.

I took her hands into mine, landing a smooch on each palm. "I love you."

She sighed. "I love you, too." Bella hugged me tight, pulling me down to whisper in my ear, "I can't wait to fuck and stare at my name...on your chest."

I laughed, because I couldn't wait until she was on all fours, when I could fuck her and gawk at her ink, too. "Yo…" I bit my bottom lip, and I couldn't wait to get out of here.

I'd even settle on hitting it real quick in the bathroom, but no. Bella's too good for that, and I wouldn't demoralize her—the woman I plan to marry, the mother of my future children—by fucking her in some filthy bar can. No way. "Are you having fun, though?" I asked.

Coming here was Bella's decision. We could have gone anywhere, to be honest, and this joint was kind of beat—on the quiet side. I love it, actually, but I know Bella likes a more happening, upbeat place.

No one was dancing despite the music playing. There wasn't a crowd. Shit. I'd hoped to hook my father up with some sweetie, but there weren't any chicks here either—just our small group and a few older dudes at the bar.

"A blast!" she shouted. "I have you…and Alice, and I don't need anyone or anything else. You guys are my two favorite people." She hopped to kiss my lips, and then she turned to Alice who was sitting with Jazz now. "I'm having a great time. Thank you."

"Don't thank me," I said, bending low to get those lips again. I kissed her deep, my hands going down to her ass, but this time I remembered to be gentle.

"Don't be too careful now." She giggled into my mouth, and then we broke apart when her pager went off. "It's Leah—she said she'd beep me before she left." She looked for Emmett, calling him with her finger.

My cousin came over with a tray filled with shot glasses, a bottle of tequila, salt, and lime slices. "We ready or what?"

"Leah will be here any minute."

"You've said that before," Emmett laughed, placing the tray on our table.

"I mean it this time!" Bella replied.

Dad leaned back, giving me this shifty look. _He_ looked good, much younger in my clothes that we all insisted he wear. At the crib, he left the bathroom, and we all whistled at him. Dad wanted to put his threads back on, but peer pressure and all that. He was smiling, knew he was fly—in a polo and some loose jeans.

"You're not getting outta this one," I told him. "You never did shots before?"

"Son, I've been drinking since before you were born." He poured himself one and threw it back.

We all hooted and hollered while I banged on the table. Everyone laughed, and then we made a line of shots. We toasted to Bella before drinking them.

"Whoo!" Bella winced, her nose scrunching when she sucked on the lime. "Damn." She sipped her other drink to chase it. "I-I don't wanna do another one." She grimaced.

"You don't have to." I kissed her cheek, collapsing back into a chair as I took her with me. "Maybe we should get you a soda, some water?" I knew my girl was about to hit her limit. She has almost no tolerance to booze, and she'd already had a few—enough to keep her feeling nice for the rest of the night.

"In a minute." Bella placed her glass on the table. "I'll get a soda...just a coke," she agreed with me before she sat on my lap and pulled my shirt back, quick to look down it. "It's too dark in here. I can't see."

"I promise; it's still there." I stared at my beauty, my fingers twirling in her soft hair, and I kept thinking to myself…wondering how I got this fucking lucky.

You know?

It's baffling—shocking—that _I_ landed someone like _Bella_.

Someone so perfect…perfect for me.

Someone so wonderful, adorable, funny, and sexy…with a fucking gorgeous body, face, and heart.

Someone who loves me back as much as I love her . . .

Bella, who loves me _just_ the way I am; my past included.

And she's sure of our future.

I had nothing to fear anymore, knowing nothing could keep us from our future now.

We could move forward...take steps toward that future.

Although...knowing us, I'm sure those steps will truly be leaps and bounds.

_We always have to rush... _

That was the first time I wanted to get down on one knee, immediately whip out my mother's ring.

Alas, this wasn't how I'd pictured it—Bella drunk, and we're in a bar, around all our peoples and shit.

_It wouldn't be the last time I'd want to ask her either._

"You drive me crazy," she said, her finger toying with my chain.

I quirked a brow and palmed those cheeks because I just love holding her pretty face. "Yeah..."

"Do you think we'll always be like th-this?" She slurred her words a little. "'Cause...I like always wanna fuck you." She clapped her hands. "I wanna fuck you! Woot!"

"Shhh." I chuckled, placing my lips to her cheek. "Relax."

"I'm, um, I em-embarrassed you." Her lower lip jutted out.

"No way." I smiled, smoothing that lip down. "It was cute. You're a cute drunk."

She flashed me a toothy grin but composed herself fast. Lust shining in her gaze as she leaned into me. "You...I-I wanna—"

"I know," I laughed again, hugging her tightly.

Bella turned to point. "Right on the pool table! That's-that's where I want it."

I nodded. "One day, we'll have a pool table."

"You just...bend me over and that's it." She shrugged, nonchalant. "End of story. You have at me." She poked my chest. "I'm your woman."

"You are." My heart swelled again.

Bella hummed, angling my mouth to hers for a sweet, too short kiss.

When some rump shaker song came on, Bella left me to go bug-fuck-out with Alice. It was like they shared a brain, had the same thought. Alice left Jasper dumb quick, too, all for them to strut as they walked past the pool table to what could have been a small dance floor.

It wasn't even that Tootsee Roll song that Bella loves.

And it didn't even matter that they were the only ones dancing.

_"Don't stop, pop that pussy. Let me see __you__ doo doo brown…I wanna rock. I wanna rock. I-I wanna rock. Doo__doo brown!"_ Bella and Alice shouted that out shit mad loud, which made my father raise a brow as he watched. _"Doo__doo brown. Doo__doo brown . . ." _And they continued to sing, as they busted some moves_. _I knew the song; it came out while I was locked up, about two years ago.

They looked cute as hell as they danced. Bella and her friend weren't doing any sexy shit—they weren't grinding on each other. Their steps matched, as if they'd rehearsed it—all giggly and moving to the music together.

"Look at them, yo." Jasper sat next to me, bumping his shoulder to mine. "How'd we get that lucky?"

I chuckled as I finally finished my one and only beer. "No fuckin' clue."

Jasper placed his arm around me. "I'm…drunk. I never get drunk. I can't even re-remember the last time. Yo…I'm always higher than a mov'fucka, smokin' my ganj, like you…Like, we be drinkin' beers and shit, but weed and beers…they ain't shit."

"Right." I nodded, getting a kick out of his rambling ass, as my eyes were glued to Bella—ecstatic that she was having a great time.

"You know—" Jazz lightly hit my chest "—the night we-we met them, I bought the X from you…but I never took it, that crazy-ass bullshit. Alice took it…and she don't know that I didn't. I'mma not gonna tell her," he laughed.

Even if I barked out a laugh, 'cause I'd done the same exact thing that night we met, I didn't tell him.

"I'm so twisted right now, though…I bet if I puffed on some trees…I'd die—" He belched.

"No...You'd just fall asleep." I pushed his nasty ass away from me. "Go be drunk over there." Regardless of the liquor, when he burped, he smelled like those garlic knots from earlier.

Jasper cackled, laughing his ass off before sidling up to my father. "Yo, Mr. C, lemme holler at'chu for a minute."

My father leaned forward to look at me.

I smiled, mouthing "He's drunk," to which my father laughed, engaging Jasper into conversation.

The song was winding down; Bella and Alice slowed their movements to catch their breath, and I put my empty Heineken bottle off to the side.

There'd be no more drinking for me. I had to drive, which fucking sucks, but not really. We're out and about, and I'd rather have my head—let everyone else have a good time.

Bella's gaze met mine and then she whipped to the door when it opened.

I was about to stand, but…it was Leah? By the way Bella and Alice greeted her I guessed it was. However, that chick looked _nothing_ like Janet Jackson. She was thick, like Emmett had said, but…Well, she wasn't no dime piece, that's for sure.

"Oh my God." Emmett leaned into me, whispering, "She looks more like Freddie Jackson."

I fucking snorted, trying not to laugh.

"Is Bella crazy?" he hissed, and my girl was coming over with _his_ girl.

"Play it cool," I said.

"Yo…" Emmett reached across me for that bottle, quick to take a swig. "Fuck it." He sat back, suddenly casual, as Bella, Leah, and Alice approached.

Alice actually introduced us all, and Bella sat with me again.

"What's wrong with you?" I whispered.

"What?" She leaned back to stare at me.

I smiled, taking a peek at Emmett and Leah. By now, they were talking. My cousin was grinning, had his mack face on and everything. "You told Emmett she was…"

"Pretty and nice," Bella said. "She's really nice and, and funny, and she's pretty." She nodded, matter-of-factly.

"Okay," I agreed, nipping at her chin.

"You think she's pretty?" Bella asked, and…by her tone, I thought it might be a trick question. I wasn't sure given her drunk state.

"Me?" I pointed to myself, and I knew I had two choices—one, tell the truth and dis her friend. Or, two, lie and say yes, and then Bella will think I'm feeling her busted friend. "Are you trying to pick a fight with me…?" I wasn't sure, and I was sober, so I was glad to have caught that.

"No…no way. You fight dirty 'cause you're my dirty boy." Bella toyed with the buttons on my polo. "I was just asking." She shrugged, her face falling. "Because I think she is—thought she'd hit it off with Emmett, but he doesn't look as excited as he had been." Bella turned to Emmett and that chick. "Hey, you guys...!" She sounded like Sloth from _The Goonies._

They waved to her.

I nuzzled my nose to her cheek. "Don't ask me shit like that again. You understand? I only have eyes for you, gorgeous."

Bella didn't even care, too busy staring at what Alice and Leah were doing. Emmett and Jasper were now talking, the girls pairing off, too.

I squeezed her hip. "Go be with your friends, baby."

She pecked my lips, muttering a thank you before going to join her homegirls.

Seeing Dad at the jukebox, I walked over to join him. Carlisle stared at the music selections mad hard, like he was afraid to make the wrong choice. "You having fun?" I asked.

When my father's gaze met my own, I knew he was feeling good. He'd smoked before we left. He had a few drinks and then a couple of shots. "I think I should call Esme. You know?" He hit the buttons on the music machine.

I shook my head. "Wait 'til morning."

"Why?" He widened his arms.

"'Cause…you're tipsy, feelin' nice. You don't need'a be brought down...or embarrass yourself," I'd whispered that last part.

"I'm fine, and yes. I'm feeling nice," he laughed. "I'm not sloppy drunk." Dad looked over to Bella when he said that. "Watch so she doesn't get sick. She's a little thing."

"She's okay," I said, turning to the bartender. "Yo, lemme get a coke?"

He nodded, quick to pour one, and I plopped a couple bills onto the bar.

"I'll be back," I told Dad, taking the few steps to hand Bella the soda. "Drink that."

"Oh! What is it?" Alice was drunk outta her mind, worse than Bella, and she better not try to kiss my girl—do some wild shit.

_I'd be so fucking heated._

Bella laughed. "Relax. It's just a soda. You-you should drink some, too."

"Jazzy don't care if I get dr-drunk, right?" she shouted over to Jazz, who was so twisted, he probably wouldn't care if she ran out of the bar naked.

"Love you, too!" he hollered back, half slumped on Emmett's shoulder.

My cousin sipped from that tequila bottle—trying to catch up to them, or drink until Leah looked like Janet Jackson. Meanwhile, she just sat there quietly and gawked at Emmett's aloof ass.

It was quite a scene to be honest.

"Thanks, baby." Bella squeezed my hand.

I winked, going straight back to Dad. He was still alone by the jukebox.

"It's nice seeing you take care of her." His gaze flashed to mine, and I didn't reply. "Everybody's rushing to do this or that, and I'm still the same. I could be dead soon." He hit another selection.

I laughed and stopped him from placing another dollar into the slot. "How many songs are you playing?" I asked, and I was quick to add, "You're _not_ dying anytime soon."

"You're right. I'm only forty-one, and I don't wanna be livin' like a senior citizen anymore…I _could_ get married _and_ give her some babies…You want brothers and sisters?" He chuckled, but he seemed kind of sad.

"Hey…" I shrugged, laughing. "Pop, if that'll make you happy...fuckin' go for it, man." I had no idea why he'd ask me that, as if my opinion counted for something. "Tomorrow, you call her…maybe start over. Talk about all that shit a little more—tell her you're unsure but thinking about it, and that you'd like to try to see where it goes. "

"When'd'ju get so smart?" Dad shook his head—probably to shake the slur out. "I'm fine. The way you kids party, man..."

I just grinned at him.

While I was away and he'd visit, Dad would try and talk to me about my mother's death—as if _I_ had a hard time coping, as if that was _why_ I'd acted out. I could never answer him, and to this day, I have no idea why I've done the things I've done. I'm an adult now, and I've long since come to terms with my mother's passing. Truth be told, I don't even think about her all that often, which probably means there's something wrong with me. Too many things have happened since then. I've been knocked down too many fucking times to dwell on shit for too long—and I always try my best to come up swinging every time I've been knocked down.

Elizabeth was a great mother. She loved me, showed me love all the time. We were a family—as regular as anyone else on the block—and then she got sick.

And then she was dead not long after that.

It all seemed to have happened in a blur.

Either way, and by that time, I was already doing my own thing—getting into trouble that had nothing to do with my parents.

My father's still hurting, though—that much was evident—and I wished I knew how to help him.

I spoke to Esme for him, gave her his number . . . which I hoped would break him out of that funk he was in.

Honestly, I didn't expect them to fall in love.

_I just wanted my father to get laid and have a good time for fuck's sake._

"I don't know," he muttered, frowning and stepping back. "I was married for fourteen years…and I thought...I thought I'd be married forever—_'til death do us part_. We had a plan. I was Lizzie's husband and your father, and I thought my life was set—that that's all I'd ever be—and it was a good plan, a _good_ life. I loved filling both roles, and I love you—I love being your father, but...Edward, my life didn't work out the way I always thought it would. I didn't bank on your mom ever...going first."

"Hey." I placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let's not think about that tonight. Come sit." About to usher him toward the table, I leaned in to whisper, "Emmett's not feelin' that chick. Maybe you do, and she digs older dudes?"

"Edward, that's someone's child." He bounced back.

A laugh escaped me.

"I hope you were joking—" Dad paused, raising a brow. "This—this was mine and Lizzie's song." He pointed back to the jukebox, his eyes lighting up.

I shook my head and patted his back. "Come on, let's go sit down." If this was their song, I had no idea—I'd never heard it before. Then again, it's been a long time—most childhood memories have faded.

"I'm good," he said as he started to sway, holding his beer bottle. "I just wanna listen to it."

I scratched my brow with my thumb, watching him get lost in the song. Dad looked to be having a good time by himself, but he wasn't—he truly seemed as though his heart broke a little more each time he mouthed the words.

It hurt _me_ just to watch.

"You're just too good to be true—" Bella sang along, too, sneaking up to slap my ass "—can't take my eyes off of you!" She jumped at me, laughing crazy. "You'd be like heaven to touch." She hugged me tight. "I wanna hold you so much—"

"I love you," I told her, serious in the moment, when she was all smiles.

No matter how much I didn't want to let her go, since I couldn't imagine the heartache of _ever_ losing her, and seeing Dad . . .

I kissed Bella, quick to squeeze her and bring her over to my father, place her into his arms.

Dad caught her, and they both chuckled as they began to dance together.

My smile was huge while I stepped back to watch them—joining Emmett and Jazz again.

"Frankie Valli?" Jasper asked.

"What?" I turned to him.

Jasper clapped. "Yo, Mr. C!" He cackled, leaning into me again. "Your pops is mackin' on your girl, man," he told me.

I rolled my eyes. "No…" They were just dancing—now talking but both still wearing smiles.

"I'm kiddin'," Jazz sighed. "This is beat…You okay to drive? We should go."

"I'm fine…We'll head out in a few." I peeped Emmett chatting Leah up while Alice giggled at their exchange. Everyone seemed drunk. Everyone was smiling and just chillin', and my two most important people—Dad and Bella—seemed happy, too.

_**E**x_**_X_**_x_**_B_**

Whether or not Emmett was feeling Leah, she came back to the crib with us.

It was just before midnight when we all piled into the van again.

Sadly, we hadn't even made it to our block yet, and Bella begged me to pull over.

Thank God, Dad was faster than me, closer to Bella. He held her hair back while she lost the shots, those iced teas. I'd gotten out to walk around to the sidewalk, help her out.

She was bent over, puking onto the curb while the rest of them cheered her on, applauding her. "I'm o-okay." She rasped.

Dad handed me a napkin, and I cleaned her mouth. "You sure?" I asked, rubbing her back, and that's when some more came out. "Damn, baby." It got on my boots.

"S-sorry," she coughed.

I jutted my lower lip out while I stared at her. She looked crazy cute—even sick, but I wondered if we'd even get to the cake tonight.

"Here." Emmett handed me a bottle of water from the front. "For your shoes."

Knowing it was mine from this morning, I opened it and handed it to Bella. "Drink that."

She took a sip and then clutched it to her chest as she nestled back into my father's arms.

"I'll make sure." Dad said.

They were both too cute right now. "All right, we good? Anyone else need to yak?" I asked the crowd, and I received disgruntled sounds. "Whatever." I slid the door shut and ran to the driver's seat.

Either way, by the time we got home, Bella was passed out and it wasn't even her birthday anymore.

She managed to drink the bottle of water, which was cool, though.

Jazz helped Alice into his bedroom. She was drunkety-drunk, and so was he. I was surprised they'd made it. My father plopped down onto the recliner, and I brought Bella into our room—not knowing what the other two were up to.

"I'm sorry," she whispered when I placed her down onto the bed.

"Baby…" I held her hip, thinking she might still be asleep, actually. "Why—"

"Your boots," she sighed, opening her eyes.

"Fuck my boots...You had fun tonight?" I asked, pulling the covers over her.

She hummed as her lids fluttered to a close again.

"Why don't we put your pajamas on?" My lips lingered on her forehead. "And we drink some more water?" I nudged her, hoping she'd get a second wind. I knew she'd have a hangover in the morning if she didn't.

But she never answered.

Bella snored lightly, rolling onto her stomach.

I placed a kiss on her cheek and went to check on my father.

Dad was chill—in the recliner and watching TV.

I sat on the couch and then—to my surprise—Emmett left his room to join me.

"Yo, youse gonna puff?" he asked, and he looked fucked-up, too.

Sighing, I stood up to grab my blunt from my bedroom. "What'chu doin'?" I asked my father.

"I'm fine here." He yawned. "Just gimme a blanket…I'll smoke, though."

I laughed and disappeared into my room. Bella was still sleeping, and I snatched our extra blanket for my dad before placing the L behind my ear.

When I reentered the hall, that chick Leah was looking around. "Where's Emmett?"

"Gimme a minute!" he shouted, and Leah backed into his room again.

I chuckled as I joined my cousin, giving my dad his quilt. "What are you doin'?" I asked Emmett.

"I think...but I'm not 100% sure. I think she wants to fuck," he whispered. "Why else come back here?"

"Maybe she just enjoyed your company? You boys and your egos astound me," Dad said. "Not every woman wants to be a chew toy for five minutes...if that," He scoffed, giving his nephew the stink-eye. "Nor do they feel blessed to be some notch in your belt."

"Ha!" I clapped once.

"Call her a cab." Dad recovered and flicked through the channels. "Take her out tomorrow."

"No…If she's down, I have to." Emmett pursed his lips. "She ain't ugly. I think she's cute. She's stacked, has those hazel eyes I like...I was just expecting Janet Jackson, so it took me a minute to get use to...you know."

"Freddie?" I teased.

Emmett didn't reply.

I lit the blunt, taking a large pull back.

"She's a nice girl, too…" Now he seemed contemplative. "Says I'm the hottest dude she's ever seen. I can't let her down...and she's not some pig. A girl like that? I could totally introduce her to my mother."

I laughed, blowing my smoke into the air.

"Leah also cooks. Her pops owns this Puerto Rican restaurant," he mused.

I hummed to answer him as I continued to smoke, suddenly so tired with those few tokes.

"_Love Connection's_ on." Dad pointed to the TV. "Never fails, everyone is always a douche bag on this show. Em, you should see about being a contestant." He glanced to my cousin.

I coughed through a chuckle, mellowed.

It'd been a long fucking day.

Yesterday was a clusterfuck of an emotional day—plus my own confusion, how I'd been feeling inside . . .

Now I knew that Bella and I were solid. We're happy. We had a great time tonight, and I was _finally_ relaxed—more so than when we were at the bar.

"It's puff, puff, pass, dude." Emmett hit my arm.

"It's _my_ blunt," I told him, puffing away.

"I got this chick waitin'." He frowned, and I thought about giving it to him.

"Don't sleep with her, Em." My father faced us, speaking to my cousin. "You think she's nice? Get to know her. Let some anticipation build, work on the passion." He seemed serious. "Sometimes…beauty isn't always skin deep, and waiting to actually make love…instead of some petty fucking...it's so much more rewarding. It actually means something."

"Now_ that's_ deep—some deep shit." Emmett nodded, pointing to him.

I passed the L to Emmett. "When you're done, give it to this one." I jerked my head to Dad. "I'm goin' to sleep." I slapped my hand to my father's, and he was fast to pull me down—hug me tight. "You need anything, just knock on the door," I said. "It's not a bother, a'ight?"

He patted my back. "I'll be fine. Maybe we can all go for breakfast in the morning." Dad kissed my cheek.

"Sounds good." I turned for the room.

After I kicked off my boots and my jeans, I crawled into bed behind my Bella, gathering her into my arms.

Sleep came easy that night, all my worries and fears flying out the window.

But I knew what I'd start doing tomorrow...

I'd start building our picturesque future.

* * *

******We're almost to the end of this short tale! Higher will be complete at forty chapters, and there are no plans for a sequel.**

******* * The joke about Janet/Freddie Jackson, I borrowed that from the movie Friday! I thought it hilarious and it fit (shrug) * ***

**Thank you for reading!**

**Please leave me your thoughts! **

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	32. Red

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA.**

* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty-Two: Red**

**BPOV**

**November 22nd 1994**

On October 29th, the New York State Lotto jackpot was over sixty million dollars. It was the biggest it's ever been, and that sent everyone to their local convenience stores for lottery tickets.

I was eager, too.

While I have no idea how it works—picking numbers and all that—I chose what's called a quick pick? Anyway, I bought over twenty bucks worth of tickets, and none of my numbers came out.

They weren't even close.

There were no winners that week either, which just increased the amount of loot up for grabs.

I bought more lotto tickets the next week, and then the next…

That was when I decided to hit Fifth Avenue after school. Every day for two weeks, I'd walk along and fill out applications in Bay Ridge. So far, no one has called, and it turns out I'm not qualified to do much of anything just yet. Most places I'd gone to weren't even hiring anyway; I just hoped I'd get lucky.

It's damn near winter now, and there aren't many ice cream places around.

Retail seemed like my best bet; however, I was nervous about being a salesperson. I was wishing for some boring, cash register-type position.

Edward provides for me well, too well, but I felt as though I wasn't pulling my weight. He's still hustling and doing what he thinks he needs to. That knapsack of his has made quite a few more trips. In fact, it seems as though it's always with him these days.

I hope he's still just fucking with Ecstasy, but I can't be sure.

Edward's been affiliating with more people from our neighborhood, and I feared the worst—that he was digging deeper and deeper into the drug trade.

I live with him, but if Edward doesn't want me to know something . . . he hides it, doesn't tell me shit either way.

It grates on my nerves, yet I never say a word.

I'm scared.

Every day, I'm scared of something happening, but I'm not 100% positive of what he's doing.

He still works for Carlisle. He still deals with his uncle…and my boyfriend has more cash than he knows what to do with.

As an HVAC technician…I knew all that money wasn't coming from broken heaters.

Otherwise, our relationship is the same as it's always been. We're happy. We have passionate sex—we make love every single night—and we've grown closer.

I just don't know where his money comes from.

That's why I'd hoped to win the lottery.

Between school, traveling to and from campus, studying, and homework, I figured I could get a part-time gig, which will help out. I know it'll only be chump change in comparison, but I felt helpless.

I knew I had to confront Edward, but I needed a job first.

There was no way I could bitch or moan or even question how he makes a living when I'm not making anything.

That's the way I saw it.

A local clothing shop—V.I.M.—was hiring, and I had an hour until Edward would be home. He hates when I walk around our neighborhood. I know why. I agree with him, but when I saw the Help Wanted sign while I was on the bus…I quickly dinged the bell to let me get off.

Edward takes me to campus every morning I have classes. And I've been taking buses from school because trains are nowhere near Kingborough. It's a hike and a half to the subway, but it only takes one transfer on the bus.

When I entered the store, I peered around for a manager, anyone who looked as though they worked here. But I couldn't tell who was who. No one was wearing a uniform.

The urban clothing boutique had people in street clothes littered here and there.

I walked to the cash register. "Excuse me?"

The blonde chick, who chewed like a sow gave me some shifty look. "Can I help you?" She appraised me and popped her gum.

I couldn't help but grin since this moment felt so awkward—for no reason whatsoever.

Bitches and their attitudes astound me. "Are you guys hiring?"

She rolled her eyes, although I didn't know what the problem was once again. "Terry!" She hollered. "Yo, Terry!"

Following her line of sight, I saw a young black guy wearing a do-rag walking over. "What'chu want?" he asked her.

She tilted her head my way. "Shorty wants to talk to you."

Terry smiled at me, straightening up, and he looked more professional without the swag. "How can I help you?"

"I saw the sign…" I pointed to the window. "I'd like an application, please."

"All right." He nodded. "It's not much…just two or three days a week, afternoons. The position hardly qualifies as part-time. I've had some trouble filling it since most seek more hours. I'm just being straight with you." He rushed that last part out.

My eyes widened because that sounded perfect. "Okay. What position is it?"

He gazed around the store. "Helping customers, making sales…you know." He shrugged. "Do you have any sales experience?"

I was caught off guard, but I tried to remember what I'd written down on previous job applications. "I have a year of customer service experience. I've handled money—worked a cash register. Um…" Internally, I winced since I'd stammered. "I'm in school three days a week, but I'm free afternoons."

"Okay…" He grinned down to me. "Can you stop by tomorrow afternoon? We'll talk more then?"

I furrowed my brow, hoping he wasn't trying to blow me off. "Sure…I can take the application with me and come back—"

"You seem like a nice girl." He cut me off. "But you come by tomorrow with your social security card, working papers, and a picture ID." He counted off his fingers. "We'll get'chu started."

I smiled. "You're giving me the job?" Ecstatic, I inhaled a deep breath. "Really? Just like that?" I snapped my fingers, shocked.

He chuckled. "Yeah…it's been a nightmare finding someone. We'll see how it goes, a trial run."

"Thank you."

He extended his hand. "I'm Terry...the manager."

"Bella." I quickly shook his hand. "Bella Swan."

He nodded, smiling as he looked around. "Okay, Bella Swan. I'll see you tomorrow—around four?"

"I'll be here," I said.

Terry tapped his knuckle to my chin. "All employees have to wear our gear. Tomorrow, we'll also pick some outfits out for you."

"Oh…" I wondered if I'd have to pay for them. The clothes in this store were expensive.

"We'll talk more tomorrow. I actually have to take off. But you have a good night."

"You, too! Thanks again." I turned and adjusted my bookbag as I left the store.

Excited, I skipped along the avenue, and I couldn't believe how easy that was. I mean, I'd been actively searching for a while now.

And I couldn't wait to tell Edward.

The trek to 59th Street only took me a few minutes, and then I turned the corner to walk down to Fourth Avenue. Since the days are shorter—due to winter rapidly approaching—it was already getting dark, and the air was chillier.

I should have worn my heavy coat today, but my red windbreaker matched my red jeans.

_Trying to be fashionable is dumb if you're freezing your ass off. _

What's the point of trying to color coordinate if your lips are blue?

In two days, it'll be Thanksgiving. I have no idea what we plan to do, but I was looking forward to having the long weekend off from school. I have a five-thousand word essay due for English on December 1st, so I hope to bang that out.

About to cross the street, I heard a loud whistle that I ignored.

_Around here, whistling and catcalling should always be ignored. _

"Yo!" some dude shouted.

I had no idea if he was talking to me, but I picked up my pace a bit as I made it to the other side of the avenue.

"Yo…Shorty." Someone tugged on my sleeve, and I hopped back. "Easy, baby." I had no idea who this guy was, but he was wearing a red shirt, and my eyes landed on the ink he had on his neck. It was red-rimmed, which meant the tat was new. And I knew he was a Blood—a gang member—by the symbol represented on his skin.

Once again, I turned toward our apartment, and I could see our stoop from the corner. "Goodnight." I walked even faster.

"Wait up…" He ran to me. "Lemme holla at'chu for a minute."

My heart rate spiked as I shook my head no.

"No?" he asked, humor present in his tone. "What set you from?"

I didn't say anything and kept it moving.

"Yo, Nes!" Another dude hollered. "Don't waste ya' time. That's Ed's girl. Come on!"

Relieved, I actually had a smile on.

"Oh, you Ed's girl?" He nudged my arm. "That supposed to mean somethin'? I dunno no Ed . . . You ain't—" he hopped in front of me to do a sign with his hands, curling his fingers "—a CK Mami?" He meant a Crip-Killer Chick, a lady Blood or whatever. Between listening to Irina and Edward trying to teach me the lay of the land, I've learned a whole new language. "You down or what?"

I'd stopped, looking to his left and his right, trying to see how I could get around him. "I'm not. Just—" I started and shut up, holding onto the straps of my knapsack.

He eyed me from head to toe, and as I got a better look at him, too—he didn't look any older than sixteen. "You're lookin' fly in that color, mama." He hummed. "I'm Nes, but you can call me Nessie. You?"

"Um…I have to go home." I tried to slide by him, but he caught my arm. All of which made me try to push past him.

"Easy," he laughed, letting me go just as fast. "What's your name? I just wanna know you."

"I gotta man," I whispered.

He threw his head back to laugh some more. "What your man gotta do with me?"

"Nes! What'chu doin'?"

Nes rolled his eyes. "They always tryin'a fuck up my game." He jerked a thumb and stared behind me. "Why youse hatin'?" He widened his arms.

When I turned, I saw he had a few friends on the corner, waiting for him or warning him.

"So…" He touched my arm again. "I'm new to the 'hood. Knaw'mean? Maybe you could show me around?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so—"

"Nes!" His friend screamed for him.

He put up a hand to stop them and then his eyes found me again.

"Look…I have a boyfriend. Okay? I'm not interested. I'm sorry." With my heart in my throat, I took another step forward.

"Oh…you live down here?" Casually, he started to walk with me. "This is a rough 'hood for someone that looks as sweet as you. You shouldn't be walking alone."

I cringed, not saying a word.

"I'm sayin', though…If you rolled with me, you'd never walk alone…I'm mean, I'm just an associate now." He sidestepped closer, but his words—him being an associate, and Edward having told me what that meant—it meant he wasn't exactly a member of the gang just yet. It's a process or something.

"Why you so quiet for?" he asked.

I had no reply except... "I have a boyfriend. He usually walks me."

"I don't see him anywhere." His head whipped to and fro. "You really gonna dis me, baby?" he asked.

"NES!" His friend was even louder than before.

Afraid, I stayed silent, as we passed by a stoop that had a few guys sitting there. Since no one was near our place—not Emmett or Jasper or anyone I knew, and Edward's van wasn't in the driveway either—I lingered by my neighbor's building; meanwhile, I don't know those guys either.

Nes looked behind me to them before meeting my gaze once more. "It's like that?" he asked me. "You rock my colors but chill wit' the boys in blue?" He wasn't talking about police officers.

"Everything okay?" a man asked me, his eyes settling on Nes. "Yo, homie…You don't belong on this block."

"Nes! What the fuck, man!?" His friend shouted from the corner.

"I'm just walking my girl home," Nes told the man next to me.

Curious, I peeked over my shoulder to see five men dressed in blue.

They were Crips, and Bloods are coined Crip-Killas, and Crips like to smear blood...from what I've heard.

"This is my boy Ed's girl…and you don't belong on this block." The gate to the residence opened.

It made Nes back up a few steps, showing them his palms, but then he held his waist. "You don't want none of this."

My heart was pounding away in my ears, and while my brain told me to run, I was stuck. I didn't know what to do, about to piss my fucking pants.

Crip guy chuckled and pulled out a very large gun. His forearm was as high as my head, aiming for Nes, and all I could focus on was the shiny metallic barrel. "I don't…?" He made a show of loading his heat. "Break yourself before I break you. You feel me?"

"Bella!" Irina shrieked as she ran toward me, and I'd never been so happy to see her. "Yo…put the gats away. What the fuck?" She waved her arms and faced Nes. "Nestor, you live here five fuckin' minutes and you startin' trouble already? Get the fuck outta here!" She pushed him toward the street, and like magic…Nes cackled, running away to join his friends.

Irina faced the dudes behind me. "Los, put that shit away, man. Nes is just a kid—a dumb kid, but he ain't even worth the bullet."

"Ri-Ri, I always been cool wit'chu, but you need to tell yo' cousin to step off." Los told Irina as he put his gun back in his waist. "This is a blue block. You know this."

Irina blew out a breath. "He knows better, all right?" She faced me. "You okay, B?"

"Oh…baby girl, you okay? He didn't do nothin', right?" Los placed his hand on my shoulder, and I almost jumped out of my skin. "Ed's my man. I got ya' back. No worries." He showed me his empty hands. "That cat do somethin'?"

"I…no, he didn't," I whispered. "He just…I dunno. He didn't do anything wrong." My sneakers were interesting, and I was a second away from crying. "I have to go…Thank you," I told Los. "Um…"

"Tell Ed I said wassup." He winked.

"Okay. Thanks." I gulped, backing away from them. "Bye." I turned and then I ran. It was just a short sprint to our stoop, but when I heard rapid footsteps following, my legs carried me even faster.

"Bella, it's just me!"

Hearing Irina's voice, I paused on the steps, my chest heaving.

Irina laughed when she reached me. "You're all right, okay? Nes is just some dumb kid—moved here from East New York, my li'l cousin. He thinks he's down. I dunno why my aunt thought he'd be better off in this shit hole," she sighed, looking up the street. "All he's doin' now is rollin' with a different crew."

I nodded, still trying to catch my breath. Nes talking to me and following me made me leery. Los pulling out his gun, scared the fuck out of me, even if he was trying to protect me.

"He probably just wanted your number—thought you were cute."

"Okay," I said.

"Can you do me a favor?" she asked.

"What?" I almost choked on my words.

"Don't say shit to your man?" She grabbed my hand. "Please. Ed'll fuckin' . . . You know how he get."

"I won't," I whispered.

She stared at my clothes. "I know red's your favorite color, but you should start wearin' purple or some shit." Irina, who's cool with everyone around here, colorblind like Edward, turned for the sidewalk again. "I'll holler at'chu later."

"Bye…" I waved at her retreating form.

At the same time, I saw Edward's van driving down the block. I'd never been happier to see him, while a large part of me wished he'd arrived five minutes earlier.

No, I don't.

Edward would get too upset and then do something stupid—possibly get in trouble.

When he pulled into the driveway, my heart rate started slowing down but was still speeding away. I was relieved but still nervous and startled. After Edward shut off the radio and killed the engine, I noticed Los and his boys make their way over.

"No…" I whined to myself and sank back into the door.

"Yo, Ed!" Los widened his arms, giving Edward a one-armed hug. "The X-Man!" Los was very enthusiastic to see him, friendly.

Then they started whispering, and I wished I could see Edward's face so I'd know what was going on.

I knew the moment they'd told him, as his shoulders stiffened.

"Ride wit' me…point 'em out," Edward laughed that sinister little chuckle of his.

"I got'chu." Los ran to the passenger side along with two of his friends who entered the back.

"Edward!" I shouted.

He pointed to me. "Get in the house!"

I shook my head. "Edward, please—" I started down the steps. "I'm fine and nothing happened!"

"Get in the fuckin' house!" He snapped. "Now!" Edward made to get into the van again.

Knowing he'd take time out of his mission to physically force me inside, I stopped where I was and the floodgates opened.

Tears streamed down my cheeks while Edward tore out of the driveway again—Los and his boys riding with him.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. **

**HAVE FAITH IN ME. The next few chaps are angsty ones. Again, the story will be wrapped at 40 chaps. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **


	33. Wait

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty-Three: Wait**

By the time I'd made it upstairs, I was full on sobbing, fumbling with my keys.

Emmett must have heard me crying. He tore open the door to usher me inside. I could barely breathe, choking on my sobs as he sat me down onto the couch. "Bella, what happened?" He shook me by my biceps. "Calm down."

"Ed-Edward—" When I met his gaze, I broke down even more, crying harder.

"Shhh." Emmett hugged me. "Just…tell me."

"What happened?" Jasper entered the room with a bowl of cereal. "Where's Edward?"

I hiccupped and shook my head.

Emmett wiped my tears again. "Take a deep breath, try to relax." He rubbed my back.

"No," I said, standing to get to the door. "I have to stop him."

Emmett caught me around the waist, pulling me back.

"Let me go!" I fought him.

He tightened his hold. "Relax!"

I stiffened, cringing before I just went limp to cry some more. Jasper had moved to stand in front of the door, blocking my exit anyhow.

"This guy…I don't know. He was a Blood…he was bothering me." I covered my eyes with my palms. "Edward went after him…with Los and them." Sniffling, I relaxed a little bit. "He's gonna get in trouble, and it's all because of me."

"Listen—" Emmett massaged my shoulder "—Edward's not stupid. All right?"

"Still…What if he…" I didn't know how to continue.

Truth be told, I didn't give a fuck about Nes or what he'd done anymore. I cared about my boyfriend getting locked up again—going to prison, leaving me because he has a horrible temper and always feels the need to protect me.

Whenever anyone looks at me, Edward has to say something. I don't even notice their eyes. I never care, but Edward does. It's the stupidest shit, and he's gotten into so many confrontations, fights…shouting matches, and now…?

_I'm not even that pretty. I'm nothing special. _

I know the gun that stays in the van isn't decorative.

I know for a fact that Edward gets along with everyone—no matter which gang they're from. He seems to have friends everywhere.

But I'm trouble.

I cause all of the conflicts he's had since I've met him.

For the first time ever, I hated living here, feeling the need to get away. Edward would be safe. He'd have nothing to worry about if I wasn't around. Maybe he wouldn't hustle either. His life would be simpler.

Again, he'd have nothing to worry about if I wasn't around.

_I'm not worth all this—the danger he puts himself in. _

Panic crawled up my neck and threatened to suffocate me.

"I'll go look for him." Jasper placed his bowl onto the coffee table. "Youse stay here."

"No!" Emmett shouted. "Wait…wait it out." He nodded. "Ed ain't dumb. He's with Los and them…We don't know what's goin' on out there."

No longer sobbing, tears quietly ran down my cheeks as I stared to the floor.

I was stuck—between a rock and a hard place again—and I needed Edward.

"What the fuck?" I cried, palming my face.

"Fuck that!" Jazz shouted. "That's Ed out there, man. We_ don't_ know what's going on. We're not gonna have his back, though? That's our boy. We need'a have his back. He'd have ours."

"A Blood fucked with Bella. Los and them are Crips, and Edward's _been_ running with them. They _all_ have his back. What the fuck do you think is gonna happen—what's happening right now?" Emmett ranted. "You wanna get shot? Cut up by some razor? Be in some brawl? Get arrested?" He chuckled without humor.

"Oh God—" I ran for the door again, and this time I managed to turn the knob before Emmett accosted me.

"Fuck this!" Jasper ran out while Emmett still had me.

"Jazz!" He tossed me onto the sofa and then took off.

I chased Emmett into the hall.

Once more—when he faced me—I looked to his left and his right to see where I'd be able to get around him.

"Get inside!" He pointed.

I shook my head. "Please—"

"Go!" He lifted me, and I beat at his back.

"I fucking hate you!" I shouted.

Emmett kicked the door closed. "Hate me. That's fine. There's nothing you can do—nothin' Jazz can do either!" he yelled at me. "So, just fuckin' sit there and hate me!"

I sniffled, sinking farther into the couch to cry into the cushions.

"This fuckin' neighborhood, man!" Emmett punched the wall. "_I _fucking hate it _here_!"

I agreed, but I didn't say anything.

"For real, we have no business being here, and I'm really bein' real!" He was ranting again. "We don't roll wit' none of them. Not for nothing, I think we're the only white people on this fucking block!" He groaned. "We belong with our own people, where there's less crime—back in Bensonhurst. Fuck this cesspool."

Being the cracker in the cookie jar never bothered me. It still has no effect on me. I've been living here for over six months, and nothing as serious as this has ever happened before. Just because we're a lighter skin tone than those around us doesn't make us targets or anything.

People respect Edward, and it has nothing to do with his skin color, although I'm not really sure why either.

Everybody knows him. Everybody is polite to him.

I'm his only problem.

Emmett continued to rant and rave, and I needed to do something—anything.

Then my eyes traveled south again, landing on the red denim I wore.

Suddenly hating the color, I ran to our bedroom to lock the door, needing to change.

After I was in a pair of sweats and one of Edward's t-shirts, I tried my best to stuff my entire outfit into the small trash can while I sobbed.

But then I jumped, letting out a shriek when I heard a few rapid pops in the distance. "Emmett!" I crawled for the door, and he met me in the hallway. "What—what—" I'd heard those sounds before, gunfire.

"Shhh. We don't know anything—relax." His face was pale, and I felt nauseated.

Knowing I was about to puke, I tried to get to the toilet as fast as possible. I almost missed, but nothing really came out.

"You okay?" Emmett asked a stupid question, but then I heard tires screeching.

We both sped into the living room. I went to the door while Emmett tore the screen up to stare down. "Ed's back—"

"Edward!" I tried my best not to fall down the stairs with how fast I was going.

He met me before I got outside, caught me with his arms.

Frantic, I clawed at him. "Edward. Edward—" I looked to my hand to see that it was red…blood red.

Before I could ask or look, Edward's lips crashed to mine, but I pulled away to see his arm. He was…he was fucking shot. "Oh my God!" I didn't know what to do—sobbing and gasping for air, I stared at his face.

"I'm fine," Edward said, and his face was totally calm. "Shit grazed me, baby. I'm good." He gathered me into his arms, but he was bleeding so much.

"Ed—" Speechless, I collapsed back onto a step.

"Come on. Help me patch this up." Like it was nothing, like it was just a black eye, Edward grabbed my hand with his good arm to lift me up.

My knees were weak, but I tried my best to stand, not wanting Edward to have to carry me.

"Yo…where's Jazz?" Emmett boomed.

"What?" Edward shouted.

"Jazz—Jasper went out lookin' for you!" Emmett ran down the steps. "What happened?"

"Stay here." Edward kissed my forehead, half-turning for the door. "I'll look for him."

"No!" I clung onto his T-shirt, swearing I was about to have a heart attack, but then the door behind Edward opened.

Jasper had come back, and he looked just fine. "Yo!" He widened his arms. "What the fuck, bro?" He inspected Edward's wound.

Edward let out a relieved breath. "Let's get upstairs—"

Confusion, worry, and anxiety tore through me, and I didn't even know how I'd walked back up to the apartment.

But I made it—following after Emmett, knowing Edward and Jasper were behind me.

Emmett and Jasper fired off question after question, but Edward remained silent—only telling them to mind their business as he went into the bathroom. That didn't placate them, though. That's when Edward said he was caught in a drive-by, which actually appeased the two. Edward's cousin and his friend let out groans but otherwise relaxed.

That explanation only made my heart speed up.

I was right behind Edward, trying not to cry, trying to register that my love stood right before me, trying to remind myself that he was fine.

Edward took off his jacket and his work shirt, and there was a gash, which looked really deep. "Fuck." He stared at it in the mirror. "I'mma hafta get this tat fixed—"

"What happened?" I whispered, gawking at his bicep.

Edward smirked, palming my cheeks. "Don't worry about it."

"No!" I shook my head. "That-that won't work this time. Tell me! What—"

He groaned. "Los showed me who that dude was. Honest to God…" he laughed. "I only planned to rough him up, but then…Los and them hopped out, started shooting. They fuckin' shot back. I shot back…It happened within a minute at best. It's over now—no worries. I got rid of my gun."

"You were shot!" I cried. "Why even—that guy didn't do anything. He—that was Irina's cousin—"

"He's dead now," Edward said. "Shit…" He just turned from me, leaving the bathroom.

I followed, stomping my feet after him.

"Jazz, take the van to the garage for me?" He tossed Jasper his keys. "Just let it sit there a few days."

"Nah…fuckin' pigs have probably flooded the avenue," he replied.

As if on cue, we all tried to listen for sirens, but we didn't hear any.

"You'll be good. Just take Third Avenue." Edward smiled. "You don't wanna do it—" He went to leave, fucking shirtless and bloody. "I'll go."

"You're crazy!" I shouted, pulling him back.

"I got it." Jasper stole his keys.

"Thanks, man." Edward turned back for the bathroom.

"Hello!" I tried to get in his face, but I didn't know what to say—shock, anger, and all those worrisome thoughts still in my head.

"Can you help me?" Edward asked.

"The cops—"

"Bella—" he shook me "—you need to relax. It's done. It happened. Now help me fix my arm."

I swallowed my cry, but that didn't help.

I broke down in tears again, sinking to the floor, as something else came to mind. "He's dead…He was just a kid. He's dead...because of me, because—because—"

Edward grabbed my arm and lifted me. "Bloods and Crips shoot at each other all the time. The cops probably weren't even called. Well, they will be…to scrape that kid off the sidewalk, but come on. You see what it's like out there. What were you doing walking around after dark anyway?"

I didn't answer him.

"Bella, look at me." He placed his hand under my jaw. Then he let out a groan as he kissed me deep. "I love you," he whispered against my lips.

"I was looking for a job—it got late." My voice came back.

"I told you—you don't need a job." He pecked my lips once more.

"Yo…take a swig of this shit." Emmett handed Edward a bottle of booze.

"Good lookin' out. You wanna stitch up my arm for me?" he asked his cousin.

Emmett grimaced. "Nah, man. We should shoot by the emergency room. It don't look like a bullet hole."

Edward sucked his teeth. "Get me a needle and thread then."

Emmett agreed, walking away from us.

"Damn, man." Edward turned from me to place a towel to his arm.

Quietly, still in a state of shock, I sat on the closed lid of the toilet.

"Everything's gonna be fine." He sipped from the bottle, slightly wincing as he swallowed. "My arm'll be good in no time—a few days. Jazz is gonna hide the van…Damn, I gotta tell my dad it broke down or some shit. I dunno if there's bullet holes or whatever." He leaned over the bathtub to pour some vodka into his wound. "Fuck!"

I watched as the blood, which looked pink now, flowed down into the drain.

"Here you go." Emmett came in to place thread with a sewing needle and scissors on the sink.

"Thanks." Edward huffed, meeting my gaze. "Bella, I'm fine."

Unable to speak, I just nodded, my vision blurred from my tears.

"Thread that up for me, baby." Edward bared his teeth, pouring more liquor onto his arm. "Gotta soak it with some of this." He gave me the bottle.

My hands shook as I tried to do as he said.


	34. Too Much

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**WARNING: Um...shit gets a little crazy, and this is the ONLY warning/disclaimer I plan to give :-)**

**Remember to have faith in me.**

****The story is only 40 chapters long. **

One thing I do ask of you, the reader: let me know what you feel while you're reading it. Give me feedback in the form of a review or PM or message in my group on Facebook. If something makes you mad, I want to know it. If you laughed out loud, hey, I want to hear that too. But whatever you say, please always be respectful.

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* * *

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Too Much**

Edward acted as though he'd asked me to sew a button back onto his shirt; meanwhile, it was his flesh. My hands were too shaky, and I tried my best, as I also tried to keep his wound clean and dry.

Blood was everywhere—on Edward, on me, all over the bathroom.

In a daze, and while my boyfriend continued to wince, I stitched up his arm.

The oozing blood didn't bother me.

The mess didn't faze me, but Edward's nonchalance did.

Months ago, he swore he'd be better, swore he wasn't a banger like the rest of those gang members. He swore he only dealt with his uncle to make extra money.

But he's dealing with more people, making more cash, making more moves. Edward hides it all from me, so I have no proof.

_This_ was proof.

That kid was dead…because he wanted my phone number.

A group of Crips was too fast to have his back, as if he was one of them.

Edward was shot.

The van might have holes in it.

God forbid anyone saw Edward…

All these thoughts and fears ran through my mind, and…

I was the cause of it all.

It was because of me.

Edward's laughter broke me from my reverie. "You wanna go to med school?" He stared at his arm. "Shit don't look too bad."

I blinked and tears fell down my cheeks.

"I'm not even bleeding anymore," he said, smiling up to me. "You fixed me." Edward puckered his lips for a kiss, and I bent down to give him one—feeling numb now.

"It's done," Jasper announced. "It's hidden…I didn't even glance at Fourth Ave., man. I don't know what's up."

"Thanks, bro," Edward replied, and Jasper left the doorway. "Bella…I'm fine." He told me for the tenth time.

I opened my mouth, looking down to my red hands, but nothing spilled from my lips. I had no idea where to start—feeling as though I should say something.

"We should shower—clean up." Edward hummed, standing to fiddle with the knobs, letting the water run. Then he closed and locked the door behind us.

Looking to all the blood on the floor, I grabbed a towel to mop it all up, and I started sobbing again—no matter how hard I tried not to. "Get-Get me the bleach…by-by the wa-washer."

I really tried not to cry; however, I'd managed not to while my hands were busy.

The bathroom needed to be cleaned.

"Baby…" Edward wrapped his arms around my back.

My body shook within the embrace. "It's—it's 'cause of me."

"Shhhh. No, that shit probably would'a happened anyway."

"How can you say that?" I asked, looking at him. "I-I get you into trouble…If it weren't for me—" I pushed out of his arms. "That kid would still be alive—you wouldn't fight…You wouldn't be doing what you're doing. My God!" I covered my face, sitting back on my calves. "You got shot—"

"Baby, listen to me." He held my cheek. "None of it's your fault. All right? Be easy." His nose nuzzled my cheek and then he placed kisses along my neck. "None of it…and I'm doing my best, you know? We're gonna get a house—"

"I don't want one!" I screamed. "Not if it means you have to do what you do! I'll leave school—get a full-time job and then we'll be okay. You can stop—"

He shook his head.

"Yes!" I needed him to hear me. "Just listen to me!"

He made me look at him, his grasp on my chin tight. "You're staying in school. We're getting a house—"

"And what happens when we go to a new neighborhood?" I asked. "You're gonna beat up everyone who glances at me—talks to me? You go crazy, and you're just going to get locked up again—"

My words made him angry. "This bullshit…" He slouched back.

"It's not bullshit! I-I can't be the reason you go back to prison! _I can't!_ It'd kill me if you went away," I cried. "What's wrong with you that you don't learn? You're getting deeper and deeper, and just like you wouldn't watch me do stupid shit…I can't watch you do it either!"

Edward gritted his teeth, his body stiffening while his nostrils flared. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm asking you to stop—"

"You wanna leave me? Is that it?" he screamed, his voice so loud it made me jump.

"No—" My words cut off when his hand came out to grab my neck.

"I do all this shit for you—for you, so we don't live in shit! And you wanna leave?" He increased his hold, his nose touching mine.

I shook my head, gasping for air, and clawing at his forearm. "Edward, no—"

His eyes widened, and he withdrew his hand to gather me into his arms. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I'm sorry, baby." He hugged me too tight, and I coughed—letting out a wail.

And I was too confused to speak, too scared of saying the wrong thing.

Truth was he didn't hurt me, only startled me, but still…

He didn't hear my words, when he'd always listened before.

In my mind, there were too many thoughts, but the conclusion stayed the same.

"Bella, Bella…I'm sorry." He leaned back with tears in his eyes. "Forgive me," he pleaded, placing his lips to mine to cry into my mouth.

"It's okay." My love for this man knows no bounds, and while a smarter woman would have probably run right then and there, I dried his tears.

_Besides, there was no guarantee I'd make it to the door anyway. _

"I'd never hurt you…never," he whispered, sucking in a breath. "Things are shitty now, but you'll see, baby…soon…You'll see. I have everything planned." He squeezed me again. "Say something."

Inhaling through my nose, I just nodded.

"You're gonna graduate from school, we'll have a house, get married…have babies…Right?" He looked into my eyes.

"Yes." I tried to smile no matter how much I didn't mean it.

My thoughts from earlier were still the same.

If I weren't in Edward's life . . .

"But—" I stopped before I started, my face crumbling again.

"Talk to me, baby. Tell me." He placed his lips to mine, kissing me deeply. And every emotion, feeling—all my love for Edward went into that lip-lock. I kissed him back—our tongues tangling, my fingers weaving into his hair. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said, because I did.

I loved Edward so much, too much.

He kissed down my neck again while lifting my shirt. Once it flew over his shoulder, he went for my bra and then my sweats and panties. Naked and cold on the floor—which had his blood on it—we started making love while the steam from the shower filled the bathroom.

Everything Edward did felt fantastic. Once he'd entered me, I felt whole, and the world started to fade away until his hand grazed my neck—caressed it lovingly—and it reminded me what'd happened minutes prior.

I was more shocked that I was able to forget, and it made my mind wander again.

With mixed emotions flooding me, I let him fuck me.

Afterward, we showered. We had to be fast because the hot water wasn't going to last much longer, and then Edward went to smoke a blunt while I cleaned the bathroom.

I closed the door—embarrassed by the tears I just couldn't stop.

Everyone else seemed fine, although Edward seemed to tiptoe around me.

The stink of bleach was stuck in my nose when I crawled into bed. Edward was still regaling Emmett and Jasper with the full story of what had happened.

Hiding under the covers, I hoped sleep would find me before Edward joined me.

Maybe I'd think of something better tomorrow.

Maybe I'd be calmer in the morning.

Maybe I'd come up with a different solution to our problem—Edward's problem.


	35. Numb

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty-Five: Numb**

When I woke up, it was still dark outside, our bedroom dimly lit by the street lamp. My eyes felt as though they were swollen shut, sore from all that crying the night before, and once all those memories flashed back…

My heart was breaking again.

It wasn't some nightmare, but just for those few seconds…while I was groggy and just opening my eyes, nothing was wrong.

But I couldn't—didn't cry.

Within the seconds of my waking up, I'd heard Edward bustling around the room, and I turned to him. "What are you doing?" I cleared my throat, squinting to see him.

"I'm packing your stuff."

My breath caught, and I opened my mouth to inquire why he was doing that, but he beat me to it.

"You're gonna stay with my dad for a little while," he explained, throwing my clothes into a duffle. "I spoke to him after you fell asleep. It's all good."

"What-what about you?" I asked, ripping the covers off. "Edward—"

"I can't stay with him," he said. "I got too much goin', but soon." Edward nodded, sucking in a breath as he continued his task. "It won't be too long, I promise. I just need a few days, and it's better…if I'm not worrying about you while I settle some shit."

Tentative, I stepped toward him, reaching for the bag. "We don't need a house. I can take out loans for tuition. Just stop what you're doing, please!" I begged.

He groaned, staring to the ceiling.

I backed away from him. "Just listen to me for a minute—"

"You don't know jack shit about what I'm doing." He pointed to himself.

"You're doing—I _know_, Edward. I'm not stupid," I whispered, my stomach tying in knots.

His shoulders dropped and he came toward me.

Instinctively, I backed away again when I didn't mean to, but he stopped in his tracks anyway. "You're scared of me now?" He was calm.

"No…" I stepped closer.

"It's only for a little while," he whispered. "I won't…do what I'm doing forever. I need the quick cash, and the more moves I make, the more cash, baby. I'm doing this for us—for our future. I'm almost there, almost where I can stop. Shit's been moving fast. It's a good thing." He smiled.

I was afraid of that, him confirming that—me being the reason he's slinging. "Edward—"

"Go get ready to leave. I was just about to wake you anyway," he said.

"We can get a small place that we can afford." I closed the distance between us to grab his hands. "We can both work. It might take longer, but—"

"Don't fight me." His gaze was cold which put butterflies in my stomach—the bad ones. "I'm off today. Since it's so dead, Dad said fuck it, plus the holiday…but I got some shit I gotta handle. I'm gonna call a cab that'll take you straight to my dad's."

"Okay." I didn't know what other choice I had other than to agree.

Honestly, I wanted out of this neighborhood more than anything. No, more than that I wanted Edward with me wherever we'd go. If he left this place…he'd stop associating with those people, the people who sell shit for him. Maybe?

"I'm scared," I admitted.

"Don't be." He wrapped his arms around me. "You'll be fine. My father knows this is a rough 'hood. I didn't tell him shit, but . . . Nothing's gonna happen—"

"You could get killed or go back to prison—"

He stiffened. "Bella—"

I wanted to hit him, do something so he'd listen. I gripped his shirt tightly, pleading. "It's because of me. If you die or get arrested, it'll be because of me—it'd be on my head...Regardless, I'd die, too—I'd—I'd—" I started crying once more, and it hurt my eyes.

"Stop." His lips lingered on my forehead. "Things are coming together already. All right? Sooner than you think—very soon. I just needed to get ahead so I can stop altogether." Edward nudged me away slightly to continue packing my things. After about a minute, he looked to me again. "Get ready."

My heart was in a million pieces as I got dressed. While I brushed my teeth, I noticed my eyes were puffy, and they were all pink.

Jasper knocked, needing the bathroom since he has to work today, and seeing him made me miss Alice. We have biology together, and we still manage to see each other quite often—whether she's here or we're at school. They're fine, happy, and there's never any drama between her and Jasper.

For a second while I put my sneakers on, I was jealous of the simplicity of their relationship.

Someone was dead because of me.

Edward might go back to prison…because of me.

Edward could die…because of me.

Knowing I could never live with myself if the last two happened, I didn't fight with Edward as he put me in the taxi.

"I'll see you soon." He wore a hint of a smile, nuzzling his nose to mine.

I wanted to answer—say something, but I didn't trust my voice. I welcomed his kiss, his sloppy, passionate, love-filled kiss, and I never wanted it to end. I wanted to hold on to him and never let go. I wanted to crawl inside him and attach myself if that was possible.

"I love you, baby." He kissed me once more.

I grasped his shirt. "I love you…so, so much, Edward." My voice broke. "I love you."

He dried my tears, chuckling. "You'll see me later. Maybe we'll get some dinner?"

"I love you…" I pulled him down to me for one last kiss.

Edward walked me backward, making me sit in the car. "I'll see you soon." He closed the door to lean into the front passenger seat, telling the driver his father's address; he paid for the ride, too.

And I wanted to run out of the car, refuse to leave.

But I didn't.

Logic won—it beat what my heart wanted, and I sat back.

"I'll see you later, my love." Edward crooned, poking his head in to peck my lips.

I nodded, swallowing my cry.

Edward backed up to stand on the stoop as the car pulled away from the curb.

Immediately, I began to sob while we drove farther and farther away.

But I managed to pull myself together when we hit Fourth Avenue.

"Take me to Bay Ridge," I told the driver. "84th and Fourth."

"But he said—"

"84th and Fourth," I pleaded.

"All right." He nodded as he turned right onto the avenue.

**E**x**X**x**B**

My mother wasn't home. It was only half past seven when I'd arrived, which meant she'd just left for work.

No one was home. Thank God. Phil works in Manhattan, and he was gone already, too.

My room looked the exact same way I'd left it.

It was emptier than it used to be, but the bed was made.

And old habits do die hard . . .

Needing something, needing to get out of my brain, needing something to take the edge off, I went into the bathroom to search the medicine cabinet. Finding Phil's prescription of Valium was a godsend. I knew what they were. Renee had taken them for a while a couple of years ago.

Nevertheless, I took two—hoping I'd sleep, wake up or maybe not wake up.

I didn't know what I was doing here.

All I knew was that…

If Edward and I stayed together, those bad things would happen.

Meanwhile, I couldn't live without Edward.

I thought about taking all of the Valium, and I stared at the bottle for a long time.

Before I felt myself dozing off, I tried to think up ways to make Edward listen to me—hear me out, beg him to stop what he's doing. It seems as though I can't broach the subject without him freaking out or stopping me, or jumping to conclusions.

When I crawled into bed, I placed the bottle of Valium into my pocket, thinking I'd try to reach Edward later.

And if I couldn't . . .

I'd save him by taking myself out of the equation.


	36. Honest Mistake

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty-Six: Honest Mistake**

Those pills knocked me on my ass, and by the time I woke up, it was dark outside again. Looking to the door, I saw the light in the hall was on which meant someone was home. Then I glanced to my alarm clock to see it was eight o'clock.

I slept almost twelve hours, and I fell out of the bed—startled.

No one had tried to wake me up, nothing. Maybe they didn't know I was here?

Slowly, I left my old bedroom when I heard the phone ringing, and I was in the hall when Renee answered.

"Yes, she's here. Stop calling. If she's here, it obviously means she wanted to get away from you! I'm sure she has nothing to say to you!" She slammed the phone down, only for it to start ringing again. Renee groaned, pulling the cord from the wall.

"Mom?" I cleared my throat.

She turned to smile at me. "I didn't want to wake you."

My stomach was in knots again, but I was numb, too, calm—too calm for what my heart truly felt. "Was that Edward?"

Renee lit a cigarette. "He's been calling nonstop, threatening to come over here, asking for you. I kept lying, telling him you weren't here. Now he knows, and now he'll—"

"He's going to come here," I said, and I didn't know how I felt about that.

"I'll call the cops—"

"No!" I shouted. "We're not fighting or anything…I just—"

She folded her arms over her chest. "Then why are you here? You have a bag, so I assume you're staying?"

"I just needed time…a nap." I didn't know what to say, but I knew I was going to leave with Edward so I could plead my case again.

She blew her smoke up into the air, waving it away from me.

I looked to her pack that rested on the kitchen counter. "Can I have one?"

Renee furrowed her brow, and I knew there was loads she wanted to say, but she handed me a cigarette instead.

"Thanks." I lit it and it tasted like garbage since I hardly ever smoke nowadays.

"Level with me…I don't want to fight with you, Bella." She sat at the kitchen table. "Sit."

I walked over to plop into a chair, flicking my ashes into the tray. "Our, um, building has…roaches. It's being fumigated, and I was supposed to—we were supposed to stay at his dad's. I came here instead."

"You're lying."

"I'm not," I whispered as I stood up to put the cigarette out. "I should get my bag. He'll probably be here soon." I knew Edward was going to come get me.

Renee didn't say anything as I went back into my old bedroom for my stuff. Actually, I was surprised at how cool she was being. She reminded me how she used to be—when she didn't give a fuck and didn't hide it. She wasn't nagging me, nothing.

But just in case—in case Edward was going to flip out—I chose to wait downstairs for him.

It was bitterly cold.

I'd been waiting for twenty minutes when I could no longer feel my toes—peeking up and down the avenue, looking toward the subway if he'd taken the train.

After an hour, disappointment filled me when Phil approached, not Edward. My mother's boyfriend was surprised to see me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said.

"Why are you crying?"

"Leave me alone." I gathered my things and walked away from him, going toward Alice's house.

My best friend wasn't home, but her mother let me wait for her. I clutched Alice's phone to my chest, betting she was somewhere with Jasper, while I contemplated calling Edward.

Emmett picked up on the second ring. _"Hello?"_

"It's me," I said.

_"Yo…dude, Edward fuckin'…Why didn't you go to Carlisle's?"_ he asked.

"Where's Edward?" My heart was in my throat.

_"At his dad's house…He went there, flipped the fuck out when you weren't there. Page him." _

"All right," I whispered, not even saying goodbye as I hung up, and I'd forgotten to ask if Alice was there.

Hopeful, I called Carlisle's house, and Esme answered. They hadn't been seeing each other, had broken up for a short time, but now they're inseparable. "It's Bella."

Esme sighed. _"We were all worried sick."_

"I'm sorry. Is Edward there?"

_"No…he left when your mom told him you were there. Are you okay?"_ she asked.

"No." I was honest, feeling my lip quiver.

_"Hang on. Carlisle wants to talk to you." _

I nodded although she couldn't see.

_"Bella?"_ Carlisle asked.

"Yeah…it's me." I wiped my eyes.

He hummed. _"I'm glad you're okay…We were worried for a while there, but I had a feeling you were with your mom. Edward just left here a little while ago, uh…I calmed him down." _

"Oh…where is he? I thought—" Embarrassed, I didn't want to admit that I thought Edward would pick me up.

_"I told him to give you some space before he lost you for good. I hope I wasn't wrong in saying that. He wouldn't tell me what you guys fought over."_ He sounded contemplative, pausing for a beat too long. _"He loves you so much. I hope you know that."_

"We-we didn't fight," I cried. "I just needed—I don't know what I needed, but I need Edward." I tried breathing deeply to calm down. "I should probably page him." It wasn't as though I could talk about what happened with anyone else.

_"Okay,"_ he agreed. _"Bella, if you need a place to stay, my door's always open." _

"Thanks…bye." Just as I'd said that, Alice entered her bedroom.

She stared at me wide-eyed before tackling me with a hug. "I was just at Renee's." She kissed my cheek. "What the hell happened? No one would tell me."

I hugged her tightly, feeling like I was about to break down again, but I kept my cool. "Did you see Edward?"

"No…I was at the movies with Jazz. We went to dinner after he got outta work, and then Emmett said you left Edward—"

"I didn't." As time's worn on, I have no idea what I've done. "You didn't see Edward?"

She shook her head. "Are you staying over?"

"I…don't know." I didn't know anything. "I should page Edward."

After beeping him with Alice's number and my code—143—a few times, I relaxed back against her pillows.

"What happened?" She lay next to me.

I shook my head, because I didn't even know how to explain it.

"Did you guys fight? Or…?" She poked my side.

"The neighborhood is bad—"

"Fuck, yeah, it is. Some kid was killed there last night." She huffed. "I hate going over there, but…it's not like I walk around there. I'm safe in the apartment."

"Yeah." I stared at the phone, willing it to ring. "Because of that, Edward wanted us to stay at his dad's…I felt weird, so I went to Renee's, and I fell asleep. I'm so stupid."

She rolled her eyes. "So, what? You fell asleep. Big deal. Why would he be mad?"

Alice changed into pajamas, and I never answered her.

My best friend tried to take my mind off my waiting for Edward's call by filling the air with inane chatter. I was grateful, and then she tried to get me to goof around in an AOL chat room with her. The thought alone—because of how Edward and I had met—brought tears to my eyes.

When it was close to midnight, we fell asleep, and I was still holding Alice's phone.

At three a.m., I woke up needing to pee, only to be startled when I saw that Edward wasn't sleeping next to me. I managed not to disturb Alice or her family as I used the bathroom and grabbed something to drink.

I took another Valium, hoping that would dull the pain again, and I fell back to sleep in no time.

In the morning, Alice had a hard time waking me, although I felt her hand every time it pushed me.

Groggy, I went through a half-assed morning routine before Mr. Brandon drove us to campus. I'd already missed my first class, and I was about to miss my second one—waiting for Edward to call me back on a pay phone while I froze my ass off.

Since I couldn't deal, I hopped on the bus with nowhere to go.

I ended up at Renee's again where I paged Edward five times in quick succession.

When the phone finally rang, I picked it up on the first ring. "Edward?"

_"What?"_ He had an attitude.

"Come get me. Please." I begged.

He was quiet on the other end for a few minutes.

"I love you," I cried. "And it'll kill me if…something happened because of me. I-I love you too much, and I'm selfish…I can't—I can't be without you, but you have to stop, Edward. It needs to end. I don't know what you're doing, but the other night was too much. You got hurt, and if…" I just shut up, hoping he'd say something—anything.

"I can't live without you, and I won't be able to live with myself if something happened to you," I explained, letting out a large breath. "I'd rather we lived in some shit hole until we had more—rather than you risking everything."

Edward sighed. "I know what I'm doing."

"Just listen to me—"

_"Gimme some time, all right? You're cool at'cha mom's? Stay there where you're safe. Just gimme some time." _

"Edward?" I asked, but he hung up on me.


	37. Steps Ahead

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty-Seven: Steps Ahead**

**EPOV**

Four days without seeing Bella was torture. It killed me not to see her, not to talk to her—hear her giggle, fucking feel her, just be with her. But I had to make a lot of moves, and I didn't want her in the way.

It was best she stayed out of sight, out of mind…but she was _always_ on my mind.

My bullshit needs didn't matter, though. I had too much to do, and she needed to be out of the way, so I could handle things faster.

Weeks ago, I put a down payment on a townhouse a few blocks away from my father. Things were coming together, and I kept placing more and more money down as I'd earn it. The people who used to live there had already moved out, but we had no furniture, no nothing. Shit with the bank worked out okay. Since I'd never fucked with my credit, I essentially had no credit, but my father cosigned with me. I'd been approved for a mortgage, but I wanted to pay off as much as I could, so we could live comfortably in the near future.

After Bella's birthday, I started slinging more X, but that wasn't enough. I called Aro, my dope supplier from back in the day, and I made a huge purchase. A few boys from the block were going to move it for me, and that was cool—wouldn't fuck with my day job.

I'd only planned on making one large buy, but the money was amazing.

The following week, I went to Aro to re-up, buy some more.

The product moved swiftly once again, and I had a huge hunk of change to give the bank.

Also, I had some money left over to buy even more heroin.

And I swore that'd be the last time.

I was technically a homeowner, and I had a year's worth of mortgage payments saved up along with enough money to pay Bella's tuition for the next two fucking years. And with as much paper as I'd earned, I could spoil Bella, we could have a huge fucking wedding somewhere—go to Hawaii for our honeymoon or something.

Things were amazing, and I kept telling Bella "soon," that it'd all be settled soon enough.

Then Los and his boys rode along with me when that piece-of-shit Blood stepped to Bella.

On my mother's grave, I didn't intend to kill him, but it happened, and his boy took a shot at me. Los had actually driven us back to the block, and then we disbanded.

Since I basically employed many Crips around the way, and everyone was eating well, they had my back—they still do.

When I thought Bella was going to leave me after all I did . . . I fucking lost it. I'd killed someone to defend her honor, took a shot myself, and I . . . I had the thought in my head that if she left me, I didn't want her with anyone else.

Once I realized what I'd done…

I mean, in a split second, I almost lost it all.

I felt horrible, and I thought it best she go stay with my father until I had my head straight—until things were pieced together better, too, until we could move into our new home, which . . .

We could have done that the next day—when I got the keys, when she was supposed to be at my father's but had gone to Renee's.

Shame on me for not checking in with my father sooner, but when I'd gotten to his crib—and it was already dark out—and she wasn't there, I flipped the fuck out.

Dad had to punch me in the face just to get me to settle down, and then I was planning to go look for Bella.

But I settled on calling around for her first. Renee gave me the runaround—was polite but wouldn't give me a straight answer. I was about to go over there, and then she finally told me that Bella was there.

Renee said Bella didn't wanna talk to me.

Hyped up again, my father quickly talked me down—telling me to give Bella space and whatnot—but I was pissed.

At Bella.

And I couldn't stay in one place, my adrenaline pumping through me.

I managed not to do anything stupid.

I'd gone back to the crib, smoked a blunt, drank quite a few beers with Emmett, and ignored my pager.

For whatever reason—after spending the whole day an emotional wreck—Bella gave a fuck and wanted to talk to me.

I went to sleep instead of calling her back. Now she was at Alice's, and I kept telling myself I didn't care—wanting to stay angry at her, although I knew I'd relent. I thought my father's words regarding space sounded cool. Bella was safe. She was in Bay Ridge, and that's the compromise I made with myself.

The next day, Bella blew up my beeper. She paged me like a million times, and I finally called her back.

I understood what she was saying, and my baby sounded so sad, it took everything within me not to run—go get her like she'd asked me.

Again, I still had a few things to settle—things I didn't want Bella knowing about.

Logically—and since I couldn't legit be angry with her—I asked her to give me some time.

All I needed to do was unload the dope from the last buy, and then introduce Los to Aro.

Los and his crew were living large now, comfortable, and I couldn't leave them high and dry.

But that was my last big step, one of the last things I had to do before I'd walk away from it all.

I even packed up all my shit, the rest of Bella's things, and I loaded it all into the van.

My queen-sized bed was no longer good enough, and I had a larger bed delivered to our new house along with other bedroom furniture and a couch. I wanted the place to look like a home.

I wanted to surprise Bella.

And then I'd get down on one knee . . .

It was all so picture-perfect.

And I didn't have to worry about her while she was in Bay Ridge.

She'd go to school, chill with Alice, and I'd "work," and then work on other things.

For those days Bella and I were apart, I'd barely slept. I had too many things going on—too much shit to settle.

Another fucked-up thing was that we didn't spend our first Thanksgiving together.

Knowing we'd have plenty more, I decided not to dwell on it too tough.

On Saturday night, after I presented Los to Aro, I headed to Tunnel to meet up with Demetri. He'd since come through—heeding my warning and keeping his boys in check, charging more to give me the money I'd wanted.

Unfortunately for him, the package I gave him tonight was the last he'd ever see from me.

I didn't care about leaving that fuck in the lurch.

It was around midnight when I left the crowded nightclub, and I threw my pager into a nearby trash can.

That was it.

No more.

Ahead of the game, I was walking away from it for good.

We had a house now. We had enough money so that we'd live comfortably, and Bella wouldn't have to work. She'd only have to focus on school. I'd only have to worry about bullshit heaters and air conditioners.

Alas, it was late when I arrived home, although I thought about paging Bella.

As I entered the apartment, I smiled and figured I'd just show up at Renee's first thing in the morning.

At first, I was scared to see Bella—not knowing if I'd be angry, too emotional and hurt. But now it's over. All the garbage is behind me—behind us—and our future was mere steps ahead.

"Ed, that you?" Emmett came running toward me as he put his coat on.

"What's up?" I closed the door after myself, and then I saw Jazz leaving his bedroom as he placed his shoes on.

"I tried paging you—"

"What happened?" I asked.

Emmett and Jasper shared a look, and then my cousin placed his hand on my bicep.

Wary, I stepped back. "One of you—talk."

Emmett wore a long face and Jasper had his mouth open, ready to speak but nothing came out.

"What's going on?" I shouted, reaching out to shake my cousin.

"Bella…" His mouth kept opening and closing.

"Uh…Alice just called like ten minutes ago." Jasper took in a shaky breath.

"Where is she?" I turned for the door to run down the stairs. "Where is she?" I stared back up at them.

"Lutheran Medical Center," Emmett said.


	38. Charcoal

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty-Eight: Charcoal**

_"Lutheran Medical Center," Emmett said. _

I felt my knees give out on me, but I reached for the door anyway to pull myself out of the hall.

"Wait up!" Emmett and Jasper chased after me.

Jasper insisted on driving, and my mind was a fucked-up—_very_ fucked-up place—and I was scared out of my wits.

"What happened?" I managed to ask as Jasper peeled out of the driveway. "Fuckin' tell me!" I grabbed onto Emmett's jacket.

"She, uh, a little while ago…she downed some pills, overdosed."

My head shook as I felt my chin wrinkle. "No...she didn't—"

"Ali was upset—couldn't talk. She'd only just found out." Jasper glanced at me.

My head kept shaking. "She's—she's—"

"She's alive," Emmett said.

"Alice was too upset, didn't give us any answers. I dunno, bro." Jasper stepped on the gas.

"Why—" I didn't understand, nothing made sense. "Drive faster!" I shouted.

Emmett reached to hold my hand. "She's alive…She's not dead, but, I mean—relax. Okay?"

I cringed and stiffened, swearing to Christ I was going to explode—and I actually wanted Jasper to pull over so I could run to the hospital.

He was a block away, looking for parking when I jumped out and ran as fast as I could.

Security tried to stop me, but I got past them and into the emergency room. "Bella!" I shouted. "Bella!"

"Sir…" A nurse approached me, her arms widened. "How can I help you?"

"Bella—my, my wife?" My voice broke. "Swan—she's here?" In my head, I said a silent prayer that they were somehow wrong—that Bella wasn't here. "Bella!" I screamed for her once more.

"Sir, what's the name again?"

I palmed my face to cry, and then I shook it off. "They're wrong." I told myself, walking around and looking behind curtains.

That's when security caught up to me. They placed their fucking hands on me, and I shrugged them away. "My wife is here!"

They actually let me go.

"Sir, I can't help you unless you tell me her name."

"I did!" I snapped. "Bella Swan—Isabella Swan!"

That was when Phil popped his head out from around a curtain. He was a ways down the hall, and I ran in his direction. That motherfucker tried to stop me, too, but nothing was stopping me.

Emmett and Jasper fucking clotheslined him for me, but then my steps came to a halt when I finally saw Bella.

She was ghostly pale, lying on a stretcher, looking half asleep with black shit around her mouth.

"Bell—" My face crumpled, and I cried into my hands.

"Get out!" Renee shouted, but I ignored her.

"Edward…?" Bella whispered.

"I'm here," I cried, getting on my knees next to her bed. "You're okay." I palmed her cheek and kissed her blackened lips. "What did you do? Baby, what'd you do?" I pushed her hair away from her face, and I held her hand as I sobbed.

When I finally composed myself, I placed a kiss on her knuckles. "What happened?" I actually looked to Renee.

"You don't want me." Bella started to cry, letting out a whimper as her body trembled.

"No." I shook my head. "No, no fucking way." Still a sobbing mess, I crawled into the bed with her. "I love you…so, so much." My lips lingered on her cheek. "I always want you." I gathered her into my arms. "Always."

Bella scared the fuck out of me, but she wasn't as bad off as I'd first thought. After all, she was speaking, although weak, and yet strong enough to cry. She must have been awake enough to drink the liquid charcoal crap. She had a thick black line around her mouth. I know that's what they do when someone ODs, takes a bunch of shit. It's supposed to render the drug ineffective in the stomach, blocks it from entering the system. Bella was still looking tired, though—a little out of it, but not high or anything. Whatever she took was in her, and…

"What did you do?" I asked again, turning her chin back to me. "Baby, talk to me. What'd you do?"

"Nothing…I-I didn't wanna die. I was just so sad. I didn't wanna be in pain—" Her face crumpled again, but she swallowed her cry. "I didn't overdose. I was waiting for you, hoping—I don't know, but I didn't OD."

I wiped some of her tears away. "You can't leave me," I whispered. "You-you can't scare me like this, baby. I'm here. I'm not—" Looking down, my vision was blurry, but I gritted my teeth—needing to be strong, to be here for her.

No matter how upset I was, I couldn't fall apart now.

Bella swallowed and licked her dry lips.

"What did you take?" I asked.

"I stole Phil's Valium, and there were only like twenty-five, and I'd been taking them every day since Wednesday." Her eyes fell away from me. "I took a couple earlier—"

"Don't lie!" Renee scolded. "I saw the empty bottle! That's when I called 911." She looked to me. "It's your fault! My daughter—"

"Let's give 'em a minute." Emmett ushered her outta the room.

"Over my dead body—"

"Please." Emmett pushed her out.

Bella sniffled, meeting my gaze. "I-I wanted to save them…take them all at once. I did think about it." She covered her face.

I grasped both her hands.

"I kept waiting for you—I kept waiting to hear from you, and I kept taking them. It was easier…being like a zombie. Then I only had a few left, so I took those…hoping I'd…I just needed sleep," she cried. "They helped me tough it out, but for days…I wanted to die, I wanted—I wanted you, but—and if I was asleep, I wasn't thinking about dying and I wasn't hurting. I swear; I didn't overdose. She thinks I took them all because she found the empty bottle. She wouldn't listen to me, and since she had a hard time waking me…" She bit her quivering lip. "Next thing I know, Renee's screaming, I pop up awake, but she'd already called an ambulance. She overreacted. I was just sleeping, but she wouldn't-fucking-listen." Bella seemed angry now.

"Shhh." I hugged her tightly.

"I was fine—talking to the ambulance people and everything. My mom flipped on them when they were calm about things—told them I took the whole bottle. When we got here, they made me drink this stuff. No one would listen." She balled her hands into fists. "No one would listen to me."

"I'm here…keep talking."

Bella looked away from me. "You don't listen anymore—"

"Baby—"

"Did you come because you felt bad?" she asked, and the tears stayed at bay, fire in her eyes. "I didn't wanna come here, nor would I do this for your attention." Her brave act faltered when she broke down again.

Speechless, not sure where to start, I placed my lips to hers—hoping and praying she truly didn't believe her words, that she had more faith in me than that. "I love you, Bella. I came as soon as I heard because you scared the shit outta me." I shook my head, a sob getting caught in my throat. "I just needed time." I rasped out, resting my head to her bicep. "My God…baby, I just needed a few days, that's it…I'm sorry. I should have called, answered each and every one of your pages. Baby, I'm sorry. I should have explained better when we spoke…I needed a few days, where I needed you safe and outta the way. You were wit'cha moms, and since you went there…I thought you were fine, understood."

Bella didn't reply.

"I'm done with everything," I said. "I just had to tie up some loose ends, and I had a lot of other work to do. Day and night, I stayed busy—doing this or that. That's it, though. I'm done. I've walked away. I love you so fucking much. You can't do this—you can't fuckin' scare me like this—never." I was weepy again. "Please, Bella…I want you to be my wife. I want—I want so many things." I sniffed her hair. It was greasy and in a messy ponytail. "Please tell me…you didn't wanna die. The truth."

"I just didn't wanna hurt anymore…." She said it so low, I barely heard her. "I knew you were doing all this stuff for me, and I was scared, and you-you didn't care—"

"You're wrong." I squeezed her, and then I gently turned her body to face me. "I got us a house…It was supposed to be a surprise, but—I wanted to get you from Renee's first thing in the morning." I nipped her lips, gazing into her empty eyes.

"I don't wanna house—all I want is you, safe—not in trouble."

"No…our future," I said. "I just needed time. I thought you'd be fine, baby. I love you. I love you. I love you." My lips peppered her face with kisses. "Bella, baby, we're set. You'll see."


	39. The Journey

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No Copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA**

**Higher**

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: The Journey**

A couple of hours had gone by while Bella slept, tucked into my arms, and I said a million silent prayers—thanking God she was all right.

Bella always swore no one gave a fuck about her, but everyone flooded that emergency room—it wasn't long until Alice showed up with both of her parents and Charlie arrived. Her father had a few words for me, too.

Everyone thought it was my fault, and I agreed with them, but I wasn't leaving Bella's side—not for any of them, not for nobody—and Bella wouldn't let me go either.

She has yet to say she's forgiven me, but she wouldn't let me go . . .

That gave me hope.

It was around three a.m. when Carlisle and Esme showed up, worried. Emmett must have called them.

But Bella and I ignored them all until the doctor came in to check on her. Bella's blood work tested positive for trace amounts of the Valium, but that she hadn't taken a lethal dose.

My girl was telling the truth, and I'd believed her, although she worried me. She gets depressed, she reaches for something to dull the ache…

While she's repeated herself many times, Bella only had to say this once: "I thought about it." And she wanted that because she thought I didn't want her anymore. That's what stuck with me. God forbid shit took a little longer than I thought, and I didn't seek her out until Monday. She might have been dead by then . . . because of a miscommunication, because I was a fucking idiot who just assumed she was okay, because I let my anger toward her control me in a way, because for once in my life I was trying to be this logical thinker as well.

Meanwhile, I had this…hope that she wouldn't have had the balls to go through with it.

This doctor, however, still wanted to put her on a seventy-two-hour hold in the mental ward or something—fucking suicide watch—regardless of her blood test confirming her story.

Renee agreed with him, and I said no along with Bella.

After a shrink came down to talk to her—get to the bottom of things—he actually urged her to get into rehab, since she was abusing drugs not prescribed to her in order to feel better.

Both doctors were wrong.

My girl wasn't a junkie, nor was she fucking suicidal. With how upset Bella probably was . . . had she gone to a doctor, they might have put her on fucking Valium. She hit a rough patch, but I still couldn't . . . grasp the suicide concept. True, her words stayed with me, yet I refused to believe them.

I knew what was best for Bella.

When she lived with Renee, she was actually doing drugs. Bella's been clean for months now—not weed, not hard liquor, and she'll hardly drink a brew with me these days. She doesn't need it.

Bella needs me.

She has me, and I'm not going anywhere.

Renee and Charlie, who'd agreed with both doctors, thought they knew what was best for Bella.

I argued with them until my father broke us up.

It was madness and mayhem, and then Bella demanded to be discharged. Medically, she was cleared, was told she'd be a little groggy because of what she'd taken, but otherwise fine.

I helped Bella get dressed and then we left the hospital.

Everyone reconvened outside while the sun rose. We were all glad that Bella was okay, but she was getting aggravated—insisted she didn't take the whole bottle of pills like Renee had told everyone. Her mother was ridiculous, putting on this show.

Bella just wanted to get out of there, and so did I.

My father said he'd give Emmett and Jasper a ride home, so Bella and I went a different route.

During the drive to our new house, I was actually happy, excited, but I was also a little bit pissed at Bella for scaring me.

I let it go, knowing everything—narcotics, that bullshit neighborhood, fucking _everything_—was behind us.

Save my cousin and my buddy, we'd never see _any_ of those people again. To them, we'd disappeared. We also won't have to worry about getting shot, robbed, or stabbed. This is New York City, and that shit can happen anywhere. But in our new area, every risk we'd worried about before was significantly lower.

"Where are we going?" Bella pulled her knees up to her chest.

I gave her hand a squeeze. "Home."

"But—"

"You'll see." I grinned.

Bella still wore a frown, looked withdrawn.

"You'll see," I said again as I drove along our new block.

"I don't wanna stay at Carlisle's if you're not—"

"I'm never leaving you again." I rushed out, pulling into our new driveway. Once I killed the engine, I turned to face her. "Baby…this is ours."

Bella looked out the window, and her head rapidly whipped back to me. "You didn't have to do this." Her hand palmed my cheek. "You didn't—"

"I wanted to." I leaned forward to kiss her. She's yet to give me a true Bella smile, but I had a feeling I'd see one soon. "Come on."

After I helped Bella out of the van, I led her up the stairs to our new home.

She faced the door, but I'd backed down a few steps, which made her turn to me.

Smiling wide, I got down on one knee as I dug my mother's ring out of my pocket. This was the moment I'd been waiting for. I wanted to have something for Bella before we started our life together as a married couple. I needed us to have our own place in the world before we said I do. I needed us to be away from that neighborhood, away from the garbage and bullshit.

"Bella, my love…" I opened the box, peeking up to her, and Bella looked surprised as fuck—eyes wide and gaping like a fish. "This is our house…I swear that hustling is behind me. I'll never touch any of that shit again." I drew in a shaky breath. "I just needed time…Time so I could do all this…I love you so fucking much, baby, and I want you forever. Will you marry me?"

Bella stepped down to have a seat in front of me. She wasn't crying, but she wasn't smiling either. "I need you to know that I love you just as you are." Now she had tears in her eyes. "When I thought I lost you—"

"I told you I needed time." I leaned my forehead to hers. "I didn't think. I thought—It doesn't matter. We should have talked more, so I could've explained that I needed a couple of days to do some things, not that I _wanted _days to distance myself from you." I pushed her messy hair back.

"I didn't know…" Bella cleared her throat. "I thought you were mad I'd gone to Renee's. In my head, you were doing all that shady stuff for me, when I didn't need any of it. Only you, Edward. Only you." She lifted my hand to kiss it. "I love you for you, and if anything ever happened to you—" she paused; I waited with bated breath, the ring nearly burning my fingertips, as I needed to place it on her already "—and I thought if I wasn't in your life, you'd stop, wouldn't need to sling. But I'm too selfish. I couldn't leave you."

She looked down. "I ended up falling asleep at her house that day, and then I thought you'd come get me…" She inhaled deeply through her nose. "You need to believe me, though. All I ever wanted was you. You're all I need. All I'll ever need."

I placed my lips to her, crying into her mouth. "Say yes. Just say yes, and I'll show you. Please, baby, I'll—"

"You've already shown me...in your way. I just didn't know until now." She wiped my tears away. "You promised me the night we met . . . You'd take me higher if I let you, and, Edward, you have." Her voice broke. "Yes…I wanna marry you. I wanna love you forever…forever."

I sniffled while I leaned away to place the ring on her finger. Her other ring was in the way, but it didn't matter, the both of them fit perfectly. "Do you want to see your new house?" I grinned.

"I still can't believe you." She shook her head in disbelief, chuckling—fucking finally smiling. "You're crazy."

"Crazy for you."

She nodded. "Me too."

I held up the keys, wanting Bella to do the honors.

Then I gathered her into my arms to carry her over the threshold once the door was unlocked. We entered into the living room, and I didn't go crazy. Our home has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a basement, and I was sure . . . since Jasper and Emmett wanted to leave the 'hood, too, they'd end up staying with us soon enough.

"It's perfect," Bella cried, but she was still grinning while looking around. "You bought it? It's ours?"

"All yours." I held her waist.

"Ours." She palmed her face, turning to bury her head into me.

"We'll get married, you'll finish school…and there's two extra bedrooms upstairs." I pointed up just in time for Bella to lift her head.

She giggled. "For Em and Jazz?"

I laughed. "Well…it's your house."

"They can't stay there." Her face fell for the briefest of seconds, only to smile wide again, and that made my heart swell. "We're engaged."

"We are." I nodded, holding her tightly. "Jazz and Em can bunk here if they want, for now…In the future, I hoped we'd store the kiddos up there." I chuckled. "We'll have babies?"

"Yeah…" Her voice was emotional. "Definitely."

"We'll live happily ever after, too." I clamped my eyes closed, willing that to be the truth. "Right?"

"Yeah…You swear you're not—"

"It's all behind me, baby." My nose nuzzled hers. "I'm—I'm just a boring HVAC tech…and a sometimes pot smoker." I hoped she wouldn't make me quit.

Bella grinned. "You're Edward."

"You'll be mine forever?" I asked.

"Forever." She gazed into my eyes, running her hands up my chest. "Where's our bedroom?"

Chuckling, I laughed even harder when Bella squealed before I ran us up the stairs—another few steps toward our happily ever after.

* * *

**Thank you for reading this little tale of mine. **

**Thank you for embarking on this journey with me, your Brooklyn tour guide. **

**Thank you for all the kind words of encouragement you've left. **

**Each and every one means the world to me!**

**I hope you've enjoyed it. **

**Please leave me your thoughts. **

**The epilogue is up next!**


	40. Epilogue

**Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended. **

**Beta'd by HollettLA. **

**I know this is short. It's not like my usual long-ass epilogues, but I realized that Higher truly didn't need one. So, I went back and forth, wondering if I should even post this. It's a small glimpse of their future, nothing epic, and I hope you guys enjoy it. I'd promised an epilogue, so I felt I had to deliver.**

* * *

**Higher**

**Epilogue: Still**

**January 26****th**** 1998**

My feet were aching. In fact, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck as I made my way to the bus stop. Luckily, I hadn't missed the seven forty-five, and I didn't have to wait that long.

When my ass touched the seat, I adjusted and slouched back, gazing lazily out the window.

My eyes fluttered to a close, but then my cell phone chirped. Alice loves that fucking walkie-talkie feature on our Nextels, and she's always paging me.

I held the button, trying to keep my voice down. "What?"

"What are you doing?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes, sitting up a little. "I'm on the bus…dammit." I'd forgotten to leave my finger on the button.

"Bella?"

I groaned. "I'm on the bus!" I shouted, embarrassed when the driver looked to me in the rearview. "What do you want?"

"Nothing," she said, and that was it.

Alice was more than likely still at work, bored out of her mind. We graduated as nurses two years ago, attaining our associate's in nursing. While I work in the ICU of a busy hospital, Alice works at a doctor's office, and Wednesdays are her late nights.

Jasper still works on his cars, and he also does some part-time work with Edward and Carlisle since they expanded their business—serving all five boroughs, not just Brooklyn and Manhattan.

Alice and Jasper have a nice apartment in Bay Ridge. They're not married, nor are they in a rush to be, but Alice is trying to get pregnant. They're happy, and I'm happy for them.

My husband and his friend are still happy pot-smokers, but they function. They chill out, watch TV until…whenever. They hold jobs, and our lives are relatively boring. Well, not really. There's always something . . . some small thing that'll drag up the past.

But for the most part—while we're "adults" now—we're still just those confused children running around.

Only, the playground is different.

When we were close to my street, I dinged the bell, indicating for the bus driver to stop.

Like always, I almost lost my footing when he pulled up to the curb.

At eight months pregnant, thirty-seven weeks to be exact, I don't have the best balance, but I try . . . and I won't have to see the inside of a bus for a little while.

I'd planned on going on maternity leave . . . when I went into labor, but I had an appointment with my OB yesterday.

I had to slow it down.

It was suggested I work part-time.

Talking to my supervisor, I opted to just go out early. My position will be held for three months. I'll have the normal six weeks off, and then I also have two weeks vacation accrued.

We'd be fine money-wise.

Nothing will be amiss, and I couldn't wait to…

My phone chirped again, and this time it was Edward. "Where are you?"

I huffed, leaving the bus. "Up the block—be home in a minute."

And that was it.

Seeing our home in the distance, I almost reached for it, which would have been stupid.

I just really needed to lie on the couch, place my feet in Edward's lap.

My husband's work van was in the driveway, like it always is after seven p.m., and the house seemed quiet.

When I swung our front gate open, I smiled, happy to finally be home, but I paused—just enjoying the silence on the sidewalk, the cool breeze, and the atmosphere. There's nothing special about Bensonhurst, but I'm always reminded of the journey it took to get here.

Edward and I, always in such a rush, were married a month after he proposed. During the Christmas break, between my first and second semester of college, we had a small ceremony in the local church, followed by a huge dinner. We'd rented a room at a restaurant, had a DJ. More people showed up to the reception than they did the church, but none of it mattered.

It was one of the happiest days in my life.

My parents, who haven't really changed—Charlie's single, and Renee's still living with Phil—were in attendance. There was no drama at our wedding, thank God.

Edward kept his word.

He took me higher while aspects of his old life stayed at bay, away. I know he gets that itch sometimes—as the money he'd made years ago has been spent. But we do okay. We don't live extravagantly. We don't even own a real car besides the van, but we're going to look for something soon. I do know that. Edward hates that I take the bus . . .

Life is so fucking mundane sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

We pay bills.

We both work.

We're not rich, but we have love, and that's been the best high ever.

Heaving a heavy sigh, I walked up the few steps to our door. It was unlocked for me, and I smiled when the warm air hit my face—the scent of home reaching my heart.

Edward, who was on the couch watching TV, stared at me. "What took you so long?" The funny thing about that question . . . I could grow wings and fly, be here within seconds, and he'd still ask me that. He does so every day I work.

In lieu of answering, my eyes drank in the sight—the living room, objects scattered on the floor, but something was off. "Where's Coop?" I asked, knowing he runs to the door whenever I come home.

Edward looked about the room, too. "Around…" His eyes were lazy, so he'd obviously smoked.

"Around?" I threw my purse on to the carpet, and Edward shot up.

"Relax." He kissed my cheek. "Coop!" he shouted for our son.

When we heard the giggle coming from the kitchen, my husband relaxed. I, however, knew our son was up to no good. "You have to watch him." I pushed past Edward, and I was surprised. He's a fantastic father. Edward and Coop are always attached at the hip, and I couldn't believe . . .

"Everything is child-proofed," he argued.

Either way, I marched to get my sweet boy, our two-year-old Riley Cooper Cullen. We'd named him after Edward's old friend, his friend who'd passed away. He still won't say much about him, but I liked the name.

During my summer sessions that first year I was in college, I'd gotten pregnant, which came as a shock. With the amount of sex we have, I thought if my pills were going to fail, they'd have done so already. It was logical and totally fucking stupid—a mistake. No, Riley Cooper was the best surprise of my life.

"Coop, what are you—" I stopped in the doorway to watch him. He was as naked as the day he was born, sliding around on the linoleum floor, which was wet.

"Coop…" My shoulders dropped.

Our son was obviously doing his version of the slip-n-slide, sliding around in his own pee.

"See? He's—"

"Don't say he's fine," I laughed at Edward; meanwhile, Coop continued to giggle, having a great fucking time. "You have to put the onesie on him or else he takes the diaper off."

Edward chuckled, watching him, and wrapping his arms around me. "I forgot, but yo…He's a big boy. He don't need one of those. They're for babies. Right, little man?" He stared down.

"I big boy!" Coop slammed into the locked cabinet, only to laugh some more.

He wasn't hurt, nor was he deterred; he's a miniature brute, just like his father.

"You relax," Edward crooned, nuzzling his nose to my neck, his hands spanning the bump—while my own stomach was tying in knots. Edward was dripping sex. "I'mma get some tonight?"

I grinned, leaning into him but keeping my eyes on our piss-soaked son. "Clean him up and put him in bed, and then…"

Edward sucked his teeth, leaving me to scoop Coop up into his arms. "You say that and then you're snorin' on the couch." He faced Coop. "Tell Mommy to gimme some."

"G'some!" Coop cheered, his green eyes sparkling and his brown hair a mess.

I smiled, reaching for that happy face. "How'd you get so cute?"

"I yook'a yike my daddy." He looked to his father.

"That's right." Edward bumped his fist to his. "I'll be back." He landed a smooch on my cheek, walking around me to get upstairs.

Meanwhile, I was so tired...

I had no idea how long I'd stared down at the floor, my eyes focused on some comfortable focal point.

Edward has a routine with Coop on the nights I work. He picks him up from Carlisle and Esme's, since Esme doesn't work. She's a stay-at-home mom, having given Edward another baby sister last year.

Besides Bianca, Carlisle and Esme have two more baby girls—Iris and Delilah, and they drive Coop nuts, so he says. As the only boy, they mess with him, but it's not malicious. He gets rough with them, but he's going to have to learn. He's going to have a baby sister soon, too.

Anyway, after Edward picks up Coop, they go to McDonald's and then all bets are off until bath time and bedtime. To keep me happy, my husband manages to entertain Coop until I get home. 'Cause I like to say goodnight every night.

I only work three days a week—sometimes four, but only one week a month—and I work twelve-hour shifts.

When movement in the periphery caught my attention, I turned. Emmett opened the basement door, leaving the small apartment he's made down there.

"B…you're home." He slipped on the pee, grabbing onto the counter before he busted his ass.

I laughed so hard,_ I_ peed a little, only to grimace. "Damn…"

"Coop slip-n-slidin' again?" He went into the fridge. "Want me to mop it up?"

I opened my mouth to ask if he'd found an apartment yet.

What was supposed to be a temporary situation turned long-term when . . . Emmett just didn't leave.

When we had Coop, the house had gotten a little smaller, and so we made Emmett move downstairs. Now that we have another on the way, I've been hinting at it for the past two months.

Emmett doesn't realize that Edward _will _kick him out. He thinks we're playing around, saying he has to leave because that's what we always say.

"Yeah, thanks." I nodded, because Emmett is helpful, and I . . . I really didn't feel like mopping right now, although it needed to be done. "Have you…looked at any places?"

He nodded, sipping from the milk carton.

I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn't.

"What'd'ju think of that chick I had here last night?" he asked. "That was our third date, and we're going out again."

"I didn't even talk to her." I chuckled.

"She's Irish. Her name's Siobhan." He smiled.

"Oh...well, good for you. Does she have an apartment?" The beauty of his being downstairs is that he's got his own door—Emmett and his hos come and go. He hasn't changed one bit, but he's respectful and he doesn't bother anyone, and he does his fair share of chores, too. Emmett living here, since we've been getting along with no animosity for years now, truly isn't a bad thing.

But he has to go before the baby gets here, and then it feels like we're living in a sardine can.

"Yeah, she's got her own place. Yo…you know who's her homegirl?" He didn't give me a chance to respond. "Remember Rose?"

Hearing her name actually made me smile. "Oh my God." I rubbed my bump, leaning on the doorway. My feet were achy, and I needed to shift my weight. "What the fuck is she up to?" It hasn't been that long, as Edward and I have only been together four years and change.

"I took this chick for ice cream—Rose is still running Carvel in Bay Ridge, gave me her number on the low. I won't bring her here, and she got fat, too, has a baby." He rambled, taking a bite out of a drumstick from last night's dinner. "Ed gonna eat this?" He left the chicken leg in his mouth, gathering Tupperware containers into his arms.

"I…" Eying the food, I grabbed myself a drumstick, too, quick to take a bite. "So good."

Even cold fried chicken is good, I've come to realize.

Emmett watched his plate spin around the microwave while I washed off my greasy hands. He said he'd clean the floor after he finished eating. Content with that, I went to plop down onto the couch.

Some bullshit was on TV, about Bill Clinton's blow job, Monica Lewinsky. I'd tried to change the channel, but he was on every one.

Restless and wanting to go upstairs but not having the energy, I felt myself doze off.

"Oh, no, you don't!" my husband laughed.

I hopped up, Edward holding Coop an inch away from my face.

"G'nigh-Mommy." He smiled big, puckering his lips.

I giggled, leaning forward to kiss his mouth. "'Night, baby."

"You comin'?" Edward didn't give me a chance to answer, pulling me up to my feet before we all trailed upstairs.

Once in his room, Coop whined a bit, but we were fast to give him a few more kisses, turn off the light, and run out like bandits while he continued, carrying on.

"When's he gonna stop that?" Edward jerked his thumb.

I had no answer, truly not bothered by it. Coop only whines for ten minutes at best before just going to sleep.

"You okay?" Edward embraced me again.

I hummed, too tired to move again, feeling stuck in the hallway. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He squeezed my ass and then hopped back. "You're wet. Did your—"

I winced, having forgotten about that. "No. My water didn't break. I'm fine." I backed away from him.

He frowned. "Again?"

"Shut up!" Mortified, even if he is my husband, I couldn't believe I forgot about my own little accident. "I'm taking a shower."

Edward followed me into the bathroom. "I'll join you."

Honestly, I just wanted to stand under the water, and wash my body. All of which could take five minutes.

My husband picked up on it, my mood. "You don't want me in here?" He was upset.

And he's still as insecure as he's always been. My working a lot is hard on him, too. Our son is actually none the wiser. It's hard on me because I feel guilty, always wishing I could be like Esme, but the alternative . . . Edward has suggested I stay home, saying he'll take care it, meaning all things money. Still having that fear in my heart . . . I work, and I lie, saying that I enjoy my job. Crap like that.

While I _do_ love my job, and under normal circumstances I'm like a fucking rock star, I just wish I could spend every single second with Coop. I don't know. Sometimes it's hard to breathe when he's not around—when Edward isn't around. I feel incomplete without them, but at work I'm always too busy to think about it, which is a blessing. Knowing my own is fine, I worry and take care of other families, other people.

My thought process as a mother makes me wonder how Renee was able to be so blasé. I've spoke to Esme about it, and she says, "Not everyone is meant to be a mother."

Being a mom doesn't define me, but I hardly remember the days . . . when I wasn't one. Things that used to be so important no longer are, and the new fears that come along with motherhood. My God.

"I'm home now." I nestled into his side, staring up at that chin. It was raised, his eyes away from me, but he softens all the more quickly these days. "You get me—all of me until the baby's born."

The side of his mouth pulled up. "You'll get more sleep. You'll have more energy—"

"Uh-huh," I giggled.

He turned for our bedroom. "I'll get your PJs."

When he was out of sight, I closed the door to take a breath behind it.

I made quick work of showering and putting my pajamas on.

After I checked to make sure Coop was asleep, I entered our bedroom to find Edward passed out, too.

I actually got excited.

Both my babies were asleep.

That meant Mommy would get some rest, too.

With a smile on my face, I eased into the bed and turned off the lamp.

But then I felt Edward move, which made me stiffen . . .

"I'm awake," he said.

I laughed at myself, lying back. "Edward…I am so, baby, I'm fucking exhausted." We're total pervs, and we still lust after each other. It's rare I say no, no matter how tired, no matter how pregnant. I can't help myself. I'll be tired and then Edward will drip sex on me . . . and all bets are off.

But not tonight . . . While in the shower, I noticed my feet were more swollen than usual, and they still hurt.

He sighed, placing his arms around me. "Me too…"

"Thank God," I said, because I hate to deny him. It's hard trying to be everyone's everything—meeting their needs, but it gets easier.

After a few seconds of quiet, his breaths became heavier.

"I'm happy," I admitted in a whisper, having really thought about it earlier today. My coworkers are all older. Some are divorced, and they all bitch about their kids.

And once upon a time, Edward spoke of happily-ever-afters. He still does, talks about working our way toward something . . . this imaginary future.

But this was it.

All the love in the world . . .

Coop and our daughter who'll be born before we know it, happy and healthy.

Edward and I are still healthy and young.

"We did it," I told him. "This is it."

"What?" He was asleep already; I heard it in his voice.

"Nothing." I reached over to rub his back. "We're not millionaires, but…I want for nothing, and I'm so happy." I felt myself get weepy, my heart feeling too much, needing an outlet no matter how happy.

"Shhh. It's okay." He had no idea what I was saying, mumbling that out through a snore. "Don't cry…" He gave me a lazy kiss.

It made me smile. "Yeah…I love you. Thanks for…you know. Taking me higher." I thank him almost every night.

"What?" he grumbled.

"Nothing." I squeezed his arms tighter around me, knowing life couldn't get any better. "Love you."

"—ove you." Edward's snores began to serenade me.

I smiled in the dark, staring up to the ceiling, relaxing and rubbing my large abdomen.

**The End. **


End file.
